"How are you feeling, really?" Bonnie asked as they handed out fliers.
"I talked to Elijah for a bit and it helped. Then I slept the rest of the day. Depression sucks."
"Can you try taking meds or something?"
"I'm just not ready to talk to a doctor, to open up about everything and make myself vulnerable to a stranger."
"What made Elijah different?"
"I don't know. He makes me feel safe and like I can be completely honest without trying to spare anyone's feelings, because he's smart and understands that sometimes I have to say horrible things to try to get the anger at everything out of my head."
"He sounds like a great guy."
"He is a great guy, for someone else."
"Does he have someone else?" Bonnie raised a skeptical eyebrow. There was no way a man could look at someone the way Elijah looked at Elena and have someone else he was madly in love with.
"Not right now, but he will." Elena felt an irrational stab of jealousy towards Hayley Marshal, then shook the thought away. When this was over, Elijah would be able to have a happy life with Hayley and she have her own life that she'd carve out for herself.
Bonnie shook her head, a rueful smile on her face, but she didn't say anything. If Elena didn't want to see the fact that the guy was clearly falling for her, she wasn't going to push her. Elena would see it when she was ready.
Later that night, Elena and Bonnie walked through the crowd of onlookers, waiting to catch a glimpse of the comet.
"I brought candles!" Caroline said as she joined them.
"Thanks." Elena took one.
"How are you feeling?" Caroline asked, catching Elena's arm, concern written across her face
"I'm better right now. I just have to accept my limits are lower than they were before."
"Okay. Let us know if you need to go home."
"Will Elijah be here, do you think?" Bonnie asked.
"He said something about it when I talked to him last, so I don't see why not."
After walking for a few moments, they found Matt with his candle already lit.
"Hey." He held his candle out to Elena and she let him light her candle
"Thank you."
When Elena turned around, she found herself face to face with Stefan Salvatore. He smiled at her and she lit his candle with hers.
"Hello, Stefan."
"Elena. I wanted to talk to you, if you'll walk with me?"
What did Stefan have to say to her exactly that she needed to hear? Not that she was interested in going anywhere with him or listening to whatever it was he thought he knew that she didn't.
"So, this is the Night of the Comet that everyone's been talking about."
Elena looked up and her smile widened when she saw Elijah. Instead of a suit, he'd donned a pair of jeans and a dark t-shirt and leather jacket. While he looked good in a suit, seeing him like this, her teenage hormones decided to come into play.
"Elijah! D-do you have a candle?" Why did she just stutter? This was Elijah. She knew him. Why get flustered over him?
"Alas, I do not."
"Oh well. I guess you'll just have to share mine." Elena held her candle up.
"As my lady wishes."
Elena grabbed his arm and they walked away from the gawking teens and Stefan.
"Do you have any idea what happens tonight?" Elijah breathed.
"No. No matter how hard I try, it feels like it's being blocked."
"So, whatever it is, it's meant to happen, or at least happen partially, and we deal with the aftermath."
"I suppose so. I just know people get hurt and I wish we can stop it."
"I'm fully capable of handling two teenage brats if they decide to throw tantrums tonight. Stefan is aware of me at least, and if Damon has any sense, he knows about me too and that should deter them from doing anything stupid."
"Damon has no sense right now. He's focused entirely on tormenting Stefan, and getting Katherine out of a tomb that she's not even in. 'Sense' and 'danger' don't register in his vocabulary as being words he needs to have."
"Sounds remarkably like Niklaus. Except Niklaus has a right to act like that, since there's currently only one thing that can take him down."
"And it's locked up."
"Exactly."
They walked in silence along the edge of the crowd for a while. For a while, there was no need for them to speak.
"Did you ever see the comet before?"
"Not this one, no."
"Bonnie says her Grams called it a 'Harbinger of Evil.'"
"Less Harbinger of Evil and more Nexus Vorti," Elijah laughed.
"A what?"
"A Nexus Vorti is what my mother called an event so infrequent it, is almost miraculous, such as a rare magical occurrence or celestial event."
"Like a comet that only shows up once every one hundred and fifty years."
"Exactly. It's a power source and many witches use it whenever they need an extra boost to get what they need done."
"So, what happened to me, could that have caused one?"
"I'll have the Martins look into it, because it could very well have."
Elena stared up at the sky, and wondered allowed, "I wonder if it gets lonely, trapped on this path that it can't escape from."
"I think that it enjoys its journey, seeing the universe change throughout the centuries, yet once in a while, it encounters a star that burns so much brighter than the rest and it wants to get closer, but knows that to get to close, it will disintegrate. But it finds itself coming back, over and over again, just because it needs to feel that warmth, even though it might be destroyed in the end."
Elena glanced up, finding Elijah watching her, his dark eyes intense.
"Fire and ice were never meant to mix," she said, ducking her head.
"And yet, in certain places, they do."
"And in others, they destroy each other." Elena pulled away from him and blew out her candle. She wasn't ready for a conversation like this, especially not with him.
Behind her, Elijah chewed on his cheek in frustration. He hadn't meant to go there with her. Why had he let his tongue run away with the thoughts he barely allowed himself to even consider? She didn't need this, not from him.
Pulling out his phone, he sent her a text message.
I'm sorry. I don't know why I said what I did.. Please, forgive my thoughtless lips.
A scream drew his attention and he flashed over to where he heard the sound coming from. Damon Salvatore had Vickie Donovan by the arm and was threatening to push her off the edge of the roof, or to compel her to jump, one or the other and mocking Stefan.
"I don't need her to be dead, but you might," Damon said.
"Or you could let her go and leave the poor girl alone."
"She knows about us, so I'm just dealing with the problem." Damon smirked.
"No, no, please don't." Vickie whimpered.
Elijah remained in the shadows, watching as the brothers argued. Damon was completely unhinged. If it weren't for Elena's feeling for the younger vampire, Elijah would have taken his heart out then and there, just to make things easier.
Did she know just how bad he was? Or had she forgotten about this because it made it easier to love him? The more he thought about it, the more it seemed that it was some sort of combination of the two. With her memories and with what he was witnessing now, she didn't know the whole story, and what she did know of his darker deeds, she pushed down in favor of convincing herself that he truly was the man she wanted him to be.
Niklaus was bad, but Damon was immature and dangerous in his foolishness.
Fortunately, Stefan seemed to know how to handle his older brother, somewhat, but Elijah got the feeling that not even Stefan could control him when Damon really got going.
It wasn't until Damon said, "Give Elena my best," that Elijah realized it wasn't just Stefan who saw Elena as Katherine, but Damon too.
Rage boiled through him. Elena deserved so much better from everyone, and yet, she was treated as the second best, the replacement for the one that got away, simply because she had the same face. This girl, this woman, possessed more courage than an army, both times around, and yet, she was manipulated into becoming whatever version of Katherine they wanted.
A bang from the room next door drew Elena away from her writing and she climbed out of bed to find out what was going on.
"Jer?" she called as she rounded the corner.
"Nope. It's me, the hypocrite patrol." Jenna turned a boot upside down and a bong fell out. "I see the hiding places haven't gotten any more creative."
"Mr. Tanner got to you, didn't he?" Elena sat down on Jeremy's bed.
"He wasn't wrong, Elena."
"He's a jerk, Aunt Jenna. Yes, it sucks that Jeremy is into all this stuff, but you can't let that guy get to you. He'll grow out of it, eventually."
"Your mom made this look so easy and I'm gonna say or do the wrong thing and he's gonna get worse and it's gonna be my fault!" Jenna sat down next to her.
"You're afraid because you've been thrown into a role you weren't ready for, but you're not alone. I promise." Elena reached over and gripped Jenna's knee.
Maybe she could talk to Elijah, ask him to drop a subtle compulsion or two, just to help Jeremy get straightened out. No, she wouldn't make the same mistake as last time and ask someone to full on compel him, but an encouragement here or there couldn't hurt, could it?
With one last squeeze to Jenna's knee, Elena headed back to her room and picked up her phone. It was time to talk to Elijah. At least clear the air. She couldn't risk losing the one ally she had that she knew would try to see things through the way she wanted them to be.
I took your comment the wrong way. There's nothing to apologize for. Sorry for the late reply. Human life got in the way.
Thank you and you shouldn't apologize for putting your family's needs above everything else.
Is everything okay?
Damon is far more intent on watching this town burn than I think you were aware of. It's going to be difficult to keep him in line without killing or compelling him.
Do what you can for him, for Stefan's sake.
I can no longer make promises regarding him after what I saw tonight, except that I will try not to kill him.
What do you mean?
He's not just after Katerina. He's fixated on you, already.
She hadn't known that part. Then again, Stefan never told her everything about his conversations with Damon during that time and she never felt brave enough to ask Damon about it once they got together. She'd assumed Damon developed feelings for her after getting to know her, not have his eye on her straight out of the gate, even with the memory of her meeting him first and being compelled to forget.
Oh.
Elena read the last message from Elijah over and over again, trying to wrap her mind around his words. Was it possible? Was what Elijah hinting at true?
If it was true, that meant her entire previous life was a lie and she found herself relieved that she'd already decided to keep him at a distance. The only thing she would regret was not being the mother, the grandmother she'd been. Oh, how she ached for her children, her darling daughter, and her sweet son. But Damon, he was no longer an option. He couldn't be, if all he ever wanted was Katherine.
Yes, if the opportunity presented itself, she'd try to help him, because of how he'd helped her in her other life, and the fact that he could be a good man when he let himself feel. But she wouldn't let herself fall for him again. He deserved someone who set him free from the ghost of Katherine.
Tossing her phone onto her nightstand, Elena collapsed face down on her bed.
Before she could drift into sleep, an argument broke out downstairs, rousing her, and she climbed out of bed.
Opening her door, she found herself face to face with Jeremy.
"Jer?" Elena kept her voice as calm as she could. "You wanna talk about it? Judgment free zone in my room. Even from whatever it is Jenna is upset about. I swear."
Jeremy sighed, but followed Elena into her room.
"No judgment, I promise. Just talk, as if I was a journal."
Jeremy scoffed, then studied Elena's face.
"I hurt," he whispered finally. "Everything hurts and I just want it all to go away."
"And the pills do just that for a bit and you can convince yourself that you can make it through the day, even though you know that they'll wear off and you'll need to find more," Elena said.
"Yeah. I just want to go numb for a while."
"I know." Elena lowered her head and blinked back tears. "You're not alone, Jer. Hell, I wish I could say that the oblivion isn't tempting and the thought of asking you for pills crossed my mind once or twice, but I know the come down isn't worth it, so I don't. Damn it. This was supposed to be about you, about you talking, not me."
"Elena?"
Elena choked back a surprising sob and swallowed it down. She'd been keeping so much from her family, from her brother, she felt the dam in her mind
"You're not okay, are you?"
"I hurt too, Jer. Everything, even breathing hurts sometimes. But I fight, because I don't want you or Jenna to suffer because sometimes, I have to force myself to get out of bed and face the day." Elena brushed a stray tear away roughly. "You're my brother and I don't want you know what that's like. So, I swear, judgment free, even though I do want you clean."
Jeremy studied her, his brows furrowed in confusion.
"I watched them die, Jer." She didn't specify just who she'd watched die, but there were so many people.
Tears started streaming down his cheeks then. "I miss them, Elena. And then, I thought I was going to lose you too. I'd fall asleep beside your hospital bed and dream that I woke up to find you dead and I'd wake up for real and have to look over all the machines, just to make sure your heart was still beating. Once, I even heard them talk about maybe having to pull the plug if your brain activity didn't improve since you were so close to being a vegetable and they thought you'd never wake up. I yelled at the doctors and told them to beat it. Your brain was functioning, so you were alive."
"I didn't know that."
"Jenna didn't want you to know. I just couldn't lose you too."
Elena wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close, rubbing his back. Jeremy clung to Elena, his breathing uneven as he fought sobs.
"I'm so sorry, Jer, I'm so sorry."
"What happens if I decide to get clean? Are you going to make me go to rehab" Jeremy mumbled into Elena's neck.
Pulling back, Elena said, "No. I've got someone who can help, when you're ready to live without the pills. But only if you're ready. Not before. I swear. He's a kind man, who won't rip through the trauma or whatever makes you need the pills, but he does want to see to it that you get to where you need to be and to heal from the pain that the pills allow you to hide from."
"'Need to be,'" Jeremy quoted, uncertain now.
"Where you'll be able to function without pills, not some crazy 'Mr. Perfect' goal. Talk to me when you're ready to walk away and I'll put you into contact with him."
"Not before?" Jeremy asked.
"Only when you ask, I swear."
"I'll think about it." Jeremy left Elena's room, his face thoughtful.
Was it possible that it wasn't just the fate of the supernatural world she could change, but that of the humans she loved too? Her conversation with Jeremy bolstered her resolve and she found herself feeling a little less broken. As long as their lives improved, it was all worth it. It had to be.
Something had to make up for the fact that she'd lost her children and they'd likely never exist in this timeline. Elijah was the only one who she could be completely honest with and he couldn't give her children.