A/N: Hey y'all! This was written for Hogwarts.

Charms Task 3: Write about a character struggling to accept an aspect of their personality

Word Count: 810

WARNINGS: self-deprecating thoughts, heavy angst

Many thanks to Angela for beta-ing!

Enjoy!

Lavender chopped the vegetables by hand, as she preferred, the blade of the knife hitting the cutting board in a steady beat. Lavender stared straight down, her blue eyes intensely focused on her task.

She distantly heard the apartment door open and her two lovers walk in. Parvati and Seamus were conversing loudly, and Lavender grit her teeth as the sound reached her ears. She'd been on edge all day, but was determined not to take it out on the other two.

Greyback's attack had changed her, and she spent every minute of every day pretending that it hadn't.

"'Ello, lovely!" Seamus sauntered into the kitchen, a wide grin on his face. He came up behind Lavender and grabbed her by the shoulders, then pecked her warmly on the cheek.

Lavender shook herself out of his grip. "I'm cooking," she said quietly. "You nearly made me chop my finger off."

Seamus flicked her blond curls playfully. "And that'd be a right tragedy, wouldn't it?"

Seamus' fingers trailed over her knuckles—and brushed against one of the many scars. Lavender drew her hand away with a gasp, and the knife clattered loudly to the ground.

Seamus dropped his hands, looking grim, his previous joy fading fast. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, love," he said quietly. "I don't mind 'em."

"You might not," Lavender snapped, "but that doesn't mean they're something to be flaunted!"

Seamus dark eyes were anguished, and he took a step towards Lavender, who flinched backwards. "That's not what I meant, Lavender."

Lavender turned away, tears pricking her eyes. She hated how emotional she was when the full moon approached, hated how angry she got, hated how every little thing set her off.

She wrapped her arms around herself, still facing away from her partner. "Stop trying to pretend like this is okay."

"What, like you're doing?"

The words cut through her like knives, and Lavender trembled. She bore the symptoms of a curse that would never fully activate, so she should be okay. She should be lucky, she should be grateful, but although she pretended she was… she wanted Parvati and Seamus to acknowledge that she wasn't the same.

She was a bundle of confused emotions, and she couldn't do anything about any of them.

"Lavender, I—I didn't mean it like that." She didn't respond. "Lavender? I'm sorry." Still, nothing. Then she heard Seamus sigh. "I don't know how to reach you," he murmured in a strangled voice. "You're pulling away from us!"

And wasn't that exactly the point? The war had been over for six months now. Lavender had gone to therapy, she'd taken potions to help with the dreams and the pain, she'd even reached out to Bill Weasley, who'd suffered a similar attack—but she wasn't fixed yet. There was something broken inside of her, and she despised the person she'd become; the person she couldn't recognize in the mirror.

Why Parvati and Seamus wanted someone so alien to them, she would never know.

She didn't feel like the same girl they'd fallen in love with.

Without a word, Lavender left the kitchen. Seamus could cook well enough; he'd finish the meal. Right now, all Lavender wanted was to be alone.

She rushed into the bedroom, arms still wrapped tightly around herself, and sat on the edge of the bed. Her breathing was shallow and rapid as she tried to prevent the tears from spilling, but it was no use. She began weeping. Bitterly, she wondered if she'd ever run out of tears.

Only a couple of minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Lavender pressed her lips together as Parvati entered without an invitation—though to be fair, it was Parvati's room, too.

Dark, slender hands reached out to cup Lavender's face and didn't pull away when Lavender flinched. Parvati's dark eyes were solemn as she spoke.

"We know what you're doing," she whispered, brushing the tears from Lavender's cheeks. "But this isn't just your journey. We are all a family, and we will figure this out together."

That was the final crack in the dam for Lavender. She broke down, clutching at Parvati's hips and pulling her closer, soaking Parvati's shirt as she cried into it. Through it all Parvati just held her, running her fingers through her hair and whispering words of comfort and support.

"I-I'm so-sorry," Lavender gasped after a few minutes. "I d-don't mean to p-push you both away."

"It's okay," Parvati whispered. "You're still you, and we'll figure the rest out in time. The fondness for rare meat, the short temper, the aches—we'll face it all together."

Lavender nodded and pressed her cheek against Parvati's stomach, her blue eyes wide. "I want my old life back," she whimpered after a moment.

Parvati was quiet for a long time before replying. Eventually, "We'll figure it out" was all she said.