Elena stared down at her journal, unsure of what she wanted to write. There was only one word under the date.
Elijah
Her feelings for Elijah were so mixed up that she didn't even know where to begin. Sighing in frustration, she put the journal back in its hiding place and, picking up a jacket, she left the room.
Selecting Bonnie's name, she sent a text.
Meet me at The Grill?
Sure. Caroline's headed to her dad's, isn't she?
Yep. See you in a few.
Someone knocked on the door and she headed down stairs to answer it, only to find Alaric standing on the front porch, the hood of his jacket pulled over his head to try to protect himself from the torrential rain.
"Ric. Jenna's not here right now, but she'll be back soon. You can wait in the living room if you want." She stepped out of the way, allowing the vampire hunting history teacher to come inside.
"Thanks." Alaric walked inside and took off his jacket.
Elena found herself staring at him, wishing she could say something.
"How much do you know?"
"About Isobel? Or everything else?"
"Both."
"I know Damon turned Isobel into a vampire and that she's my birth mother." Elena exhaled through her nose. "If things had turned out differently, you might have ended up being my step-father. And for the record, I know a whole hell of a lot more than you do."
The front door opened again and Jenna entered the house.
"Ric!" she greeted him with a wide smile.
"I'm gonna go meet Bonnie at The Grill."
"Be safe. The roads are bad."
"If things get too bad, I'll just call Elijah. Bye." Elena headed out.
xxxxx
"So, how goes it with the evading the Augustine society?" Elena asked as she popped a fry into her mouth.
"Better for me than it is for Enzo, though Elijah's gotten enough of their members off vervain and compelled to forget him, that it's getting better."
"I'm surprised he didn't just kill them."
"He knows you don't like unnecessary deaths, so he's trying to limit them." Bonnie dumped some ketchup onto her plate. "When are you going to accept that the guy is seriously in love with you?"
"Because, I'm seventeen and he's trying to remain off police radar."
"Everyone already thinks you're sleeping together. I mean, your almost kisses haven't gone unnoticed."
Elena glanced around, desperate to find something or someone else to talk about. "Okay, this is interesting. Jeremy's here, moping over Anna, and Pearl's over there, with the mayor."
"What happened to him being in love with Vickie?"
"Hopefully, Jeremy has moved passed her because even though she's doing better, when two former addicts get together, the chance for a relapse goes up, especially if the one hasn't gone to rehab and the other's a baby vampire." Elena sighed and closed her eyes.
"You look tired."
"I haven't been sleeping well."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"I can't tell you everything, you know that."
"So, it's related to that?"
"Yeah." Elena blinked hard, desperately fighting back tears. "I keep seeing people dying, over and over again, and I'm powerless to stop them. Only this time, it's so many others. It's everyone I've ever cared about. They're all dead, and when I look down, my hands are covered in their blood."
Klaus was coming to town soon. Elijah hadn't said anything, but she knew the day was approaching sooner than she wanted. Between Elijah being here and Isobel and Katherine, there was no way he didn't know the latest doppelganger existed. And if they failed in their negotiations, the blood of everyone she loved really would be on her hands.
"Does Elijah know?"
"He's got enough on his plate without worrying about me having a couple of bad dreams." Elena took a bite.
"You know he'll be annoyed if you kept it from him though."
Elena chewed and swallowed before saying, "I've got a right to the privacy of my own mind. He knows too much about me as it is. Besides, some distance is good, because if I cling to him too hard, then I won't know how to exist without him and neither of us need that. I need to be my own person and deal with my own problems whenever possible."
Bonnie chuckled once and said, "I guess the temptation of relying completely on someone who's done it all and seen more is really strong, isn't it?"
"It's too easy, giving him control of everything. Which is why I have to do this. Yes, I do need him, desperately, to help with certain things. But I also need to rely on myself and my other friends, otherwise I'm just an extension of him, instead of my own person"
Having his arms around her when the land of the living became too much, letting him take the pain that her restart at life brought, she couldn't live without that, no matter how hard she tried. So, the only way she could keep him in her life like that was if she created boundaries in other parts of her life.
"Yeah, being entirely dependent on one person, it can't be good in the long run. Gotta branch out that support system."
"Especially when that one person is a thousand year old vampire."
"I think I saw something in one of Grams' grimores about sleeping potions. I can ask her to help me make one for you."
"Maybe once in a while, I can try it. I don't want to become addicted to them."
"Just whenever the dreams become too intense," Bonnie said. "You can't keep functioning on so little sleep."
"Yeah, I know."
"So, changing the subject since we're at risk of being eavesdropped on, do you think Caroline and Matt will last?"
"Honestly? No. Yeah, he's good for her now, a gentle guy, showing her how a good man treats a woman, and helping her heal from what Damon did to her. But she's too, too Caroline for him and I think they will end up outgrowing each other, though they will remain good friends."
"Yeah, Matt's the kind of guy who wants to remain friends with his exes, especially if they were friends before they started dating."
"Check out Mayor Lockwood, flirting with Pearl," Bonnie snickered. "And in front of his son."
"The mayor flirting with a vampire?" Elena looked around, then saw what Bonnie was looking at.
Pearl was smiling, friendly, yet guarded as the same time. But Lockwood didn't seem to notice that she was keeping herself separate, because he was so full of himself that he thought any woman of a certain age would want him.
"What if she kills him?"
"It couldn't happen to a nicer guy." Elena turned back to her plate and picked up her burger, taking a big bite of it, enjoying the flavors. She was finally getting used to the food from the land of the living and enjoying it once more without comparing it to what she left behind.
"So, Vickie, really is a vampire?" Anna stood by their table. "Jeremy's ex-girlfriend?"
"I know who Vickie is and yes, she really is."
"But, he doesn't remember that part, does he?" Anna smirked.
"He was compelled to forget anything supernatural about her and that she tried to kill him, yes."
"Where's she now?"
"With another vampire, learning how to be one, away from the temptation of being around my brother."
"Leave it alone, Anna, please," Bonnie said.
"They're getting to a good place in their lives and they're both better without each other," Elena added. "So, I'm begging you, do not pick at this."
"Or what, you'll tell Elijah?" Anna smirked.
"If it gets beyond anything I can handle, yes, I will."
Anna glanced from Elena to Bonnie and smiled before she walked away towards the bathroom and Pearl followed her.
"She's going to try something, isn't she?" Bonnie whispered as soon as the vampires disappeared and Elena nodded once.
A few moments later, Pearl stormed out of the bathroom and towards the door, followed by Anna, who looked very upset. The younger vampire pulled out her phone and texted someone, then Jeremy pulled his phone out, reading a message.
"Definitely."
Jeremy left then too and Elena wanted to chase after him, but Bonnie caught her arm.
"Let him go."
"Bonnie!"
"Will someone die as a result of this?"
"I don't know. But if what happens last time happens again, this could mess with my relationship with Jeremy, just like last time."
"Do you recover from it?"
"Yes. Eventually."
"Then let it happen. Saving people from dying is one thing, keeping people from growing because you're trying to save them pain is another."
"It's not as bad this time, but still, I hid things from him and betrayed his trust."
"So, let it happen. Let Jeremy get mad at you, and then realize you were trying to be a good big sister."
"It's not just that. He's going to find my journal and I wrote about everything!"
"So, go home and tell him. Don't let him find out on his own. He knows about Anna, so tell him the truth about Vickie, including him being compelled to forget what she tried to do."
Taking a deep breath, Elena sighed, "You're right."
Elena walked up to Jeremy's room and knocked on the door.
"Yeah!" Jeremy called, nervous.
"May I come in?"
"Um, sure." Jeremy opened the door and ran his hand over the back of his head.
"You know how I promised you a judgment free zone?"
"Yeah."
"Can I ask you for one?" Elena twisted her hands together and shifted from one foot to the other.
"What happened?"
"I did something, or had something done to you and I need to tell you about it."
"What did you do?"
"You know about vampires."
Jeremy nodded.
"What I need to tell you is about the truth about what happened to Vickie. She didn't have a drug meltdown. She was turned into a vampire and she didn't take it well. So, the night of the Halloween party, she attacked you. I asked Elijah to compel you to forget that part."
"Elijah's a vampire too?"
"He is. I knew he was a vampire when I first met him."
"What happened to her? To Vickie? Is Matt actually talking to Vickie or is that just a trick?" Jeremy stiffened, fear bleeding across his features.
"She's okay. She's okay." Elena held up her hands, attempting to soothe his worry. "She's with someone who pissed Elijah off a few years ago and is trying to get back into his good graces, so this other vampire is doing everything she can to make sure Vickie learns how to make it as a vampire."
"Where's she now?"
"I'm not sure exactly. But according to Matt, Vickie's hoping to visit him over Spring Break." Elena stared at her hands for a long moment.
"Elijah compelled me?"
"Just to forget that Vickie was a vampire and to help get your life back together. He didn't make you do it, he just gave you a little push."
"What did he say?" Jeremy demanded.
"That since Vickie was going to rehab, it was time to get yourself together too."
"So he didn't mess with my emotions or anything like that?"
"None whatsoever. And the reason he did it was because I wanted to make Vickie leaving easier since we'd just lost Mom and Dad and I knew it'd just be another blow. So, please, if you're gonna be upset with anyone, be angry with me."
Jeremy sighed and leaned against his headboard.
"I'm sorry, Jer," Elena whispered. "You were so scared and crying. I just wanted to make it better for you."
"But she's not dead."
"No."
"And you didn't ask him to take away my feelings for her."
"I didn't."
"Huh." Jeremy leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling.
"There's something else. I have one more thing to tell you." Elena chewed on her lower lip. After everything they talked about, was this going to be too much for Jeremy?
"What?"
"I was adopted. I'm your cousin, not your sister. John Gilbert is my father and Alaric Saltzman's vampire wife, ex-wife, whatever she is to him, she's my biological mother." Elena sat on her hands and looked up at Jeremy.
"What made you wanna come clean?"
"I realized I needed to be honest with you and that as much as I want to protect you from everything, I can't keep lying to you. You're my brother and I love you and I'm sorry if this makes it difficult for you to trust me."
"Judgment free zone and you're actually helping Vickie, so I'm not gonna stay mad. I just wish you hadn't kept this from me."
"Let me know when you're not so mad." Elena stood up and headed towards the door. "I know about Anna too, so if you wanna talk about her sometime, I'll listen."
"I'll think about it," he gave a lopsided smile and tossed a pillow in her direction