Caroline tensed as Elena slid the knife across her wrist, allowing the blood to flow into the glass.
"Relax, Caroline," Elijah said, his voice firm. "Elena is your friend, and a witch. Attacking her would be unwise."
"It's so hard though. I want it!"
"You have to learn to control that urge."
"Do you have it still?" Caroline glanced at Elijah, but her gaze quickly returned to Elena.
"It's there, but a thousand years is a long time to master it, so I hardly notice it any longer."
"Okay, that should be enough to help with the thirst once you transition." Elena placed the glass on the table and stepped back. Baby vampires and blood were not something to get between.
Caroline tried to look at Elijah for direction, but she couldn't resist, and a second later, she had the glass to her lips and downed it quickly. Before she could set the glass down, her fangs extended and she cried out, gripping her face as she fell to her knees.
"Breathe, Caroline." Elijah knelt down beside the newly transitioned vampire. "We've all gone through this. You just need to relax. Relax and breathe."
"You'll be fine, Caroline, I promise. We'll spend today helping you learn to control your thirst, then, first thing in the morning, I'll make you a daylight ring. This is where your control freak nature will come in handy. You need to be in control all the time, and that will be a huge bonus in a vampire." Elena approached Caroline slowly as she spoke.
"So me being an insecure, neurotic control freak will be a good thing?"
"Your need to be in control is your best asset right now andour insecurities will fade into background noise as you become more confident in being a vampire."
"Okay." Caroline nodded. "Okay."
After drawing a deep breath, Caroline's human features reemerged.
"Do I still have to remain broken up with Matt?"
"Be there for him, because he just lost his mother. But yeah, allowing yourself to remain alone with him isn't something I'd recommend. Not until you're in control." Elena knelt down beside her friend and placed her hand on the vampire's arm.
"So let him think we're growing apart naturally?" Caroline brushed away a stray tear.
"Yes."
A sob shook Caroline's shoulders and she fought it down as she asked, "Why does it hurt so much?"
Elena wrapped her arms around Caroline and stroked her hair, letting Elijah explain as she comforted her friend as best she could.
"Because vampires feel things much more deeply than a human does," he replied.
"You're strong, Caroline. I know it hurts and I can't imagine how much it hurts, having to let go of the one who helped you heal. But this is to keep Matt safe and alive."
"And keeping him safe is better than killing him because I can't control myself. As long as he's okay, I'll- I'll make myself get through this"
"You did very well just now though," Elijah remarked. "There was flowing blood in front of you and you managed to remain seated until it was handed to you."
"But that's because Elena's my friend."
"That still makes you so much stronger than many new vampires."
Elena helped Caroline to her feet, then closed the living room curtains so they could sit there without Caroline getting burned when the sun rose.
"Will I always feel so on edge?"
"You'll adjust to this as being normal and soon enough, you won't even notice," Elijah assured her as he lowered himself elegantly to the sofa.
"I just want to be able to go back to being me," Caroline admitted as she curled up on the other couch.
"You can't go back who you were, but you can become better."
"Better than Miss Mystic Falls?"
"You're still Miss Mystic Falls. You're now Caroline 2.0. Stronger, fiercer than you were before. Just because you're young, that doesn't mean an older vampire can get one over on you. You'll kick ass and forget their names because you're that amazing and they mean nothing in the end." Elena sat down beside Caroline.
"I just don't see how." Caroline leaped to her feet and started to pace. "How? How? I'm just so… crazy right now!"
"Breathe, Caroline. You've just transitioned, so you need to learn to accept this part of your reality," Elijah kept his voice as even as he could as he spoke.
"Quick question. I can't have children."
"Conceiving a child is accepted to be impossible since it's never happened before," Elena said carefully. No need to reveal to anyone what she knew about Klaus and his ability to father a child once he broke his curse.
"Huh." Caroline folded her arms, her face pinched just a bit.
"Are you okay?" Elena asked carefully.
"I'm good. I never thought about wanting kids before, but I never thought that my decision would be taken from me like this."
"You'll always be the strongest, fiercest women around, no matter what," Elena assured her friend.
"Stronger than you are?" Caroline asked in a small voice.
"Always stronger than I am, no matter what."
"How?"
"Because I have Elijah to fall back on, whenever I feel like I'm about to fall apart. You've always managed to land on your own two feet."
"But you lived a whole other life and were yanked out of heaven!"
"You were raped and compelled, but you're determined to overcome and are still so strong. You were strong the first time around, without our help and I'm determined to make sure you're able to heal beyond what Damon did to you sooner than you did before because you'll become even stronger, since this time, you know that you've got people in your corner."
Caroline sighed and shrank in on herself.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to remind you of everything!" Elena brought her hand to her mouth, shocked by what she'd said.
"No, don't apologize. You were right about what happened to me. And hearing what you know me to become, it's made me want to heal as strong as you've seen me be."
"Don't push yourself to heal faster than you're capable of," Elena reminded Caroline. "Trying to do that is like stretching a rubber band. Either you break or you fall back into what you were before."
"So you won't hate me if I need to cry?" Tears welled up in Caroline's eyes.
"Never."
"Even when I break down completely?" Her voice cracked and her face broke.
"I swear." Elena pulled Caroline close. "Crying can be so healing, because it's letting go of the poison. You don't have to let the one who hurt you off the hook for sure, but you're so much stronger than I am. No, I'm not trying to manipulate you into forgiving Damon, I swear. I hate him for how he hurt you. I just want you to see that you never deserved what he did to you. If anything, hate me. I'm the reason he hurt you, because he knew that hurting you would be to get to me."
"I can't hate you," Caroline hiccuped. "And I forgave you already."
Elena shifted Caroline so that her head was on Elena's thigh.
Someone knocked on the door and Elijah stood up and answered it.
A few seconds later, he returned, followed by Bonnie.
"Are you okay?" Bonnie asked as she knelt down beside Caroline. "I've only got a few minutes, but I had to see you."
Caroline shook her head.
"She'll be fine though. She's gotta adjust to her new normal, but she's Caroline Forbes, and no one tells her what she can and can't do, especially now that she's a vampire." Elena twisted a lock of Caroline's blonde hair around her fingers.
"I can't believe Tina did that. Killing you over you winning Miss Mystic Falls?" Bonnie ran her hand down Caroline's back "At least you had vampire blood in you so you came back."
"You're not mad?"
"Why would I be mad that you're still alive? That I've got one less funeral to go to?"
"Because most witches hate vampires."
"Yes, I hate the Salvatores and most others, but you're my friend, Caroline. And I think that between Elena, Elijah, and me, we'll help you stay on the 'no murdering innocent people' path, so I have no reason to be mad at you."
"And once I get a daylight ring, I'll be able to go back to my normal routine, mostly."
"Exactly."
"How's Matt doing?" Elena asked.
"He went to bed a few minutes ago. Tyler and Jeremy are with him now and Vickie called earlier, telling him she'll be in town tonight. I just wanted to make sure Caroline was okay, but I'm headed back there now."
"Tell him I'm sorry I can't be there right now," Caroline mumbled.
"He thinks you're recovering from the car accident and your resulting near death experience and that's why Elena's with you, but I'll tell him you're thinking about him."
"Thanks."
Bonnie stood up.
"You've gotta go now?" Caroline asked.
"Yeah. Grams and I will be putting funeral plans together as soon as I get there because Matt can't think about much except that his mom is dead. So we're taking care of things for him."
"We also need to make sure there's a heavy cloud cover for the funeral so Vickie can be there since she doesn't have a daylight ring."
"Why doesn't Vickie get a ring?" Caroline wondered.
"Because I'm still not willing to grant Rose total freedom until I know she can be trusted, and she's Vickie's sober sponsor until Vickie can be trusted to go out on her own without giving in to her additive nature," Elijah explained.
"I've gotta get going. I'll be around as soon as things are settled for Kelly." Bonnie patted Caroline's shoulder and left the house.
"Why does it hurt so much?" Caroline whispered.
"Because your freedom, your will, everything you valued about yourself was locked away, and you were forced to become someone's plaything, even as you screamed beneath the compulsion for someone to help you. No one could hear you because you were bound to his will and that meant keeping your mouth shut and making yourself believe you were happy, because it's the only way you could survive, even though you wanted it to stop."
"You sound like you know what it was like."
"In my other life, I experienced some things that give me an idea of what you went through."
"It helps though, not being alone, that someone knows what I've been through, because what you're describing, it sounds just like what happened to me," Caroline said. "And maybe that makes me selfish."
"Damon deserved more than what I gave him," Elijah said, his voice devoid of any inflection, which was when he was at his most dangerous. "For what he did to you both, and most likely so many other women."
"I wish I had a vampire guy to fall back on," Caroline sighed.
"It might not be the same as I feel for Elena, but you can count on me and I'll be there for you. I'm your sire and therefore responsible for your well-being," Elijah assured her.
"Thanks." Caroline gave him a wobbly smile. "Just wish the first vampire I got involved with wasn't Damon Salvatore."
"Damon doesn't care about anyone except for himself and how other people's pain affects him. Even when he's trying to be good, he's still focused on himself," Elena found herself saying.
"I know. I know." Caroline started crying.
Elena hugged Caroline close, tucking the blonde's face against her neck, allowing her friend to cry onto her shoulder.
"What he did to you, it's about what he wants, without consideration to what's actually good for you," Elijah said finally.
"He's good at manipulating people and deceiving himself into thinking he's doing what's best for everyone, when it's really just about what he wants," Elena added as she rubbed her friend's back.
"Why? Why did this happen?"
"I can't answer that, but I can tell you that it's not your fault. What he did, it's on him. You're not responsible for what he did to you. You're not the reason why he did what he did. He did it because of him, not because of you."
Finally, Caroline lay back against the arm, staring at the ceiling.
"The best revenge is living a life he can't control, of being free of him. He's been trying to either get close to me or to get under my skin since he got here. And he hurt you so terribly, because he can and you were a human without vervain."
"Damon Salvatore sucks." Caroline sat up and crossed her arms, her expression fierce.
"Yep."
"And I'm gonna beat him up next time I see him."
"I'll help you if you need it."
Why hadn't she done this before? She hadn't been involved with Damon when Caroline had been raped the last time. So why not help her? Why not stand up for her friend? Was it because of the spell that bound Silas and Amara's doppelgangers together and she was under that influence last time around so she was under Stefan's thrall and neither of them were aware of it?
No. No. She had to take responsibility for her own actions and stop blaming others for what she did. She'd let herself get so distracted by the allure of the supernatural that she'd forgotten her friends. That was on her. No magic made her act that way.
"So if I decide to deck Damon, you'll hurt him if he gets the better of me?"
"I'll give him a migraine if he tries hurting you."
"Promise?"
"I swear it."
Caroline deflated suddenly. "Matt's mom. We've gotta be there for him. He didn't ask for this. Which means I've gotta figure out how to keep my face from changing."
"Don't worry. We will be," Elena assured her. "As for your face, whenever you feel it happening, focus on your breathing. It will help."
"Okay. Right. I've got both of you to help me. I'm not alone."
"Never," Elena swore.