Chapter 12: Conversations

"Hey. That's not fair!" Alex exclaimed. She, Nicky and Piper were playing a board game and she had been kicked off the field again and had to start new.

"That's how the game works!" Piper defended her figure kicking out Alex's.

"Yeah, but somehow it's always me who has to start at the beginning. Never you or Nicky." Alex mockingly complained.

"Agh, get over it." Nicky replied. "You know what they say: tough luck in games means good luck in love. So maybe losing isn't a bad thing?!"

"Who are they? And we're not done yet. Maybe you'll lose?" Alex replied but Nicky just rolled her eyes.

They kept playing and eventually Nicky won, Alex came in second and Piper lost.

The three of them went down to the kitchen and made themselves a hot chocolate. They kept chatting and exchanged news. Alex and Piper were both fourteen now, or fourteen and a half to be exact, and Nicky had just turned thirteen about two months ago. For being a year younger than the other two Nicky was the most energetic and mouthy of the three. It could have been easily the other way around, that she was a year older than her friends but neither of them really cared about how old they were.

Nicky had noticed Alex's crush on Piper but held back in asking the black haired girl about it. She hoped she would tell her at some point. One afternoon a couple days later Alex finally addressed it.

"You were right, you know?!" she said, completely out of context.

"About what exactly?" Nicky was confused. Alex wasn't someone to admit easily that somebody had been right about something and she was wrong.

"About having a crush on Piper." Alex eventually admitted. "Actually I think it's a bit more than that."

"More than a crush?" Nicky asked. That surprised her. She hadn't thought this was more.

"I know, it's not a good 'idea'. But I can't change it." Alex replied.

"I really don't want to see her breaking your heart. And from what I've seen she's not into girls. Please be careful." Nicky warned.

"I know. That's why I said it's a bad idea. Even though it wasn't really an idea or decision really." Alex told her.

"You don't plan on doing something, do you?" Nicky asked.

"Like what? Tell Piper? Are you crazy? I'm not that willing to put myself in misery." Alex answered shocked.

"Good. Better you get your mind off her. This is not going to end well." Nicky predicted.

"I guess so." Alex said and went quiet. Sometimes she dreamt that Piper eventually noticed she liked Alex more than just as friend and they became a couple. Alex always woke up with a smile on her face after a dream like that. And then realized how unlikely it was to ever happen.

That evening Alex sat at the dinner table with her family and they were talking about how their day went and what happened. Alex was a bit absent minded cause she still thought about what to do about her crush on Piper.

"How about you, Alex? How was your day?" Louis asked after everyone had told and it got quiet.

"Huh?" she looked up. "It was okay. I met Nicky and we hung out a little."

"Everything okay, hon?" Diane asked looking a little worried.

"Yeah. Fine." Alex said. But she couldn't fool Diane who of course knew something was on her daughter's mind.

Later when Felix was in bed Alex found Diane sitting in the living room reading. Louis was still doing something in the kitchen. Alex just sat down with her book she had brought as a kind of pretext. She wanted to talk to her mom, but she also didn't want her to know she had a crush on Piper. The two sat there for a while until Diane put down her book and looked at Alex. Wordless she beckoned her over and opened her arms. Alex followed and soon found herself laying next to her mom embraced in a hug.

"What is worrying you, honey?" Diane asked after a little while.

"That I get my heart broken." Alex said.

"So there is someone you like, but you're worried she doesn't like you?" Diane asked further.

Alex reluctantly answered. "Uhm, yeah. I actually like her a lot. Sometimes I dream about her being my girlfriend and it makes me so happy. But she's only ever gone out with boys. So I don't think she'll ever like me like that." she told her mom, feeling tears rise up in the corners of her eye.

"Oh, sweety. I know this can be hard. And you don't think there is a chance she likes girls too? I mean there are people that like boys and girls." Diane said. She felt so sorry for her daughter, but she remembered her own teenager years and some unrequited crushes.

"I don't know. Maybe?! But how am I supposed to find out?" Alex wanted to know.

"Well, do you two already know each other? Or is she someone you just see in school or somewhere else regularly?" Diane wanted to know. Alex contemplated whether to tell her or not. She didn't want her mom to figure out it was Piper she was talking about.

"Well, we've been speaking with each other." just said not wanting to give her mom too many hints.

"Well you could, when there is a good situation, talk with her about liking girls or boys or something like that in general. Just to see how open she is about the whole concept of liking the same sex or both. Does she know you like girls?" Diane was curious.

"I actually don't know if she knows that." she quietly said. "But that's not a bad idea. Maybe I will do that."

Diane smiled at her reassuringly. "Think about it. And maybe that conversation will lead to unknown things. Who knows?!"

"Yeah. Who knows? Thanks, mom." Alex said sincerely and hugged Diane.

"Anytime. That's what moms are here for." Diane said. She loved the connection she and Alex had and it made her more than proud that Alex felt safe enough to come to her with things like that. She wished she could have been like that with her mother when she was a teenager, but her mother never was loving or open like that. Diane had promised herself to do it differently with her own daughter and loved that it obviously had worked out how she hoped it would.

It was lunch break about three weeks before christmas. Piper, Alex and Nicky were sitting in the cafeteria and chatted while eating their lunch.

"The christmas movie this year sounds interesting. Anyone interested to go see it?" Alex said hoping Piper would like to see it.

Nicky answered first. "I'm sure it's gonna be one of those cheesy romantic love stories that you already know the ending of when it just started. I'm gonna pass."

"Some do like those movies anyway, Nicky. It doesn't matter if you already know how the story goes. It's good for distraction and who doesn't like a happy ending?" Piper asked rhetorically. "So. Uh, yeah. I would like to go." she said to Alex.

"Great. Let me find out when they're showing it and I'll let you know." Alex said excitedly.

Nicky rolled her eyes. How was this a good idea?

The following Friday Alex and Piper went to the cinema after school to see the movie. While the movie was on Alex tried to completely focus on the movie but her attention was drawn away and she enjoyed observing Piper and her reactions. She tried not to stare at her or make it too obvious that she was looking at her but seeing Piper smile and laugh at some quite silly situations in the movie made her heart jump. She knew this whole thing could end very painfully for her because of the unlikelihood of Piper liking her back like that but she couldn't help but admire her friend she knew for so long.

After the movie ended they decided to take a walk through the park.

"It seems like you enjoyed the movie." Alex stated.

"Yeah, it was fun. I liked it. How about you?" Piper asked back.

"Yeah me too." Alex said. "Though I thought it was a little cheesy sometimes and as expected a little predictable. But good."

"Yeah, sometimes I wonder if it's a good thing, you know? That movies like that always end happy. The couple, with all struggles eventually makes it and are happily ever after!" Piper said dramatically.

"And have two kids that of course are way too cute and everything is perfect." Alex smiled.

"Right. Sometimes I think it could be a bit more realistic. But then I think, it might not be a bad thing. Like when you see the movie you can escape your imperfect life for a while and get lost in that seemingly perfect world. It's temporary. But a distraction." Piper explained.

"Yeah, but people shouldn't take it as 'normal' and think that's how their life should go." Alex said.

"True. But it's entertainment. I wouldn't want a life like this." Piper simply stated.

"No? Why?" Alex chuckled.

"Way too boring! I don't want to be able to predict what is coming." Piper answered. "Not that the movies are boring, but predictable."

"You want adventure then?" Alex laughed.

"Well I don't have to do extra crazy things like they show on that tv show, what's the name?" Piper tried to remember.

"I'm not sure which one you mean but I think I get what you want to say." Alex told her. "And yeah, I don't need that either. But I want some excitement in my life. Positive only of course."

"Me too." Piper replied. "As it is Christmas soon and we're knida in the season of wishes: What would you wish for to happen in your life?" she was curious.

'For you to be my girlfriend.' Alex thought but didn't say out loud. "Well uhm. I think I want a family some day. But like way in the future. Before that happens I want to learn and explore. I'd like to travel wherever I can and see something. But of course I wouldn't want to do that alone. It would be nice to share with someone. Traveling alone can be good too I guess but I think it's better to do with someone to share the experiences with."

"That sounds interesting and exciting. I could imagine doing that. Someone like a friend or girlfriend?" Piper asked. They had never talked about it, but Piper eventually thought it was time to do so.

"Well girlfriend would be nice." Alex smiled. "Wait - you … know." she suddenly noticed.

Piper chuckled. "Well there was a rumour that someone saw you with Stefanie Paulson someday. So… Plus I saw you two in the park one day. Holding hands and everything. I guess that made it kinda clear."

"Oh, okay. I didn't know that you knew. But I'm kinda glad." Alex said and felt weirdly nervous.

"It's okay. You love who you love, I guess. And I know you longer than anyone else and the fact that you like girls doesn't change how I see you." Piper told her.

"Nice to know." Alex chuckled. "So as we're on topic. You like boys only?!"

Piper laughed. "Well I don't know." she said rather seriously.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Alex asked surprisedly.

"Well, I know I've had boyfriends and so and I liked them, but I guess I was never really in love with them. But I also haven't had those feelings towards girls so… I don't know." Piper explained.

"Well that's okay. You'll figure it out one day." Alex assured her. 'Hopefully soon.' she thought.

"I hope so." Piper replied.

They kept talking and walking and eventually went home. Alex was happy about the time she spent with Piper and especially about their conversation as it made her a little hopeful that Piper hadn't said that she was only into boys. Of course Diane noticed her daughters happiness when she came home. She didn't ask her directly what had happened but trusted her daughter to tell her when she was ready. And Alex was in a good mood and excited that she just had to tell.

"Mom. We talked about what you said the other day. And she said, even though she had boyfriends before she wasn't really in love with them and that she doesn't know if she likes boys or girls or both and there might be a chance that she'll maybe like girls. And more especially me." it came out like a waterfall and Diane was taken by surprise a little by the amount as Alex wasn't usually one to ramble so much at once. She could though clearly hear the excitement in Alex's voice and saw the bright smile in her daughter's face.

"Slow down a little, honey. That's good. I'm proud of you for the courage to talk about something like this. It must have cost some braveness." Diane beamed.

"Yeah. But to be honest I wasn't the one who brought it up. We were talking about how we imagined our futures to be and P-" Alex was shocked to nearly giving it away but quickly recovered "she said I'd probably imagine it with a girlfriend." Alex chuckled. "She already knew. Like most of the school I guess."

"Like most of the school?" Diane asked surprised.

Alex blushed a little. "Well someone saw me and a girl and spread around that he saw us kissing."

"Wow. Spreading rumours around school? That's not nice." Diane said.

"Well he didn't actually lie." Alex said almost shy.

"Oh. Okay." Diane took in the news. "How has it been after that? How do you feel knowing that so many people know?"

"Well there have been a few kids saying weird or mean things, but I don't really care about them. There are always going to be mean people saying things about stuff they have no idea of. I don't know how I feel about it. I mean sometimes it's annoying but I'm kinda glad I don't have to run around like it's a big secret, you know?" Alex explained.

Diane turned to her daughter and hugged her. "I want you to know that I am so proud of you for staying true to yourself and not giving a shit about what those idiots say. I know it's not easy. I wish I was that strong when I was your age." Diane told her daughter.

"Thanks, mom." Alex said with a lump in her throat. She hadn't expected that reaction from her mother.

"You want to tell me about her?" Diane cautiously tried.

"Not yet." Alex just said and went to her room.

XXXXX

When Piper got home she quickly said hi to her parents and went up to her room. She had enjoyed the afternoon with Alex a lot and was secretly happy that Nicky hadn't gone with them. She had thought about it for a while when she first heard her old clique talk about the rumours about Alex and Stefanie and had eventually found that she didn't care whether her friend liked boys or girls. She was still the same smart and kind Alex she had always been. Also she had put more effort in finding out who she liked but hadn't figured it out yet. Just as she told Alex that day. She had really liked the boys she had gone out with and had fun spending time with them. But never had she had the feeling that she imagined having when one is in love or having a crush. Those butterflies that everyone talked about hadn't come to her yet. And that was the point. Yet. It could still happen. She wondered who it would be who would first be the reason for said butterflies to 'show up'. If she eventually came to to conclusion she liked girls it would be totally fine with her, she was just afraid what her parents would say about that. They weren't that open and she was scared they'd take it rather badly if she ever told them she liked girls. She found girls beautiful. That was for sure. And she could imagine going out with a girl just as she could imagine going out with a boy. But still she didn't come to a full conclusion.

The next weeks went by and it soon was Christmas. Both families celebrated a nice party and Piper and Alex had promised each other they'd see each other the day after Christmas. Alex had made a small gift for Piper and Piper had done the same. Piper came over to the Vause's house.

"Hey, Piper. Merry Christmas." Diane said when she let her in.

"Merry Christmas to you too." Piper replied with a big smile and gave her the small box of chocolates that her parents had given her as a small present for Diane and Louis.

"Well thank you, Piper." Diane smiled. "Alex is in her room. I think she is waiting for you there."

So Piper went to Alex's room and knocked.

"Yeah?" Alex shouted, seemingly busy.

"Do you mind?" Piper asked with a smile after she opened the door halfway.

"Piper? You're already here. Come in. I've been just tidying up a few things, Felix wanted to play with his new things and unfortunately spread them all over my room." Alex said.

"Oh. The excitement. I remember how excited I was when I got new toys. Totally relatable." Piper laughed.

"So. All done. Come sit. I've got something for you." Alex told her.

"Yeah, me too." Piper told her and got her present out of her bag.

"Merry Christmas." they both said almost in unison and had to laugh. They exchanged presents and intended to open them at the same time.

Piper found in hers a couple pages written in nice handwriting and first thought it was a letter. Soon she noticed that Alex had written a story and added little sketches and drawings to illustrate.

"Thank you, Al. You've written a story for me?" Piper was surprised.

"Yes, I did. Take your time reading it." Alex replied and looked at Piper and her reactions to the story.

Piper started reading until she realized which story it was. "Is this 'The tale of Pipsy and Amiri'?" her eyes went wide.

"Yes. I thought it would be nice to have a written version of it. If you want we can make little changes here and there. I'm not sure if I remembered everything completely." Alex admitted.

"Oh my god. This is so thoughtful. Thank you, Alex. Let me read to the end though." Piper returned her attention to the story. Pipsy and Amiri were characters they had made up when they were about seven. They had wild adventures in their fantasy world, experiencing literally anything that Piper and Alex could come up with. They two fictional characters obviously were based on Piper and Alex themselves and the two girls had had a lot of fun creating stories and adventures that Pipsy and Amiri could experience. Alex had taken the time to write down some of the stories they had come up with and had added little illustrations here and there.

"Now open yours! You haven't even looked at it!" Piper complained when she saw that the present she had given Alex was still unopened.

"Sorry, I wanted to see your reaction. But I'll open it now." Alex said and did just that. When she had torn off the wrapping she held a little purse in her hands.

"You said you keep losing coins from your old." Piper added. "My grandma taught me how to sew so I thought I make you a new one. It's not perfect, but I thought you might like the colours."

"I do. I love it. That's very thoughtful Pipes. Thank you." Alex beamed at her.

Piper loved Alex's smile. And she liked when she was the reason Alex smiled or laughed. It always made her happy. They spend the day talking and playing a new game Alex got for Christmas and enjoyed the day.

"Polly is throwing a New Year's party. And she invited me. I would like to go. Would you like to come with me? It would be cool if we could celebrate together this year." Piper asked Alex.

"I don't know Pipes." Alex said reluctantly. She wasn't a big fan of Piper's friend Polly.

"Why not? You could finally meet Polly. Please." Piper begged.

"I would like to celebrate New Year's with you, but I don't like Polly. She was supposed to be a friend and not let happen what happened at that school party." Alex explained her reluctance.

"Yes, she was. But she's also not my babysitter. Please give her a chance?" Piper tried to convince her.

"Okay. I'm coming, but don't expect me to like her after." Alex finally agreed.

"I don't expect that. I can't make you like someone you don't. All I'm asking for is to give her a chance." Piper said.

"I promise I will give her a chance. I won't guarantee the outcome." Alex chuckled.