A.N: Second chapter of the day for you all.
Chapter Twenty-Two: Frerin
T.A. 2929 Bag End
Bluebell has taken a trip to Bree, now gone three days of what usually ends up as a ten-day trip. There was a time when Frerin would worry for her safety, even knowing how safe the Shire is, and he has taken great pains to teach her to use the same sword and throwing knives that once belonged to her mother. Much like her mother, Bluebell has taken to it well. True it has cost her the proper hobbit figure and thus caused the loss of some of her less persistent suitors but Frerin can live with that, as can Bluebell from the way she had shrugged the changed behaviour off. It makes him miss Fili and Kili when he trains her, Fili who took to duel wielding in much the same way Frerin did and Kili with his father's keen sight and gift with a bow even as young as he had been when Frerin left.
With Bluebell out of the house and taking a much need rest from caring for her mother, Frerin has taken some time out of the old forge in Hobbiton to take over with Belladonna. They do this every six months or so and things have improved greatly over the last twenty-six years. They still have those days that can stretch into weeks where Belladonna refuses to leave her bed, much less her room, and struggles to eat. There are nights where the orc memories overwhelm her dreams and tear screams from her throat, hours where the proximity of the earth rubs against the raw edges left in Belladonna after her actions nearly destroyed her Blessing. It has taken time and work, mostly on Bluebell's part, but Belladonna is beginning to regain control and Frerin no longer fears stepping into her room while she is in the midst of a nightmare.
For years Frerin has entertained fantasies of his relationship with Belladonna returning to the way that it was before he told her about Ghruna. He always knew it would never be possible, but with the way that Bungo died and how she managed to survive they have almost had to begin again. This isn't helped by her neighbours, they fear her and have little love towards him. He and Belladonna are stronger for it, he thinks, for having come together through the trials that have separated them. Unfortunately, there are plenty more ahead.
Such as this one. Frerin wants nothing more than to marry Belladonna and has done since the moment he realised the depths of his feelings for her. There has always been something in the way, however, and that hasn't changed. First Ghruna, then Bungo, then Belladonna's own fragile mental state and, finally, the laws and beliefs of his own people.
The vast majority of dwarf marriages are between those Mahal has created for one another. Very few marry for other reasons, or politically. That remains for the high classes and royals, and even then it doesn't happen often. Usually only where there is great need or concern over the succession. Unfortunately for Frerin there had been a great need and he and Belladonna hadn't been the only ones to suffer for it.
"Talk to me," Belladonna says from the door to his room. It startles him, he had believed her asleep. "I can hear you thinking down the hall. Tell me what's on your mind."
"These," he opens his hand to show her the gold beads held there, one for each of them. "Marriage beads," her hand freezes over them. "I made them for us." Made in a fit of defiance when he had intended to break his word to his brother and his people and run from Ered Luin instead of telling Belladonna that things between them had to end.
She watches him silently, even her eyes seem to have shut down, and he fears he has hurt her or set off another of her episodes until she sits next to him and closes his fingers over the beads. She is waiting for him to continue, to work his way through the problem as she always has. Belladonna prefers he help her to direct her thoughts but Frerin has only ever needed silent encouragement.
"I would marry you in a heartbeat if you would have me," he continues, but doesn't meet her eyes. "But because of my father and grandfather and Bungo, I can't. You're my One and I can't claim you for all to see because dwarves aren't permitted to marry more than once."
"I'm not a dwarf," Belladonna replies after a quiet moment. He stares at her. "By your customs I've never married. If a hobbit's bonded dies, we fade. We just stop, most don't last a week. But we don't always marry our life-bond and a marriage here can be broken. Hobbits can marry more than once in that situation." She meets his eyes. "I've had one hobbit marriage, Frerin, as it happens it was over before Bungo died. By your customs I've never been married."
"Semantics," Frerin says but he can't deny it's a good argument. Balin would probably pick it to pieces in under a minute, but Balin isn't here.
"We could do it the hobbit way," she says, "but I've done that, and it's left me with a lot of regrets. Besides, there would be a big party and we would have to invite your family. I doubt most of mine would turn up, but you never know."
"There is another way," Frerin says after a beat. "It's how I would have, should have, done it before in the wild. It's ancient and not used much now, but it's quick and private and still recognised."
All it needs is a bead each, a promise and a particular four strand braid. It's managed quickly and painful as it is, they agree to hide the commitment they have made. Hobbits can be frustratingly close minded about the ways of the other races, evidenced by the reactions of the few that Frerin had mentioned the possibility of adopting Bluebell to. They won't view this as a real marriage, and Frerin doesn't want his family to turn up and stick their noses in again. He doesn't want his new family pulled apart by his old one because of ancient ideas that shouldn't have to apply. Besides, its down to his people that he didn't marry Belladonna before Bungo got to her and it would seem that he never grew out of his rebellious phase.
He moves into her room that night as her husband.
T.A. 2941 The Carrock
In the hours that it takes for Bluebell to regain consciousness the Company climbs to the base of the Carrock the eagles had placed them upon. They then proceed to take stock of what they have left after their capture by the goblins and the result is bad. They have very little food, except the small amount in Bluebell, Thorin and Dwalin's recovered packs. Blankets and bedrolls are in even shorter supply. Everyone has cuts and scrapes that need to be clean and treated and, for his part, Frerin won't be entirely comfortable until Bluebell can work her magic on Thorin's head and make sure what little brain he has wasn't damaged when the warg knocked him unconscious.
Fili and Kili are quickly dispatched to set traps for any small game that might be available. The younger's relief at getting his brother back is palpable, Frerin doesn't think anything is going to separate them any time soon, but his utter devastation at Fili's loss had also been clear. Frerin had feared it would leave Kili too grief stricken to fight to escape. Instead it had made him so angry that he had left a few too many openings for an enemy strike. It had been incredibly fortunate that the entire Company had made it out of the mountain with as few injuries as they had. With everything that has gone wrong so far Frerin is starting to wonder if this whole foolish idea shouldn't have been abandoned at the start.
Fili, Frerin notes, is obviously torn between going with Kili as ordered and staying with Bluebell. Something happened between the pair of them in the caves, he thinks. Belladonna suspects some of it but Frerin would wager his entire share of the dragon's hoard that certain feelings were acted upon. Whether they've actually discussed it or come to any sort of understanding he couldn't say but he's fairly certain a very pointed conversation with Fili is going to be needed in the near future.
He's sort of looking forward to it, although their timing could have been better.
Belladonna puts an end to Fili's indecision by sitting next to her daughter and saying something to the prince. Frerin can't hear what, but he recognises the set of her face and Fili quickly does as he has been ordered. Frankly, Frerin is amazed Fili is functioning at all, unless he's drawing strength from the stone, healing takes a great deal out of both parties. Frerin feels like he could sleep for a month and for Bluebell to be this exhausted both of her patients must have been closer to death than she had admitted. Not to mention the affect of her own injuries.
"Brother," Thorin's voice cuts through his musing over his wife and daughter.
"Thorin," he nods. There is more that he wants to say but the gratitude on Thorin's face stops him.
"Azog is finally, truly, defeated," the older says. Frerin huffs a sigh of relief.
"Near on took his head off."
"So Dwalin said. I could have lost you once again, nadadith," his brother rumbles and Frerin's heart clenches at the familiar form of address that he hasn't heard in too long, "if not for your hobbits."
"Bluebell," Frerin corrects. "Belladonna can't heal since Bungo was killed." It's still a sore subject even after four decades.
"Her abilities are impressive," Thorin says with a glance at the daughter of his heart.
Bluebell has woken up during his brief conversation with Thorin and is talking quietly to her mother. Her eyes, however, are frequently turned in the direction that Fili and Kili have gone. She looks tired, which is to be expected, and there is a light blush on her cheeks that becomes almost brilliant when the lads reappear. Fili's cheeks also go slightly pink when Belladonna raises an eyebrow at him and Frerin grins. There was definitely more than healing going on in the time they were separated.
"Belladonna has never heard the like," he says to his brother after a short silence to watch the interactions between Bluebell and Fili. "I gave Belladonna my bead," he continues suddenly. "About ten years ago. As far as we're concerned, we're married, whether the people will accept it or not."
"I had a feeling," Thorin covers his eyes with a sigh. "And Bluebell?"
"Adopted as my daughter against the laws of her own kind. Which is why we've kept it hidden," Frerin scowls. "Our people won't understand why I have taken a widow as a wife against all the teaching of our kind. Bella's people view the adoption of a child as a terrible crime against the child's family."
Which he thinks is awful, a feeling that only intensifies every time he thinks about it. Children are adored in the Shire, the hobbits can easily have a half a dozen or more per family if they so desire, and they treasure every single one. An orphaned child is always raised by aunts and uncles, however, and they always know they are orphaned. To adopt a child is to steal that child from his or her family, even if that child was unwanted in the first place (and it has happened).
"You will have my support, nadad," Thorin tells him. "I bear some of the blame for you being in this position."
"Thank you," Frerin replies simply.
It feels inadequate, just those two words, but Frerin cannot grasp his brother the way that he wishes to until Bluebell has been able to ensure that Thorin's stone skull has prevented any serious harm. His brother, however, has no such concerns, cracking their skulls together with a force that is more affectionate than anything. He groans in pain afterwards all the same and Oin appears almost instantly, fussing around his king and muttering bad temperedly all the while. Frerin sidles away while the healer is distracted, he has no desire to be poked and prodded and he knows full well that Bluebell won't have stopped her healing until there was nothing more to do.
"How do you feel, nathith?" He asks, crouching beside his wife and brushing a strand of hair from Bluebell's face.
"Hungry," she replies with averted eyes. "Tired and my head aches a little."
Frerin looks at the ugly cut on her forehead in concern. It will scar but Belladonna knows enough about normal healing to have looked her daughter over.
"What you did up there was dangerous," he says with a glance at his wife. She nods, obviously of the same opinion.
"It was the only way to save you, Adad," Bluebell hisses and Frerin's heart clenches. Bluebell has always adored him, always loved him, and here he is all but telling her she should have let him die rather than risk her own life. Even knowing what the ultimate cost of that would be for her.
"Fili didn't like the idea very much either," Belladonna adds.
"He made that very clear under the mountains, mother," their daughter replies. "I couldn't let either of them die." She says it with all the defiance Frerin has come to expect from her.
"How did it feel?" He asks. "Your mother told you about your eyes?" Bluebell nods, her fingers going to the short braid behind her ear in a nervous gesture she has picked up over the last couple of decades. Belladonna gently bats her hand away and pulls a comb from her skirts, running it through Bluebell's hair as their daughter thinks.
"I can't even describe it," she answers finally, flinching when her mother's comb finds a particularly difficult knot and staring that the delicate bead that she holds. "I've never felt as close to another living being as I did to Fili when he helped me channel the stone." Belladonna hums, the sound carrying layers of meaning in the way that only a mother's concern can. "It didn't cause what happened between us, Mama," she insists. "It would have happened eventually anyway."
"Do I need to have a word with my sister-son?" Frerin smiles, it's vaguely predatory but in truth he would take Fili as Bluebell's husband over any other in Arda. He's biased, but Bluebell has always struck him as the sort who was meant to be queen.
Her cheeks flare scarlet and he shares a look with her mother. Then she shakes her head and both sigh.
"Let me talk to him first," she says softly. "With everything that was going on we haven't had the opportunity ourselves." Belladonna's lips thin as she separates a section of Bluebell's hair for the braid she wears.
"Very well," Frerin agrees, ignoring the glare Belladonna sends him. He has his own confessions to make and now is the best time, before Thorin opens his mouth and welcomes them to the family himself. "I will redo your braid in a moment, Atamanel," he says to Bella, the first time he has used an endearment whilst among the rest of the Company. "Thorin is aware and has given his support." When the two stare at him in question he shrugs. "Now seemed the most opportune moment to tell all." His wife shakes her head fondly.
"Off you go, dear," she pats Bluebell's shoulder. "Have Oin take a look at your head."
The dark-haired girl scowls but gets to her feet obediently. Her hand brushes Frerin's shoulder as she walks past him, and he squeezes it without a word. She will know what it means, she knows him almost as well as her mother does after all.