Chapter Twenty-Six: Belladonna

T.A 2872 Tookborough, The Shire.

It has been two months since Frerin announced to Belladonna that their romance, their love would amount to nothing other than broken hearts. Two months since he returned from an impromptu trip to Ered Luin a distant shade of himself and announced that he couldn't avoid his duty to his people any longer. Two months since he told her that all the time they have been together he has been promised to another.

She has barely stopped crying.

The lad who finds her is young, in the way all hobbits seem young to her these days. His sandy hair is untouched by grey, his blue eyes clear and not shadowed by death or fear. He doesn't speak as he sits next to her, just lays a white poppy across her lap. It's a sweet gesture, consoling her without words, and something that Frerin would never have considered or understood. Thinking of the dwarf makes despair rush through her again but now it brings anger in its wake.

This hobbit has probably never left the Shire, probably never seen the wonders beyond its borders. In fact, this is quite possibly the boldest thing he has done in his life, giving a flower to a grieving hobbit he knows little of, and it reminds her of the kindness of her people. A kindness she has long forgotten with as little time as she spends in the Took family smial these days. For many of them she is the strange great aunt whose face is frozen in time, the inconvenient one who turns up for three or four months once every few years. Her visits have been more frequent since Frerin's brother-by-law passed and he had always told her that it was because he was helping his sister to raise her sons. Now she wonders if he was courting this other woman too.

Deep down she knows she's doing him a disservice. Frerin was at least as heartbroken as she and she knows him too well to believe that he's the sort to carry on with two ladies at the same time. But Belladonna is angry and hurting, bitterly questioning her own good sense and gentle heart. Had she known about this Ghruna at the outset she might have guarded her heart a little more closely, no matter what Yavanna seems to have planned for her.

"Whoever he was," her companion says softly, "he was a blind fool."

She has no reply to that. Nothing that won't make her sound as rage filled and shrewish as she hopes Frerin's future wife will be. No reply that won't tear her heart into ever smaller pieces. Nothing to say except to thank this hobbit for his kindness.

"Bungo Baggins," he introduces himself, holding his hand out in the way of Men.

"Belladonna Took," she replies, sees his eyes go wide with realisation as they take each other's hands. Her smile is watery.

Perhaps it is time to think about moving on.

T.A. 2941 Mirkwood

Belladonna grips Bluebell's hand as the two stand at the entrance into what was once called the Greenwood. They have been able to feel the darkness in this forest for days, even on the back of the ponies Beorn kindly allowed them the use of. Describing it as 'wrong' isn't enough. It's slick, thick and oily. It rolls against the Blessing that sleeps within her and clags against it in the way that too much beef dripping on a slice of nearly stale fried bread coats the tongue and dulls the taste buds. It's cloying and it screams 'danger' at her making her feet itch and throb with each step closer to the border.

There is something terrible in these woods, or near to it, and it isn't killing the land as one might expect, it's twisting it. Taking something bright and marvellous and turning it into darkness of so vile a nature that Belladonna can't find words to describe it. She's only felt something like it a twice in the past, once at Azanubizar as orc blood soaked the land, and once in the spot near to Bag End where she ripped the life out of one of the dark creatures. This is what beings of darkness do to the living land when there is the magic of a people soaked into it. They drain and they feed and they grow strong from it.

"This forest feels sick," Bluebell comments.

"I'm not sure sick is quite the word," Belladonna says. "It's awful."

Frerin wraps an arm around her shoulders, pressing his head to hers. Fili follows his uncle's example and takes Bluebell's other hand in his. She watches her daughter rest her head against Fili's shoulder and it makes warmth bubble inside her that, for a moment, makes the slick blackness of the forest recede. She is glad that she has lived long enough to see her daughter find happiness. If only it hadn't been achieved during a practically suicidal quest. At this point Belladonna isn't sure that any part of it has gone the way that it was meant to, nor is she as certain that it will be successful as she once was.

"This is where I must leave you," Gandalf announces quite suddenly. "I fear another task urgently calls for my attention."

Wizard speak, Belladonna thinks angrily, for the fact that they are on their own now that there is no chance of them giving up and going back. It makes her wonder, again, exactly what it is that the wizard hopes to achieve from this. She knows Gandalf well enough to know that no matter how well meaning his interest in a situation may seem, no matter how interested he is in apparently helping others, he always has his own agenda. The irritating fact is that every time this thought occurs to her something happens to distract her and prevent her from asking the question. Much like now.

"You can't leave us!" Bluebell cries, indigo eyes wide and concerned.

Belladonna wants to react the same way but the last thing she needs is to lose control of her emotions. With the blackness in the earth under her feet she isn't sure that she will keep a complete grip on her mind and her abilities. The sickness calls to the tiny piece of the orc still inside her mind, the little part that has been so silent since leaving the Shire that she has almost been able to forget about it unless it has otherwise been unavoidable.

"I have to, my dear," Gandalf replies, hurrying to get onto his horse. "Keep to the path, all of you," he orders before urging his horse forward and hurrying away from them.

"I don't want to go in there," Bluebell whispers.

"Not the most inviting of places," Bofur agrees. "Hard to believe the tree-shaggers could feel at home in there."

Belladonna looks around the rest of the group. Nori is watching everyone with his sharp green eyes. As often as Dwalin curses about the thief she knows (as the guard does too) that Nori sees almost everything. He wins a lot of wagers that way. So, she knows that Nori has not only noticed their discomfort but probably has some idea that is it a greater cause for concern than they have let on. He has to, even though Thorin and the rest are ignoring the hobbit's reactions, because she sees him almost take a step closer to Dwalin before going to Dori and Ori.

Interesting.

"Durin's day will not wait," Thorin says with a sharp glare at both hobbits.

Fili and Kili bracket Bluebell as they begin to walk as seems to have become their habit since leaving the Shire. It's good to see that Bluebell gets along as well as she does with Kili, she had worried that there would be some jealousy on both sides over Fili's time and attention. Belladonna understands, now, why Frerin kept her away from Ered Luin, but it would have been nice to meet his family and get to know them. Meeting them after so many years has added an awkward layer of complexity to her relationship with Thorin and the boys. They seem to have forgiven Frerin for disappearing but Belladonna wonders if there isn't still a little bit of resentment in them still for her part in it.

"Atamanel?" Frerin catches her attention and she takes his hand in hers as she takes her first step into Mirkwood.

Wrongness floods over her and she retches as it makes her stomach roll. Just ahead of her Bluebell seems to be having a similar reaction and knowing that they will have to spend, potentially, weeks living with it makes her want to turn around and run in the opposite direction. It makes her want to forget the quest entirely.

"I'm alright," she assures Frerin, "come on before Thorin gets any more impatient." Frerin's brother is glaring at them.

She takes a deep breath, swallows down the need to vomit, and continues forward. If she can just keep putting one foot in front of the other, she can keep control and make it to the other side. She just hopes that Bluebell can do the same.