Chapter Twenty-Eight: Frerin
T.A. 2872 Bree
Frerin enters the taproom of the Prancing Pony feeling as though his boots have been filled with lead, each step is harder than the last as his eyes scan the room for a familiar head of dark hair. It is a quiet evening and he spots Belladonna easily. Bile rises as she smiles brightly at him. They have only been apart a matter of weeks and usually he would be as happy to see her as she is him. Now he wishes that he could be anywhere else, even back on the field at Azanulbizar.
He couldn't do this in a letter, as many times as Thorin and Balin both told him it might be easier. She deserves to be told face to face and she deserves the chance to show him all of the hurt he will be causing her. He has to do this now, as much as he doesn't want to, because he can't put it off and hurt her even more. He doesn't even intend to stay in Bree, even though it's late and it will mean a night on the road in the rain. Belladonna must see something of his thoughts on his face because she leaves her table and approaches, apprehension clear on her face and in her movements.
"What's happened?" She asks. "Your brother and sister? Your nephews? Are they-?"
"We need to talk," he tells her, his voice hoarse. "Not here."
"My room," she says, "the one I always get."
He nods and turns away, taking her hand and relishing how tiny it feels in his. After this conversation he will be lucky to ever see her again. He doubts she will ever forgive him for this. He doesn't think he will ever forgive himself.
He explains, as best he can, about Thror and Thrain's deal with Fhrna. He tells her how precarious the situation has become, how he had hoped that all his years of avoiding home and duty would have painted him as less suitable than Thorin. That the reason he had resisted his feelings for her in the first place had been this betrothal and that he had never told her because he had been convinced that it would never happen. He tells her that he loves her and that his only regret about the time they have had is that he had never taken the next step before it had become too late.
"I have a duty to my people, Bella," he stares at his hands as he speaks, unable to see the heartbreak that must cover hers. "It's time I grew up and accepted that. I'm sorry.
"Sorry?" She repeats. "You're tearing my life apart and you're sorry?"
Tears are streaming down her face and, truthfully, he wants to weep as well. He wants to lay all the blame for this on Thorin and Thrain and Thror, except he acted on his feelings for Belladonna, he stayed beside her for all those extra years, even knowing that this was waiting for them at the end. Belladonna should have been given fair warning, he thinks, should have been given the chance to make the decision to risk future heartache with him, but it still would have ended up this way. Tears, anger and bitter disappointment. Or they could have parted ways fifty years ago when they took that last step past friendship and into lovers.
"There's nothing I can say," he replies, not even sure she can hear him over the sound of her sobs. "I thought I'd solved it, I had plans for it, but I was too slow. I would have spared you this, Belladonna, I should have spared you this."
"Why now? Why not ten years ago or twenty? Why let it go on for so long?" She demands.
"I was running, and the longer I ran the more I thought Fhrna had changed his mind. I don't want this!" He cries. "I never wanted it! I want you, Bella, I went back to Ered Luin to see my family one last time before vanishing for good. To be with you. Either I waited too long or Thorin had some idea of my plans. If I disappear, he'll hunt me down and our people will be driven out of their home with no chance of finding another. I can't do that to them again. Not to my people, not to Dis. Not to Fili or Kili because they deserve a childhood. I'm a prince and I have to fulfil my duty to my people even though it's tearing me apart!"
"What are kings and princes to hobbits?" She demands viciously. "Cowards who hide behind lies and pretty stories so that they can get what they want."
If it were anyone else calling him a coward Frerin would take it as a challenge. But it is Belladonna, and, in his heart, he knows that she is right. Fear had prevented him from speaking of his betrothal to her. Fear had prevented him from simply proposing as well; fear of losing his family, fear of being rejected, of causing them more grief and pain when grief seems to be all that Thorin and Dis have ever known. His cowardice has hurt them both.
"Leave."
"Bella."
"Leave, Frerin," she orders. "Just go."
He does as she asks, hesitating in the door to look back and wish that he could kiss her one last time. He doesn't even try, it wouldn't be fair to either of them, and he half wishes he had it in himself to be completely selfish even though it is his selfishness that has caused this.
Only once he has closed the door behind him does he let his own tears fall.
He leaves Bree, even though it is already dark, and the rain is harder than it was when he arrived, and he makes as much progress as he can down the road before he is forced to stop and wait until morning. He doesn't sleep, merely slumps against the nearest tree and huddles under his oilskin cloak to wait for daylight while he curses his grandfather's greed and his own stupidity. Then, for good measure, he curses Mahal too for abandoning his creations to gold-sickness, dragons and doomed love.
T.A. 2941 Mirkwood
Frerin is still reeling from Bluebell's announcement that Belladonna is pregnant when the elves begin to split them into cells. Fortunately, he is placed with his wife, but she doesn't react well to seeing Bluebell led further from them. Whatever foul memories the disgusting air of Mirkwood has stirred in her has left Belladonna more anxious than Frerin has seen in years and it worries him. Luckily, Bluebell is placed, alone, in the cell next to them and that brings a loud objection from Fili who is locked away with his brother (Kili lets out a yelp not long after Frerin hears him flirting with one of the elves and he silently agrees with Fili's sentiments, the elves here are nothing like the ones in Rivendell) far enough down the spiral of cells to see Bluebell in hers.
They are brought food and water very quickly, and it is a relief to see that Belladonna's portion is slightly larger. Much as he dislikes the idea of their captors knowing that Bella is with child it's good to know they aren't trying to use it against the Company. Not yet anyway. What little Frerin has heard of Thranduil over his years of travelling doesn't fill him with much confidence that the Elf King will just let them be if he hears of it. He can't think of any reason why this development wouldn't be reported.
Belladonna falls asleep not long after their food is delivered, and he holds her as he thinks. A child of his own blood now rests within her. Something Frerin never dared to think that he might have. He has always been happy as he is with Belladonna and Bluebell. If he's honest with himself, he isn't sure he can be a father in the traditional sense. He has, if he's lucky, maybe another hundred years left of his life. Barely long enough to see his child come of age. He's amazed Belladonna has even managed to conceive, everyone knows that the dwarf birth rate is low and they have trouble conceiving even as young adults. He knows about her tea, of course, both hobbits have been drinking it religiously until recently. It has made them careless, he thinks, he should have been paying closer attention to whether or not Belladonna had been drinking it after their run in with the goblins. He consoles himself with the thought that he has had other things on his mind. The quest and Azog, Bluebell marching towards a dragon and her romance with Fili.
Not to mention that having a child at his age is rare.
Its only when Thorin is led past that he realises that his brother has already been to see the Elf King and that his meeting with Thranduil did not go well. They can't stay in these cells, though they are warm and fed and out of the taint of Mirkwood. Frerin will not have Belladonna placed in a position where she might have to give birth in this place, whether or not the elves would take her to the healer's wing once her condition is more pronounced. Nor does he really want to take her near Erebor. The fact of it is, he may have to try and persuade her to break away from the Company and head for the Iron Hills in the hope that Dain might given them shelter. That will hardly endear him to Thorin, and Belladonna may refuse to leave Bluebell in any case regardless of the fact that she has been of age for thirty years.
In his heart he knows they will be going to the Mountain, Belladonna won't allow her daughter to face the dragon alone, and Frerin can hardly stomach the thought of it either.
Either way they need to get out of this dungeon and Frerin well knows that Thorin would more likely kiss Azog than give Thranduil anything he might want, even if it meant being freed to continue their quest. There was a time when Frerin might have done the same. He learnt a long time ago, however, that following in the lead of his father, grandfather and brother in these matters will get him nowhere. He's loyal to Thorin but his past means that he is more inclined to put Belladonna first. Loyalty to his king and people has brought him nothing but misery. Were the circumstances different he would settle in and wait, but with something so precious he is torn between his duty to his king and his love of his wife.
His position is tested three days later.
"You!" The blond from the patrol that brought them in is in front of his cell, his blue eyes hard and his face an unfeeling mask. "The King would speak with you."
"My King has made our position very clear," Frerin says.
In truth he suspects that this is the beginning of the elves attempting to use Belladonna's condition against them. He doesn't want his child born here and even this far from the sickest parts of the forest it is still clearly affecting his wife and daughter. He isn't certain how much the others can hear the elf has not raised his voice and conversations between the Company are conducted at a yell for the most part. It's entirely possible they haven't heard any of the tall being's words at all, which isn't going to look good for Frerin when he is led out of the cell. Eventually, however, Thranduil will hear of the condition of the two hobbits, he will try and find some way to get what he wants from the others. Frerin is simply the first and it might serve him well to try and take this chance of escape with his wife and daughter in tow. He thinks Fili, at least, of all the Company would understand that. For all his sister-son's resentment of his disappearance Frerin doubts the lad wants to spend the rest of his days listening to Kili attempt (badly) to flirt his way free while his One languishes too far away to touch.
"Think of your wife, would you have your child born here?" The elf says mildly. "Come." The door opens and Frerin steps out, looking around to see that many of the Company are watching from various cells on both side of an open walkway. "Try anything," the elf says as Frerin meets his brother's dark scowl, "and it will be your wife and child who suffer first."
"I would expect nothing less from an elf," Frerin snarls.
He is gratified to see the elf twitch slightly and it is as much of a reaction as he can expect. The trips to Rivendell mean that he has dealt with enough elves in his time to be able to read their less obvious reactions to things and he smirks in satisfaction that he has scored a hit. He's not remotely interested in continuing the conversation and so falls silent as he follows the taller male.
Thranduil's throne room is different from anything that Frerin might have imagined. His throne is placed so high that even arriving elves will have to look up at an uncomfortable angle. The elf sat upon the throne is a silver blond and has a striking enough resemblance to Frerin's escort to allow him to conclude that he must be one of Thranduil's sons. The king's expression is one of boredom and he raises an eyebrow at Frerin, who doesn't bow and instead takes a relaxed posture, before waving a hand. Out of the corner of his eye Frerin sees his escort move away but he keeps his focus on Thranduil and waits. Elves are patient, but Frerin can be too when the mood takes him.
"So, you are the dwarf with the halfling wife," Thranduil says finally.
"Belladonna is a hobbit," Frerin corrects blandly. "She's half of nothing." The eyebrow arches again while Frerin considers his next words. "I suspect I know why I have been summoned. I know what it is that you want from that hoard Smaug slumbers upon. And I know you already tried to negotiate with Thorin for them."
"He was less than willing to consider my offer," Thranduil says. His tone sets Frerin's teeth on edge and he has to remind himself to hold his temper, losing it will not get them out of the dungeons. "One hopes you would prove more reasonable, you have far more to lose than your brother."
"I'm the second son, I'm hardly in a position to negotiate on behalf of my brother without his authorisation," Frerin points out. Much as he would like to do it, Thorin would be under no obligation to honour any promises made by Frerin and would just as likely brand him a traitor for treating with his enemies.
"I would release all of you," Thranduil says, "and give you what supplies you would need to reach the mountain without going to the Men of the Lake, if you would give me the Starlight Gems."
"A tempting offer," Frerin concedes, and since every member of the Company is entitled to an equal share of the treasure it wouldn't take much to ensure that the gems the elf wants are in Frerin's share.
"Naturally, however, your wife would have to remain here," Thranduil continues. "She would receive the very best of care as our guest."
"Absolutely not!" Frerin snaps without thinking. "Whatever has happened to this place is making her sick. I will not risk her health and our child."
"You expect me to simply let you all go with only your word?" Thranduil sneers.
"I'll need everyone to get into the mountain," Frerin shrugs in an attempt for nonchalance, "but you could always send me back to your dungeons. Of course, if you do that you won't get your shiny stones."
"Do you think you can manipulate me, Princeling?" The elf hisses. A lesser being might flinch at his expression but even though Frerin doesn't have Thorin's unflinching pride there is as much mithril in his spine as in his brother's. "Such an attempt would not end well for you, I know well the treachery and greed of your kind."
After weeks of short rations and travel, nights of broken sleep watching over Belladonna and concern over her condition, Frerin feels his grip on his own temper snap.
"Should we speak of the treachery of elves as well?" He snarls. "Of the women and children who died during our desperate search for a new home? Of the elf king who sneered and turned us away when we asked for aid? I know of the greed of my people, I have seen the damage a love of gold can do. I lost my home for the sake of gold. I was used as a bargaining tool so that my insane grandfather could get his hands on the funds he needed to build us a new home, money he squandered on a slaughter and left us almost as poorly off as we were when Smaug cast us out!" He has kept his peace on this for so long, assumed that it didn't matter to him any longer because he refused to allow the same bitterness to consume him as it had Thorin. Apparently, he was wrong. "I know the treachery of my own kind, but I know it of yours as well. You will get nothing from me."
As soon as the words are out regret floods him. He has tried so hard not to fall into the same traps as Thorin, but some things seem too deeply ingrained in his family. Thranduil's expression becomes neutral as Frerin rants but the dwarf can see the fires of anger that burn behind his icy eyes. The silence stretches until, finally, the Elf King flicks his hand and Frerin feels the guards come up behind him. His heart sinks.
"Return him to his cell," the king orders.
Unless they can come up with an escape plan, Frerin thinks miserably, there is every possibility that his child may never know the sun.