Episode 1 Part 2 - The Beginning of the End

"That's enough." I say.

"Very well, master. Training session ending."

The holographic image of Starkiller disappears and I head over to the side of the gym. I sit down on a bench and apply a towel to myself to remove the sweat. Droid parts fill the floor. Some I tore apart, some I electrocuted, some I cut down. The Ravager droids will clean it up and recycle them into new training droids for me. I can't say I'm satisfied. The Ravager's training sessions are split into levels. Level one is basically fighting a child. I'm at level 420 where I am basically fighting dozens and dozens of droids that imitate, at random, various Jedi Masters and Sith Lords that have recorded fights on the holonet. If I am to surpass this level, then I have to defeat them all and still defeat the mirror-phase at the end.

The mirror-phase is the Ravager reflecting your own skill, strength, and speed into a droid when you first entered the level. It was years ago I entered this level. The mirror image of me is from my younger years, and I have yet to be able to defeat it.

I'm at a road-block. I'm at my limit, and I feel a part of me is falling back. I have grown in physical strength, but my speed has slowed. I am compensating with Force Enhancement, but then that comes with its own problems. If I truly wanted to I could surpass this level, but the idea is to fight fairly and equally. The Ravager cannot use the Force. I may use the Force to create lightning, but it is still a form of weaponary comparible to claws or swords. If I use the Force for physical trainign then that's just cheating.

I sigh and lean back. The one thing the Ravager cannot help me train with is the Force. Growing up that is what I had Nihilus for… have I stopped growing in that area since my Jedi days? Without a good training partner in raw Force power, what can I do about it?

This war to come… many have disregarded it. The Cartel surrendered some time ago, and all that is left is the Eternal Hand's portion of the rebellion. The conflict between the Mandalorians and Republic won't be a battleground for warriors, so much of the galaxy believes peace is around the corner for a short time.

Some of us know better. Tree-Hugger is training with his family. Koj is rallying support in the rebellion. I haven't spoken to Mandalore, but I know him. Revan knew him. They had talked deeply about the idea of the True Sith, and Mandalore swore to raise an army to fight it. HK is designed specifically to grow to the point that it can be a strong ally against the True Sith. Everything Revan touched is in preperation for that war, and now the same could be said for us. Mandalore is preparing the furnace of war. If the Sith won't come to us, then we will go after them.

But will I be ready?

This Valkorian was the one to train Nihilus and show him how to be a proper Void-smith. Who knows how many other Sith Lords Valkorian has trained to be just as powerful… and I, one of the most powerful Force users on this side on the coming war, can't compare to Nihilus…

A part of me dreads it. I don't know for certain how powerful the True Sith are. I know I won't find out until I meet them. But is it really hard to imagine that I might just be an amateur? I have trained my whole life, but I have also held myself back for ideals of various kinds. I haven't destroyed my body in the name of power… they have no such restraint.

I need to become stronger… but I don't know what path that leads down. Do I allow myself to do Force Enhancement to the point that I surpass what I am but risk destroying my body? Do I train my Void power more so it won't sap at my life as Koj has? Do I become the further embodiment of lightning? Hard to say where my strength can be applied to compensate for a weakness in an enemy I have never met.

Exhausted, I head to my cabin to sleep.

I pass a thought to Ashoka, 'Care to join me for a nap? I have trouble sleeping when you aren't there.'

I feel her not particurally pleased with the idea, while apologetic. Something is on her mind. I ask, 'What are you busy with?'

Just finishing up some requisition orders. The Ravager should finish uploading the shipment today and I want to be sure everything is in order. We have a bunch of orders to go through tomorrow and pick from. I also have to set time for training with my students. They are helping the locals with clearing debree, and I want to check on their progress. Then I have to-

'Love, it sounds like you need a nap more than I do. Come on.'

I can't, I-

'You run a shipment company with a revenue in the millions, because having a freight ship the size of a Leviathan class warship, complete with guns and one of the fastest Warp Engines known to man, makes for a lot of empty space to fill stuff in, a lot of security, and a lot of speed. Combine that with the self-efficency of the ship, and frankly its just the two of us where the only jobs we have is to tell the ship to do it, hand what to whom, and whose contracts for shipment we will agree to. If we ship goods worth millions with profit for only two people, no fuel or repair costs, and not much else in the way of assetts to take up money, then we have more money then we know what to do with. I don't even know how big our bank account is.'

And that runs into a lot of work.

'Perhaps you missed the part where I said self-effiency? Ahsoka, all we have to do is point and say go, and the ship, literally, handles the rest. We do jump in and keep locals from being spooked by a giant ship appearing in the system, and we do face-to-face where I keep my mouth shut and be pretty. But there isn't much else to do. You seriously need to relax. And your kids are about as selfefficent as the ship. They work well together and are nearly at the stage of being a lesser Knight. At the very least they are Padawans that can be sent on missions without you."

But I want to be involved in their progress. You know that I have abandonment issues, and it is hypocritical of me to have been treating them that way for so long.

'Then focus on the things that matter. Them, me, and hiring an accountant to handle the money aspect and hire another person to handle picking out contracts for you, and while your at it, hire a lawyer to guide you through legal waters before we get sued again.'

I feel Ahsoka relax a bit as she passes her mental exhaustion into the Force, and me. She is as tired as I am. Seems running a company with only two employees and a ship is more stressful than it seems.

Okay, how about this. I'll put off all this paperwork till later. I will check on the kids. Then I will join you for a nap. She yawns and stretches. I could use a nap myself. In return you hire the accountant. Try Ashley, she is good and I know you would like to see more of your family.

'Yeah, except they are kinda busy right now.'

It was a beautiful world. A world with great oceans and deep waters. Most of it was made up of beaches, as only a small percantage of the planet had a landmass. It was enough to create fishing colonies, but little more than that. The people were poor, but not in poverty, as they easily had enough to feed themselves while exporting the rest. In the face of the galaxy they were poor, but to Koj, they were rich.

Koj listened to the sound of waves and felt the sand crunch under his feet. He looked out over the ocean and remembered the first rain he had endured outside of Tatooine. He had panicked and gathered every pot and pan he could find and yelled at his brother to help him. Varus looked at him like he was mad, but Koj was desperate. He did not want the water to go to waste. He did not understand that the water rain returns at regular intervals on worlds such as those.

Now to look at this world, he was simply amazed. There was no number of pots or pans or barrels that could hold this wealth before him. No number of mouths could contain the feast.

The sound of sand crunching behind him alerted him to someone approaching. He glanced back, seeing Cahjinawl. She was more focused on the difficulty of walking through the environment rather than the beauty of what it had to offer. It looked nice to her, but she wasn't awed by the benefits.

"The pilot wants to know how much longer we will be here." She said as she approached. "We've been here for days. I understand its big and blue and all, but I gotta tell ya…" She scrunched her face. "It's boring. The pilot guy told me to get out after turning 'bored' into a song."

Koj chuckled. And Varus wondered why he never missed him? His own daughter took on so much of him that Koj felt at times that Varus was there as well.

"We will return to the rebel army soon, I am just making my final decision."

Cahjinawl rolled her eyes slightly and turned around, with difficulty, taking each step carefully like on coals, to head back to higher ground.

"Well, do it a bit faster will ya? Oh, and the Mandalore guy sent a message. I don't think he is happy you are giving your allegiance to the United Systems Alliance."

Koj winced. That was not a conversation he looked forward to having. He owed Mandalore a great deal for his supporting his alliance, but Koj wasn't looking to sell his people out for deals and favors, but a future. Mandalore had turned his nation into a military state and was preparing to throw the entirety at it against the Sith Empire. Exploration was more funded than ever. (It may bring benefit beyond military, but everyone knew what his motive was. Finding the Empire.)

Koj could have considered the New Republic, but they were too busy squabbling over ownership of Coruscant and ancient relics. Koj could understand the symbolism, the ideal of peace and prosperity such a tradition could hold, but he also had come to understand the hard truth of casting aside ancient relics and traditions and values, and revenge. For it he nearly lost everything.

The United Systems Alliance was one not holding onto the past, or looking to bankrupt a nation for war. Koj would support Mandalore in his war, but he would not allow his people to follow him. In return for the Ghorfa joining them, they would receive a world of his choosing.

He felt he owed the Miraluka little. True, the blind people gave them a home, but it was with such a begrudgingly way that he actually felt more threatened than protected. Varus's open relationship had protected his people from the bulk of it, but since his brother stepped down, the open racism was becoming dangerous.

Koj gave the world one last glance before turning back.

"This one will do nicely."

Anakin stood in watch over them. The day was beautiful and bright. It was warm. For insects, such as the guests of his father, then it is the perfect time for activity. They were buzzing with energy and tended their homes and hives.

Just the sight of them made him uncomfortable, and he felt like a hypocrite for it. He was expected in a training session, again, where he needed to be able to force both Son and Daughter to submit to his power. If he was going to be able to contend with Valkorian, and if he was going to bring balance to the Force, then he had to be balanced himself.

For how could he make peace with the Sith and fix everything if he couldn't accept the Dark Side?

Anakin recalled his life and experiences. He had lived as a Jedi, did everything he could to be one, and he had a moment of failure. The day his mother died… his darkness came out. That… 'Beast', as he calls the dark side of himself, terrified even him. Ever since he had trouble holding it back, and every day it did, he felt like it was only becoming angrier… more irrational… Anakin believed that he had come to accept that the Dark Side is part of the natural Force because of Varus' influence. Varus was a Sith and had come to accept it, but was his own brand of Sith.

"You can hardly accept the Sith as what they are, or what they can be, if you cannot accept even your darker side." Darth Plageus said. The old man stood by him. "In the same way I sense you seek to distance yourself from my guests. I understand you are taught to see them as barbaric insectoids, but proof stands before you that these are far more than that, and yet you do not allow it to mean anything."

"But how can I just accept the Dark Side? If I let go and accept it, it will control me. I can feel it… it festers and grows like a dam. Then I won't be of the Light, nor would I be balanced."

The old man sighed, "That is a problem the Jedi cause for themselves. The more you refuse to accept emotion, the harder it is to control it when you finally experience it. It is, in fact, the opposite that is true. I remember my first time experiencing true rage. It was in my youth. Another youth struck a friend. I experienced tunnel vision, where every bit of focus I had, every emotion, every thought, was directed toward this confronter to such an extent that the world slowed in my eyes. The rest of the world disappeared. All that existed was the assaulter. I felt hot under my skin… As if my blood was boiling. My body was full of such energy that I felt it would move on its own, and to a fair degree it did. I felt as light as a feather. That first time, I had never experienced such a thing and it scared me afterwards. Not only the sensations, but the lack of control. I had beaten the assaulter severely." Darth Plageus glanced to Anakin briefly. "As a Sith, I learned to experience this sensation many times. To use it. To control it. Such a sensation is a natural mechanism of the body and is very valuable in combat but the control would only come with experience, with practice, and with error. Such is the way with all emotions. Why do babes weep so compared to the adult? Because pain and emotion is new to them. Woman have twice the emotional capacity as a man, yet they handle it better than a man would if here to suddenly find himself with such strong emotion because they have the experience in it."

Anakin considered what his father said. "Like the saying 'pain is relative'?"

"Partially, but that would be for the last part of what I said. A great beast protecting its young can take many arrows while the young can only take one. The pain is greater for the great beast because it has many arrows, yet so is its endurance and will through experience in life. So the young is crippled by its one arrow, while the great beast stands amidst many."

They fell into silence as Anakin pondered these things. Plageus seemed to recognize there was little more to say on the subject that day, and left it at that. "For what it is worth, my son. Your training is going well. You have far to go before you can heal yourself in the manner I can, nor can you force your authority over the Dark and Light equally and in great strength, but there is progress."

"Enough so to contend with Valkorian?"

Plageus scoffed. "Such is a fool's errand. I know none that can fight him. Myself included. He is truly a monster. I can barely call him human as he wasn't born to be one to begin with. He was born to be a weapon, a champion."

Anakin sighed and scratched at his head in increasing aggravation. Plagues chuckled, "I do not mean to burden you further. It is your destiny. Just believe in it and do as the Force wishes. Give your burden to it and do your best. It is not easy to accept the Dark Side as what it has become in this millenia, but rather you should come to accept it was for what it can be again, what it should be. For mercy there must be judgement. For forgiveness there must be retribution. For love and acceptance there must be hatred and denial. Hatred for things that are good is evil, but to hate evil..."

"I hear you, and I understand what you are saying... but I don't feel I truly understand."

"You will. You are surrounded by wise friends and powerful representations. The lessons, the pieces are already in you. It will come together and you will come to understand. None of the less, come. I actually came to bring you a message."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Your carriable-terminal… I believe you call it data-pad. It made some noise and I saw you have a message. The subject is mostly likely important. It pertains to the creature you call 'Nihilus'."

Anakin grew pale, stared at the ancient man for an extended moment, before dashing into the temple. Plageus raised an eyebrow and watched curiously. "Must be urgent. No tea then?"

Ahsoka looms over me in the dark with an irritated smile on her face. Her head tendrils fall down my chest. Her eyes bore holes into me with just as much accusation as her voice, "You're in my spot."

I smile widely and act innocent. I motion to the bed around me. "It's my spot actually. See these crumbs? They're mine. They spell out my name and everything. V-A-R-"

I didn't get any further before her eyes widen and she exclaims, "You got crumbs all the bed?"

"I don't mind. Besides, I only got it on this side. That's why I'm claiming it."

She openly glares at me. Her eyes narrow. "Your just doing this so you can get closer to the alarm."

Damn, I've been found out.

She continues to accuse me of all kinds of horrible things, "Varus, I put the alarm on my side so you would stop electrocuting it."

"I don't really see how that is my problem. Sounds like a you-problem. You're the one who can't get a zap-proof alarm."

"There are no alarms that are electricity-safe. You just need to stop zapping them when they go off."

"That's instinctual. Battle instincts. Just like it is natural to keep your enemy closer."

"Sounds like a you-problem."

"Touché." I chuckle. "But that does leave you at an impasse. You can either sleep in crumbs, or allow me to provide you with a few hours more sleep by killing it. Only… It sounds like a win-win for you if you let me get my way."

I grab her one of her head-tendrils and wave it in front of her face tauntingly. I feel her shudder ontop of me. Since the tendrils are connected directly to her brain, they are very sensitive. Playing with them gives her a headache, and stroking them gives her pleasure. They can make her purr like a cat stretching in the sun or reach a new high in more intimate moments.

In actuality they let her sense heat-sources around her, namely bodies. It's a natural predator trait for her like her sharp teeth. I find both equally hot.

"Except for the fact that you will be, spitefully, getting your way."

I smile widely, "Choices, choices. What you gonna do about it?"

Ahsoka continues to glare at me while having an aggravated grin, and I smile smugly up at her. Silence passes as the impasse continues. I'm having too much fun screwing with her, even as tired as I am, and she is enjoying it too much to just give in despite coming here just to sleep with me.

Ahsoka collapses onto me. I grunt on the impact and chuckle as she wraps her arms around me. My hands are pinned under her chest (not the worst place to have them pinned, but I would like to have them back, thank you). Also would be nice if I didn't have all of her body weight pressing down on my lungs.

"Gah, 'Shoka! Your squishing me!" I chuckle. I wiggle, but I'm effectively pinned. "Okay, okay, fine. I'll eat on my side next time. Pampered princess, I swear. You need to learn to eat on junk. I would think having slept in the wilds before that you wouldn't be bothered by something so small."

Ahsoka lightly snores into my chest.

"Oh, no! No faking it!" I shake her slightly, but she doesn't stir. I probe her mind and find it is a gibberish of images and nonsense. She is actually dreaming. I groan. "Crap… You must be more worn out than I thought. Well… this is uncomfortable."

I manage to slowly pry my arms loose and scoot myself up a little bit, but with her tight grip on me she ends up at an incline just as much. I look down on her in exasperation. "You realize this was supposed to be my idea right?.. Ah, well. Nothing to it. Ravager, bring me something to read."

The hours go by in contented silence interrupted only by the tapping of my finger on the datascreen as I turn a page, or a happy little sigh or grunt or snore from Ahsoka as she adjusts herself from where she has me pinned. I stroke her head-tendrils as I do so, and at some point in the middle of the night it occurs to me that this is the most comfortable I have ever been.

I have grown up surrounded in chaos. Peace, normalcy, quietness was something I despised. It made me bored. I thought too much when I wasn't moving, and those thoughts ultimately would lead me to madness. My outlet was being in situations that got my blood pumping as I risked my life doing things most would consider impossible were it not for the Force. Even my time as a Jedi, I couldn't allow myself to stop and think too deeply. I couldn't sit still easily. Then in the later years, it only got worse as I remembered who I was and had to come to terms with it. Peace and quiet is something I associated too much with Nihilus and his absence of all life and emotion.

I cannot remember a single night in my life first the first twenty-something years where I didn't wake up screaming in terror from a nightmare, or could be comfortable just… laying here.

Just laying here.

I consider the training I go through, and find that in reflection, I no longer have the extreme drive I used to have. Nihilus is captured. The Sith Empire is on the horizon, but I am just one among many that will be in the war to come once they are found. I can't carry the whole war on my shoulders. So why push myself to the point of destroying myself? So long as I can protect Ahsoka, that's enough. I'm already amongst the top-ten Force users in the known galaxy.

"Guess I could tone it down a bit." I reflect. "Perhaps even help you run our little shipping business." I chuckle. "Nah, you wouldn't let me do anything but stand there and look pretty. Cyborg-Hugger hasn't let me off the hook for convincing the kids that four by four is fish."

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I suddenly find myself awakened by my datapad ringing. I fight my instinct to zap it and make it explode in flames and smoke, and rather pick it up, tap it, and whisper to whoever it is, "I'm going to count to one and then you better be gone."

"Varus, where are you?" It's Tree-Hugger's voice.

Something in his voice alarms me and I force myself to wake up further. He has his no-nonsense voice up and actually sounds a little scared. "Tree-Hugger? What's going on?"

"Where are you?" He repeats.

"Coruscant, why-"

"I can't say over the line. Stay there. Give Snips a hug for me." He hangs up.