Episode 2 Part 1 - Racing to the End

While it was Mandalore's intention to execute the criminal via Nihilus's possession the next day, he decided to put the time table off till later because of the rotting issue. It was less humane to force Nihilus onto multiple death row criminals just because he wanted to get started early. Mandalore himself felt how sick a prospect it was, as even death row criminals didn't disserve the death of Nihilus and having their body used as clothing, but it was necessary to save lives.

Anakin found it disturbing, but he had no say in it. He only was given the opportunity to make the most of it by being Nihilus' captor.

Ahsoka felt sick at the idea.

Varus didn't take it well.

Visas sat down in front of Ahsoka at the cafeteria table without preamble or warning, and started eating. Her adopted child, the very child Varus and Koj pulled out of the rubble in the Miraluka civil war, climbed in beside her and nervously started eating. The soldiers all around frightened her.

Ahsoka looked up from her terminal and smiled. Visas was, in ways, both a former rival and friend. Ahsoka appreciated her bluntness. Less so her lack of tact, but Visas was a woman you could never doubt your stance on. Ahsoka found it odd that she could consider Varus, Nihilus, and Visas equally honest. Varus was just bad at lieing, Nihilus hated lieing, and Visas couldn't be bothered to hold back her opinion to save people's feelings.

"She is getting big." Ahsoka giggled as the child made a mess of herself. "How old is she?"

"I don't know how old she was when we rescued her, so I can't say. I want to say two. I've chosen her birthday to be a month before the civil war."

"Good choice. Though I wouldn't say you chose it because of the war, when she is older and you explain it."

"As if I will " Visas grumbled. She leaned back and groaned. "Koj'Ineh was supposed to take her off me long ago, but the lazy ass alien can't get his act together and be a proper father for once!"

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. Despite the blind woman's groaning, she knew the woman had a soft spot for the kid. "Admit it, you don't want him to adopt her."

Visas didn't respond, just continued to grumble.

"And from what I hear from Squirt and Ash, their relationship has improved by leaps and bounds. Koj isn't so stoic anymore. I know this may seem bad, but him going through his Eternal Hand phase might have been the best thing for him. In his own words: he cannot hate anyone after seeing the depths of hatred the Abomination has. Without the hate and anger in his heart, he's become I would say happy and loving."

"I'd pay a million credits to see that man with a drunken smile " Visas smirked. "Oh, I know why don't you take the kid off my hands?"

Ahsoka stilled in horror. A dark memory, an old pain, hit her and for a moment she struggled to remember to breathe and blink. It wasn't until Visas was snapping her fingers in front of her that she realized she wasn't. She gasped for air and felt tears sapping at her eyes.

"Damn, honey. Didn't mean to freak you out that badly. It was a joke. Just a joke your right, I quite like the brat." Visas smiled proudly. "Just the other day she cursed out the mailman. She had no idea what she was saying, but I was so proud." Seeing Ahsoka was still having trouble composing herself, Visas frowned. "Okay, seriously. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I-I-I'm fine." Ahsoka gulped and pushed the pain away. It was not the time or place to remember to handle it.

"No, you're not." Visas raised an eyebrow. "But if you don't want to say 'nothing, that s fine. What you up to?"

"Managing some finances." Ahsoka continued because of Visas' curios face. "We have a lot of money, and live simply, so most of what we have goes into loans and non-profits."

"Uh huh. If you call living on a leviathan class vessel 'simply'."

Ahsoka chuckled. "It took me two weeks to argue Varus into basic furniture. He's content with bathing in rivers, eating and sleeping on open ground, and doesn't get cold at night. His natural electricity keeps him hot all night."

"Hmmm." Visas hummed sensually. "I bet it does." She laughed at Ahsoka's simultaneous glare and blush. "Heel, girl. I tease."

Ahsoka glared at her a moment longer, declaring silently that it had better have been nothing more than a tease. (Not that she would argue the point that he is very warm and cozy.) Ahsoka continued as if nothing was said, "And... when you have a transport the size of a small city, entirely self-sufficient, and capable of one of the fastest Warp speeds in the galaxy against only one paid worker... well..."

Visas eyebrows shot up. "How much?"

Ahsoka smiled cheekily. "I could buy a moon."

Visas whistled. "Care to throw a little of that my way, honey?"

"Pass."

"You could at least think about it first! I mean c-"

"VISAS MARR!" A Mandalorian barked from the doorway.

Visas continued without so much as batting an eyelash to the yelling or approaching angry soldier in greenish-brown armor. "I mean come on, not like the Miraluka economy is doing good. We are still stabilizing. Half of my work hours are off the clock just because we can't afford it."

"Visas Marr!" The soldier approached her. "You were supposed to have met with me two hours ago! As the ambassador from the Miraluka, you are to discuss with me the combining of our fleets."

"One second, dear." Visas said kindly to Ahsoka before turning to the soldier. "What fleet might you be referring to? We dismantled all of it to construct our capital. That s first off, second, I see no reason to give a big fuss over telling you our answer over the course of days and days and doing anything formal like going through pointless motions when I can just as easily give you our answer in five minutes."

"You know how this has to be done!"

"Honey, I have spent my life in espionage, politics, spieing, and leadership. I know exactly how this little game is done, which is why I don't give a damn. The Miraluka's answer is, and I quote: 'I can't be bothered to help the largest military empire in our current galaxy when we are barely able to keep up with a single planet's GOP. They can handle themselves.' That s the unofficial statement. The official statement is much more polite and lengthy and would take an hour just to dictate, but I feel the initial response catches the point well enough."

"I'm sure we can work something out. That s why there are negotiations and terms and-"

"And that is why I am going to say that anything you have to offer, anything you have to provide, in order to gain what little Miraluka support we actually are capable of offering, would be far far above what you would be willing to provide. At minimum you would need to pay us ten times what we provide you, just for the fact that we need it more than you."

"Don't you have the Star Forge?"

"Not anymore. It ripped itself off our planet actually just a few days before this whole chase started. By the way, our Council, including myself, did not take well to the implied (and read between the lines) statement that we would use our Star Forge to free Nihilus. You should be more concerned with who stole it from us. We'd sooner blow up the station Nihilus was on and leave him in the vacuum of space than rip our planet apart from its colossol factory with earthquakes kill a hundred people just to free him. Seriously, how dumb are you people?"

Ahsoka looked nervously between them. The Mandalorian was aggravated and aggressive, Visas was as casual about this whole thing as if they were discussing fashion. They were both very stubborn in their own ways.

She let them continue to talk back and forth while she continued her work. From information Koj had given her, the supposed strength of the Hutt economy was a lie. The average person was little more than a slave with nothing and the every day businesses were in poverty. The Hutt worlds were just short of a third-world country run by greedy warlords and slavers. As such she corresponded with him in regards as to how she could help.

Turns out there were a lot of ways a person with money could help. Or even everyday people could help when they were willing to give up a credit or two with a bit of research.

So much so that it made her feel like her time as a Jedi could have been put into better use. She didn't regret being a Jedi. But by building a private business with Varus, and using his power and his ship to her agenda, she was in a position to help so many people that she couldn't even keep track of it. Perhaps Varus was right they needed an accountant or somebody to help her.

She sighed. Once more her thoughts were drifting towards Varus. She loved him, and she ached for how much pain he was in right now; but she could exist without him every second of every day and he would most likely say or do something he shouldn t and hurt her in the process. Especially right now with them needing space. Ever since they got the news they would be having Nihilus' help, he had locked himself in the training room and every time Ahsoka exposed her mind to him yesterday, all she got back was incoherent feral rage. In turn she just she needed to get over the fact that she would have to fight Nihilus and his influence.

Then there were her students. They were a great comfort to her. Her time with them was for her own sake and sanity as it was for their practice. They were bright, innocent, and wise in their inexperienced way.

Ahsoka sighed. The war to come would either make them stronger to the point that they would be Knights, or break them. She could only hope to help them endure to make sure it s the latter. Something she had been balancing in her head was whether or not to teach them her 'Fighting Trance' technique. Slavian was a defensive fighter while Aramas was a strategist, and the deeper trances required teamwork. They naturally complimented each other and it would be necessary for the war. Like Sky-guy had said: The Jedi lacked the power and tools to compete with the Sith.

Healing and battle meditation was good for large scale conflicts, but should a Sith stumble upon a lone Jedi, they were severely lacking. Her students would need something to help them survive.

She weighed the risks and concerns in her mind and decided it would be good to be done later. First she would need to explain the theory today, then tomorrow could be spent practicing the first steps. It was a very dangerous technique if the trance was taken too far. It also had great potential if one could go far away and be able to pull oneself out of it. Thanks to her bond with Varus, she could go pretty far into it.

Ahsoka read over another summary, this time of someone who wanted supplies for a school, when her thoughts were interrupted by the child at the table slammed her little fists down and yelling at the Mandalorian, "GO SUCK A GRENADE!"

The response was three silently stunned people. The first in mortification, the second in shock, and the third in beaming pride.

'Yeah, Visas, like you're ever going to give her up ' Ahsoka thought.

Ahsoka and her students meditated, practiced, and drilled in a training room on the Ravager. There were multiple rooms for this for Nihilus' former agents beside Starkiller. All of them had a containment shielding to keep the latent Force energy from damaging the ship. Starkiller's had the largest shielding, which was probably why the ship hadn't been damaged lately.

While they meditated, Ahsoka watched them and considered again whether to have them learn her technique. They had grown up as Jedi. They grew up comfortable with the Force and learning to be stronger with it. Under her tutilege they had learned to be more than just Jedi by forging their own path, though they were content to take the normal one. With Varus' help, they had learned to become stronger. Under both Ahsoka and Varus, and at times Anakin, they had learned wisdom, courage, and something uncommon for Jedi: The necessity of power.

Without wisdom, power was corruption.
Without courage, power was useless.
Without power, whether physical, spiritual, or politicial, all the wisdom and courage in the world would only amount to so much.

They had learned the beginnings of Sith power, as it was all she was comfortable with. Through it they learned to mold the Force within themselves and increase their stamina, their strength, their dexterity, their focus. Force Augmentation was only the beginning of Sith power, and with a Jedi's wisdom, could be used at a comfortable level without it making their bodies sick from overexposure, or hurting them when they push themselves too far.

Now if they could learn her 'Fighting Trance', the only thing left for war they would need to know is Jedi Battle Meditation, then they would be able to highly ranking officers in the military, and powerful Jedi Knights.

They had taken the Jedi path of the protector, rather than of the scholar. Learning this would let them overcome their peers and become prodigies of their path, just as Falon Grey was.

"Alright. That's enough." She decides. The two stop meditating. "Now, Slavian, Aramas. As I asked you to prepare for, today we will begin formally learning the Fighting Trance technique. I learned it from Daughter, Skywalker's sister, and as she is a Light Side demi-god, then it falls under the category of being a Jedi technique. It does, however, have reprocussions and dangers. It is not a balanced technique, but an extreme Light one."

"How does that make it dangerous?"

"As you know, a Jedi opens oneself to the Force and has a selfless relationship with the universe. However, opening oneself too much can leave us losing ourselves in the physical sense. Think of it like a bag being ripped too much and spilling out."

She let that sink in. These are things she had already discussed with them at one point after she started developing the technique, but now it was important that she stress it out. "In order to use the technique there are two people needed, and a Force bond between them is required. One to use the technique and the other to meditate. I trust you two have a strong bond?"

They both nodded. Ahsoka knew they did. They had developed it for years as a team. But it was important they acknowledge it to themselves.

"Now that is what is required. The technique itself has a science of sorts."

She went on to explain how it worked, what it did, and why it was possible.

The Force was the collective consciousness of all that came before. When a person died their energy continued on, and the energy was imprinted with their memories and their soul in a sense. As such the Force had access to a lot of memories and experience ranging from chefs, to thieves, to holy warriors, to the annoying phone salesman, to leaders, to anything else one can imagine.

Normal Jedi meditation was to communicate with the Force and expose yourself to it. It was dangerous to expose yourself to more than just the shallows of the Force's power lest you be consumed. However Ahsoka found that combined with attachment, it was possible to dive in deeper and expose yourself to more of it. The deeper the attachment, the deeper you go could go. Because the attachment would act as a lifeline for you to pull yourself back when otherwise you would drown unsure of how to return.

Once they went over the theory behind it, she had them enter meditation again, and this time go a step further. As teacher and students, she also shared in their bond. Not near the extent she did with Varus (who was still closed off to her annoyance), but plenty for what she wanted.

The day passed in practice. She allowed them to go no further than the shallows, as they took turn back and forth entering the technique. They failed to accomplish anything, but then it was still the first day.

With their training concluded for the day, they left and Ahsoka noted that she had a message from Sky-guy earlier. He was looking for Varus in the first message, and in the second said he found Varus still locked in his training room. The second message was from minutes ago.

Ahsoka halted and felt her temper rise. Two whole days?! Without further ado, she stomped her way to the training room. Anakin waved as he saw her, but she ignored him and ordered the Ravager to open the door. She stormed in and barked, "Two days?! How big of a tantrum do you plan on having!"

She looked for him and found Varus sitting against the side-wall. He looked like a mess. He had been training himself into the ground for two straight days, hadn't slept, hadn't bathed, and hadn't eaten. Whatever rage had overcome him was gone now and he was exhausted surrounded in broken droids.

Yeah well, tough. He did it to himself.

"Tantrum?" Varus growled.

"Yes! Tantrum!" Ahsoka yelled. "Nihilus-" Just the name was enough to bring a spark of rage into Varus' eyes. "is free! I don't like it! You don't like it! Nobody likes it! Get over it! Adults accept situations or find a solution. Only children lock themselves away and scream and beat their fists and feet on the floor!"

"That is not what I have been doing!"

Ahsoka just smirked. Anakin looked between them and wisely took a step back. Followed by another step. A third. He quietly shut the door.

"Oh?" She counted on her fingers. "First, you lock yourself in a room. Second, you close yourself off from me. Third, when I touch you mentally all I get back is rage. Fourth, you spend two days in training. Fifth, you don't just spend the days in training you don't take care of yourself because all you can think about is Nihilus and something happening that is beyond our control! And I know you well enough to know you have spent the entire two days screaming your voice raw, your hands bloody, and your eyes the fiercest red I've ever known you to have! Explain to me how this is not qualifying as a childish tantrum!?"

Varus yelled and slammed his fist into the air. A burst of Force energy completely pulverised another droid. Ahsoka didn't blink, but stared cooley into his eyes. "What then do you expect me to do with all this unending rage?! I've tried containing it! I've isolated myself to not hurt people! But all I can think about is him and you!"

Ahsoka blinked in surprise. "Me?"

"Nihilus is selfish! I want you in my past and him in my-" He grabbed his head and pulled at what little hair he had. "No, ***** wrong way! I want him in my past and you in my future and he will never accept that and he will kill you and there is nothing I can do about that! Nothing! I can't defeat him!"

Ahsoka stomped up to him and barked, "Don't put this on me!"

"I'm not! I'm not blaming you."

"All I hear is 'I can't' not 'we'! I am your wife, unless you decided to forget that little detail. I may not want you to go down this path, but I will not abandon you to it! I am not your weakness that you can put in a box and protect as though I can't defend myself! I will not accept you becoming his again, but I will also not just sit back and do nothing to defend myself like a primidone! News Flash: Your life doesn't end and begin with me! I am not able to handle the burden of being your god! If I die, I expect you to mourn, and then I expect you to live on when you are done! As for what to do with your rage, I know I married a Sith, but you learned to control yourself over the years. Use that! Prove to yourself, to me, and Nihilus that you have grown since you left him!"

Enraged silence fell over them. They had plenty of fights. Their first encounter was as enemies. An omen if there ever was one. They had fought or been rivals for as long as they knew each other, and after they were done fighting they found incredible passion and learning, enough to last years till now.

This was the angriest Ahsoka could remember them having been at each other in a while. Not since a certain visit to the doctors.

Varus's rage slowly seeped away from him, but it still burned in him like hot coals. "I have not forgotten. I love you. But how can I not see myself as having to protect you if you are weaker than me?"

Ahsoka growled and before Varus could react, she threw her robes at him. He pulled it off himself in time for her outer-shirt to land on his head. "Wha? What are you doing?!"

"Showing you up." Left in less confining clothing, Ahsoka stood in the middle of the training circle. "Ravager! What level has Varus not beaten yet?"

"Four-twenty Mistress."

"Still?" Ahsoka scoffed in an exaggerated manner. "I would think you would have beaten that as long as you have been stuck on it."

Varus glared, feeling the pang of the insult in his heart. "Don't do this "

"Don't show you up or don't hurt myself?"

Varus didn't answer.

"Ravager! Start!"

The moment the first droid appeared, Ahsoka closed her eyes and let herself fall into her technique. It was a bit of a gamble. If Varus refused her and kept himself closed off, she might fall too far. Thankfully he quickly opened himself back to her and she had the foundation she needed. She had no doubt he would, their love was stronger than some fight.

Varus stood to the side and watched. Exposed fully to her, he felt his rage seep away by her strength and resolve. In its place was humilation. He sighed to himself. He had really handled himself poorly. He couldn't help being angry about the situation with Nihilus they both knew he would be. Even now Ahsoka told him in his heart that having some time for himself was fine. He had gone too far and needed to control himself.

As the fight progressed, Ahsoka disappeared more and more into herself until Varus could barely feel her inside her own body. Instead it was as if she was a woman possessed In reality she actually was possessed. For all of her talk and technical jargan for her technique, Varus simply considered it Force Possession. What else would you call it when you allowed the Force itself to possess your body?

It was at this point the ending stage of the level entered.

The final stage always was the same. The Ravager takes the imprint of the trainee at the moment they completed the previous level and uses that as the final challenge for the next. This way there was a steady progress.

Starkiller in his garb as a Sith Apprentice charged Ahsoka, and Varus felt his heart clench in fear. At this high of a level even the toned down injuries would be enough to be very real even life threatening.

He would have to pull her out of this before she got hurt. The fact was she would never win. Not just because she was Ahsoka but her opponent was himself. Her opponent was Starkiller in his prime. Varus knew himself intimitately, and so he knew she would never-

His head clunked across the floor.

For a long moment he stared at his own head looking up at him. His own surprise mirrored each other, whether it be the living or dead one. Slowly his eyes drifted up to his killer. she was exhausted to the point of collapse, sweayinv, covered in bruises, and if she had hair it would be wild.

He fell in love with her all over again.
"Is it odd that the sight of my own decapitated head has me turned on?"

Ahsoka collapsed, panting. She no longer could hold herself up. "Downright... creepy."

Varus laughed, and picked her up. "Good. Scared i was starting to be normal there."

She's right. Damnit shes right. The last almost a decade Ive been learning control, and the moment my past comes to bite me in the arse, i lose all of it.

But what to do? To fight him is to give him what he wants. To surrender is no better. To ignore... and he will kill everything in my life until only he remains and despite Ahsokas feelings, she is my weakness. If he kills her... even i cant comprehend how far i would go, or how many bodies i would pile up to kill him.

And just like that im back to the beginning... the same sequence of questions that have plagued me relentlessly and feuled my rage with a dose of madness, insanity, and mayhem.

I watch her sleep in my arms and wonder like i do every day what i did to deserve her, because only Koj's God knows. I certainly have no idea. Despite my original intentions we passed out on contact with the mattress. We had worn ourselves to the bone and, i dont know about her, but i couldnt sleep without her. Rageful or not.

All because i had to fall into a primal rage.

"I really am an idiot." I mutter.

"Its 'kay... youre my idiot."

I roll my eyes. "You had to be awake for that part." She giggles.

"Im sorry." I say into the silence. "I didnt control myself like i should."

"Apology accepted. Im Sorry i attacked your pride... i had to, but i didnt feel good about it."

"Meh. Who needs pride anyway." I shrug it off. I am stung, but its the price of fighting with her. "Although..." i smirk wickedly. "If it means i get to witness my own goddess of war killing me, again. I would happily let u take a swing at my pride."

"With spiked gloves?"

"And spiked high heels." I chuckle.

She purrs into my ear before laughing as well. "Youre right, that would be funny to watch. But no... Varus." She looks at me seriously. "We need to talk."

"Four words ive been told to dread..."

"What is it that you want?"

I look at her wirh a grin. "Well you for starters. We can discuss the details tonight, or in five minutes if your up to it."

"Pervert." She rolls her eyes.

This coming from her? Im not the one who bites. "Not as much as you..."

"My point was about the Nihilus situation! You know what i mean! Men..."

I sigh and consider it. What i want... the answer that comes is not what i would have expected to consider in twenty something years, but with her here in my arms, how can i not? "To run. Take the first Ravager out of here, find a nice country out in the middle of Nowhere, Arizona, and live in a house with a dozen kids that by no means require any input from me... and i guess you can tag along too."

She rolls her eyes even as she smiles at my antics.

"But I cant... Nihilus is loose and no one but me can contain him. I cant run away and let the galaxy face his wrath."

"You've been fighting him for your entire life from childhood to adulthood. No one else can claim that. No one else has fought him as long as you have. Don't you think its time to hand the reigns over?"

"To who?" I wonder. "Name one person who knows Nihilus as well as I. Who has a chance to actually kill it." Just as Ahsoka opens her mouth, I continue. "I'm told the key to finding a solution is trial and error. Anyone who fights him will only do what I have done,and fail. Then someone else will have to spend twenty years failing repeatedly. I've spent my life doing it, but im also the one closest to the solution."

"And just what is the solution?" She asks.

I look away. I've tried stabbing him in every part of his etheral body with all kinds of weapons. Lightsabers, lightning, metal, and even jammes my fingers in his eyes and stuffed grenades inside him. His etheral form absorbs everything Nothing damages him. Lightning will poison and fill his body because he is Void, but even after being thuroughly lightning-poisoned he isnt hurt.

I would think then the solution is throwing him out of an airlock. He just flies back in.

Kill the person he possesses? He finds another.

"The solution is in his missing journal." I answer. "He has dozens of journals, and in them he references research into many things. Life, death, holocrons, the Force, areas that were a vacuum of the Force in what he would later call Void. I've come across a few details, but I've come across entries referring to the creation of a holocron in which he leaves his greatest work and his legacy. I've looked in his chambers, all over the Ravager, backtracked to his birth home (which he wiped out of all life later), and his old chambers in the Jedi Temple. Even the holocron he planted in the throne room, but that thing is just designed to pilot the Ravager and give it a mind. It doesn t store anything more."

"And you have done well to get this far." She tells me. "But I can name people that can defeat Nihilus. Son. Plageus. Sky-guy. HK."

"HK I can see " I admit. "Eventually. Son I am iffy about. Plageus, definietely but wont leave his house. Tree-Hugger has bigger issues to worry about."

"And besides " Ahsoka continues. "You have already said it would work to stick him in a black hole."

"It wouldn't kill him!"

She puts a finger on my lips to quiet me. "No, but it would defeat him. The galaxy knows he is a problem, so research will be put into finding a way to kill him. If a solution is found, they can be tested within the containment. Even if Nihilus is there for a million years and is forgotten, he will be so vastly weakened that he will be crippled when he does return, and the galaxy will be much stronger able to handle him better."

"You can't mean that."

"Love, a million years ago people thought germs, viruses, and plagues were demons. Technology has grown to the extent we can do things people never even imagined. Nihilus is not a true demon there has to be a scientific basis for his existence, even if we don't know what it is right now. In a million years you don't think people can figure out what that is?"

I sit up and start to shake my head. I I can't. Ahsoka knows my feelings, and after looking at the clock, gets up as wall to get ready for the day. "I can't " I mutter. I sit on the edge of the bed and hear the ruffling of clothes as she finishes changing. She has many times more sets of clothes than I do, I am content with but a few and many of which have some level of plating on them. I feel more comfortable with armor hidden on me. With war on the horizon in our lifetime, Ahsoka has started doing the same. It is less visible but there is armor plating hidden in her clothes around the vital areas.

I put my head in my hands.

"Love." I hear her say. "Is it about killing him or defeating him?"

"What does it matter? The ends are the same."

"No, they aren't, and that's why you are where you are." She replies. Ahsoka sits beside me. "He wants you to think the only way to win is to kill him. Its written into the Sith Code. Through it, you will never win until you obtain the power to win, and in order to do that you have to enter the lonely, darkening road of revenge. But to defeat him is just as good in the end, and at times even more effective."

"More effective?" I scoff. "So to defeat him but leave him alive to murder more is more effective?"

"No." She shakes her head sadly. "Its as simple as this. If you kill him then he wins even in defeat because that is what he wants, and because it would be on his terms. But to defeat him is to deny him victory in his defeat and to make it on your terms. You can kill someone, but still lose. But to defeat him if you truly want to win, is to deny him victory in it."

I I can't deny she is right. This is the very question I have been grappling.

"Is this something from your Jedi Code?" I wonder.

"Hmm. Not explicitly, no, but the reality of defeating your enemy rather than killing them is something encouraged and taught."

"And we wonder why evil always finds a way. Love, the only way to get rid of evil, the true evil that never forgets and never forgives and never stops, is to get rid of it."

"Varus, my whole point of this is, that we need to come to a compromise. Alright? I don't want to be at odds about this."

I look to her and nod.

Ahsoka stands in front of me and puts her hands on my shoulder. She whispers, "What I want is a lot of things. I want you to stay away from Nihilus. I want him to leave you alone. But most of all I want us to get through this alive, whole, and together. So if it means you being around Nihilus, then I will compromise if it means you will let me be beside you as we go through this because you may think you are protecting me and keeping me uninvolved but Varus, I am already involved. Just by loving you I am involved. That's why if you try to keep me away then I will defy you."

I sigh and remove her hands from my side. I hold them in front of me and look at them. They are so much smoother than mine, but still with little scars and calluses from her own battles. She is as much a fighter as a healer inside. Which is why her saying such isn't a surprise to me at all. "Of course you will."

"I don't expect an answer right now, we have time. But I need you to think for yourself something." She stresses out to me. "Do you want to kill him? Or do you want to defeat him?"

Even after she leaves our cabin to get on with her day, I sit here thinking. I go and eat when I am hungry. I run when I feel antsy. I wrestle soldiers when my daily tradition comes to train. Inevitably, I find myself staring at Nihilus through the ray-shielded glass of his personal cage. I never stop remembering. I never stop feeling. I never stop thinking. When my thoughts threaten to drive me mad I play a prank on Tree-Hugger, Ahsoka, Falcon-boy, or some unfortunately random victim. Tree-Hugger and I share stories, theories, discuss the ideology of the Force, discuss war, and share a drink while reminiscing about how our wives drive us equally insane yet are our angels so we tolerate it. Ahsoka and I share smiles, touches, and if the mood hits us, a whole lot more than that. Or we might argue over something of lesser importance such as when I used dish washing soap in the dish washer rather than special detergent or soap or whatever. I still don't get it. But all the while in the back of my mind, as I see more and more ships join the fleet, I know the time will soon come for war. Soon the day will come when Nihilus' cage is opened and he is unleashed.

I continue on with my days in this routine. Moving. Thinking. Feeling. Eating. Sleeping. Waiting.

No answer comes.