Note: This chapter will be short, but powerful. It focuses on a key-point in Ahsoka/Galens developing relationship and what the full impact of taking Cahjinawl as an apprentice will mean for them on an emotional level.

Chapter 3 Part 2 - The Apprentice

"Varus..." Ahsoka groaned painfully. She walked in the door and nearly collapsed standing on her own feet. I rush to grab her, she holds strong, but the pain and worry is evident in her face. "Something's wrong." She whispers.

"What happened?" I exclaim as I reach her.

"I was training and hurt myself."

"There is no way easy way to say this " The doctor said. He took off his glasses and looked at us. "But it's dead."

"Dead? What's dead? Wasn't it just a pulled muscle?!" Ahsoka's eyes grow wide. Her hand suddenly grips my arm so hard I fear it will go numb.

The doctor hesitates, then says gently, "There was a child." Ahsoka releases a whimper while I feel a cold chill going down my spine. "And from the scars this wasn't the first."

"This wasn't the f-f-fir- child Dead. Oh Force..." Ahsoka whispers in broken sentenses. Her body stills, but I feel her mind is on the verge of a massive panic attack. Sentences and feelings pass across the link too fast for me to keep up with. Feelings of horror, of sudden loss, of pain as deep as the soul.

"Are you married?" Another doctor asks.

"Yes."

"Are you taking drugs?"

"Nothing illegal."

"Smoking?"

"No."

"Do you drink a lot of alcohol?"

At this point Ahsoka stops and looks at me. I shrug. She says, "A glass of wine once a week? Maybe more at times."

"That s a no." The female doctor jots a note down. "You said 'nothing illegal' when I asked about drugs. What drugs DO you take?"

"Pills for migraines and muscle relaxers."

"And you?" The doctor looks at me.

"I take something for stress, migraines, and nose bleeds." I reply. "Muscle relaxers as well. Also something to help with mood swings which I really don't need." I direct the statement at Ahsoka.

"It helps with your PTSD." She replies.

I groan. "My boredom isn't a mood swing but whatever, not important. Next question." We've had this minor argument too many times to bother with. I know she is right, I am calmer than I have been in a long time, but I'm pretty sure its due to having a calm life here on Naboo rather than some blasted pills. Still no bad side effects and it makes her happy. Money means nothing to me. Literally.

"When you engage in reproduction do you use protection?" The doctor asks her next question.

Her phrasing makes me snort. Why not just call it sex? We're adults here.

"No." Ahsoka answers.

"Are you sexually active?"

"Well That depends on your definition of 'active'. As well as ones personal idea of how often-" I say.

"Yes." Ahsoka shoots a glare at me, to which I just smirk.

"From the data, your DNA is compatible. So that is not the issue." Another doctor tells us. "You're lucky. Both of you are sub-human races, so that makes it harder than human to sub-human relations. However your DNA is still similar enough to warrant proper birth."

"Then what IS the problem?" Ahsoka presses.

The doctor closes the folder and looks at us. "I don't know. You are both healthy, fertile adults. It could be your profession, as it can incur injuries. Injuries that can be dangerous for child bearing. We can take more blood tests and examinations, but for now I would say the best thing to do is take it easy and let the scar tissue heal."

With that, the doctor leaves us to sit in silence. I can't say how long we are there. It barely feels like any time passes, when really its two hours. Ahsoka just sits there, with her mind in turmoil.

Deep down very deep down I'm relieved.

I stand on the balcony looking at the moon. I watch the ocean of grass before me as the valleys extend for miles. Something about nature has always called out to me, and calmed me. When I was young it was just natural. Now I know it to be my connection with the Force. I feel a connection with the world around me. Plants and animals have a simple mind, if one can call it that. The simplicity, the innocence of it perhaps it is what others see in children.

I need this right now. The calming influence

"Are you coming back to bed?" Ahsoka asks from the door.

I turn enough to give her a gentle smile. I shake my head.

"Something troubling you?" She wonders. She wraps her robe around herself and joins me in the cold air.

"Not really. Just thinking." I answer.

"Oh, I'm scared now." She chuckles. "You managed to get those rusty gears spinning? That would explain the smoke smell."

"Ha-ha." I mock.

"What are you thinking about?"

I don't answer at first, just enjoying the comfortable silence.

"Is it about what the children?" She whispers. "It's horrible and not something I know we really talked about before but I'm not going to give up on it. I mean true... three have failed now... but now that we know we can-"

"I don't want them." I answer simply.

In hindsight, being that blunt might have been a mistake. Our argument lasted all night. It got to the point of yelling, and tears, and for the first time in our marriage we separated for a time after nearly saying things we would regret. It lasted a week.

I slept in the wilderness, and this time the wilds offered no comfort for my torment.

Tree-Hugger found me. His first words were a bit necessary.

"You look like shit."

I glance up from where I lay on the grass. "Hey, Tree-Hugger." I sigh.

"Wow, you even sound like shit." He adds. He stands by my head looking down at me. "Would you care to explain why my house is being filled with sexist comments, and why I'm feeling bullied just for being born? Because, funny thing is, I ask what the deal is and I get the usual 'figure it out' go-around. It takes asking repeatedly before I get one shred of information. You. Now fess up, because frankly, I'm getting pissed off."

I sigh again. "Sorry. Its not that they are trying to draw a line against you or causing drama, Ahsoka just needs some emotional support right now. We are going through a rough time and she can't lean on me right now."

"And why's that?"

"Because " I sit up. "We can't agree on whether to have kids or not."

Tree-Hugger is stunned silent. After a moment to process that, he sits down by me and looks out over the land as well. We sit in silence for a while before he begins. "You guys never talked about it before getting married did you?"

I shake my head.

"Force-Damnit! Padme told you two to discuss it."

"Well, we didn't." I reply heatedly.

"Okay Okay! Tell me what happened from the beginning."

I tell him all that has happened lately. About the training, how Ahsoka hurt herself, how we found out it was much bigger than that How apparently we have had multiple stillborns not make it past the first month. I don't tell him about the argument, not yet.

His composure is saddened deeply, almost mournful. "I'm sorry "

"Yes, well I wish I was." I whisper.

He looks at me, confused. For a moment its like he doesn't recognize me. "What?"

"I'm relieved." I admit. "And I know it sounds rotten but I'm glad the kids didn't make it."

I sense a flair of fury in him, a sense of fatherhood and protection for his own kids and us, but he quickly clamps it down. He is controlled, but at the same time the control forces his voice to be neutral and lose a great deal of affection I am used to hearing. "You are going to have to explain this to me, Varus. Because if you are truly happy that children are dead " He glares at me. "Tell me you just suck this much at voicing your thoughts and you don't actually mean that."

I gulp. It's true, I suck at it. I tend to think things and just voice the conclusion of my thoughts rather than the thoughts themselves. I tried doing it in my argument with Ahsoka, but I had said the conclusion so soon that it shut her down from really hearing what I was trying to say.

"It's because of Nihilus." I explain. "You know how Nihilus and I are. I have a lifelong quest to kill him, and I am putting that aside to seek a new life with Ahsoka, but then what of Nihilus? What of HIS quest? What about HIS ambitions and desires? He should be known as the Lord of Gluttony, because he seeks to consume, to eat, to feed, and he is greedy. Me most of all. He will never let me go. My days are practically numbered. Ahsoka has accepted the danger, and I can respect her decision even love that she won't leave me alone and just walk away from the danger he poses in my life. But Tree-Hugger kids cannot make that decision. Nihilus will go after Ahsoka if he ever breaks out. But he will go after my children my grandchildren my students. Because he will never accept anyone being the centre of my life except him. You know this."

Tree-Hugger's composure softens in understanding. Even relieved. Perhaps he is relieved to think I'm not just some psychopath that wants to go out and murder unborn kids or whatever was passing through his head.

I continue, "Who am I to make that decision for a child? Children do not have the choice to be born, or what shadow exists over them You know how fathers can cast a shadow over their children, that the children are desperate to escape from? Well my shadow is Nihilus. Any child I have will have no choice but to live their life afraid of the dark, afraid that my master will escape and slit their throats just to get at me. Any students I have will live knowing that Nihilus will hunt them down for me breaking his code. And what of Ahsoka? It will break her for a child to die to Nihilus while she too knows that she knew the risk. It can break everything we are trying to build, our entire relationship, if a child is consumed and I am to blame."

I look to him. "All because I exist. Because of what I am. Because of what I was. Even now my past will not leave me, so long as he lives. My legacy is to have no legacy."

"Even after all these years you still insist on carrying guilt and blame for your master's decisions?" He asks. "I'm going to say bullshit. You do have a legacy, and you do have a child of sorts. Cahjinawl is not your daughter, but a niece is still a legacy is it not?"

I stop at his words, as they hit me like a truck. Am I carrying guilt in my master's stead? No, I am guilty of what I am guilty of. It's just simply the way my life is.

Tree-Hugger continues, "I don't know if Nihilus knows of Cahjinawl, but the fact is you have already been making legacies, Varus. You said yourself that while you were his apprentice you spared Padawans for some ulterior motive. You helped raise a child while in slavery. You made yourself that child's guardian and uncle. You helped save your people. You have made friends, family, and a wife all directly in his face. Think about it, you did all of that while he was merely a few feet away on your own damn ship but RIGHT NOW he is imprisoned in a crystal, behind multiple levels of security, all inside a vented plasma-proof ray-shielded box, out in space, literally in the middle of nowhere with no one knowing where to find it in order to rescue him. You accomplished so much while he was in reach and now that he is out of reach you are afraid of him?"

"I'm not afraid of him coming after me. I'm afraid of him coming after me through my children."

"Then you consider your children to be a weakness?"

"What?! No!" I bark.

"Varus, here is what you are not getting." He narrows his eyes at me. "The father is to die for his child! That is part of our instincts! You are afraid of Nihilus coming after whatever kid you and Ahsoka want to have, be afraid on behalf of the kid. But do not sit here and fret about the child dieing as if it is a sure thing. Either you have the child and make sure for a damn fact that Nihilus doesn't put one grimy finger on his or her beautiful little head yourself, or not have the kid by considering the risk a weakness and not worth the trouble. But let me tell you this do the latter and I promise you may lose everything."

He leaves me with my thoughts, and after some perspective, I return to the city. Ahsoka answers the door, hesitating at the sight of me. I gulp and say, "I've done some thinking and would like to talk."

Its like the argument never happened. We embrace, I get a shower, and we talk.

We come to the simple conclusion that I am simply not ready for children. One day I will be. Just not today. We continue to argue over the coming year, but not nearly as strongly as this time in regards to this. And not that it s a bad thing to argue at times. We are opposite by nature in a lot of ways, but we find a way to make it work with only minor arguments. Almost like opposites dancing in a circle.

"Take Cahjinawl as your apprentice." They both say.

I look at Ahsoka, and an unspoken conversation passes between us. Our history with this subject, the arguments. I see her faith in me, her belief that I am ready for this, as well as hope.

"You know what it is you ask of me?" I ask heavily. My gut churns fearfully. Nihilus is in reach... and now they ask me this? RIGHT AFTER challenging him?! How much more dangerous coukd they make this?

"I do. And I think you are ready, even if you don't." She says gently.

I look to Squirt, who is now realizing the gravity of the situation and is very tense. "Squirt, is this what you want?"

"I Well I Yes." She looks between Koj and me uncertainly. "I would like to learn to control my power from you. I tried learning from the Miraluka, and from Papa, but it hasn't worked. I've actually said at times that I would like you to teach me." She adds hesitantly.

"Even knowing I have enemies that will go after you just because you are my apprentice?"

"I've been in my share of rough-spots, Uncle Varus." She looks at me funny. "You took me into a warzone, remember?"

"You what!?" Ahsoka blurts out, aghast.

I sigh. I did didn't I? She has been exposed to things like this her entire life. She is not ignorant of death or the possibility of death. She is willing to be my apprentice and learn the Force from me.

"If anyone asks, you are to say you are learning from Ashoka. Agreed?" Squirt nods. "You will continue your normal online education. Training do not replace them." She nods urgently.

"And lastly," I stress darkly. I walk up to my niece and look down at her with Sith eyes. "Though I was trained by Nihilus, where if I didn't cooperate I was tortured, I will not be doing that to you. If you don't cooperate, I simply won't waste my time teaching you. And when I am teaching you, I am not your uncle. I am your Master. Meaning I won't be hugging you or kissing your little boo-boos or consoling you when you fail, I'm going to tell you to suck it up and stand on your own two feet." I narrow my eyes at her. "Am I clear?"

She gulps, but nods.

I sigh. "Very well I will take you as my apprentice. When are your online classes?"

"Every morning." She answers.

"Then when they are done, send me a message. I will reply with a time and place." I look to Koj. "I'll leave it up to you to arrange living quarters for her. I don't care if she lives in our cabin, near, or far. But take into consideration that my enemies WILL target her if they realize I am doing this Enemies even among the fleet."

Koj looks back hesitantly. "Is it safer than for her to be your apprentice to begin with?"

"Most likely." I agree reluctantly. "I rank among the best our known galaxy has to offer so really the safest place for her is by me, in the far back, or not being involved to begin with."

"Not happening." Squirt states. "Leave me behind and I'll enlist."

Blasted stubborn girl I know everyone has their reasons to join a war, but I don't like how her drive is based on her abandonment issues. Is she even old enough to understand what is entailed in this war?

Her father is Koj of course she does. She grew up from war. And while i still see the child that shivered in the cold bare slave cell, she usnt. She is a hardened woman, mentally and physicially. Ahsoka, Koj, and I were far older in our first battles.

"Then lets keep you where you are at least remotely safe and train you." I reply.

Details are discussed, such as cabin arrangements, before we enjoy a small meal. Squirt and Koj leave after thanking us for the food, and leave. Ahsoka busies herself with cleaning up, alongside a few Ravager droids that followed us from my ship. My attention though, is purely internal.

I'm terrified. I'm terrified of what Nihilus will do if he learns I am going to be giving my niece lessons. I'm terrified of what I will teach her, as a Sith myself and the implications of what being a Sith will mean for her. "When I set out to hunt Nihilus my vengeance was to be my own. My quest would leave behind bodies, but the only one going down the dark path was to be me. I never considered the possibility that I would truly teach another."

"You aren't going to take her down the same path, are you?" Ahsoka wonders. She doesn't sound afraid, but rather sure that I will not. Yet she poses the question anyway.

"No." I reply.

"Then you will do well." She assures me with a smile. She comes over to me and gives me a quick hug. "I'm proud of you."

"Yeah " Never really know what to say to stuff like that. "I'm amazed by you as well, I know you said you would help me fight Nihilus but I never imagined that. It was it was simply beyond my expectations. Thank you." I look her in the eyes and convey the depth of how much it meant to me through our bond. She smiles.

"Do you feel lighter about Nihilus being out?"

"In one sense, yes. A weight has lifted. It will take time to set in. But you have found a way to fight Nihilus effectively, and that is something no one has ever been able to do. In another sense, no because of what me teaching Squirt may cause if he learns. But it its still not too bad. It feels almost expected. Destined."

"You did brand her, you know."

My eyes widen as the implications set in. I did brand her when she was young. I saved her life with my lightning and left a scar on her chest in the shape of my hand. Perhaps I set things in motion towards this. Its not destiny per say, but its close.

"Come on, you will do great!" Ahsoka grips my arms a moment. She nods her head toward the back. "You just have to have faith in yourself, and do your best. Now let's go celebrate our little victory! We may not get too many moments together in the coming time."

Despite the dim reality that it is, in that we may not have many nights together in the coming time, I choose to disregard that the way I usually do. By moving, by not thinking. Just feeling. I love Ahsoka. She was my friend, but since she has been my lover and partner.

"My life didn't truly begin until I met you."

Skywalker grimaced once more at the malicious chuckling as they walked. "Stop that, at least pretend to not be downright evil for a minute, will you? I don't need evil laughter all day."

"My apologies, but i cannot help it. I had almost forgotten what fun feels like. That woman is an interesting one."

"Thank you for the credit, she was my Padawan."

"That would explain how they met. Tell me, was playing matchmaker a plot against me?"

"Matchmaker nothing. It was their idea from the start. If i had my way back then, it wouldn't have happened. Not only were they too opposite, but when one of the people in a relationship is too needy it usually doesnt end well. And after what you did to Varus he had a lot of needs. Still... I'm proud they made it work."

"Mhmm. Wonder how long that will last." Nihilus said ominously.

"You are not touching one hair on her... bald head!" Anakin pointed a finger in his face.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Nihilus replied with a wave of his hand. "The game she started is purely metaphysical in nature. A battle of philosophy and law. It wouldn't be fun if i broke the unspoken rules. I promise you... i wont touch her. I wont have to. The very fact they are lovers guarentees me victory."

"What are you talking about?" Anakin scoffed.

Nihilus chuckled. "Lets just say... My apprentice cannot give her what she wants. It is impossible for him. My touch pierces his soul, his heart, his very cells. As a Void-user... it is simply impossible."

'I should thank you.' Nihilus thought malicously. 'For teaching me how far a father will go for their child.'