Thanks to those who followed, favorited, or reviewed! I'm well aware that my writing is in no way the equal to Michelle Sagara's but I hope it can help tide you over. Given how detailed her writing is, it is easy to see why she struggles so much with her word count. Enjoy!
To Kaylin's profound shock, the Castle had changed. There were two doors instead of the portcullis that had guarded them for as long as she had been alive.
It has been present for far, far longer, Nightshade told her.
As long as you've been Lord? Kaylin asked, not taking her eyes from the sight before her.
It was present when I took the Castle. Kaylin glanced at him in surprise, aware that everything showed on her face.
You left them? She would have thought the fieflord would want to stamp his mark on the Castle. He had, after all, literally left his mark on her. She felt his amusement at the comparison.
You think you are the same as my Castle?
No, Kaylin denied. A single mortal could, in no way, compare in value to one of the Towers built to stand against the Shadows in the eyes of any Barrani. It's just... Barrani are big on possession.
As you are aware, I have made alterations inside, Nightshade conceded. The where it matters was left unsaid. Kaylin wondered who he had wanted to see the mark he had placed on her. Everyone, was the haughty reply.
Great, Kaylin thought. Nightshade chuckled in the privacy of their bond. The people of the fief matter, too, she told him resolutely, her eyes glued to the doors. They were only doors, really, but they were impressive, but not oppressive; they were not designed to threaten any who approached, only to impress. In some ways, they changed so much.
For many there is little difference, Nightshade informed her, answering the thoughts she didn't voice.
There's a difference, Kaylin maintained.
Is there? When Kaylin didn't move, he added more words. You must still go through the portal, Nightshade told her. I am not Tara; I will not compromise my Castle's safety for your convenience.
I know, Kaylin replied, but didn't take a step.
I can carry you through, he offered, and even without looking, Kaylin knew his eyes were green.
No, thanks, she replied flatly.
"Don't cause trouble," she warned her familiar, who cracked open an eye and yawned at her. Taking that as agreement, Kaylin took a breath and stepped in, not letting go of the fieflord's arm; she landed on her feet, which was a small miracle. She was certain the transition would never be pleasant, but held onto the contents of her lunch - now long forgotten - and counted it as a win.
"I had food prepared." Of course you did. Kaylin didn't say it, but he heard it anyway. Raising a brow, he met her eyes. "You do not intend to return this evening regardless. There is no reason for you not to dine with me." Kaylin grimaced, but yielded. She was starving and wouldn't manage much without eating first anyway.
"Thank you." He led her to the room they usually ate in. Strange, that she hadn't been over in months, and the Castle had nearly been lost, but the room was the same. Food was waiting on the table, and Kaylin took her usual seat.
"It is how I want it." Kaylin wondered idly if everything Nightshade's life felt compelled to arrange itself to his convenience. Hardly, he answered wryly. Kaylin caught the edge of his thought about Annarion and had to agree; it made her smile around the mouthful of food. Nightshade ate beside her while she scarfed down the meal. Kaylin was too tired for conversation, and the fieflord chose to accept the silence. The fact that she couldn't, even now, ignore his presence bothered her; it amused him.
"You will need to get changed," Nightshade reminded her as she leaned back. Kaylin spat out an Aerian curse; she'd hoped he had forgotten. He chuckled. "I was going to let you choose the dress," he began ominously, "but if you prefer, I can make the selection."
"No," Kaylin refused instantly. At his raised brow, she tried again. "No, thank you." Kaylin had accepted the hand he offered before realizing it. If he hadn't been holding onto her, she would have tripped in her surprise.
"Did you do something?" She asked suspiciously, raising a hand to her marked cheek. It wasn't warm.
"No," Nightshade replied, in a voice that implied he was above such petty actions. When Kaylin continued to stare at him, he sighed. "You have been learning etiquette and have been in an increasing number of situations where it matters. You simply responded to the social cue as you have been taught."
Kaylin mulled that over as they headed for what Nightshade insisted were her rooms. She considered the fact that she had not choked on her food when the Emperor visited a personal triumph; it was more than Severn or the Hawklord could say. Was she becoming more socially adept? She didn't understand why people got so hung up on which fork to use, or how to address people, but she didn't need to make her life any more complicated than it was; if learning the damn rules let her live more quietly, that was something.
I don't believe you are capable of living quietly, Nightshade told her as he opened the door.
I live quietly now! Kaylin objected, turning to face him.
The very sad thing about this conversation, Nightshade replied, is that you honestly believe that.
I'm a Hawk, Kaylin explained. A private, at that.
"Which dress do you like?" Nightshade asked, derailing the conversation. I don't like dresses was on the tip of Kaylin's tongue, but she bit the words back. She walked over and opened the wardrobe.
"Is there something wrong with black?" Kaylin questioned, staring at the selection in front of her. "Or brown?"
"The purpose of clothes is to present yourself well," Nightshade commented. "The drab colours you favour do not flatter you."
"So you got me pink dresses?" Kaylin made a silent vow to never wear that in public.
"I got you one pink dress," Nightshade corrected, coming to stand directly behind her. Kaylin could feel the warmth of his body and was careful not to move. She was tired enough that she wasn't sure if she wanted to move towards his warmth or away from it. It always surprised her how warm he was; he looked like he had been carved from ice. "The majority are blues and greens which will complement your colouring." He reached around her and ran a finger along one of the dresses. "I would suggest this one." Kaylin felt the immediate impulse to refuse the dress and squelched it. She pulled it out and forced herself to examine it objectively. It was an emerald green that remind her of Barrani at their happiest; she had seldom had occasion to see the colour. It lacked sleeves, which she had expected, most of them did, but was simple and looked like something she might be able to walk in.
"Alright," Kaylin agreed reluctantly. When the fieflord stayed where he was, Kaylin added, "you need to leave." Kaylin felt his smile, but he did, in fact, leave.
Left alone to dress, Kaylin stripped out of her usual clothes and put on the dress. Her familiar protested when he was disturbed, but had been surprisingly sanguine about her visit to the fief of Nightshade; a little complaining just added some normal to her day. Kaylin took a minute to examine herself in the mirror. Did she look like someone who could attend an Imperial ball? When had the fears that bound the fieflings become separated from her own? Why hadn't she argued with the Arkon when he suggested Nightshade teacher her to dance? Because I don't want to get eaten was the answer her mind readily supplied, and holding onto that, she was able to steel herself and open the door.
"You look lovely," he told her, once again offering his arm.
"...Thank you," she replied, accepting it. "What sort of preparations did you need to make for a dance class?"
"I believe music is required, for dance," the fieflord answered.
"...are there going to be people playing music?" Kaylin asked, horrified, because the only thing worse than learning to dance was learning to dance with a judgemental Barrani audience.
"No," Nightshade replied, sounding amused. "I have chosen to use a memory crystal to contain their song." Kaylin spluttered.
"You used a memory crystal for that?" For the first time since Nightshade had collected her in the fief, she felt genuine irritation grip her. As a Hawk, she would love to have access to a memory crystal for some of her cases, but their rarity made that nearly impossible.
"Indeed," Nightshade agreed, blithely ignoring her frustration. He led her to a set of door which looked like his throne room.
"Are they..." Kaylin couldn't continue. It hadn't occurred to her - until now - to wonder what had become of the people frozen in time with all the disruptions. The last time she had visited, many of them had been awake.
"There were deaths, Kaylin," Nightshade acknowledged, "when I had to reclaim the Castle." Kaylin hesitated. Once, she would have instantly accused Nightshade of causing their deaths, but he had made the effort to preserve those people and almost certainly hadn't wanted to loose them. It wasn't the same as valuing them as people, but if they were so enamoured with the fieflord that they gave up their world, there was probably something faulty with their brain anyway. Nightshade chuckled, but there was blue in his eyes now. "It is wrong of me not to value them as people, but it is also wrong for them to value me? That does not seem fair, does it?" It didn't, and that was a problem.
"It's their choice to make," Kaylin answered, "but I could never give up the world for one person."
"You gave up the world for two," Nightshade countered, almost gently. Kaylin opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but Steffi and Jade's names floated through her mind, and her jaws snapped shut. It had been a while since she had last thought of them, and it felt awful. She had thought that she would grieve them forever, and when she thought of them, there was still pain. She thought there would always be pain. But there was acceptance, too, and she hadn't expected that. She wanted to say that she had been a child when she made Severn, Steffi, and Jade her world. It had the advantage of being true. But it was also easier, because she didn't have as much to protect. Her world was large, now: a gift from the Hawklord.
"I shouldn't have judged them," Kaylin admitted, ashamed. What did she know of love?
"When you met Lord Grammayre, he chose to accept you and offer you a place with his Hawks. They now define your world." Kaylin nodded, the thought of the Hawks a balm for darker memories. "As interesting as it would be to speculate on what you would have done had I found you immediately after you lost everything, you need to learn to dance and have en extremely limited amount of time to accomplish this." Kaylin was happy to set that discussion aside for her never pile. Nightshade opened the door for her, and Kaylin forced herself not to count; a casual glance told her that roughly half the statues were gone.
"So what do I do?" She asked, forcing herself to concentrate on something else. There was nothing to be done for the dead.
Kaylin wasn't sure how many times she had managed to kick Nightshade in the shin, step on his toes, or otherwise mess up, but he eventually halted the music.
"What," Nightshade asked, staring at her in blue-eyed irritation, "do you believe a ball is?"
"A pile of people who think they're important standing around telling other people how important they are," Kaylin paused to consider her answer, "and wearing ridiculously expensive clothes."
"What," Nightshade said, sounding like his patience was being tested to its' absolute limits, "do you believe a dance is?"
"Um," Kaylin hesitated, "people moving around to music wearing fancy clothes?" She suspected this answer would not meet the fieflord's approval, but it was the best she had.
"A dance," he told her sternly, "is a seduction." Kaylin flushed at the words, and flecks of green appeared in his eyes. Predictably, he was amused by her embarrassment.
"I can't seduce anyone," Kaylin denied, trying to hide her panic. Given their bond, she held very little hope for success.
"It would be unfortunate if you were to successfully seduce someone, Kaylin." At her puzzled look, he added, "I would prefer not to go to war at this time."
"You... That's... You can't be serious!" Kaylin protested.
"I am, Kaylin." He reached out and brushed his thumb across her cheek. She blushed, but didn't move. It felt like so long since he had last touched her. Kaylin wondered why that mattered. "I assure you, I am entirely serious; you are Erenne to me."
"What does that even mean?" When he simply continued to stroke her cheek, she switched tacts. "Now that you have your brother back, you don't need me, right?" At that he raised a brow.
"You know better than that," he chided. "I thought you believed that a Barrani who is breathing is plotting." Kaylin flushed, wondering when he had picked that out of her thoughts. It was Teela's fault; she was the one always warning Kaylin not to trust any Barrani.
"So what am I supposed to do?" She questioned, trying to force the conversation away from more dangerous subjects.
"You know how to use your body - how to move it - when you are fighting," the fieflord explained. "You must now learn how to use it to draw people to you." Kaylin blushed. She had had a lot of awkward conversations in her life, but she thought it possible that this was the most awkward one.
"I don't know how to do that." Kaylin tried not to sound like she was sulking. He knew, damn him, that she had never taken a lover. How would she know how to seduce someone?
"That's what I'm here for," he told her, his eyes a solid green.