Two chapters up today! I hope you enjoy!
Kaylin slept poorly. It was almost unheard of, given her usual state of fatigue when she fell into bed, but Severn's words and actions bothered her. What was going on? After a paltry three hours, she gave up and forced her feet to move. Her familiar took his place on her shoulders, and appeared to fall back to sleep. Kaylin wished she could do the same.
"He's downstairs, dear," Helen told her helpfully. Kaylin was surprised, given the way they had parted, but thankful. She checked on the Hawklord then stumbled down the stairs and found him - reading of all things - in the 'informal parlour'.
"What's going on, Severn?" She asked.
"It's Caste Court business, Kaylin," Severn said stiffly, putting down the book he had been holding. Had something happened while she was healing that no one had bothered to tell her about? She hadn't seen any bodies before leaving.
"I'm part of the Court," Kaylin snapped, hurt that Severn was locking her out.
"The human Caste Court," he clarified.
"If you can't tell me what you're doing, why are you here?" She asked, still bothered. "Why would you have anything to do with the human Caste Court, anyway? You said you're not on a Hunt."
"I'm not," he agreed cautiously.
"Then what is it?" She was getting frustrated. The Hawklord had almost been killed and she needed him. Why couldn't he see that? "It's not like you're a member-" Seeing him stiffen, Kaylin froze. "You're a fief orphan," she said slowly. "How could you possibly be a member of the human Caste Court?"
"I'm not a member," he eventually replied, "but my father was the Captain of the Castelord's guard." Kaylin gaped.
"He was what? How the hells did you end up in the fief?" Severn hesitated. "If your father was made Outcaste-" but Severn was already shaking his head.
"It was because of your mother," he answered, which froze all of Kaylin's words. "She was the Castelord's lover," he continued, changing everything Kaylin had ever known, "but he didn't want an illegitimate child." Of course he didn't. He was probably married. "She felt she was in danger and fled to the fiefs where the Caste Court would have difficulty reaching her. By the time my father found her, you had been born, so we moved to the fief to protect you and your mother." Kaylin sat down, hard. It was like she had stepped into someone else's life. Everything she had known to be true, everything she had believed was wrong. And Severn had known.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked hollowly. She saw Severn wince, but didn't have it in her to comfort him. Not now, and maybe not ever.
"You were so innocent as a child," he said, and the words made Kaylin flinch, "and your mother didn't want you know."
"Don't blame my mother! I was five when she died! You've had years to tell me!" Kaylin snapped, turning on him. Severn's mouth tightened, but Kaylin continued. "So, what you've been reporting to the Castelord my entire life? What the hells gives him the right to know anything about me?!"
"He's your father, Kaylin," Severn said in a rare display of temper.
"He wanted me dead!" Kaylin objected.
"Not once you were born," Severn argued. Kaylin stared at him.
"So that makes it ok?" Kaylin asked, and it was Severn's turn to flinch. "He wanted me dead because it would inconvenience him if I was born, but that's ok?" She stared at him, wondering if she had ever truly known him.
"You've forgiven a lot of people who have wanted you dead, Kaylin." Which was true, but Kaylin hadn't expected anything else of them. They weren't her parents, they didn't owe her anything. But her father did, or should have. "Listen, Kaylin," Severn said, softening his voice and stepping towards her. Kaylin took a step back, shaking her head.
"I can't-" she said. "I need to-" Desperately, she turned and, pushing past Helen, fled the house.
It wasn't until Kaylin ran, literally, into Andellen that she realized she had headed to the fiefs. He could, undoubtedly, have avoided her, but he reached out and caught her before she fell. Clearly there was something wrong with her brain if the fief was somewhere she was running to, not somewhere she was running from.
"Lord Kaylin," he greeted, stepping back to bow. Kaylin was vaguely aware that people had slowed down to watch the scene unfold; they had probably expected her to be instantly killed for running into one of the fieflord's guards. She didn't turn to see who was betting.
"Lord Andellen," she replied hollowly, but she had no words to add to that. She wasn't ready to talk about what she had just learned, and even if she had been, she wouldn't have spoken to him about them. After a moment, Andellen spoke again.
"If you like, I would be happy to spar with you." Kaylin's eyebrows rose to her hairline at the offer. Outside of the Baranni Hawks, no one offered to spar with her. She hesitated, torn.
"Can I take a rain check on that? I'd really like to take you up on that, but not today." Andellen nodded gracefully.
"I was going to check on the area being cleared for farming," he said, causing Kaylin to focus on something other than her own pain and confusion. "Perhaps you would like to join me?"
"There are going to be farms here?" She asked curiously, falling into step beside him. If the Hawklord had been attacked somewhere else, Kaylin would have gone to investigate on her own, but, she knew - from experience - that if she showed up at the Aerie early, Moran would tie her to a bed until she was sufficiently rested. Andellen smiled gently at her, and began to explain the plans for the new fief. It sounded a lot better than the old one.
With Andellen as a guide, it took over an hour for them to reach Nightshade. Andellen led her to the portal, then took his leave. Kaylin grimaced, but, knowing it would have cause trouble if she avoided Nightshade after spending time with Andellen, walked through the portal. Nightshade was waiting for her when she found her feet on the other side.
"That's a nice necklace," Nightshade commented, examining it. Kaylin had completely forgotten about the damn thing. When he reached out to trace it, however, Kaylin took a step back.
"You can't-"
"I know the names of the Elements," he assured her, reaching out a second time. This time she didn't move as he traced his fingers along it. "The Keeper has honoured you with this gift." Kaylin could have done without the honour.
"I have no idea why he made Grethan the delivery boy; he could have just waited till I stopped by the shop." Nightshade looked at her, and Kaylin frowned when she realized he expected her to understand. He offered her an arm, and she was tired enough to want it.
"The Keeper sent a message to the High Court that you have his favour," Nightshade explained.
"Gods," Kaylin muttered, "that's political." She used the same tone of voice most people applied to their crap.
"Very," Nightshade agreed, "but this is not what has you so upset. I understand that the attack on your Lord is difficult, but that's not all there is. What has happened?" Nightshade questioned, taking her hands and leading her to the sofa in their usual meeting room.
"You don't know?" She asked bitterly. He raised a brow at her tone and his eyes shaded to blue.
"I am aware that your Severn has caused you pain, again." Kaylin flinched at the reminder. She didn't consider herself naive; how could she have missed the holes in his story? Because it's Severn, her mind helpfully supplied, and it was true. Severn had been her world as a child and she had never questioned it. Kaylin argued with everyone who called her a child, but once she and Severn had worked through their memories of Steffi and Jade, she had accepted him without question. It was a child's response. She knew almost nothing about his life over the past seven years, and there was a lot missing before it. She was aware of that, now. "I am less certain of how he has hurt you. Your thoughts are... confused." Kaylin snorted.
"I'm thinking you should ask Tara about growing potatoes in the fief, since I know she's gotten it to work without them rotting in the ground." Which was a one thought, but certainly not her focus. Nightshade simply waited, and since he could out wait her any day, she forced the words out. "Severn's a spy," she told him.
"Not for the Emperor," he prodded, causing her to shake her head.
"For the human Caste Court." She shook her head then added, "for the human Castelord."
"Why, Kaylin?" He asked intently. Yeah, that was the question of the day, wasn't it?
"I'm his daughter, apparently," Kaylin said, still unable to wrap her head around that. Kaylin had never wanted anything to do with the human Caste Court. "The Castelord's, I mean." Nightshade nodded.
"I had understood," he assured her. Nightshade sat in silence, and Kaylin knew he would continue to wait until she had gathered the words she wanted to speak.
"My mother was the Castelord's lover. When she got pregnant with me, the Castelord pushed her to get rid of me; he was already married, I think, and an illegitimate child would harm his position in Court." Kaylin felt Nightshade's hand tighten around hers and glanced up to meet his very blue eyes.
"I am not fond of parents who will sacrifice their children for their own gain," he explained and something in Kaylin softened because she knew it was true. Nightshade, whatever his flaws - and the list was long - would not sell out his children or allow them to be harmed. Maybe that was why he didn't have any. After a moment, Kaylin continued.
"Mother felt it wasn't safe for her to remain at Court. I'm not sure why she chose your fief. Maybe she wanted a fief not ruled by humans who would sell her out to the human Caste Court." Nightshade nodded, accepting the possibility.
"And Severn?" He eventually prompted. That was the hard part. The rest she could understand, sort of; she didn't expect better of the human Caste Court. The fact that her mother had had an affair with a married man bothered her, but at this point it was supposition. The hardest thing was that she had trusted Severn from the first day they met.
"Severn's father was the Captain of the Castelord's guards, and he eventually found my mother here. By that point, I had been born, so the Castelord assigned him to guard my mother and I from within the fief. I think, he wanted someone watching me in case he needed a backup heir. Severn didn't say that, by the way, I'm just guessing. I don't know why else he would bother to monitor an illegitimate child." When Nightshade remained silent, Kaylin continued. "The Captain brought his son, Severn, with him when he moved and they observed my mother and I." She fell silent, again. She had never noticed. How could she have been so ignorant that she was being observed? She was used, now, to being under surveillance - by too many people who really needed better things to do with their time - but she expected Sanabalis to report anything noteworthy to the Emperor. There was no betrayal, no misrepresentation. No wonder Severn was always two steps ahead of her. His father had taught him to fight, how to contact people in the city for information. Did they know about her marks? Her healing? Steffi and Jade?
"Do you think Severn should have told you all this when you were a child?"
"Yes. No." Both answers were true. She wanted Severn to have told her from the start why he knew who she was, why he helped her when he walked past other orphans. Because Severn wasn't someone who picked up people as he went; the only person he had picked up was her. Why had she never realized how strange that was? Why had she never cared why he knew her name, or what he spoke to her mother about?
"Do you think you could have kept your identity a secret, if you had known?" Kaylin grimaced, because that was the other side of the equation. She knew she couldn't have. She had trouble keeping secrets now; she would have stood no chance, at all, as a child. Being the Castelord's daughter would have sounded like a day dream. She would have imagined beautiful clothes, without considering any of the ugly realities the Courts tended to incorporate.
"Why are you supporting Severn?" She asked in frustration. Nightshade raised a brow.
"I'm not." When he didn't elaborate, she sighed.
"When I was a child was one thing, but why hasn't he told me since? We made - I thought we made - our peace a year ago. Why didn't he tell me?" The question sounded like a plea.
"That is not a question for me to answer, but I believe that he was trying to regain your trust," Nightshade explained softly, as if she wasn't perfectly aware of the fact.
"This isn't how to do it," she argued, blinking back tears.
"No," he agreed, reaching out and brush her cheek. She leaned into his touch; it felt like the only warmth left in the world.
"I don't know who to trust," she admitted. "Don't tell me not to trust anyone," she added, as he opened his mouth. "I can't do that. I can't live believing everyone is my enemy."
"Even if you get hurt?"
"Even then," she said, and that affirmation settled her. She hurt now, and she wasn't sure she and Severn could ever go back to what they had been, but she would keep believing in people.
"This isn't entirely what I had planned for the evening," the fieflord commented, "but maybe you could help me review my laws." Kaylin couldn't help but be interested.
"How's that going?"
Three hours later, she was less impressed. "How can it take six thousand words to say don't steal?"
"I believe you have an example before you, Kaylin. If you like, I can expand the section." His eyes were green and Kaylin was tempted to throw the laws at him.
"It only takes one thousand and twenty-seven words for the Emperor to say this," she complained, and yes, she had counted. It was, in her opinion, one thousand twenty-five words too many.
"Dragons are, as a race, severely lacking in refinement." Kaylin groaned.
"There is something wrong with all of you," she told him, dropping her head to the table where they had spread out the draft laws.
"'All of us' meaning Immortals?"
"Yes," she agreed, her voice muffled. "You have too much time, so you waste it making things unnecessarily complicated." Kaylin was aware of Nightshade getting up and coming to stand beside her even without opening her eyes.
"You may sleep here," he told her, "if you are not yet prepared to return to your home." Staying over at Nightshade's place had never been her plan - she hadn't had a plan when she had run out of the house - but he was right. She wasn't ready to return. Had Helen known that Severn was lying to her? Kaylin didn't believe her friends were aware of it, but how could Helen not be? She reluctantly got to her feet and took the arm Nightshade offered. When they reached her door, he cupped her cheek in his hand. Kaylin closed her eyes, anticipating the kiss. His lips were, as always, soft and warm on her own. She was surprised when his tongue traced her lips, and hesitantly opened her mouth. His tongue slipped in, deepening the kiss, and Kaylin felt desire coil in her belly. She felt his desire, as well, and for once it didn't scare her. Kaylin leaned towards him and was surprised to feel his hand on her hip, steadying her, keeping her from pressing against him. Kaylin wasn't sure how long they had spent exploring each other's mouths when Nightshade drew back, eyes violet. "Good night, Kaylin." Kaylin blushed, and fled into her room. She didn't sleep well for an entirely different reason that evening.