*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated thank-you all so much*

I just want to give a little background on this chapter. It does not include Seth and it is focused on Jordyn. I want to give you readers a background on Jordyn and who she is, what she's been going through the last three years of her life. Many of you know about her past and some may not but some of the answers to why she behaved the way she did in her past are answered in this chapter. You get a good look at Jordyn and who she is in this chapter but it also sets the stage for upcoming chapters as well. Enjoy.

I sit on the leather couch in my therapist's office ready to begin our biweekly session. I look forward to coming to her every other week to get her take on things going on in my life and to get some guidance on what to do. I have been seeing her for 3 years now since I got out of rehab. She has been by my side through everything after rehab and has helped me progress in today's society and helped me get myself and my life completely together. I enjoy our sessions because they help me so much. "Jordyn," says Tara with a smile. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good," I say with a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm good," she says as she takes a seat on the chair across from me holding my file in her hand. "How is everything with work going?"

"Good," I say. "I'm getting more hours and I have been picking up all the extra shifts that I am able to. I want to be able to get out of my grandma's house sometime soon."

"Do you think you will be able to handle living on your own with Jonah? I know that your grandma has been a crucial part in your life and has been helping you take care of Jonah. Do you think you can do it without her?"

"Yes," I say. "I think that I can. I know she will always be there to help me but I need to get out on my own and learn to take care of myself and my son. I can't depend on her forever. I want to find a small little apartment for Jonah and I to live in."

"I like that you're taking this step and you have a plan in mind," she says. "You're coming along fine and you're getting better each time I see you. Is everything going well with school?"

"Yes," I say. "I'm doing very well in school I love it a lot. I am getting down to the final weeks of this semester and then I am onto my junior year in college. I never thought I would be able to say that. I never thought I would go to college but I'm here and I'm proud of how far I have come. And to hold a 4.0 in school is even better."

"I'm glad you're doing so well. You found your calling, Jordyn. It's like I have been telling you. If you put your mind to it you can do it. I'm proud of you, Jordyn. You're a wonderful and intelligent girl."

"Thank-you," I say with a smile.

"And everything with Jonah? How is that going?"

"Good. You know how much I enjoy my time with Jonah," I say. "He is my everything and my motivation. I can't believe he is about to turn 3. I feel like he was just a little baby."

"Time does go fast," she smiles. "Has he asked about his father?"

"No," I say trying not to think of his biological father. "And I hope he never does. He doesn't even know he exists and I am hoping to keep it that way. He will never see him."

"Is he still in jail?"

"Probably the rest of his life," I answer. "The only place he should be. He should be dead."

"Why do you say that, Jordyn?"

"I don't know. He just upsets me. He makes me so mad. I think of everything he took away from me and it pisses me off. He destroyed my entire life and destroyed me. He almost took my life," I say.

"Remember we talked about forgiveness? I know it's hard to forgive him for everything he put you through but he's sitting in jail right now, living his life to the best of his ability and you're out here free to do whatever and go wherever you want but as long as you harbor and hold onto your anger and hatred for him you will truly never be free from him. You have the world in front of you, Jordyn. You're in school, you have a great son, a great support system and a job. You're living your life," she says, "but how free are you truly if you're holding onto your anger toward Jonah's father?"

"I'm not," I say and she makes a good point. As long as I keep getting angry and hating him without forgiving him I am the one suffering and he isn't. I will never truly be free until I forgive him but how do you just forgive someone that took almost your entire life away? It's not easy. I have been trying for three years now but I have not been able to.

"You're absolutely correct, Jordyn. I know it's not easy to forgive him because I know your history but if you want to be free you need to forgive him. You have everything you thought you wouldn't have so enjoy that and forgive him. Don't let him take up any more space in your heart. You don't need that."

"I know," I say. "I have a boyfriend."

"A boyfriend?" she raises an eyebrow. "We never discussed having a boyfriend. Are you truly ready to have a boyfriend and ready to take that step again in life?"

"Yes," I say. "I thought about it and he is a great guy. Jonah loves him and he is wonderful with Jonah. He treats us well."

"As long as he treats you both well. Does he know about your past?"

"No," I say. "I haven't told him yet. I don't think I am ready to tell him."

"Why is that?"

"Because I am scared if I do it will scare him away. I have been having nightmares," I say. "I have been having nightmares that I tell him about everything I did and who I used to be and every time he walks out on me. It makes me sick."

"Your nightmares are back?"

"Yes," I say, "but not like they were. These are more chill nightmares."

"Okay," she says. "If he truly cares about you and wants to be with you your past shouldn't be an issue. If he truly cares he will accept your past and help you get through it."

"I'm just worried that when he finds out that he will see me as damaged."

"Is that what you think you are; damaged?"

"I haven't felt that way for a long time but sometimes I feel like damaged goods which is why I haven't pursued anyone this long plus I needed to focus on myself and Jonah. I do ask myself sometimes what it is about me that he wants or that he likes."

"I don't think it's fair to think of yourself as damaged goods because you're not, Jordyn. You went through a lot but you're not damaged. You're a strong woman. That's how I would describe you, a hero in your own tragedy. You went through hell but you fought to get out. That takes strength. You're not damaged. You're a hero. There is something he finds attractive about you and there is something about him that attracts you to him. You have never talked of a guy or getting involved with a guy so he must be someone special. Great guys don't come around often and if he is as great as you say he is your past will not detour him in anyway. What is it you like about yourself, Jordyn?"

"I don't know. I like that I am a fighter and that I work hard. I like that I'm dedicated. I mean I don't praise myself but that's what I like about myself."

"And what do you think of how you look?"

"I don't think I am ugly or unattractive but I don't think I am drop dead gorgeous either. I think I am average."

"So you do feel good about yourself?"

"Yes," I say. "I feel really good about myself finally." She gives me a smile. "There's nothing about myself that I don't like. I'm happy with who I am and who I am becoming."

"Jordyn," she smiles. "That's excellent. You're making a lot of progress. The girl that walked into my office 3 years ago could never find one thing she liked about herself but today you have finally found what you do like about yourself. That's an accomplishment. So how long have you known this guy and does he have a name?"

"I have known him for a couple years," I answer, "and his name is Seth. He's training to be a wrestler."

"A wrestler?" she asks with surprise in her voice. "I never expected that after your thoughts and feelings about wrestling."

"I can look past it because he is a great guy. I support his career choice but I'm not my mom. I will never allow any man do to me what my dad did to her."

"You're still upset over your parents?"

"I'm not upset I just learned who I don't want to be from them," I answer honestly.

"Have you spoken to your parents?"

"No. I haven't because I have nothing to say to them."

"One day you're going to need to talk to them, Jordyn. You just need to let go of the past and remember they love and care about you. They sent you away so you could get the help you needed. They didn't do it because they don't love you. They did because they love you and wanted you to be removed from the state and the temptations in which you fell to. It wasn't because they hate you."

"They never really cared for me," I say. "I was their problem child. I could never live up to their high expectations. I screwed up and had a baby at 15 years old. I know that's something they never wanted. They got rid of me because they didn't love me. Sometimes I feel better off without them."

"I think you should talk to your mom and dad, tell them how you feel. Is that something you would be comfortable doing?"

"Not right now," I say honestly. "I have no desire to talk to them. I have come this far without them I can go even further without them."

"Okay," she says, "and what about Chelsea? Have you spoken to Chelsea recently?"

"Not really," I say. "The last time I spoke to her was probably a year ago. We were never really close to one another. We don't really have anything in common. She is the ballerina, model actress while I am the rebel pretty much. We just have nothing to talk about and we have nothing in common."

"Would you like to have a stronger relationship with Chelsea?"

"Maybe someday," I answer. "It would be nice to but like I said we don't have much in common so there really wouldn't be anything to make our bond stronger."

"I see we will just have to find something," she says. "How have your moods been lately? Have you seen any changes in your moods?"

"I would say they are pretty stable. It's not like one day I am extremely happy and the next I am extremely sad like I was before. I'm in a good place."

"Do you find yourself making any rash decisions?"

"Not really."

"Not like getting involved with a guy?"

"I thought about it for weeks. It wasn't something I jumped into and we are taking things very slowly. I don't want to rush into anything."

"Does he know this?" she asks.

"Yes," I say, "we discussed it. He said as long as I am his girlfriend he isn't going to push me to do anything I am not comfortable with or push me to move faster than I am ready to. I told you he is a great guy and I like him a lot. He makes me happy. I never had feelings like this for any guy. It's everything I ever read about you know that whole you can't eat, you can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence world series kind of stuff. He makes my stomach flutter and he makes my heart beat like a drum. He's just great."

She smiles. "It takes two is the movie you got that from and I'm glad that you found a great guy. You deserve great, Jordyn. You deserve this. I am very happy for you."

"Thank-you," I say.

"Have you been feeling irritable lately?"

"Not at all."

"What about sleeping have you been having trouble sleeping?" she asks.

"I'm a college student with a full time job and a 2 year old almost 3 year old son. I don't know what sleep is but when I do I told you I am having my nightmares again not like before though."

"I need you to tell me if your nightmares get worse. Right now you're probably just stressed and worried which is causing the nightmares but if they get like before I need you to let me know."

"Okay," I say.

"But you should also try to get more sleep."

"I do what I can I have to find some time to study which I usually do at night. Once school is over I hope to get more sleep over the summer."

"Good," she says. "And have you had any manic episodes lately?"

"Not recently," I answer. "I have been pretty laid back lately."

"These new medications must be working for you. How do you feel about them?"

"I love them," I say. "They help me feel like a much better person. They are much better than the last medicine I was on to treat my bipolar disorder. I feel really good, Tara. I haven't felt this good in a long time."

"That's wonderful. The medicine really helped you out," she says. "I think we finally found you something that works. I am impressed with you, Jordyn. You have come a long way from that 15 ½ year old girl that walked into my office 3 years ago. It's like you have become a completely different person. I'm enjoying all of the progress you have been making, Jordyn."

"Thank-you," I say with a smile.

"Do you think we could be ready to start a new treatment plan and move forward with your progress and see each other less? Maybe monthly instead of every other week?"

"I'm willing to try," I answer. "I mean it is about growing right?"

"Right," she says, "so I think in our new treatment plan it is time to focus on your relationships with people."

"My relationships with people?" I ask.

"Yes, Jordyn, we have focused on getting you to talk about your past, get comfortable with it, give forgiveness where it was needed and determining your strengths and weaknesses as a person. We also focused on finding what was going on with you why you were so high all the time and so low in moods another time. Then we focused on you finding yourself and how you could make yourself better. Then we focused on you making goals for yourself, Jonah and your future. Now it is time to focus on your relationships with others. We aren't going to jump into anything right away but I want you to focus on talking to your parents again and your goal actually be meeting up with them and talking with them. I also want you to focus on your relationship with your sisters and brothers. You're all family and it is important. I know you have some feelings and ideas about them but you are stronger than before and I think it is time to focus on making things right with them. I also want to look more into your new relationship with this guy you're dating. I want you to see how much different it is than your past relationship but I also want to focus on you staying who you are and not losing yourself in your relationship. A lot of young women have problems with that and given your past you're more likely to fall and lose who you are. I want you to stand strong, be who you are and stick to what you believe. You don't have to do anything to make anyone happy, Jordyn. The most important happiness is yours. I'm not saying don't make him happy because he should be happy too but what I am saying is don't lose yourself in the process."

"I guess we could focus on getting things right with my family and my relationship with Seth."

"But the most important thing in your relationship with Seth is that you're honest with him. We will work together on preparing you to tell him about your past. I know it took you almost a year to talk to me about what happened to you and what you had been through. I know it isn't easy but some day he is going to need to know and you're going to need to tell him. It is your past and the struggles of your past are what shaped you into who you are today, Jordyn. Your past is a very important part of who you are. Like I said we will work together on preparing you to be comfortable in telling Seth your past and helping you keep yourself from losing yourself in your relationship. We are going to spend the next few weeks building up your relationships with your family and Seth," she says. "Do you think you're ready for that?"

"Yes, Tara," I answer. "I'm ready." And for the first time in three years I am ready to try to make things right with my mom and dad, to have a relationship with my brothers and sisters, try to find some friends close to my age that aren't about partying and drinking and I'm finally ready to have a boyfriend and try out a REAL relationship with a great guy and I am ready to prepare myself to talk to Seth about my past and hopefully when I tell him about who I used to be and what I did and what I went through he is understanding and doesn't walk out on me.

*A/N: What do you think of Jordyn's therapist? Is she helpful? What do you think of Jordyn being bipolar? Does a lot of her past make sense now? What do you think of all the progress she has made over the years? Do you think she could truly forgive Jonah's father for everything he did to her and put her through? What about her parents do you think she is ready to talk with her parents and have a relationship with them? And what about Chelsea do you think they can make their bond stronger? Why do you think Jordyn is so scared to tell Seth about her past? What is it about her past that she doesn't want him to know that she could be ashamed of? Please review and thank-you for reading.