*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*

"Hello, Jordyn," says my therapist as she walks me back to her office. She stands outside the door and allows me to enter into her office first. I take a seat on the floral printed couch as she shuts the door behind her before taking the seat across from me in a floral printed chair matching the couch in her dim lighted office. I always feel so peaceful in this atmosphere because the lighting is just right and the couch is pretty comfortable. The walls are a welcoming rose pink color and it has the scent of baby lotion. "So how are you doing?" she asks crossing her legs as she holds her notebook in her lap.

"I'm doing very well," I say with a smile. "I'm getting married!" I announce.

"Married?" she asks, "it hasn't been that long since I last saw you and last I heard you were nervous about telling Seth about your past. I take it you told him about your past?"

"I did," I say with a smile. "I told him."

"And I take it that it turned out well?"

"He asked me to marry him," I say.

"That's a surprise and a huge commitment," she says, "and you said yes?"

"I sort of said yes but not really said yes if you understand what I'm saying. It was kind of thrown out there when he asked nothing of what I ever dreamed of when being proposed to. That's what I want him to do in the future. I promised him I would marry him I didn't actually say yes."

"I see," she says, "let's go back to you telling him about your past then we'll talk about the marriage proposal and your future."

"Okay," I say.

"How did you tell him about your past?"

"We went back to his apartment after being out all night and I told him about my past. I was really nervous about it but he reassured me I could tell him anything and there was just something about his eyes that made me believe him. He never once held it against me. He said I was one of the strongest women he had ever met and that he's not worried about my past but my present and my future. He asked me to marry him."

"I'm glad that it went well but I am a little concerned on how fast your relationship with Seth is going, Jordyn. It's like you two have just met and you have jumped 5 feet under water in a few month's time," she says. "How have you been feeling lately?"

"I've been feeling great, I'm really happy," I say. "I'm extremely happy. I know everything is happening fast but it's not like we are getting married tomorrow. We both agreed that we would wait until I was done with college before we get married. I want to focus on my studies and focus on keeping my 4.0 GPA. He just wanted the promise of me being his wife someday. He hasn't formally asked me yet."

"As long as it is just a promise, Jordyn, being impulsive makes me nervous," she says, "because when you act impulsively it means you are about to hit your breaking point and I don't want to see that happen."

"No, I'm doing very well except for a couple of things."

"Okay, what's on your mind?" she asks.

"Well, Seth wants to adopt Jonah and I am okay with that because I think Seth is wonderful with him and other than Joe Seth has been the constant male figure in his life. He calls him daddy and he is very close to Seth. Their little bond makes me smile so I'm happy that he wants to adopt him and plus if we were to decide to have any kids together in the future they would all have the same last name which is important to me. We met with a lawyer and the lawyer is getting in touch with Arizona courts to order a paternity test for Jonah to see if Kris is his father or not. If Kris is his father he can still have a relationship with him or he can sign his rights away it's his choice but if he tries to have a relationship with him our lawyer is going to petition for him to have his rights terminated but if they can't do that we may have to move to Arizona and I would be required to take Jonah to have visits with his father in prison."

"That's a lot," she says, "how are you feeling about that?"

"Scared as hell," I answer. "I hoped I would never have to deal with Kris again in my life. I was hoping I would never have to see him again but here I am with the possibility of seeing him again and worst yet having my son see this monster in prison no less. That's the last thing I want. Jonah doesn't know who Kris is and Kris doesn't know who Jonah is and that's the best thing for everyone but my lawyer can't allow Seth to adopt him without contacting the birth father. Best case scenario Kris isn't the father and the father is unknown and we continue with the adoption, worst case scenario he is the father and I am forced to have Jonah form a relationship with that monster. How is it okay to have a child visit their father in prison for the next 15 years and then the rest of their father's life? Kris isn't getting out before he dies if we are lucky he will rot in prison and die in a couple years if we're lucky but I don't want Kris influencing Jonah and turning my sweet little boy into the monster he is. I can't have that and I don't' want it but there's nothing I can do I just feel powerless."

"I can understand why you feel powerless because there's nothing you can do to stop this from happening. My biggest fear is that you relapse due to all this stress and negativity and you'll think more about your past and the things you've done. You'll start blaming yourself but this isn't your fault Jordyn. Your lawyer is only doing what is required by law. With Kris' track record if he is Jonah's father it is highly unlikely that they will allow him to keep his parental rights. I think the hardest part of all of this will be facing your past again."

"Facing the man that destroyed me and brought so much pain and destruction into my life? Yeah it's going to be hell but Seth promised to be by my side this whole time and I hope that he's being true to his word. I don't want to involve him in my tangled past but what choice do I have? My biggest fear is Kris will come after me or after Jonah. He can't do anything but he has family and friends that can and will. I can't stomach it," I say as tears form in my eyes. "I just worked so hard to overcome the pain of my past and overcome all the destruction of my past only to face it again. It is going to tear me apart."

"Only if you allow it, Jordyn, you are not alone. You have a support system in me, Seth, your nana and hopefully your family but you have a support system you're not alone, Jordyn. This will only tear you apart if you allow it to. I know facing the man that took your innocence away and turned you out on the streets is tough, it is going to be difficult but Jordyn. You won. You're free! Everything he took from you, you took back and that speaks volumes. Don't look at it as facing your past and allowing it to tear you down. Kris took everything from you, he wanted to destroy you, make you worthless and make you believe you deserved nothing better than him and his lifestyle but you said it, you said what you did. Do you know what you said about your past?"

"I overcame it," I answer. "I overcame my past."

"Yes, Jordyn you did. You overcame the hell you went through during your time with Kris and his lifestyle. Remember when you first came in here and you said you wished you had died and didn't know why you survived hell?"

"I remember," I say. "I didn't think I was worthy to live."

"But you were and you still are, Jordyn. Here's the thing. You have come a long way in the last three years as far as where you are in life and how you feel about yourself. I'm extremely happy for you that you found love and that you finally let someone in. That's a big step and I am proud of you. It's impulsive but sometimes I understand the heart knows what it wants but I don't want to see you get hurt again and fall back down. That's what scares me."

"I'm not going to get hurt. I know I can trust Seth. He's amazing and there's just something about the way he talks to me and the way that he looks at me that makes me feel special. I never had anyone do that before. I have never been seen as a human among men always as an object. He takes my thoughts and feelings into consideration and he treats me so well. If we break up I understand he isn't the one for me BUT it's not going to happen because my heart knows he's the one. He's going to be my husband and the man I marry to spend the rest of my life with. I know everything seems to be going so fast but this feels right nothing about it feels wrong."

"I understand," she says. "But back to the point I was trying to make you came out of hell and walked on broken glass to get to where you are today. You went through rehab to become yourself again, to better yourself and clean up your act. You got your GED, went to college and you raise your son. You're doing very well in school and you're a great mother despite everything you went through and who you used to be. And you found love, you found a man that loves you for who you are and I am sure he would give you the world and it sounds like he would do anything for you. You bettered yourself and you survived. You survived, Jordyn. You're stronger and more intelligent. Your past will only destroy you if you allow it to. Kris can only break you if you allow him to but you're stronger than that. You won, Jordyn. You're alive, you survived AND you overcame. You're not that little girl he put out on the streets you're a woman now and you're a strong woman. Do not think for one second an encounter with Kris will break you because it won't. You can walk into this with your head held high and let him see that he didn't win and you're better without him. Let him know you overcame and show him you're better than he ever thought you were."

"I can do that," I say with a smile. "I can show him that I am better and show him how happy I am."

"Good, Jordyn. You can't let your past set you back, you learned and you grew, you overcame and that is tremendous. You still have a bit of a way to go but you'll get there but for the most part you overcame."

"Sort of there's one thing from my past that's holding me back," I say honestly.

"What's that?"

"Sex," I say and by the look on her face I can tell she's surprised. "I'm scared to have sex again. I have thought about it and I want to but I'm scared to have sex again."

"I understand," she nods. "Being a sexual assault survivor it is understandable that having sex again would be a scary thought. You know sex as something that involves violence and control. When you think of sex you think of pain so you're scared you're going to experience that same pain once again. It is normal to feel that way, Jordyn but you don't have to be afraid of sex. Sex isn't always about pain, it is about pleasure too. If you're not ready to have sex you're not ready and if you're scared it is understandable. You have to take baby steps. You need to take it one step at a time. What is it about sex that scares you the most?"

"Every time I think about sex I think about Kris and how he used to rape me. Sex always hurt with him and I was always forced to have sex with guys I didn't even know. They were rough and it hurt a lot. I lost my virginity to Kris and 2 hours later I was having sex with someone else. It hurt a lot and I am scared it's going to hurt again. What if Seth gets too rough and I have a flashback. I'm scared I'm going to have a flashback of sex with Kris and all those horrible men. I want to be able to enjoy sex one day but if I'm scared to have it how can I enjoy it."

"Have you discussed your fears with Seth about sex?"

"No," I answer. "He knows I'm not ready and told me he would wait as long as he needs to until I'm ready so he's respecting it."

"As long as he respects you not being ready to have sex, sex is an intimate experience between two people that love and respect one another. The sex you had previously was rape because not once did any of those men respect you or love you but sex inside of a true loving and caring relationship can be a beautiful experience but if you rush into it when you're not ready you increase your chances of having flashbacks and not enjoying the experience. It is important that you and Seth work together slowly, take your time and don't rush into sex. Make sure that before you do engage in sexual activity that you both are tested and you're being safe about it."

"I know," I say. "It's not that I'm not ready because I am ready, I'm just scared to because of everything that happened in my past. It was never a good experience for me and I am scared that having sex with Seth won't be as great as I think it will be because I'll never get over my past experience. That took a lot from me and I don't want to take it out on Seth or make him wait until I'm not scared anymore."

"My suggestion is not to rush. If you feel that you're ready take it slowly, try to have sex if you're ready but if it becomes overwhelming or becomes too much you can always stop but do not push yourself."

"Okay," I say. "Thank-you. I know I sound kind of crazy but I'm not crazy. I'm just scared to have sex but I want to."

"It is understandable. You're a sexual assault survivor so it will seem like a scary experience after everything you've gone through."

"Do you think that a sexual assault survivor can go on to have a normal sex life and an enjoyable sex life as well as a normal relationship with a man?"

"I believe it is possible but it takes work but you can achieve a happy and normal sex life as well as a normal and happy relationship with a man."

"Thank-you," I say with a smile feeling a little bit more hope about my future with Seth.

After my therapy appointment I stop to pick Jonah up from my grandma's house and head to Seth's apartment to hang out with him for a little bit this evening. Jonah and I arrive at his apartment, I open the door with the key Seth gave me and the entire apartment smells like stir fry. Jonah runs into the apartment as I shut the door behind me. I hear Seth talking to Jonah as I lay my purse down on the table by the door. I walk to the kitchen and smile as I see Seth cooking us dinner, standing at the stove while Jonah stands next to him. I love seeing my two favorite boys together. "It smells good," I say with a smile before Seth turns around. "What's for dinner?"

"Hey," he says with a smile that calls me to him. I walk over and greet him with a soft kiss before Jonah runs off into the living room to play with a couple toys he brought with him. "How was your appointment today?"

"Good," I say. "We had a really big discussion about some things I have been nervous about. I'm feeling a little better about some things."

"That's good," he says with a smile.

"I have another appointment tomorrow," I say to him as he cooks dinner.

"Another appointment?" He asks. "For what? I thought you only went once a month or twice a month?"

"A different kind of appointment," I say. "I'm going to the doctor to get tested and to get onto some type of birth control."

"Wow," he says. "Birth control?"

"Yes," I say leaning against the counter as he works on his stir fry and the chicken is cooking in the oven and the mashed potatoes are sitting on the warming zone. "I think it's time that you and I discussed having sex and taking everything to the next level physically."

"Whenever you're ready, J. I know you have gone through a lot and I just want you to be comfortable when the time comes for us to have sex. I don't want to scare you or make you feel uncomfortable. Are you sure you're ready to go to that next level?"

"I am ready. I'm nervous and scared but I want to at least try to get there."

"J, if you're ready then I am ready but if you can't handle it and it makes you uncomfortable we can stop and we'll stop."

"Okay," I say with a smile. "I love you, Seth."

"I love you too," he says leaning down to kiss my lips, "and I'm going to keep respecting you and taking things at your pace."

"I appreciate that," I say. "Do you have any shows this weekend?" I ask.

"This weekend?" he asks thinking about it. "No, I don't think we do. I think we have an off weekend why what's up?" he asks.

"I just thought that maybe this weekend we could go to the beach to spend the weekend alone together just you and me? My nana could watch Jonah and we could use my dad's beach house in Clearwater. How does that sound?

"A nice romantic weekend together?"

"A nice romantic weekend," I say as he turns to face me. I place my hands under his shirt touching his washboard abs. "You and me, alone, no Jonah, we could have a nice dinner together and spend some time on the beach and maybe some time back at the beach house. What do you say? Are you in?"

He smiles at me and kisses the top of my head before kissing my soft pouty lips. "Yeah, Baby, I'm in. I can't wait but shouldn't I be the one proposing romantic weekends?"

"How about this, how about you handle the romantic stuff?"

He chuckles and says, "Okay, that works for me. We'll have fun."

"I didn't have any doubt," I say removing my hands from under his shirt and making my way over to the sink.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm getting ready to set the table," I say with a smile. "I like this whole family dinner thing we have every night together."

"For the rest of our lives," he smiles before he finishes up cooking while I get things out to set the table. He smiles at me as I smile at him as I set his tiny table. It feels really good to have a home like this, to have these nights with him and Jonah. I enjoy them and I know that Seth does too. I choose to believe that my therapist is right that we can go on to have a happy and normal relationship, a normal and happy marriage if we work at it. I think we'll be okay, I hope we are okay.

*A/N: What did you think of Jordyn's appointment with her therapist? Do you think it helped her a little more than before? Do you think her therapist is right she needs to show Kris she overcame that she's better without him? Could seeing him bring her down and make her relapse? Do you think Jordyn will with over her fear of having sex again? Do you think that she will push herself too far? Do you believe that Seth and Jordyn can make it despite everything she went through in her past? My final question should I continue on with this story? Please review and thank-you for reading.