AN: So this story is rough, and not like heavy tones rough but like pretty iffy as far as reads go I'd say, and I've had a lot of time to look back on it, but no matter how much I think about how nice it would be to rewrite parts that I didn't really like I still love it a fair amount. Though Maybe thats because of the philosophies and whatnot present in it that made it feel closer to home that it actually is.

Chapter Title: The Cracks Breaking it All
ARC 7

I woke up screaming.

On the floor of my room.

"MY ARM!"

"AAAAAAARGH!"

"Make it STOP, make it Stop!"

My arm felt like it had been blown off in some explosion-

Phantom Pains shrouded my left arms stump as I felt someone's embrace tightening around me, my hand was clamped around the stump as it writhed with pain and tortured my mind.

The yelling died in my throat as the pains began to fade somewhat as it did begin to let up on my body and everything around me became clearer. I realized that there was some amount of sunlight trying to make its way into the room through the gaps in the curtains, my eye spent quite a while trying to focus on everything in my room.

"'Ake?" my sister's voice brought my attention towards where I now saw her looking very frantic and scared slowly crawling toward me.

I realized among other things that I was curled up into a ball tucked into myself still gripping the stump of my left arm while a blank that had been on my bed was tangled around me, along with this Mum was- well my head was on her lap while my sister continued to close in before launching us.

After recovering from subsequently being hit by Akatsuki when she launched at Mum and me, I tried to get up when I felt a pressure on my body keeping me down and still using Kaede's lap as a pillow.

"Mum could you please let me up? I feel better no-"

"No."

"What?! What do you mean?" I angled my head so that I could see her, she was smiling slightly.

"Takezou, are you alright?" She ignored my question.

I wasn't really sure what she wanted, this had happened a few times before or at least I mean to say these phantom pains showed up within the last month. We were in early December so it was pretty cold right now just laying on the floor like this, sure Akatsuki had a blanket but she had stolen it off my bed and was basically holding onto Mum for extra warmth.

"I'm doing fin-"

"I asked how you were Take, are you alright?" Her tone was more serious and it surprised me for some reason. "You- you're my son and second child… just because your older sister isn't here to look after you for me doesn't mean I'll neglect how much this is all affecting you"

At the mention of Katsuya… Kaede's voice sounded like she was holding back tears. It shocked me that she would even really talk about the sister I would have grown up with if not for complications, she never talked about her and only ever did much about her when her birthday came around- from what I could remember she would visit a Shrine on Katsuya's birthday and would celebrate it.

That might be a sad fact, but it was the truth, I think it's why Mum is so clingy with 'Tsuki and me let alone with Sasuke and Hinata when they had come over.

Ever since I stopped being a Shinobi or even before that when I had slowed down and started doing less missions she became happier, she was so proud and glad when I told her that I was teaching kids at Ume's dojo.

Honestly I think she was just scared of losing everything in her life, she was already so close to that.

"I'm terrified of dying, losing my arm has made my life so much harder and I hate it." I began rambling off how I was really feeling to her. "Losing my eye has made it hard to talk to people just because they won't make eye contact for fear of offending me for staring at it, I'm- I'm scared that's why I stopped being a shinobi- I hate that I killed people and can't get their faces out of my head- sometimes I would see them when I was at Kyudo..."

"Sometimes I wake up screaming into the night silently and it's always from the same dream where I'm back in the Forest of Death- it always ends with Hinata and Sasuke being killed in front of me and I can't do anything to stop it- I feel so weak next to everyone..."

"For all that I can remember of being a kid I've always been frightened that everything I do isn't enough- that I'm not strong enough- I'm not fast enough- I'm not smart enough- that… that I'll lose even more than I already have..."

"Aunty Rei helped me a little not too long ago when something happened, but no matter how many people are around me I feel inadequate and useless in comparison to everyone… I don't have a goal! I don't have an Ambition! Nothing to dream of! Only a head of thoughts- A body of scars and a heart filled with fears-"

I was cut off from ranting when my mother who was now crying had dragged me up and was holding me tight, tighter than all those hugs in the hospitals. Akatsuki had joined as well, kids were always more perceptive than adults and I knew that she understood what was happening more than someone might give her credit for.

All I wanted was something to hold and have, something that I could strive towards.

It's why I had thought Rei's suggestion about finding someone was something I might actually do, because then I could have someone… someone else… something more… I just wanted something.

Everything has had a price too.

How else could you explain it all?!

An amazing and loving family- that got me chakra that's trying to kill me! I'm sure of it! Losing Dad and my left eye and arm had to be for all the good things that had finally started happening to me!

[Thoughts Of His Arm]

It was later in the day now, Mum had finally let me go, Akatsuki was still sticking around and providing a distraction while Mum had started making food. We were in Dad's study, I was in my black Kimono with some thick socks I had brought a while ago, we had the heater on and my sister wrapped up in the blanket from my bed sitting on a couch that was in the room reading a book out loud. I would help her with words when she got stumped.

Otherwise I was just looking through the pages of a notebook that had been on one of the shelves, I thought it was weird seeing as I had this vague memory of burning a bunch of these notebooks written by me. There was another one next to it written out in Dad's handwriting that was about Jutsu and such.

There was a knock on the door and Mum opened it "Foods ready you two." was all she said and 'Tsuki had already bounced out of the room as mum was turning away, I followed slowly after.

We all sat down and ate together, she had made enough food to feed us five times over.

The day went on and the leftovers were eaten for dinner as well and based on how much there still was left I would say we'd be eating it all for at least the next few days.

Mum did end up staying in the study with my sister and I, she was reading a book for the most of it, other than that she was asking me about teaching at the Dojo and what it was like for me to prepare stuff for them, she asked about their names and whatnot. Outside of that discussion she was helping Akatsuki.

The next morning I decided to get dressed in my Konoha blues- while I wasn't a Shinobi anymore the clothes were well insulated so I could keep myself warm in them and I used my chakra to give it that extra omph. Aside from them though I did put on the prosthetic arm under everything as well as that I put boots on because I didn't want to freeze my toes and put my hooded cloak as well as a pair of black gloves before heading out.

Once outside though I began trekking through the snow until I reached a point where there were enough buildings close enough together for me to hop from roof to roof.

The crunching of snow under my boot filled my ears along with all the voices I could hear coming from below in the streets where all the citizens of Konoha were still out shopping, working or setting up for the upcoming festival that I was actually looking forward to. Aside from all that though, I was still thinking about yesterday morning, I had never really done something like that before as far as I was aware.

I imagine most everyone would have never done something like that, even now I can't believe I said so much. Some of it didn't even sound like stuff that was in my head, but at the same time it was everything that I felt.

What I was traveling through the village for was to visit the Kyudo dojo and see about at least figuring out if I could use a bow with this new arm, then I would head to my grandparents to discuss the arm itself and if I had time I would get lunch and head up to the top of the Hokage monument to eat because I really did like the view up there.

It was while I was hoping roofs that I felt a weight in the inner pocket of the cloak as whatever it was bounced out and fell to the ground hitting some metal on its way, which was what actually made me realize it had happened because it was so loud. Stopping a few buildings away I turned back to where I thought I had heard it and in the snow lying face up was my hitai-ate on the black cloth I had it on- having never actually gotten around to getting a hat or bandana for it.

Picking it up off the snowy ground with my left arm the sunlight glinted off it.

"Huh… haven't seen you in a while." looking over the cloth and metal my brow furrowed before I took it in my right hand and tied it around my neck for the time being, after that I began walking away then leapt off.

As I continued I thought about the headband and all the memories that I had forgotten now resurfacing with it.

It reminded me that Sasukes was at home in my room next to our team photo that I had on my desk, I would see him again some day, I wasn't sure when but I would and I knew that I would give it back to him.

That's how I would welcome him home properly.

Well that or a party with Sensei and Hinata there.

I… I don't remember him too well, but if he's like everyone else then I should remember them and our memories together again when I lay my eyes on him, I had originally forgotten a fair bit about Sensei as well as Hinata and our academy classmates until I saw them in person again.

Actually… I don't really remember what Sasuke looks like, all I remember is red eyes. Hypnotic red patterned eyes, I'm not sure why, but that's all I can draw from my memories of his looks when I think about him solely.

That didn't matter at the moment though I slowed down as the Kyudo Dojo came into sight, hoping down into the street I walked towards the building.

[Archery Was Like Snowflakes]

It was probably mid afternoon when I finally left my grandparents house and headed out to get something to eat. Finally, I had gotten something to snack on at the Dojo, but it wasn't really enough to satiate me until I got home.

On my way to buy food I passed a ramen stall that looked vaguely familiar 'Ichiraku' the Kanji on the signs outside of it read, It was probably sacrilege to mention as much, but I didn't like ramen. I just never really felt attracted to the tastes it offered, it was probably why I had a love for cooking so much. Though it had been a while since I had gotten a chance to do as much.

Hmm.

I wasn't really sure if Mum had started teaching Akatsuki about cooking, but I was probably going to start doing that soon seeing as I had so much time on my hands or hand. I'm sure it would be fun, plus the best part about cooking is eating the food when you're done, and obviously when you cook better stuff the experience is better.

Anyhow I continued on to a stall that I was relatively familiar with going to that sold a wide variety of hot meals, those of which had become quite popular now that it was so cold. Gratefully when I arrived though there wasn't a huge line or anything, just two or three people getting their orders. I brought Yakitori and Gyoza, I wasn't really interested in buying sweets at the moment, mainly because that involved a tea shop that mostly had Shinobi customers.

Wait…

Oh.

I'm still wearing my…

Stopping I walked over to a planter. I put down the food and took off the Hitai-ate that was still tied up around my neck. I had completely forgotten it was there, was I used to wearing it?

I still can't remember much about my time as a Ninja, only that it happened, which was why I didn't know much about my own team.

There's still so much I don't know.

It took awhile for me to reach the spot I wanted to have lunch at even when I was roof hopping, mostly because I misjudged the jumps on more than a few occasions resulting me catching the said of a building where it seemed my Ninja training kicked in and I began walking up the wall of the building. There was something about it happening that always filled my head with images that felt like they were my memories, but at the same time like they were someone else's.

Walking onto the metal walkway that hung off the side of the mountain I looked out over the snow covered village and all the buildings that had lights on, the big red building that was the Hokage's tower and the academy which I could still see a few kids playing around near even from this far away, though I owed that up to the chakra that always seemed to do things for me without me really doing anything with it actively. Like it was just in mine or its nature to just do it.

Something about seeing the smoke stacks coming from many of the houses that had fireplaces reminded me of Dad, It also reminded me of my new addiction and how much I craved for a cigarette at that very moment.

AN: Next Week is the final chapter and likely my favourite one I ever wrote for it, it's a reference to one of my all time favourite Fate Series movies- well not really a reference more like an homage to it.