I gazed out at the sea ahead of me, the silence except for the waves and birds filling in the void, and the cool wind hitting my cheeks that were riddled with tears from my eyes. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I broke down crying again and couldn't stop for a few minutes...I was really going through it. I never thought I'd be on a beach crying and crying to myself but here I was all alone except the waves crashing onto the shore as if they were telling me to stop. It was gloomy outside so the sun was hidden away from me, the clouds weren't going any time soon, and it was a fitting setting for how I was feeling right now. As a matter of fact, gloomy is the correct word to describe my situation as well. I lifted my head to the sky wondering what the hell did I even do to deserve the hell I'm going through now...then again life will throw anything and everything at you so you just have to learn to roll through the punches. Sometimes it's not a fair game at all but it is what it is. There is no way to turn back the hands of time because that is simply impossible. Moving forward is the only way to go because you can never go backwards while navigating through life.

I wiped my tears away with some Kleenex I grabbed out of the pockets of the hoodie I was wearing then felt my phone ringing in my purse. I grabbed it, looked at the name in utter disgust, and then answered it.

"Where are you?" I said.

"I just pulled into the parking lot."

"I'm sitting by the water in a black hoodie so you can't miss me."

"Alright."

Forever seemed to pass instead of a few minutes and I finally heard someone call my name after I waited for them to arrive to meet me here.

"Tia?"

I slowly looked to my right to see Tyson looking at me with a solemn look on his face as he waited to see what if I actually would stay to talk to him.

"You actually showed up," I said with a slightly snarky tone. "The most faithful you've been to me in awhile."

"Look, I want to talk to you and I don't want to fight, Tia."

"I am still upset with you."

"I understand but you need to be level headed right now if we're going to talk. You wanted to meet me here."

"True." I scooted over on my beach towel to let Tyson sit next to me. "You want to start first or you want me to start first?"

"I think I should start first because the last time we spoke, you had a lot to tell me."

"Yes, you're right." I took a deep sigh and looked at him. "Go ahead."

"Alright. I know I fucked up. I fucked up bad and I wish I could take back what I did but I can't so I can only ask for your forgiveness if you want to forgive me."

"I forgive you, Tyson. It's just I didn't expect things to get out of control like they did and I was becoming miserable and it was unbearable."

"I'm sorry that my drinking got out of control," he said. "I just...I just wasn't thinking. I was in pain some days so I just...did whatever it took to numb the pain."

"I tried to get you help but you didn't want it and when I had had enough we ended up arguing and having a big fight…" I stopped talking after that sentence.

"I was wrong for what I did. I was. Luckily the kids weren't around to see me acting a fool like I was. I'm sorry for hurting you, the kids, and being selfish. I'm sorry for not thinking about the consequences of my actions."

I looked out at the sea and took a really deep breath as I processed what Tyson was telling me. I decided to ask him a question that I couldn't keep to myself anymore and needed to be asked.

"What do you propose we do? Because you need to get the help you have to get and I can't keep dealing with you drinking like a damn fish, getting drunk, and getting irritated with me if I tell you to put the damn flask down. I can't take this anymore, Tyson."

Tyson didn't say anything at first as he too looked out at the sea to think about whatever it was he needed to think about.

"I sense that I'm making you very unhappy and even though you love me very much, you need time away from me as well. I don't want to keep putting you and the kids through any more turmoil so I think it's best if we either separate or get a divorce."

I looked at him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You never made me unhappy: your actions did." I then grabbed his hand and held it tight in mine as my tears began to flow down my face again. "And I think...we should...separate. Give us some time to ourselves."

"That's best for us now."

I broke down crying and Tyson held me in his arms as I know he started crying, too.

I never thought I'd ever tell my own husband who I love very dearly that I'd want to get a separation but it happened.

Life is unpredictable and you just have to roll with the punches.

Shit.