Disclaimer: I have never nor will ever own any of the characters. They belong to Rob Thomas. If I did own them, I would never have done what he did.
Chapter Eight
Veronica's POV
Emerging from the shower with ridiculous grins plastered across our faces, I can't help but be amazed at what a difference not even twelve hours can make. Less than twelve hours ago I was standing on the beach feeling broken beyond repair and now I am standing hand in hand with Logan and I can't help but feel blissfully happy.
We climb back into bed and lay on our sides, facing each other, fingers intertwined between us on the mattress. For a while we are content just to lay there and bask in the marvelous feeling that we are once again back together.
However, the desire for answers to the questions about the past year soon win out and I know that I can no longer keep quiet. From years of having to deal with the secrets that the Navy forces him to keep, I know that I probably won't get as many of the answers that I want, if I even get any at all. I know that he is as lost in the dark as I am as to why they never informed me about his survival, so I don't even bother to bring that up. That can wait until after Logan has a, what I am sure to be, very heated discussion with his CO about the incompetence that lead to me believing that he perished in the bombing.
The one question that I fear the answer to keeps running through my mind. After several failed attempts to ask what I am thinking, I finally am able to find my voice and ask him, "How long are you home for?" I know that he can be called back at any time that the Navy feels necessary, even if he just got back, but I am hoping that the circumstances of the last year will at least allow us to have a certain amount of set time together.
He sighs and brings his hand up to run it through his hair saying, "I can't do it anymore. I want out. My reenlistment came due while I was under deep cover, so it was never discussed, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm going to ask for my honorable discharge." I start to comment, but before I can he continues. "There were so many times over the last year when I thought that I wasn't going to make it. I would find myself in a situation where I would think, this is it, this is the end of Logan Echolls. And while there was always the fear of dying, my biggest fear and regret was always that I would never be able to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you and that the last words that you would have heard me say to you were a mumbled statement that I was going to move the car. And now with imagining what the last year has done to you because of my Navy career, it just isn't worth it anymore. Protecting you is my only priority from here on out and I will do anything in my power to never hurt you again. I'm so sorry Veronica."
I lay there stunned, processing everything that he has just told me. I never thought that he would say that he was done with the Navy. I know how much it means to him and how it helped to shape him into the kind of man that he really wanted to be. Secretly, ok maybe not so secretly, I had always hoped that his Navy career would end sooner rather than later, but I always figured that it would be the source of many fights before he came to that decision, many years down the road. Now he is telling me that this is what he wants, without any yelling and saying things that we can't take back and I am not sure how I feel about it.
The silence apparently becomes too much when he asks me, "What are you thinking?" I look down at our fingers that are laced together and sigh, "I can't believe that I am even going to say this, but I can't let you do that. I can't ask you to give up your dreams. You love what you do. It gives you a sense of purpose that you sought after for so many years. It would be like you asking me to stop being a PI, which you know I wouldn't do because it is a huge part of me just like your Navy career is a huge part of you. Asking you to give up that part of yourself is how the old selfish Veronica used to be, and I can't be that person anymore. Look at what it almost cost me. It almost cost me you. If I wouldn't have been so insistent on taking the Neptune bomber case, then that bomb would have never been in our car and I would not have spent the last year thinking that I was a widow."
I look up from my long-winded rant and see the smirk that is on his face. He starts to chuckle as he asks me," Are you done?" I give a soft gasp and furrow my eyebrows as I playfully shove him with my hand in the shoulder. He grabs my hand as I pull it away and pulls me close for a gentle kiss, laughing at himself the whole time. "I love you" he says, "but I am doing this." I start to protest but he silently raises his hand as an indication for me to stop as he continues, "You aren't asking me to do anything. I am telling you that this is what I want. I want to be able to come home to you every night. I want to not dread every time the phone rings, that it is the call that is going to send me back out on deployment and away from you again. We have wasted so much time over the last almost twenty years being apart, whether it be from the Navy or the nine years that we didn't even speak, and I just can't do it anymore. I don't need the Navy Veronica, I need you!"
Still laying on my side, I prop myself up on one arm, so that I can really look down at him and see his whole face as I contemplate everything that he has just said. I start to argue because that is what I do best, but I stop myself when I realize that this is one argument that I don't want to win. I want the same things that he does. I don't ever want to see him walk out of the door and wonder if it is the last time that I will see him. I don't want to wait days or weeks at a time between skype phone calls, and I don't want to hold anything back because I fear that if I love him too much and let him too close it will all be taken away from me. I softly run my fingers down his cheek, stroking the side of his face with a feather soft touch. He closes his eyes and leans his head into my hand's embrace and the only thing that I can say is, "I love you too."
He smiles the first smile that truly lights up his entire face. The last time that I saw that smile was when he was saying, "I do." I'm not sure if he understands that my declaration is me agreeing to the end of his Navy career or if he just thinks that the argument can wait for later, but he continues to smile as he takes my hand that is still stroking his cheek and brings my fingers to his lips and places soft kisses across my knuckles. With the kiss to my last knuckle he breathes in a deep yawn. It is at that moment that I start to feel just how exhausted I am too. He leans forward and sweetly kisses my nose, my cheeks, and finally places a lingering kiss on my lips. I smile at him, but I am unable to contain my own yawns now, so with one final kiss, I roll over, so my back is pressed up against his chest and pull his arm around me, lacing our fingers together in front of me. I lay there loving the feeling of his heart beating from his chest against my back. I am lulled to sleep by his steady breathing and the rhythm of his heart.
In the early hours of the morning as the sun is just beginning to crest over the horizon, and while Pony snores contentedly on the floor, we sleep entangled in each other's arms, not sure where one of us ends and the other begins. It is the most peaceful night of sleep that I have had since the night before our wedding because I am finally back where I belong and no longer need remind myself how to breathe.