Disclaimer: I have never nor will ever own any of the characters. They belong to Rob Thomas. If I did own them, I would never have done what he did.
Veronica's POV
Chapter Eleven
Figuring out how to break the news to our friends was going to be interesting. How do you tell your husband's best friend that he isn't dead? I'm not going lie, Dick tends to absolutely annoy the shit out of me, but he Logan's best friend and has been a part of our lives for what almost seems like forever. And while we are being honest, I have to admit that he was a key part in helping me grieve.
He wasn't around as much as my dad and Wallace, but he still managed to show up and make sure that I was not just lying in my bed and refusing to face the world. In true Dick fashion, he was usually a giant pain in the ass, constantly making comments that were laced with sexual innuendos and just generally not appearing to take anything serious.
However, I will never forget the silent support that he gave me when we were faced with the difficult task of "burying" Logan. I remember standing there next to the empty casket as it was being lowered into the ground, clinging to the flag in my arms.
My dad stood on one side holding my hand and Wallace on the other, my arm that is holding the flag looped through his, each trying to offer me support as I attempted to not have a full-blown breakdown graveside. However, the most surprising source of comfort was the strong hand the was placed on my shoulder. Dick stood behind me, his hand gently squeezing my shoulder, trying to be reassuring with his touches and convey that we would be ok.
When he first placed his hand there, I jumped at the contact, but I turned my head to the side and looked up at his face and saw the silent tears that were running down his cheeks and in that moment I saw the heartbreak that he very rarely let anyone see. I am pretty sure that other than Logan, no one has seen Dick that emotionally exposed and I found myself surprisingly grateful for his presence.
The four of us stood there long after the casket was lowered into the ground and everyone else had left, no one wanting to be the first to walk away. It was Dick who finally started guiding us towards the limo that was waiting to take us home. That was the only time that he allowed any of us to see how much the loss of Logan was affecting him.
After that he would always attempt to be his typical Dick self, but every once in a while, when he thought that I wasn't watching, he would stand looking at the pictures that I still had displayed in the apartment and for a second the sadness would be evident in his eyes, but just as quickly, he would visibly shake his head, as if he was trying to clear his thoughts, and the sadness would be gone.
I know that his brave face was for my benefit, but I often wondered how he was really coping with Logan's death behind closed doors. I'm distracted by all these thoughts and memories as we drive over to Dick's. I look over at the apprehension that is displayed on Logan's face and wonder if just showing up is the best idea.
"Are you sure that the 'rip the band aid off' approach is the best idea?" I ask nervously.
"No, I don't know if it is the best way to tell him or not, but it's the best idea that I have right now. I never considered the logistics of what my return would be. I just wanted to get home. I never considered how difficult it might be to become a part of everyone's lives again."
He is clearly upset by his declaration and I don't want him to think that any of us would ever not want him to be here with us. "Logan, you know how happy I am that you are home right? Please don't think that our conversation at my dad's in any way meant that you being here hasn't given me my life back and our friends are going to be just as happy. Well hopefully not quite as happy, unless there was something that I didn't know about going on between you and Dick," I snicker.
"You think that you are so cute."
"I know I'm cute."
"Yes, you are," he says bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it. "What if he is mad? What if we can't get back to the friendship that we had before?"
"I don't think that you need to worry about that. Dick hasn't been the same since we thought you were gone. He tries to act the same, tell his same dirty jokes, even tries to agitate and provoke me into telling him how much of an idiot I think he is, but I can tell that his heart isn't in it. It's all an act, a front that he puts up, thinking that it helped me to not be so sad. His eyes don't light up with the same mischievous mirth that I was always accustomed too. When he thought he lost you, he thought he lost another brother and I was too focused on my own grief to comfort him."
The look of guilt that I am becoming very familiar with lately, crosses his face and I can sense the internal battle that is waging in his head.
"Logan, we all missed you so much. After you were gone, whenever we would all get together, or even if it was just a couple of us, it just didn't feel right. Something was always missing and that missing piece was always you. Having you back makes us all whole again and I know that everyone, including Dick will feel the same way and no one will blame you for what happened."
"That doesn't mean that he won't still slug me for letting you all think that I was dead."
"Well Dick will be Dick."
When we arrive at Dick's, it is my turn to be the first to exit the car. Logan quickly follows, falling into step beside me. I think about knocking, but I decide not to. I don't think that standing outside is the best place for Dick to find out, so I don't want him to come and answer the door. I'm really not sure how he is going to react.
We walk into the house and find Dick clicking through the channels, not really paying attention to what is on the screen, but also not bothering to pull his eyes away from the tv and look at us. He somehow still knows it's me without me saying a word.
"Ronnie, you can't just walk in here whenever you want to. What if I had been entertaining a lovely lady?" he starts in already.
"By entertaining, do you mean babysitting, because the last few girls that I recall you entertaining still qualified as barely not needing a babysitter," I banter back.
"Seriously Ronnie I can't help it that all of the ladies love the Dickster. You're just jealous that the only action that you get from me is when you steal my batteries to use in your vibrator."
Logan hasn't said anything since we walked in, he just stood and listened to us bickering back and forth, so I'm a little surprised that when I am about to snark back that I think that he is the jealous of my vibrator because it gets more action than he does, he stops me by placing his hand on my arm.
"I somehow don't think that her vibrator is going to get much use anymore," Logan finally decides that he has a voice.
Of course, it just figures that the first words that he would speak to his best friend in a year would be about my vibrator. Only with these two.
Dick still has his back to us, but the second that Logan speaks, all evidence of joking leaves his posture. He instantly straightens up; back stiffening and I notice a slight tremble in his hand as he drops the remote that had been idly flipping through the channels.
"Veronica, if you have somehow found some elaborate way to fuck with me, with Logan's voice, I'm not laughing. This is cruel even for you," Dick says, still not turning to look at us.
I'm taken aback by the tone of his voice and the fact that I didn't even know that Dick knew what my actual name was. He was always happy to mockingly call me Ronnie.
"She isn't fucking with you Dick."
He turns and finally looks at the two of us and I'm surprised by the angry look that appears on his face. He stands motionless for a moment before he comes around the couch to where we are standing and shoves Logan. I start to move forward trying to put myself between the two of them, but Logan puts his arm up indicating for me to stay where I am.
He shoves him again, pushing him harder while angrily proclaiming, "What the hell is this? Where the hell have you been? What kind of sick joke have you two been pulling?"
Each question is punctuated by another nudge backwards. I watch as Logan lets him continue to repeat the same questions over and over, apparently sensing that he is trying to deal with the emotions that Logan's return has brought to the surface.
I can tell that his anger is losing steam as the pushes and questions grow weaker and weaker. Logan must have sensed the same things that I was because with one final shove he grabs ahold of Dick, grabbing one of his hands and pulls him into a one-armed hug that is supposed to be masculine, the only sounds in the room now being the gentle slaps to the back that accentuate their "bro hug."
In those moments, it occurs to me just how much their friendship means to the two of them as Logan keeps repeating, "It's ok man. I'm here."
Their moment passes and Dick steps back, trying to wipe away the few tears that have fallen before he thinks that I have noticed, but it is too late because I have already seen them.
However, now is not the time for me to say anything about them and so I pretend to not have noticed and let him think he got away with showing emotions that he has tried so long to keep at bay for my sake.
I walk over to Dick and shock us both by wrapping him in a hug. For a moment, he stands there, arms frozen at his side, not returning my embrace, but then he gives me a tentative hug and asks, "What was that for?"
"For everything that you did for me while Logan was away."
"Just admit it, you know you want me."
I smack him upside the back of the head. "You're an idiot."
We all three can't help but laugh, grateful that the sad moment has passed.
We decide that it would be easier if we tell Wallace and Shae Logan's story at the same time as Dick instead of having to go through the whole process again once we leave here. So, while Logan orders food for us all, I call Wallace and tell him that something important has come up and ask if him and Shae could meet us at Dick's.
He reluctantly agrees, not liking the fact that I refuse to tell him anything until they are here and probably wondering why I would be willingly hanging out at Dick's.
I walk back into the room after ending my call with Wallace and see that Logan must be done ordering food as well. They sit in the living room neither one really saying anything to each other. Dick is clearly staring at Logan and it is obviously starting to make him uncomfortable.
"Seriously Dick, stop staring at me."
"I can't help it man. You can't just show up here and expect me to not stare, especially since I have no idea what the hell could have happened to allow you to be here."
Logan is saved from having to respond to that as the doorbell rings. I go to answer the door, not sure whether it is our food or Wallace and Shae. I open the door to see the questioning eyes of my best friend, clearly still trying to figure out the point of my rather impromptu need to have them at Dick's.
I open the door to allow them to come in, but as I do, Logan walks up behind me, pulling out his wallet. He must have assumed that it was our food. He attempts to hand me bills from his wallet, not really looking up.
At this point Wallace and Shae have taken notice to the person trying to hand me money. Shae gasps and her hand goes to her mouth, her eyes starting to well with unshed tears and Wallace lets out a very ineloquent "Holy Shit!"
Dick snickers in the background, finding amusement in Wallace's first reaction to seeing Logan.
I turn and glare at him, trying to convey how I don't think that he should be laughing right now, which just makes him laugh even harder.
We are all still standing there looking at each other completely dumbfounded as to what to say or do at the exact moment when the delivery guy arrives with our Chinese.
The poor guy has to clear his throat twice before Logan finally moves forward to pay the man. He places a handful of bills in the guy's hand, who starts to argue that he has given him way too much, but Logan grabs the food, tells him to keep the change, and ushers Shae and Wallace inside.
The reprieve offered by the food delivery has finally shocked Wallace out of his silent stupor and he is hurling the same questions at Logan that he has been hearing since his arrival home.
I look over at him and watch him bring his hand up to massage the back of his neck and I notice how much the strain of the day must have been taking on him. He looks tired and stressed and I wonder if it was a good idea to tell all of the important people in our lives in the same day.
I walk over to him and pull his hand down that is worriedly rubbing the back of his neck and lace my fingers with his, trying to give him silent support.
We still haven't explained anything and I can tell that Wallace is starting to get a little annoyed by everyone's silence.
I try to make light of the situation, hoping to take some of the stress off of Logan by throwing my hand that isn't holding Logan's into the air and yelling, "Surprise."
Dick snickers again and says, "Hey, this kind of reminds me about Logan's surprise party years ago. We all definitely got a surprise that night that we expecting then too."
Logan's face breaks into a smile at the mention of that very eventful night and that somehow manages to break the tension in the room.
The food momentarily forgotten, we all head into the living room and take a seat. I take pity on Logan, not wanting him to have to go through the whole story again, for the third time in 24 hours, and begin the process of explaining to our friends everything that I know about the circumstances that brought us all back together after the last year.
While relaying the story, I mostly keep my eyes locked on Logan. However, I do glance at our friends periodically, trying to gauge their reactions to everything that I am saying. Dick looks utterly confused, maybe trying to figure out just like I did, how exactly this happened. Shae looks on the verge of tears the entire story. I notice that she keeps reaching out and gently placing her hand on my arm, giving it reassuring squeezes when my voice gets choked up as I briefly explain our reunion.
The look on Wallace's face causes me to be concerned. I can tell that he is angry and the more I continue, the angrier he gets. I've made it most of the way through, at the point where I am explaining the visit with my dad this morning when Wallace clearly can't contain his anger anymore.
He glares at Logan, "How could you let them do this to her? Didn't you fucking care about what this was doing to her? What she went through. What we all went through trying to put her back together again. Do you know how hard it was to look at her and wonder if I would ever see the sparkle back in her eyes that has been gone since that day? Or how much it killed me to look at the broken shell of a person that used to be my best friend?
I stare at Wallace shocked, my mouth hanging open, my mind reeling from everything that he has just said. I knew that this was hard on everyone, but I never imagined what a huge impact my sadness had been on him.
Dick jumps in quickly to defend Logan, my mind still clearly not caught up enough to make any sort of intelligent statement. "Dude, didn't you hear the part where Ronnie said that he didn't know. He thought she knew and even if he didn't, what was he supposed to do? I've been sampling my special brownies today and still heard all of that. What is your excuse?"
I look over at Logan and see the absolutely heartbroken expression on his face and that finally prompts my brain to start working again and I look at Wallace, silently pleading with my eyes for him to calm down.
"None of this is Logan's fault. He is as much of a victim of the horrible circumstances of the last year as the rest of us," I try to explain.
Wallace doesn't look convinced, but Shae attempts to calm him by rubbing up and down his back. He visibly relaxes and I can tell when he looks at me that he isn't over this, but he will let it go for now.
I let out a deep sigh and take another look at Logan, who is not making eye contact with anyone as he sits with his elbows on both of his knees and his shoulders slumped forward. He looks so defeated and so pale and I wonder how much more he can take. The day has us both so exhausted and I know that despite the fact that I'm sure our friends still have many unanswered questions; I think that we will need to head home sooner rather than later.
I must have been deep in my own thoughts for longer than I realized because when I look away from Logan, there is a plate of food that is being placed in my hands. I'm not even sure who had gotten up and brought it in here or when.
No one knows what else to say at this point, as we are all trying to digest everything that has happened, so we all attempt to eat, even though most of us are just idly pushing our food around our plates.
After a while, Shae stands and says that it is getting late and they need to get home to relief the sitter. Wallace reluctantly stands and makes his way with her to the door. I stand to follow and when we get to the door, he pulls me into a tight hug. I return the embrace and tell him that I will call him tomorrow, as I'm sure that we aren't done discussing all of this.
After they leave, I walk back into the living room and take both of Logan's hands in mine, "Come on big boy, let's get you home," I say as I pull him to his feet.
He still hasn't said anything and I am really starting to worry.
Dick walks us to the door and I tell him goodbye and that I am sorry for leaving him with such a mess from dinner, even though he doesn't really seem phased by it.
He stops us as we near the door by grabbing onto Logan's shoulder, forcing him to turn around. He nervously says, "You aren't going anywhere, right man? I mean I'm not going to wake up in the morning and you will just be gone again right?"
Logan gives him a sad smirk and looks at me, "No, I'm not going anywhere. There's not a force in this world that would be strong enough to take me away from her again."
This seems to placate him enough for now, so he drops his hand from Logan's shoulder, but before we can walk out, he says, "Good because I will kick your ass if you ever try anything like that again," his voice sounding thick towards the end.
My heart breaks a little when I again think about how hard this must have all been on Dick too and how little he let it show.
He says a quiet, "Night Ronnie." I turn around and give him a small wave as we make our way to the car.
I gently take the keys from Logan's hand and tell him that I will drive. He reluctantly agrees and walks around to the passenger side of the car.
I climb in and look over at Logan. I take his face between both of my hands and force him to look at me. The unshed tears in his eyes are my undoing and I climb across the console and place myself in his lap. I pull him close and gently kiss his lips. I allow him to deepen the kiss, sensing that he is finding comfort in our embrace.
We pull apart, breathless as he keeps me close with his forehead resting on mine.
"Are you ready to go home?" I ask him softly.
"Yeah let's go home," he says as he releases me and helps me to climb back over the console into the driver's seat.
I start the car, but before we drive away, I look at him and say, "I'm glad because I'm not done showing you how much I missed you."
He finally smiles and takes my hand, not letting go the whole way home.