Chapter 3 – Personality Shift

We walked out of the restaurant, still in deep discussion about nothing at all, when suddenly Bella stopped before entering the parking lot and an awkward heaviness fell over her.

She nervously bit her bottom lip. "Edward, I had a great time tonight. Of course, I wish you would have let me pay for my own dinner, but I appreciate the sentiment. It's actually been a while since I've had such a good evening, so thank you."

"I had a good time too," I replied, surprising myself with the honesty of that statement. "Well, it was good when we finally settled into dinner, but everything else was definitely interesting."

A look of confusion swept across her features, but she seemed to dismiss it. "Well, good luck with the remainder of your summer internship. I'm sure you'll do really well with the rest of your schooling."

"I'm not so sure about that, but hopefully. I doubt I'll ever be as successful as owning my own bookstore."

She smiled bashfully, tucked her hair behind her ear, and then said, "I'm sure you'll be a great doctor someday. Thanks again, and goodnight." Then she surprisingly walked out into the dark parking lot, in the complete opposite direction of my car.

I probably should have called her back right away, but something made me pause and watch her for a moment. The glow of the moon illuminated her face and hair in the most breathtaking way, but even from the across the parking lot I could see the sudden panic in her eyes as she looked lost while scanning the cars. She truly didn't seem to know where she was or remember how she got there. It was all extremely mystifying.

"Bella," I said gently as I finally got my head out of my ass in order to remind her we had come together. "Uh, we're parked over there."

Her eyes widened. "You drove me here?"

"Yeah, you said you don't drive after dark," I replied slowly.

"Right," she said, but still didn't move. "You know what, I'll just call my dad and have him come pick me up. I'd hate to inconvenience you by taking me all the way home."

"Uh, we're in Port Angeles," I reminded her.

"We are?" she questioned with a gasp.

"Yeah, it would be a lot more inconvenient for your dad to come all the way out here to get you. It's really not an issue. I brought you here, I'll bring you home."

Bella reluctantly agreed, but as she buckled herself into the passenger seat of my car, she was visibly nervous.

"Is everything ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course," she tried assuring me, despite the fact that her knuckles were turning white in her lap, due to the tight way she was clinging to the hem of her dress.

This was not the same girl who was flashing truck drivers and sticking her head out the window that I had brought to Port Angeles, and I couldn't bite my tongue for a moment longer.

"I'm sorry, I have to ask; what's with the vast personality shift? You were like…beyond crazy on the ride out to the restaurant, and now you seem like you're trying to disappear into the seat."

She wouldn't look at me, which was probably a good thing since I was driving and shouldn't be meeting her eye anyway, but I could still sense her discomfort increasing tenfold.

I wasn't sure she was going to tell me anything, and I figured I probably offended her with my comment, but then she sighed. "Listen, Edward, I think you're a nice guy and all, but this is the exact reason why I don't date."

"What reason is that exactly?" I asked when she let her sentence trail off.

She inhaled deeply. "The reason why I seemed to have a vast personality shift, as you called it, is because I had a personality shift."

I raised my brows and pried my eyes from the road to say, "What now?"

"I have DID," she said bluntly.

When my response got stuck in my throat, she decided to explain.

"I don't expect you to know what DID is, and I don't like talking about it with people I hardly know because it is embarrassing and hard for people to understand. It's a mental disorder that…"

"I know what DID is," I interrupted her. "Dissociative Identity Disorder, more commonly known as Multiple Personalities. I learned a little about it in a pre-med psychology course; I just never thought I'd meet someone with the condition."

"It's more common than you would think," she informed me. "I mean, it's not common-common, but more than you would think."

I had so many thoughts running through my mind that it was hard to decipher through them. It made sense, given her behavior, but it was shocking.

When I failed to comment further, she misconstrued my silence for disturbance.

"I'm not dangerous," she said awkwardly. "Most people assume people with mental disorders are dangerous. I've never hurt anyone…as far as I know."

"I'm not scared of you," I assured her, finding the idea of a six-two man, such as myself, being scared of such a petite woman, slightly funny. "I'm just trying to process it," I explained. "So, you're saying the person who I took on this date…wasn't you? I mean, it was you, just not the same as the you that you are now?"

"Yeah. I don't date, so when I found myself in the restaurant bathroom, I was lost, and upset, and I really just wanted to get the hell out of there."

"Wait, so you don't remember anything that happens when you're not…you?" I questioned, finding it way more fascinating than I probably should have.

"Unfortunately, no, or maybe it's actually a blessing. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to know what's going on but have zero control of my words or actions. It's bad enough just having to deal with the aftermath of whatever chaos my alters create in my life."

"They create problems for you?"

She laughed once humorlessly. "How could they not? None of them are anything like me, and they all want to live the way they want to live. Just when I think I have things under control, I wake up and it's days later, or even weeks sometimes, and everything is seriously fucked up. Other people I've met with this disorder have alters that try to protect them, mine seem to want nothing more than to screw up my life completely."

"How many other personalities do you have?" I asked quietly, but my voice almost seemed loud compared to the deathly silence she momentarily left us in. "Or are you actually one of the personalities right now?"

"No, I'm me, Bella, but I can only guess as to who you were with at the beginning of this date. I have four distinctive alters, not including myself. Four that I know of anyway, that my father has been able to identify."

"So, you're saying that the other times we spent together, I was actually with one of your alters?"

"Or more than one, for all I know. Look, I don't usually discuss any of this with strangers, but I also don't usually see strangers multiple times either. Not even my alters can keep up with any kind of relationship lasting more than a day. But I do remember you from when you came into my bookstore, and you seemed to know me from an occasion prior to that. Now here we are, so I feel like I owe you an explanation and also to ask you to please don't contact me again. As far as I can tell, you seem like a nice guy, but I don't date."

"You said that several times now," I mumbled. "But judging by whoever agreed to go on this second date with me, I'd say not all of your alters agree with your no dating stance."

She let out a long hard breath. "That is weird. I've never known one of them to go out with anyone more than once. I'm guessing it was Alice, but she usually gets bored too quickly for follow up dates."

"Alice?" I questioned.

"All of my alters have their own names, and usually introduce themselves as such; which is why I was so surprised when you knew my name when we were at the bookstore. I have no idea why she would say her name was Bella. Alice is my… I guess there is no other way to describe her other than wild alter. She likes to party, and drink, and take home random men," she said ashamedly.

"Oh," I said, realizing that's probably exactly what happened.

"Oh, is right. I'm sure you can understand why dating doesn't work for me. Even if I found a great guy who was patient and understanding with my disorder, getting my alters to be faithful, and not total jackasses to him, is impossible."

"Yeah, I can see how that would be an issue for some guys."

"Some guys?" she snorted. "More like all guys. No man wants to potentially share his girlfriend."

"Yeah, unless he isn't looking for anything serious. I mean, you hear about people in open relationships all the time. It's just sex, right? Not really a big deal."

She shook her head incredulously. "Well, it's a big deal to me. I hate knowing I've had sex with people I don't even know. It literally makes my skin crawl." She paused, and then looked at me. "Wait, did we…"

"I think you're right about Alice," I partially admitted. "I definitely took you for a crazy chick. I mean, crazy in a wild way, not crazy as in having a mental disorder."

"So, we have had sex," she said, sounding embarrassed and horrified.

"Look, if I had known the truth about you, I wouldn't have…"

"No, it's not your fault," she cut me off. "I just really fucking hate my life sometimes."

She wrapped her arms around herself, making her body seem small, and I absolutely felt like shit. I didn't understand people being so uptight with their bodies and casual sex, but it clearly bothered her, which almost made me feel like I assaulted her in some way.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I tried saying, but she put her hand up to stop me.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sure you must be freaked out by all of this, and I'm sure having a crazy – as in mentally insane – woman in your car can be a bit nerve-wracking. I wish you never crossed paths with one of my alters. Hell, I wish no one ever crossed paths with any of my alters." She paused again, squeezed her eyes shut like she was in pain, and then said, "I'm just really sorry."

I sighed. "No harm done. Really. I liked you, or-uh- Alice, I guess, which is why I asked you out again, but it's not like I was in love or anything. In fact, on our way to the restaurant tonight, I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the entire meal."

"Do I even want to know what kind of uncontrollable antics she put you through?" Bella whined.

"Probably not," I replied. "But once you, or whatever, showed up, it was a really pleasant dinner."

"I'm so sorry," she repeated.

"You don't have to keep apologizing. This has definitely been entertaining."

"Well, I'm glad I could be your entertainment for the evening," she said, slightly bitter.

"I didn't mean it like that," I responded quickly.

"I know, and I'm not trying to be sensitive, it's just that I really did enjoy the time I had with you, and it makes me even more frustrated with myself. But I do appreciate your lack of a freak-out. That's rarer than the disorder itself."

I really didn't know where to take the conversation from there. She didn't have to tell me how shitty her situation was for me to see the pain on her face. I couldn't even imagine the day to day struggle of it, but I certainly could understand her frustration.

We didn't speak much more on the drive home, and when we got to her house, she apologized yet again, and thanked me for the evening. With no plans to ever meet up again, she wished me good luck in my future endeavors, and we said goodbye.

I drove away from her thinking that was that, but I found my recently dormant obsession with her not only reemerging but growing by the second. I wasn't sure if it was the budding doctor in me that was fascinated by her condition, or perhaps the guilt I felt over my casual fling with one of her alter-egos, but I couldn't get her out of my mind.

Bella didn't want to date, and I respected that, but making a new friend who was open and understanding couldn't hurt her, right? At least that was the excuse I was telling myself as I walked through the doors of her bookstore again. I would never admit it out loud, but I couldn't help but hope I got the chance to meet another of her alters….

…