Chapter 20 – Nostalgia: Light

It wasn't that he was escaping.

It wasn't as if he was leaving his dearest friend to pick up the falling pieces of what they lost to escape the aftermath of a war that preceded future wars he knew would come.

He simply didn't realize his predicament until after the deed was done. He honest to god didn't have much of a choice.

It was a dull morning after the lasts of the post-war conflicts were managed, the few terrorist groups that held radical ideals following the enemy's propaganda were shortly disbanded and their leaders publicly executed. The medical installations in the hastily assembled military force of Gotei 13 were packed full of wounded soldiers and bodies of war veterans on the brink of death.

He had woken up feeling somewhat disjointed, but shook himself out of the sleepiness and went out of his house. It was quiet, and the people seemed to be still in cloudy sleepiness to notice him walking down the path to the medical installation where Unohana Retsu was mostly likely working herself to exhaustion.

It was the sight of Yamamoto Genryuusai, a prominent figure and a war hero being cluttered with shinigami and important officials of the nobilities within the Seireitei, begging him to take the newly instated title as the head of Soul Society's military force, that greeted one particular redhead.

"As I said before, I couldn't possibly take up the title..." Yamamoto trailed off with a heavy sigh, trying his best to get rid of the pesky politicians as he made his way to visit his wounded disciples. He could already see Unohana Retsu's figure running back and forth between patients despite being handicapped with her broken arm, barely holding together with the tight wounding of bandages as she tried to heal the permanently disfigured shinigami in front of her. He wondered where Ukitake and Kyoraku were situated. Last he heard was that they were put in private wards.

Renji smirked at the obviously concerned look on his friend's expression and waved his way to him. "Morning, Ryu—"

He blinked. "Ryuu-san?" he watched as the group of men still walking, unperturbed, in the opposite direction. He frowned.

Did they just... walk past me?

He could hear the protests being spouted by the people surrounding his weary friend, one shinigami exclaimed, "but Genryuusai-dono, you are a war hero, you deserve to be the Captain-Commander, sir!"

"I don't think..." Yamamoto proceeded to appeal to the people of his reasonings, and their voices grew softer the more they walked further away from him.

Not to be discouraged by his new finding, Renji ran and shouted. "Ryuu-san!" he tried to grab his friend's shoulder, only to meet empty air.

His hand flew through the man.

And they couldn't see nor hear him. It was clear enough by the way he was shouting and embarrassing himself with his over the top gestures to try to get anyone's attention, and to fail. The panic grew in him the more time passed.

It wasn't long after that Yamamoto Genryuusai found out about his friend's disappearance. In fact, that day after he visited his wounded yet fortunately alive disciples, he went and visited the redhead's lodgings, to find no one was home. He had been utter worried when he found his friend unconscious some time after the battle. Retsu had deemed him unharmed, but he simply wouldn't wake, even weeks later. When he visited to find the redhead gone from his bed, he had hoped that he had awaken and simply gone out. but it was the same throughout the day, and the week went by without sight from the redhead.

In his panic, he searched high and low, his reiatsu touching every single living being he could reach, and yet no signal of Renji. He couldn't even feel the warmth generated by the Seika's blessing. In fact, the more he mulled over his thoughts, he realized that the warmth was already gone since the day at the now renamed Fourth Division medical ward.

It took him months to give up his search. Relenting that perhaps, given the Seika's nature, the deity would be roaming the land, the different dimensions and realms to find his future champion. Because he knew more than anyone else of his failure in defeating the enemy for good.

In what years it took for Kyoraku Shunsui, Ukitake Jushiro and Unohana Retsu to pull their mentor out of his depression since the certain disappearance of his once best friend and blessed angel, on the account of his self-admitted failure to fulfill his duty despite their protests, Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni was but a ghost of himself.

It took a while for Renji to adjust to his new form. His feelings longed and suffered to return to his comrades. But for a brief moment of his life, he felt freedom. Not the freedom he always thought. He wasn't free to go where he wanted and be who he wanted. He wasn't free to say whatever crap passed his head and do whatever his heart wished. It wasn't freedom of what any living being could imagine. It wasn't the conventional freedom anyone strived for, in any case, to be free of rules that govern and boundaries that restrict.

It was simply as if his container has been opened, and he was one with everything. It was like he didn't exist as anything at all.

It was a peculiar feeling, to be nothing and everything, to feel each drop of rain, each gust of wind and each grain of sand, and at the same time unaffected completely. He could dive into the seas and never had to hold his breath as he watched the majestic creatures of the deep, he could bathe in an active volcano and awed at the vibrant colors of the lava and not feel the extreme temperature. He was one with nature, and at the same time, a formless observer. He would marvel at the way reiryoku flowed in extreme clarity on all living beings, their life forces a vast network of connection and ultimately intertwining with him and took him on an abstract dance of energy.

He could feel, he could think and he could be as a living being did, yet at the same time, he was not. He was beyond form and physicality. He was everywhere and nowhere. He could be bound to the earth and fly across the sky. He could seek deep underground solace and soar free to the starry night. He could sway amongst the graceful clouds and feel their airy dance as they marched across the horizon. He could stare and stare and stare into the blazing sun and awed at the majestic colors of the sky as it bled red and orange and yellow. He could reach the ethereal moon and feel the gravitational force that pulls it to dance around the Earth in a space waltz. He could spend days and months in silence, not a single thought in his formless mind as the concept of time became meaningless.

Until everything became meaningless.

And he opened his eyes.

It was the force of a thousand tons of bricks that dawned upon his intangible body.

The state of disrepair. The forlorn agony that the people suffered in the aftermath of a relentless war that took and took and took—even after months of trying to get back on their feet.

He realized that his superficial freedom was not permanent. That everything he saw, everything he felt to be mother nature was a sugarcoat on what horrors life has in store. He saw, no, he was blinded by the majesty, the greatness of the forces of nature, that he forgot of all sufferings that the living endured.

He agonized over the fact that he couldn't be what he was before, a physical being that could at the very least help in the restoration of the villages torn down by the wars, help his dear friend Yamamoto in his rule as the Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13, help the souls rebuild their homes.

In the year that he became a boundless being, he never really experimented with what benefits came along with it. It was a rueful realization that despite the immense freedom and the feeling of nature that coursed throughout his entire being—he couldn't do anything. All the energy, the forces of natural reiryoku flew around and past him, they were not his to contain. He was incapable of energy creation, as he was incapable of anything but observe and feel the humane agony of the people as their life energy flow past him.

He Called for his Father to guide him, to help him find the way to become what he was before. He thought that, perhaps, a being as divine as the Tennō would be able to restore him, to return him to his life that he unintentionally left behind. He didn't expect the crushing answer that he got.

That it was his nature to abandon his physical form in search for the next champion to defeat 'Evil' once and for all, given the failure that Yamamoto brought before. He flinched at the coarseness of the fact, unable to bring himself to admit that his dear friend failed, thinking that sealing it away was already good enough, that Yamamoto had sacrificed enough—

"There is no way around it, my son. You will be in this boundless form until you regain enough natural reiryoku in your core of Light. Right now it is scattered across nature, but the more reiryoku you collected, the stronger the scattered core will be and in time, you will regain your ability to form."

In the meantime, it was best for you to search the next potential champion for the long ahead battle.

He couldn't stop himself from getting lost in rage, commanding nature as the wind got stronger and the ocean waves grew larger as they crashed on hanging cliffs, rivers run in a tumultuous race and the earth reverberates in place of his anger and helpless frustration.

He rued for the uncertainty of his return, if he ever would.

The Tennō had a saddened look in his eyes, akin to regret, as he observed into the open world, the rage and sorrow of the Light he felt rather than saw, the evidence laid catastrophe on uninhabited lands. Even in his fury, his sound and just Light was ever merciful of the sentients.

The Tennō knew that Renji would abide.

And he did.

He dived across all the living beings in all the realms, searching for a soul untainted as they went under extreme adversity.

It was a quiet night with no stars visible across the dark, foggy sky that was pierced by a sharp whistle of a war horn. Flaming arrows rained down the black canvas of the night towards a beautifully grand and unsuspecting Japanese mansion, painting the scenery a mystical red and orange glow as the flame spread on wooden boards and surrounding trees, several arrows uselessly landed on a large koi pond, hissing petulantly as they died a quiet death.

Heavy trampling of armored feet was heard next, along with the screams of terrors of women and children from within the once peaceful residence. Darkened samurais marched through amidst the chaos, deadly katanas gleaming dangerously under the orange glow of the flames that licked about in gleeful destruction. Harmful hands slicing across the air with deadly precision as they counted their death toll as they went deeper into the house, snatching women and children along the way to be passed to the next samurai, as the men of the house were slaughtered upon immediate contact.

And amongst the horror of the once innocent night, amongst the nightmare that would continue to plague his memories for as long as he remembered it, he found him. A boy, no more than five years of age, hidden within a secret door with the large hand of his guard clamped shut across his nose and mouth, preventing him from making a single sound as he struggled to reach his mother from beyond the small enclosure, violated right before his very eyes.

He waited. He watched the boy, unable to close his eyes even as the torturous night proceeded to rob the young child of everything he had, and snatched from himself his once beautiful outlook on humanity.

If this is the world I am allowed to live in, I am in hell.

He was there as the boy came to a realization that not all humanity was good. He was there as the boy clenched his fists tight in his hands, his teeth biting into his lower lip until they bleed and he watched stinging teardrop after teardrop fell on his stained cheeks as he was led to safety while the rest of his unfortunate family left for dead.

He was there as the boy's eyes glimmered in fury and retribution. As the boy declared to himself that he would destroy all that was evil, if so evil caused his suffering. So that no one else suffered his fate, or worse.

He watched the boy throughout the years, living his life in self-isolation and stubborn perseverance, countless hours spent on his studies and refining his childish mind, strengthening his physique in rigorous training unsuited for such a small body, sharpening his intellect even as he denied himself the passionate joy of childhood and the warmth of his own family that was taken from him long before he could reciprocate their love. And he watched, in silent gratification, as the boy found himself something to occupy his mind and his time besides his monotonous studies and training, in the form of an innocent board game.

"Do you like it?" he heard the retainer asked his young lord. He could see the same relief he felt at the look of utter happiness in the boy's face as he clung to the gifted board in his arms as if his life depended on it.

"I do."

For that moment in his lifetime, Renji could see nothing but the brilliance of Sousuke's life.

To be honest with himself, he didn't fully understand how it happened.

Just as the bombardment in an unsuspecting house that the young boy was currently residing—again, helplessly watching the burning embers and the dead soil—his entire being screamed at him to protect the boy. The boy who foolishly went out of his room to look at what was happening, to see what was the bright yellow flash was all about, what the people were screaming for.

It was only then miraculous that the boy—Sousuke, he minded—was left entirely unscathed sans his ever so slightly burnt garment and singed hair, his body covered in dirt and ashes, smudging his fair complexion. He belatedly sensed within Sousuke a naturally large amount of reiryoku reserves, enough to make Sousuke's defenses entirely self-dependent, his physique enhanced and his durability was that of several times stronger than any normal human. Even in an area entirely lacking natural reiryoku, he was the sole human capable of channeling that energy subconsciously to protect himself from most of the damages impacted by the bombs.

In his reminiscing, Renji couldn't help but thought that Sousuke was already ever so blessed, even as a human.

It was at the same time that he could feel his cells reformed and his scattered reiryoku gathered into his core until he could feel—actually feel—the stinging burn of gun powder and smoke.

It wasn't his plan that the boy's reiryoku was exceedingly vast, that Renji's core couldn't help but absorb some of that potent energy and reemerged pieced back together by the natural reiryoku harnessed within him, Sousuke's own pushing the process faster. That Sousuke saw him immediately afterward, as he was crouching in front of the young brunet entirely caught off-guard by the fact.

"Did you save me?" was the first thing that the adolescent blurted in his awe.

Renji was silent. It was mostly due to shock, because he realized the boy was talking to him and he could see Renji, as Renji could see all the panicked spirits of the recently dead people, unattended due to the scarce shinigami in the immediate vicinity—they would be spirited off in a matter of weeks at most.

"You are... quite unique, aren't you?" Renji couldn't help but say. It was both out of surprise and lack of words he could say to describe his scrambling thoughts. It was not often that he encountered humans who could see spirits—much less in a place like Kyoto, where the reiryoku density was abysmal at best. Again, Sousuke was a deviation of that fact.

The boy kept pestering him—albeit in a decidedly reserved manner—about who and what he was, and why he did what he did. Why he saved Sousuke and what he meant by saying that the boy was unique.

"Because I think you can save—" he caught himself before going further. He wanted to tell the young lord that he could save the world from Evil, that he wasn't saved by Renji, that he was naturally gifted. But seeing and knowing the boy's past, and his entire life from then on, he felt that it would be a cruel punishment to tell him of what Renji—of what the world demanded of him.

"Save...?"

"You don't need to know that right now."

"Tell me your name," the young lord demanded rather petulantly in one afternoon, days after the incident, the opposite of his usually reserved disposition.

After the bombing, Renji disappeared to explore the city in his newly reassembled form, missing the feeling of actually able to discern touch and smell, though he belatedly noticed that given his circumstances shrouded in secrecy, he was unable to look for spiritual pathways back to Soul Society and finally have a taste for real food. He couldn't even procure a simple gigai so he could blend in with the humans.

After having his curiosity sated, he felt for Sousuke's reiatsu and followed the string back to find that the boy along with his older brother, who was the clan head at that moment, and his distant relatives comprising of twice removed uncles, aunts and cousins were already escorted to the safety of the main house due to the state of disrepair of the one near the edge of the city, lost amongst the trees. It was fair to say that Sousuke was shocked to see the redheaded spirit back with him, saying that he would 'stick around' without providing any proper explanation. Not even for his own name.

"No," Renji rejected brusquely, laughing internally at the boy who could barely contain his annoyance at the rejection. Of course, Renji was simply fooling around, the ever so strict boy his only form of entertainment, since he was the only one he could interact with other than the occasional gloomy spirits who made him depressed more than amused.

"You know my name," Sousuke pressed, and added victoriously, with his head tilted upwards and being all smug as if he won a competition, "it is only proper to let me know yours."

Renji smirked but once again, denied Sousuke of his name. At some point, he was sure that the overtly critical boy was thinking if perhaps it was forbidden in the first place for him to disclose his name. But seeing the annoying look in Renji's face, the clever lad, Sousuke was sure that the redheaded spirit was playing with him.

"Then I will name you whatever suits my mind," he decided, thinking that he would get the spirit caught in his own game, eventually.

And so their days past by together. Sousuke calling the redhead several different made-up names a day, spouting out whatever ridiculous nicknames that suited his mood.

"Why don't you go like the others, Akahou?" one time the brunet asked Renji as he was watching some guards patrol the perimeter, on high alert after the recent attack.

"What did you just call me?"

Sousuke smirked.

The next day he turned his head to the lounging spirit and said, "Akami, play chess with me."

Renji felt his eyebrow tick.

The day after that found Sousuke massaging his temples in frustration. "That is not how it works, Sarusuke!" he groaned for the third time as he taught the spirit of the board game he came to love.

The next day, "Akane—"

"That's it!" the redhead roared, slamming his hands on the innocent tatami, thankfully his spiritual figure could not harm material objects without adequate reiatsu.

"Call me Renji, you understand me?" he grounded out, snarling at the surprised boy.

"I understand," Sousuke could feel his own lips crept slowly into a smile, "Renji."

"I wouldn't know your name regardless if you tell me a fake one, Renji," he quipped after a while.

Renji swore that he would strangle the smartass if he could.

He could feel the teenager's intense stare boring into him At first, he simply shrugged it off, thinking that the brunet was simply an excitable child, after all, he would be curious of a spirit that decided to wander down and live with him. Even though he had been there for quite some years, and the brunet was more than used to being with the spirit, if that was not what he would be doing aside from his studies and training.

But the longer the teen stared at him, as if he was some sort of a rare specimen of butterflies, he grew more and more irritated.

"What is it?" he snapped at some point, glaring at the young man who drew back, caught red-handed and turned his head. He didn't look at all sorry, nor was he ashamed of his action. it was as if the young lord was confused with himself, with the way he frowned; as if he himself just realized what he had done.

"No, it's..." Sousuke trailed off, his voice on the brink of puberty, unsure whether to disclose his thoughts to the redhead, especially when it concerned him in a... not particularly innocent manner.

"It's nothing."

And that was that. Or so Renji thought.

He whistled as he walked through the corridors of the Japanese mansion, only just got back from taking a breather on his own and watching the hustle-bustle of the strange yet familiar city of Kyoto. It was nice to not be noticed as he wandered through the busy center, only occasionally having to be discreet when a shinigami got too close, thankful that their numbers were small in a low reiryoku city like this one.

"Renji," he heard a low grunt of his name being called from the brunet's room. Concerned if the young lord was hurt, he quickened his pace.

He burst into the young lord room, flowing through the shoji like he usually did, "Sousu—!"

"Renji!"

He blinked.

The second he noticed the disheveled summer yukata and the flushed, sweaty skin of the teenager, he felt himself grew cold in horror.

"I'm going to wait outside."

And disappeared as fast as he came.

Later that evening, after Sousuke collected himself and cleaned his domain as best as he could, airing the room with the open window, he reluctantly invited Renji back into the room. The spirit, sheepish as he was, immediately went into a frenzy of apologies.

"I'm sorry," he blurted, putting his face in his hands in embarrassment. "Gosh, I'm sorry," the redhead groaned, his act awkwardly hyperbolic to try to reduce the tension in the room.

Sousuke was, surprisingly—or perhaps it was his disposition—calm and mature on addressing the... delicate mishap.

"No, it's fine," he started with a slightly croaked voice, choosing his words carefully as to not offend the spirit, "but from now on, please refrain from coming in unannounced."

"Yeah," Renji immediately agreed, simply glad that the matter was off his hand.

He couldn't care less that the young brunet was calling out his name even before he burst into the room just as he was... entertaining himself.

Perhaps, it was not that he didn't care, it was that he wanted to forget of such occurrence. Sousuke was a teenage boy, above all. They are hormonal as they come and would rut against whatever imagination their wild minds would allow. He simply tried to understand that fact, to justify the act and what came out of it, and he tried to carry on as usual. It left a bad taste that he himself was projected as one of those... relieve materials, but he was only eager to dismiss it as simple hormonal fluctuation that would pass in due time—maybe added with some zits on that infuriatingly smooth skin—and his image replaced by others, perhaps the sweet servant girls that usually loiter around and girlishly flirting with the attractive lad, the stunning geishas they often stumble upon down the bustling night in Kyoto, or even Sojinmaru's concubines who often spoiled Sousuke rotten.

He set in his mind that it was not something to dwell upon further. That it was not going to crept and grew into an infatuation deeply rooted into the dark soils of Sousuke's mind.

"You're getting so busy lately," Renji mumbled under his breath, less than entertained with looking at the miserable state of his pawns as Sousuke took more and more of his chess piece.

Pausing his contemplation, the now young adult Sousuke turned his head to the spirit who was laying on his side, his elbow supporting his upper body on the soft tatami.

"It is my duty," the brunet said after some moment of silence.

"Yeah, but don't overwork yourself," Renji sighed, frowning at the realization that it would not be possible for Sousuke to not overwork himself. His time spent on saving his brother's backside was getting longer and longer, not to mention that he would occasionally need to unwind with some high-class geishas, and Renji would be left to wander alone.

"It's complicated," the young lord confirmed his musing, "Sojinmaru-dono is getting more and more reckless with his decisions. It was not a week ago that he assembled an ill-prepared group of soldiers to raid one of Hideyoshi's stronghold," he minded aloud, a dull headache forming even at the slight recollection of the mess.

Renji raised his brow, "uh-huh, the big one in Nagoya, right?"

"Yes," Sousuke nodded belatedly, moving his pawn, "and if not for the actions of several elders who I managed to persuade and stop him, who knew what would happen to our clan... I may have shared his blood and ideals, but I am forever grateful that I don't share his intellect," he paused as if contemplating whether to say the next few words in respect for the elder, "or lack thereof, for that matter."

"Yeah, thank the gods that you're smart as hell," Renji snorted at that, for a moment distracted from his losing game. He inwardly thought that Sousuke's genius doesn't belie the fact that his sense of justice, his vehemence to stop bad things that happened unfairly in his knowledge to those around him, was what separated him from his older relative as if Heaven and Earth. He recollected the memory of Sousuke getting so angry at Sojinmaru for needlessly trying to sacrifice their soldiers' lives as if they worth as much as dirt, for sealing deals with European merchants and hired soldiers for weapons and manpower when they were obviously trying to rip him off. What shined the most in his memory was, peculiarly, the time some decade ago, when Sousuke was only twelve, when he took a beating from Sojinmaru in place of a wayward homeless brat who stole food scraps for his sickly mother. A thief who had no choice of his life because of what the samurais had done to his village.

"I stole the food from the kitchens! I was the one who gave him that!" he would scream, shielding the crying boy from Sojinmaru's reach.

"Don't lie to me!" Sojinmaru swung the bokuto in his hand and struck Sousuke on his shoulder hard, his bones screamed in protest at the impact.

"Go run you idiot!" Sousuke yelled at the sniveling boy, who turned on his tail and ran with a package of foodstuff and medicine clutched in his arms.

Sojinmari was furious with the thief who escaped, his stressed-out mind needed an outlet from his piling duties as a clan head, and Sousuke was there to take the brunt of the damage. Needless to say, he got out of it with a broken nose and fractures along his left arm, humongous bruises littered his skin for weeks. Renji would worry, but seeing the self-satisfied look at the young lord's eyes, and the smile even amidst his pain as the servants nursed him; he knew that, perhaps, Sousuke was simply paying back for what sufferings the nobilities like himself had done to the innocent citizens, no matter how small.

Sousuke smiled. "Your way of speaking is always so peculiar, even after all this time," he said, snapping Renji out of his musings, and inquired next, "perhaps it is how the people speak in your realm?"

Renji had taken to explain vague details about the life in Soul Society, taking careful measures to not reveal too much to a living being, even if the brunet was unique in himself. He told him that where he came from was a place beyond the technological advances in the Material World, combining sophisticated machines with spiritual energy to enhance the standard of living of those chosen to stay in an enclosed society (Seireitei). He wasn't prideful of the fact that the Rukongai was still in need of better management, so he left the poorer aspects to Sousuke's imagination.

Sousuke was curious by nature, he would inquire the oddest things that he could think of, such as if they eat sustenance, what people do to have fun, were there dragons and all sort of mythical creatures he always read in his western books and the old scrolls of Japanese mythos. But other times he would ask the most surprisingly rational questions, such as the conduct of governance, the leader of the society, and whether the people living in prosperity. He would account for the fact that he wanted to have a proper example for his future leadership.

Renji would vaguely allude the gruesome war, that they were recovering from its aftermath, to Sousuke's utter explosion of curious inquiries of what happened, who he enemy was, and how were they defeated. It reminded Renji of what happened, to him and his friends, his dear Genryuusai and...

"It's a long story," Renji would say tiredly, as If he had run a thousand miles marathon in a minute, "let's talk about something else."

And Sousuke... He was a clever lad, wasn't he? He knew of the sorrow in Renji's drooping eyes, the fuse in his rage blown up by the fact that something must have happened to hurt his precious spirit. And Renji, unknowing of his influence on the enamored young lord, sparked the fire of vengeance back into Sousuke's soul. Made him remember his goal to eradicate the reign of hypocrisy and totalitarian government of Toyotomi Hideyoshi. Made him want to eliminate whatever objects in his path that brought sorrow for Renji. Somehow, in his twisted sense of thoughts, the two black and white worldview fused into one grueling vision.

It went downhill from that moment on. After Sojinmaru's death due to his own foolishness, Sousuke was immediately appointed as the next clan head, seeing that Sojimaru's offspring consisted of two adolescent girls before his ultimate demise. At first, Renji could tell that Sousuke was trying his best for the clan. At first, he was doing good for his clan, and the blood in his hands was the blood of ruthless enemies and bandits that tried to hurt their family.

But Sousuke grew distant, even as he held Renji before his eyes time and time again, worshipping him in the way he could, wishing out loud that he could touch the spirit, who he deemed his guardian angel—proclaiming that whatever he did was not just for the clan, but in the name of Renji and the justice he upheld. It was not the Sousuke he knew before. It was not the Sousuke he came to adore.

And up came the storm, as Sousuke confided in him, as he confided many times before, that he would lead a troop to charge a small clan that was loyal to the Oda clan. It would be the first step to his ultimate goal of dethroning Hideyoshi from his pedestal, and made him pay for his deeds against the poor and the weak, against the innocents. Or so he convinced himself.

"Are you sure about this, Sousuke?" Renji asked, a frown on his mouth. He would think that it was an act of vengeance rather than justice, as Sousuke would proclaim.

"Yes," Sousuke then answered in utter conviction, his sharp eyes would soften as they met Renji, "it has always been my goal."

And Renji would clench his hands. He wanted to shake his head, to tell him that he was wrong. That what he was doing was the same as what Hideyoshi did to him many years ago. Yet Renji was helpless to stop him. When he looked at the burning embers in Sousuke's eyes, the flame of strong will blazing behind lively orbs, he couldn't say it. He couldn't deny the man of what he had lost to be to where he was now. He couldn't reason in his head that it was evil no matter which way he looked at it.

"You understand, don't you, Renji?"

I'm starting not to.

It dawned on him like a snail dragging on the sandy shores of a long, long coastline. Like droplets and droplets of rainwater falling on the cold hard rocky grounds over the course of a million years to create a vast canyon. He didn't notice it until he looked back.

That Sousuke was on a hell path to destruction.

He tried to voice his thoughts, but always fall short to Sousuke's sweet and wistful words, his goals and his vision of what the world could be under his benevolence rendered Renji speechless and hating himself.

And he didn't try enough. Perhaps he could shake the brunet from his clouded judgment if only he pushed a bit harder, if only he held his ground longer. Until the time came when he couldn't deny it anymore yet it was too late when he finally said it—

"Sousuke, vengeance clouds your mind!"

"Renji, my sweet," Sousuke, a fine gentleman belying the fierce warrior spirit, smiled in a way that lit his lovely face, his voice honeyed and cajoling Renji to a hypnotic trance. He was calm even amidst Renji's storm. He alone could subdue even the most headstrong of men into submission, Renji was a malleable clay under his hands in comparison.

"My little songbird," the deep chocolate voice lulled, cloaking dark hollows, "I seek only justice."

—and Sousuke was lost in his own mind, as he dragged those around him along.

Just as the sunset faded into darkness, Sousuke—his Sousuke, once a sweet and just child—rode into the dark on his blackened steed, hundreds of trampling hooves echoed and gleaming torches dimmed until the night cloaked the bad dream that he planned to unleash on some poor, unsuspecting clans.

"Father," he gritted his teeth, shame tainted his usually jovial face as painful ejaculation of tears ripped out of his eyes and torturously dragged down his face in a slow tumble that disgusted him to his core.

"He is not the one," he finally let out, the words slipped past his lips just as his breath was taken from him, a blinding light surrounded his entire being and then he was gone.

"Renji," the Tennō whispered, taking the shivering mass into his arms.

"He is—" Renji sighed, "he was good..." tears drenched his face and he never bothered to stop them. The Tennō lifted his face and gently wiped his tears for him with a pristine white sleeve of his heavenly garb.

"Time decides whether one is good," the Tennō murmured into his son's hair, his eyes dimmed. The weakened shoulders shook both in sadness and frustration, if the tight fist clenched to the brink of bleeding was of any indication.

"Then what's the point?" Renji snapped scathingly in his state of rage. His fists were trembling and as moments past in silence, he crumpled down and hide his face in his arms.

"I don't want him lost," he mumbled from within the enclosure of his elbows, "he will think I abandon him."

The Tennō looked at Renji in pity. His Light was doomed for the emotional suffering of losing those around him it seemed, even the ones to come. It was wrong of him to think that he didn't need a guardian to be by the Light's side, to be his unyielding pillar of support and the shield that protected him from even the subtlest of heartbreaks.

It was best that he didn't remember.

It was the sweltering heat and the rough ground scraping against delicate skin that greeted him. He opened his eyes to see the blazing sun blinding his vision. He wailed and wailed, unable to contain himself from his misery and hurt. Fat teardrops dripping down his small cheeks, and his lips stretched taut in an open scream.

"Why, it's a baby!" a woman's voice could be heard. She was traveling with her husband and only child, the rags on their body signifying their poor birth, or perhaps, the event of destruction that forced them to be.

"Shit, some numbskulls must've forgotten to take their kid when they're busy running from this hell hole," the man groaned, watching as his stubborn wife kneeled to observe the state of the abandoned babe. Their only child peering at the small human being in awe, obviously unaware of the sufferings that his family was going through with his underdeveloped mind.

"What's one more mouth to feed?" the weary wife cooed as she picked his scarcely clothed form and shielded him from the harsh elements with the rags she had on her body, covering him in dirty layers of worn cloth.

The wife picked him up and stood, following after her grumbling husband and taking the dirty hand of their only child with her. Urging the curious boy to walk away from the cliff edge, where remnants of houses could be seen in scraps, the rest of the village far below the cliff that rose overnight, tearing the earth and destroying the natural habitat surrounding it. The shinigami living in the safety of Seireitei were already surrounding the area, investigating the nightmare-ish event that happened.

As she picked up her pace to follow the man already several feet away, she said, "perhaps he would bring us some peace and love," to the husband's increased grumbling 'wish for food and shelter, idiot', and ignoring his words she added, "I will name him Renji."

What a horrible joke.

- to be continued -

Additional Notes:

- gigai : an artificial/faux body that shinigami used to interact and blend in with humans.

- Bokuto : Japanese wooden sword made for training, usually in the shape of a katana.

Tennō Trivia #3

His wisdom may be as deep as the ocean, but he's an awful role model.

Another month-long update... heh. I was so entranced with re-binging FMA Brotherhood, not to mention getting on track with reading my long-overdue books, that-yeah yeah excuses excuses.

Anyways, this chapter is extra long because of all the backgrounds that I tried to cram in here, so... enjoy? BTW, definitely A+ parenting from the Tennō gonna be continued along in the next chapter! (I think..)

Oh! I also wanted to note that the 'flashback' scene in chapter 18 with Sousuke was an illusion or, well, imaginary dream he concocted in his head, if the subtext was too subtle. Just in case, because I made that before going in the details of his actual past, so things like 'he can see ghost since birth' isn't actually canon (in the sense of the story). He could see ghost after the bombing incident. Yeah.

Edit: I added some small detail about Renji being unconscious after the battle as per narrated in a previous chapter 7 before deemed 'missing' by Yamamoto.