Chapter 14 – Colorful Change
"Is that really your paycheck?" Bella asked me as she innocently glanced at the paper in my hands. "Like, for one month's pay?"
"Actually, it's only for two weeks. I get paid twice a month."
"Oh," she said in surprise. "Wow."
"Crazy huh? Who knew working for the business side of a hospital could make so much?"
"Well, it's great… You could do a lot with that money," she said, trying to sound positive, but I could hear the heaviness behind her words.
Thinking I had an idea what her issue was about, I sighed. "I could definitely afford my own place with this."
She nodded, and the sadness in her eyes doubled.
"But me moving out kind of feels like a step backwards for us, doesn't it?" I asked, hoping we were on the same page.
She smiled, ever so slightly, and nodded again. "It really does."
"You know, we could always move into a better place together," I suggested. "Or we could just bank everything extra and eventually save up enough for a house."
"A house?" she asked hesitantly, before biting her lower lip as she considered the possibility.
"Yeah, I mean, who wants to live in a crappy apartment forever?" I added, but when she turned away from me, I realized my mistake. "Bella…"
"No, you're right. This apartment sucks," she said as confidently as possible. "I can't even remember the last time we had hot water."
"But?" I prompted, knowing she was clearly conflicted.
"But… a house is just…"
"Too cookie cutter," I finished for her. I knew she feared the conventional, but the truth was, besides her occasional disappearances, our relationship was fairly conventional – in the best possible way.
"It just worries me," she admitted. "A house first, and then what? The logical next step would be wanting to fill that house, and that's something I'm never going to do."
"Maybe not with kids, but we could do other stuff in the rooms. Air hockey table? An entire room dedicated to coffee. A place to store our Star Wars memorabilia collection," I offered.
She giggled despite herself. "What Star Wars collection?"
"The one we need to start. I think I have a few old action figures in my parent's attic," I said as seriously as possible, given the topic.
"Maybe we could just start with a better apartment and see about a house later down the road… much later," she suggested.
"I think that's a good idea," I agreed wholeheartedly.
We decided to move to a new apartment, but I think neither of us considered it happening so quickly. After only a couple of days of calling around, I found us the perfect place and it was available immediately. Our rent was just about due to our current shithole, so the timing couldn't have been more perfect… or, at least, I thought it couldn't have been more perfect.
"What's wrong?" I asked Bella as we toured our potential new apartment. "Do you not like it?"
"No, it's beautiful, really," she said with forced enthusiasm. "It's bigger than I was expecting."
"Well, we do need a room for our air hockey table," I reminded her playfully.
We signed the papers right away and planned to move in the following weekend. When the time came, however, I only wished I knew where Bella went…
"You're not upset by this?" Charlie questioned as he helped me carry our bed down the flight of stairs of the old apartment complex.
"Moving is never fun," I replied curtly.
"Yeah, but Bella should be here helping," he pressed, which kind of just pissed me off. We both knew her absence meant she had split, so what the hell was I supposed to say about it? It fucking sucked that she was gone, but all I could do was focus on the task at hand and try not to think about where those bitches were and what they were doing with my girlfriend's body.
Thankfully, she was only MIA for a little over two days. Unfortunately, when she returned, she was still gone.
"Wow, this place is way cooler than the flea-trap we were renting before," she said as she walked in unapologetically.
"Uh… hi. What are you doing here?" I asked her, momentarily unsure who she was exactly.
"Wow, Conch, and here I thought you actually wanted a round four… or are we on five now?" she asked, trying to remember, and making her identity painfully obvious. "Perhaps I should go to the club after all."
"Go to the club then. I really don't give a shit," I retorted bitterly, and at that moment, I actually meant it.
I honestly loved Bella, and I did my best to tolerate her alters and the waves they created in our lives, but on that particular evening, I just couldn't shake the inconspicuously growing resentment that I just discovered that I had. I'd never allow Bella to see that side of me, but I couldn't find the will to bury it with Alice.
"Wow, what's wrong with you?" she asked, far too amused by my sour tone, which only made me that much more irritated.
"Nothing is wrong with me, except for the fact that you're here and Bella isn't," I said harshly.
I would have never predicted Alice being hurt by my words, but when her expression morphed into offense, I immediately regretted lashing out at her.
"Alice, I'm sorry," I murmured gently. "I didn't mean that."
"Yes, you did," she disagreed. "And it's fine. Bella is your girlfriend, not me…thank god. I don't even like you anyway. The only reason I'm here, is because I thought this place was cool when I saw it in the theater, and I wanted to see it for myself. Rose and I would have loved to rent a place like this, but we didn't think we could take enough money from the bookstore without Bella noticing."
"You know, she probably would have just let you guys have the money if you would have just asked," I told her.
She huffed. "How the hell are we supposed to ask her anything? It's not like she talks to us. She isn't in the theater with the rest of us when she's not in control, so we have zero ways to communicate with her."
"Zero, huh?" I said with an eye roll. I got up and grabbed a notebook off the counter. "Here. Try writing to her, and I'll be sure she gets it when she comes back."
Alice raised her brows in shock. "Wow… I can honestly say I never considered something so…primitive."
"Ugh," I groaned. "Fine, do it less primitive," I said while pulling her purse off her shoulder and digging inside for her cell phone – her phone that they all carried and had access to. I flipped on the camera and turned it towards her. "Record your message."
"But how will Bella know to watch it?" she asked, clearly trying to come up with excuses not to do it.
"I'll tell her to watch it. Seriously, you guys really should have considered messaging each other like this sooner," I said exasperated.
"It does make me feel slightly stupid for not considering it before. I guess you really are good for something."
I locked my jaw. "Yep, that's me. Good for simple ideas."
"You do have a pretty cock too," she said casually. "But don't let that compliment get to your head. I'm not letting you use it in me again. I don't even care how much you beg."
My head dropped to my hands as I tried like hell to fight off the massive migraine that was currently crushing my skull.
"Are you sick?" she asked, and if I didn't know any better, I might have even thought she sounded legitimately concerned.
"No, just…frustrated," I admitted. "I can't keep doing this."
"Doing what?" she asked, suddenly becoming leery.
"This!" I snapped, gesturing to my pathetic behavior. "Every time Bella disappears, I sit here and freak myself out and worry until she comes back, and then I spend the rest of our time together freaking myself out and worrying about when she is going to leave again."
"So, what are you saying?" she prodded. "You giving up?"
"What?" I asked, wondering how she came to that erroneous conclusion. "No, I just need to do something."
"What kind of something?" she questioned curiously with far more interest than I would have predicted.
"I don't know. Anything! Anything to pass the time and get my mind off of it until she gets back."
"How sincerely do you mean 'anything'?" she challenged me.
"Dead serious," I replied.
"I may have a few ideas," she said with a sinister smile and wiggling brows…
I should have known that any activity planned by Alice would be crazy, but this was more than crazy – this was downright insane.
"I don't think we should do this," I told Alice as we looked down at the water hell of far below our feet.
She squealed excitedly. "I have always wanted to do it. All the times Bella sat down there and looked up at the kids who'd jump from here, I ached to be with them. I would have done it sooner, but I always kind of worried I'd drown, and no one would know what happened to me. At least if we die, we die together."
"I'd rather not die at all actually," I disagreed.
"Everyone dies, Eddie, but the people who actually live to the fullest, are the only ones who die with no regrets."
"Or, we could die in that freezing ocean today and completely regret our decision to cut our lives short by jumping from this height," I countered.
"Oh, you're such a trip, Conch. What if I dared you? I bet you're the type that can never pass on a dare, huh? I triple dog dare you to jump with me."
I pressed my lips and mentally cursed my stubborn competitive nature. "Fine. Let's get this over with," I grumbled through gritted teeth.
Her smile widened. "You're not going to wuss out on me at the last second, are you?"
"Unfortunately, no. You're right about me, I can't pass on a fucking dare."
"If you back down now, I will never forgive you," she warned.
"I'm not backing down. Let's get it over with," I said anxiously.
"Okay, on three. One…Take my hand…Two…Three!" and with that, we both jumped. For the few seconds it took for us to hit the water, I honestly thought we were about to die. I'd say my life flashed before my eyes, but really, all I saw was Bella. Her face, her hands, her hair. Bella was my safe place, and my mind was clearly reverting back to her for protection.
When the icy waves engulfed me, the rush I felt was incomparable to anything else I had ever experienced before. My adrenaline was pumping something fierce, and once I knew Alice was safe too, I was left thinking I was invincible… at least, until I had to climb up the cliff, soaking wet, to get back to where we were parked.
"Holy crap this sucks," I complained, almost the entire way.
"Oh, but it's so worth it. Want to jump again?" she asked eagerly.
"Uh…" I honestly considered it, "not today. It'll be dark soon and it's only going to get colder."
She smiled seductively. "I can warm you up."
As appealing as her offer was, I had other ideas…
"Okay, I don't know if this is better than sex, but it is damn near close," she mumbled while scarfing down the hot and fresh Krispy Kreme donut we just purchased.
Luckily, since I was raised by a paranoid mother and physician father, I always carried a blanket in the trunk of my car for emergencies. So, after buying the donuts and some hot coffee, we drove back to the cliff we had jumped from, parked, climbed onto the hood, and wrapped ourselves up together. There wasn't much that was more serene than watching the sky's colorful change, as the sun dropped below the horizon of the ocean.
"This is actually kind of nice," Alice said while pointing her donut out towards the scene before us. "I can't say I ever sat long enough to see an entire sunset."
"Sometimes it's good to slow down a bit," I agreed.
"I have to admit, I never, ever, ever, thought you were going to jump," she said with a smile in her voice.
I chuckled. "What do you mean? You said I had to. With a double and triple dare; how could I not?"
"You could have just left me there," she said quietly, suddenly becoming more serious than I had ever seen from her before. "I was fully expecting you to ditch me… or, at least for you to just to watch me jump alone and then wait for me to come back up."
"And let you have all the fun without me?" I questioned facetiously.
She smiled, but kept her serious tone. "You know, maybe you're not such a conch after all. I really thought you were just a pretty face, void of any substance."
"Actually, a conch is not just an empty shell," I informed her. "It's an animal in the mollusk family. When it dies, it leaves behind the shell that you're referring to. You only think of it as being empty because they're empty when people use them for horns and decorations."
"Wow, I didn't take you for a nerd too," she teased me.
I laughed. "Well, I was in med school. Can't get much nerdier than that."
"True. It is kind of interesting actually. I don't know why I never realized the shells once housed a real animal. I guess I just figured crabs used them sometimes, and then moved on when they wanted a bigger shell."
"Yeah, no. Some crabs move to new shells, but that's not what conches are really for. Speaking of crabs, did you know blue crabs mate for life?"
"For life?" she asked in disbelief.
"They're monogamous. If one dies, the other will spend the rest of its life, wandering the ocean floor alone, mourning it's lost mate."
"Sounds depressing," she interrupted.
I ignored her. "But most will stay together for their entire lives, and their bond is unparalleled to any other ocean creature in existence," I said, hoping to subtly show her some value in monogamy.
She stared at me for a moment. "Did you just make that up?"
I tried to hold it in, but my lips cracked. "Okay, yeah, I don't know anything about crabs. Sounded good though, right?"
"No, it sounded horrible! If it were true, I'd feel guilty about every crab I have ever consumed before… but, I guess it was a little romantic too."
"Romantic huh. Well, I do have my moments."
"You actually do. I never thought I'd be into that sort of thing, but it's really fucking sexy," she purred. "There's no one around, want to fuck?"
I laughed once. "No."
"Why not?" she whined.
"Because I'm still half frozen. I don't even think my dick would work right now."
"I'll have it warmed up in no time," she said confidently.
"Babe, really, it's like… hibernating in my pelvis right now. Let's just sit here and enjoy the sunset for a bit. Hopefully we won't get hypothermia."
"You just called me 'babe'," she said, a little stunned.
"Yeah… well, you're definitely a babe," I said awkwardly as I tried to cover for my blunder. Even though she was part of Bella, I knew she didn't consider herself that way, and she certainly didn't want anyone thinking they had a right to call her babe… unless, perhaps she did…
"You can call me babe if you want," she said softly. "It's not as cringy as I figured it would be."
"I can call you that, but I don't want you to think that I think that I'm your boyfriend, or anything. I know you like your singleness."
She shrugged. "I can't even remember the last guy I fucked… other than you. It's actually not so bad."
"You don't go out with other guys during the times when you're in control anymore?" I questioned, surprised, but too cautious to be hopeful.
"I haven't been in control very much lately. Bella has been pushing on that theater door pretty strongly for the past several weeks. When we do manage to pry it open just a crack, Rosalie pushes her way through before the rest of us get a chance to."
"Oh," I said, unsure if that made me feel better or worse. "Where does she go?" I then asked, hoping for just a little more insight into Rosalie's life away from me.
"I'm not sure," Alice admitted. "Somehow she has been managing to tune us out. The theater screen has been mostly black when she's in control. I was only able to escape this time because the door didn't latch on her way out. I really did just come straight to where I saw Bella's new apartment with you was. It's really nice, by the way."
"Yeah, we like it. Or, at least, I thought we liked it. Bella has been acting a little off since we signed the papers."
"She likes it, she's just scared," Alice explained gently.
I knew Bella was scared, she had told me that before we started dating, but I was hoping to get a better understanding of it from Alice's "inside" point of view, however we were abruptly interrupted.
"Oh no!" I groaned as a brazen seagull grabbed Alice's donut right out of her hands – and he wasn't alone. "Holy shit. Get back in the car!" I shouted as the entire flock seemed to appear and position themselves for an attack of epic proportions.
"They're so pretty," Alice said unconcerned. Of course when they began dive bombing and shitting all over the place, she understood my urgency and followed me back into my car. "I think that's the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to me in my adult life," she said with a mix of fear and excitement.
"I hate seagulls," I grumbled. "Fucking rats with wings."
She giggled. "You should have seen your face when the first one took my donut."
I visibly trembled, which only made her laugh harder.
"Oh no, I think one pooped in your hair," she said, having a hard time speaking through her full-on belly laugh.
"Are you kidding?" I moaned. I attempted to look at it through the visor mirror, but I didn't see anything, so Alice climbed over the center console to help.
"Oh, I think it's just donut glaze," she said while brushing whatever it was out of my hair. "You must have had some on your hand and then ran it through your hair."
"At least it's not bird shit," I said, relieved.
Alice was practically in my lap at that point, and her warm breath was rolling over my face in gently waves. She was so close that it was hard to think of anything else, and as her hand in my hair morphed from cleaning to massaging, the intimate moment was impossible to deny.
She leaned in and kissed me tenderly, which was almost a shock to my system. Nothing about Alice was tender, and as the kiss depended into a sweet and passionate make-out, my brain was left reeling with confusion. I knew she was Alice, but she felt so much like Bella that I momentarily forgot that they weren't the same.
With Alice, everything was usually about sex, but this kiss was different. This kiss ended with a sweet smile and her pulling back to return to her seat so I could drive us home.
We held hands all the way, and when we finally arrived, she was already half asleep. I lead her to our apartment and straight to the bedroom, where we peeled off our damp clothes and climbed into bed. Despite our nude state, neither of us initiated sex; instead, I just held her as we both drifted off to sleep. It had actually been a surprisingly amazing day, and it ended absolutely perfectly. I only wished we woke up in that same state of peace…
"Why are you naked?" she asked the moment my eyes opened. She was fully dressed and sitting on the bed beside me. She had her legs crossed under her, in a deja-vu that I almost remembered from a dream.
"Huh?" I asked groggily as I waited for my sleepy brain to catch up with my current reality.
"Rosalie says that if a man ever tries to get naked in front of me, I should kick him in the balls and run away," she said casually.
"Bree?" I asked, still slightly confused, but almost reaching comprehension. "Hey, what are you doing?"
"Sitting here, wondering why you're naked," she replied curtly.
"Uh… I guess my clothes were wet last night and I never got re-dressed. Why don't you go out into the living room and I'll put something on."
"Okay, but you better hurry. I've been awake for over an hour, and I'm hungry, and I think something might be burning."
"What?" I spat.
She smiled, almost sadistically, and thankfully left the room. So I hurried to dress myself, and then raced out to the kitchen. Sure enough, there was smoke… and the biggest mess I had ever seen in my entire life….