Chapter 18 – Ambush

"Hey babe," I murmured as I stared into the eyes of the most amazing soul I had ever encountered. "God, I missed you," I added – speaking completely from my heart and not so much from my head.

"I… I wish I could say I missed you too, but I don't remember ever being away from you. How long was I gone this time?" she asked despondently.

"A while," I admitted with hesitation. It would have been so much easier to just lie. Lie for a while; at least long enough for me to fully embrace her return, but that was something I just couldn't do.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she processed that unfortunate but vague information. It didn't really matter how long she was gone for. Any amount of time was too long, and we both knew it.

"Edward, you deserve…"

"Please don't tell me again that I deserve better, because I vehemently disagree," I assured her. "I love you, and after all the shit I've done in my life, getting to love anyone and be loved in return is far more than I deserve. And you are far more incredible than you will ever give yourself credit for. If anything, you're the one who doesn't deserve an idiot like me."

"But how much more can you possibly take?" she questioned. "You can't tell me this isn't wearing on you."

"Of course it can be wearing," I admitted. "But all relationships are hard. Life is hard."

"Right. It's hard for normal people. Add on my disorder and it's impossible."

"Nothing is impossible," I disagreed. "I'm never going to give up. I've told you before, and I'll keep telling you until you believe me – I can handle it. I am handling it. Except maybe…"

"Except maybe what?" she prompted when I found myself hesitating.

"Except maybe I would benefit from talking to someone," I said carefully. "Someone that has seen others with this disorder in the past. I know you haven't seen anyone yourself in a long time, and I understand why, but perhaps it would help me get a better understanding of some things if I were able to get a little advice sometimes."

"Advice?" she asked, getting noticeably uncomfortable. The emotional atmosphere in the room abruptly dropped, and I knew she was putting up shield of self-preservation.

"Babe, don't get upset," I tried calming her. "If you're against it, I won't go any further."

"How far have you gone already?" she asked in a near panic.

"Just a couple exchanged emails."

"With a psychiatrist? On my behalf?" she asked anxiously.

"A professor of psychology," I clarified. "I just thought maybe… maybe if I had any questions, or even perhaps if there is some kind of new treatment you haven't heard of yet. I just thought it would be a good idea for me to touch base with a professional."

"Edward," she sighed. "I'm assuming you've spoken to my dad about this?"

I nodded in confirmation.

"So, you know why I don't see any specialists anymore?"

I nodded again. "But, like I said, maybe there is a new treatment out there that we don't know of. Or maybe I just might need someone to talk to myself, just to run things by and make sure I'm not fucking you up even worse," I said in a rush, thinking about Tanya's unexpected desire to have sex. Would I hurt her if I did? Did I hurt her even more by my refusal? Tanya was a part of Bella, so if I harmed her in any way, if I harmed any of the alters, I was only hurting Bella, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. It was all so difficult to understand and I was becoming increasingly desperate for some answers.

"I don't know, Edward…" Bella said as she chewed on her lower lip pensively. "I just… I have nothing but bad experiences in the past."

Suddenly she paused, mid-sentence, and looked at me as if she had an epiphany.

"You know what? Do it. Contact the professor. Do whatever you feel you need to."

I scrunched my brows in confusion. "Is this one of those chick things where the woman says one thing, but means another, and gets pissed if the man doesn't know the right thing to do? Because my mom constantly does that to my dad, and even after over three decades together, he still misses it every time."

Her serious expression broke, and she giggled, but only softly. "No, not at all. I'm just tired of being scared of everything all the time. Scared of doctors, scared of relationships, just scared of the unknown all around. I'm done with it! You put up with so much shit because of me, and if you need help, then I should only be grateful you're willing to get the help and keep trying with me. My only real concern is that this professor will give you some false sense of hope that I'll someday outgrow this or something, because I've come to long accept that this is just who I am, and I'll be dealing with it for the rest of my life."

"I promise I'm not going to get false hope of any make-believe fairytale cure for your disorder," I assured her. "All I want is to learn some useful tools on how to deal with certain things and have someone to run issues by that I may come across along the way."

She nodded once in understanding. "Rosalie has been giving you hell again, hasn't she?"

"Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about. Rosalie is a headache, but so far we have managed a few truces and hopefully eventually one will stick."

"Oh… Well, good. So, it's Alice then?" she assumed.

"No, Alice hardly came out this time."

"Bree tried to burn the place down again?" she then questioned concerned.

"No, thank god. It's not one thing in particular, but Tanya did have an issue, and it's just reaffirmed my need to have someone to talk to… someone who isn't your dad."

"What did Tanya do?" she asked surprised. "That alter is usually pretty docile."

"She is, and she didn't do anything wrong, but…"

Fuck, it was not something I was even comfortable talking to Bella about, but what else could I do?

I took a deep breath, and then told her everything. The sweet, naïve, virginal teenager who was bound and determined to have sex, was seriously one of the most problematic issues we had faced thus far.

Bella, on the other hand, found it amusing.

"Aww, she has a crush on you!" she cooed teasingly.

I smiled at her tone and expression, but quickly fought it off. "This is a serious problem. She was absolutely devastated when I turned her down. It made me feel like shit."

"You know she's not actually a virgin, right?" Bella asked, taking me aback.

"She lied?" I asked confused.

"No, she didn't lie, but virginity is a physical thing. She uses my body, and I'm not a virgin, so…"

"She is seventeen," I argued. "Physicality aside, she has the mind and maturity level of a seventeen-year-old."

"And how old were you when you lost your virginity?"

I huffed. "Younger than seventeen. But her "age" isn't even the real issue. She has been so sheltered that she barely has the life experiences of a child. Hell, I think Bree has had more time on the outside than Tanya has. She's not ready for something like that."

"Says you?" Bella challenged me. "Nobody can tell somebody else if they're ready for something like sex. It's a very personal decision. But suppose you're right; maybe she isn't ready, but maybe eventually she will be. I mean, they aren't frozen in time. She could mature with more experiences."

"I thought Bree and Tanya were both sort of frozen at their age?" I asked confused.

She shrugged. "Just because they haven't aged up until now, doesn't mean they won't. I mean, who the hell really knows how it all works anyway? I certainly don't… so, I guess I can see why it would be beneficial for you to have another person to talk to."

"You're sure you don't mind?" I asked, just to double check.

"I'm sure. I can't promise I'll ever go and see someone again myself, but if you think it will help you, I'm happy you're doing it."

"I love you," I told her sincerely.

She smiled widely. "I love you too."

Bella's return that morning couldn't have possibly been more perfect. Not only had I been missing her like hell, but it was also a Sunday, and neither of us had anything to do but lounge around together all day and make up for lost time, and that's exactly what we did.

After that amazing day full of love, laughter, and sweet togetherness, we shared an entire amazing week. Every day that Bella stayed, reaffirmed my already certain mind of just how perfect we were for each other. We just fit. Everything about her complimented me, and vise versa. If there was only one person on the planet for everyone, Bella was definitely my person.

When the following week also came and went without any splitting from Bella, we started to get a little uneasy. The alters were being quiet – a little too quiet.

"It's just so weird," Bella commented one afternoon as we were walking into our apartment after a half hour of grocery shopping. "I mean, they've stayed inside for longer than this in the past, but usually I can feel them itching to get out. It's almost like an anxious feeling deep inside my head. A feeling that's not quite my own. You know what I mean?"

"Not really. I mean, I can't relate, but I think I get what you're saying. You usually can feel them, but you can't right now?"

"I can't feel them like a tangible thing, but it's almost like a whisper in the wind, or an uneasy feeling when danger is around. I don't know how else to explain it. A sense, maybe? I don't know, but whatever it is hasn't been there in two weeks now. It's just weird."

"That is definitely weird, but a good weird."

"Definitely a good weird," she agreed wholeheartedly.

That weirdness went on for another week, however as it continued, we were met with an unexpected obstacle.

"There's no way we're going to that," I insisted.

"It's like a formal invitation," Bella said as she reread the words printed on the card. "Are your parents always so formal?"

"No, only when they're being dicks. My mom knows I've been dodging them lately, and this is just her way of sticking it to me."

"Edward, we can't avoid them forever. They're your parents. We have dinner with my dad like once a week. We should go to this. It's for your dad's birthday."

"Yeah, and if we go to a party, Alice is going to want to come out," I reminded her. Not that I minded Alice anymore, but I wasn't ready to risk letting Bella go just yet… or ever for that matter. There were moments during the past few weeks when I almost forgot Bella had anything wrong with her at all. I just wanted to hold on to her as long as possible.

"But it says it's just lunch, not a party," Bella argued. "Edward, I don't want my disorder to stop us from living our lives. Family functions are a part of life, and I want to experience it with you. I want to experience everything with you, and the more we do this kind of stuff, the more confidence we'll have the next time something comes up. I feel strong. I can keep it together for this. I know I can."

I considered it, and even though I certainly didn't think it was worth the risk, I eventually agreed. Bella didn't want to be a burden or feel like she was keeping me from anything, and regardless of me telling her repeatedly that she wasn't, I knew I had to prove my words with actions. I had to trust her when she told me she could handle something, so that's what I did.

…

Bella proved, yet again, just how strong she was when we pulled up to my parents' house and saw all the cars parked in front. It wasn't a "party", but it was, and my fucking mother knew it. Hell, I knew it, but like an idiot, I didn't listen to my gut.

"We can just leave," I offered – well, hoped.

"It's your dad's birthday. We should be here," Bella insisted.

"Well, we can celebrate with him at a different time. You haven't even met them yet, and a crowded luncheon isn't the best place to do it."

"Who's fault is it that I haven't met them yet?" she said with a smile and a raised brow.

"Mine, completely, but with good reason. My parents aren't exactly supportive of our relationship the way your dad is."

"Why? Isn't a mentally insane woman what all parents dream of for their son?" she joked.

"I think they're more worried about me than you. I haven't always been serious when it comes to women….well, I guess I've never been serious about a woman. I'm sure they're worried I'm just going to fuck you up – which is basically the same thing I'm worried about."

"The only one in danger of fucking things up is me," she argued. "But I feel good. Still no anxious feelings in my head. I'm good. We're good. Let's get this over with."

"If you say so," I said, lacking an ounce of her confidence.

Bella and I held hands as we walked into my parents' mini mansion filled with non-party partygoers. It was utterly ridiculous. At least Bella insisted that we dressed nicely so we didn't look like complete idiots. Well, I hopefully didn't look like an idiot – Bella always looked amazing.

"Oh, I'm so glad you guys made it," my mother squealed with that artificial motherly devotion she was famous for. Not that she wasn't a loving mother, but she sure as hell liked to play it up for the crowd. "Bella, darling, I'm so glad to finally meet you officially. It is Bella, isn't it?" she asked unsure… or maybe she was just being a bitch.

"Yes, I'm Bella," Bella assured her while shaking her hand. "I'm so glad to meet you too. Edward has always spoken very highly of you."

"Liar," she replied playfully with a knowing grin. "I haven't always been Edward's favorite person, but I promise you, I have always had his best intentions at heart. How are you, honey?" she asked while pulling me in for an awkward hug.

"I would have been better if this was really just the small luncheon you said it was going to be," I grumbled.

"I said it was going to be a few close friends, and that's what this is," she said dismissively. "Please, come in and meet everyone."

She led us to the back garden where an extra-long table was set up, and over two dozen people were already sitting or taking their seats. Of course, they all turned to look at us when my mother announced our presence. Thankfully, my father hurried to our rescue by pulling us aside so he could greet us personally.

"Sorry about all of this. You know your mother," he mumbled, low enough so only we could hear. "Anyway, I'm glad you could come. Haven't seen you in a while. You always seem to slip away when I try to visit you at the hospital."

"Well, they like to keep me busy over there. So much paperwork and important things to do," I said, attempting to sound positive but failing miserably. I hated my fucking job and it was hard not to show it.

"Still on the lookout for something a little more fulfilling?" he questioned.

"Always," I confirmed. "Anyway, this is Bella," I introduced her.

"Aww, finally, the woman who captured my son's heart. Thank you for that, by the way. I think you must be some kind of miracle worker. I was starting to think he'd never settle down and have any sort of real relationship."

"My dad would say the same thing about me," Bella said graciously. "Happy Birthday, by the way."

"Thank you very much. Please try to enjoy yourselves. I know these stiff faces can be intimidating, but they are all very good people."

"I'm sure they are," Bella said before I finally managed to pull her away from my oddly overly friendly father.

"You okay?" I asked her as we found our seats.

"Of course," she said with a smile that was meant to be reassuring, but I could see something behind her eyes. She was squinting, ever so slightly, almost like she was fighting off a headache.

Before I had a chance to question her on it, my mother stood to make more announcements.

"I just want to thank everyone for coming this afternoon. It's not every day we get to celebrate this special man. Carlisle, happy birthday, darling."

Everyone raised their glasses of fancy wine and cocktails and toasted to my father. As I looked around the table, I couldn't help bitterly thinking about how I recognized several of them from the hospital. Sure, it made sense they were mostly doctors since my father was the Chief of Staff, but they were such great friends of his that I literally never met any of them on a social level before. I couldn't help but think they weren't actually friends, and more like my mother's way of forced intervention for my choice of girlfriend. I really didn't want to think that my mother would do something like that, but her next words pretty much solidified it in my mind...

"Edward, do you know Doctor Amun?" she asked me. "He is the head of the Psychiatry and Mental Health division of the hospital. Doctor Amun, you must know my son's girlfriend, Bella Swan?"

"Um, I can't say I've had the pleasure," Dr. Amun replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just assumed you knew all the more serious psyche patients in the area," my mother feigned innocence, and I could feel my blood begin to boil as rage filled all my senses.

That fucking bitch!

I had hardly spoken to either of my parents since I moved out of their above garage guest apartment. The incident with Bree showing up in their house had upset them, and understandably caused concern, but as I kept telling them during our few brief exchanges since then, it was none of their business. Undoubtedly, my mother must have overstepped even further by asking my father's colleagues about Bella and her disorder. With it being such a small town, the department head of psychiatry certainly would know her, except for the fact Bella hasn't been to a doctor in quite some time. All points my conniving meddlesome mother could have easily concluded to.

"Psyche patient?" Dr. Amun questioned, echoing my mother's words while looking towards Bella for an answer.

"Um…" Bella eyes met mine and I knew she was panicking, so I grabbed her hand.

"We didn't come here to discuss our private medical issues," I said while glaring at my mother. "I'm sorry, but I just remembered we have somewhere else to be. Happy Birthday," I added towards my father while standing to leave.

I attempted to pull Bella up with me, but she refused to budge. Instead, she looked up at me and spoke volumes without saying a word. She was rightfully upset, but the look in her eyes was also fiercely stubborn.

"Actually, our day is wide open," she told me loud enough for everyone to hear. Then she turned back to Dr. Amun. "I have Dissociative Identity Disorder," she told him bluntly, which caused a few low gasps from others around the table.

"Well, that is certainly an interesting condition," Dr. Amun replied with sudden attentiveness.

"Interesting indeed," Bella agreed evenly. "If I'm not careful, I may end up letting out one of my alter personalities and begin dancing all over the table."

"If it's not something you can control, we certainly wouldn't hold it against you. Tell me, who is your doctor?" Amun questioned.

"I don't have one anymore. I actually feel it's best to just wing it," she said flippantly.

"That is certainly an interesting take on your treatment," Dr. Amun mumbled, seemingly aghast. "If you ever change your mind about that, please don't hesitate to come into my office. We have an excellent mental health staff, and I'm sure we could find the right practitioner for you."

"Well, I appreciate the offer," Bella said, refusing to agree or disagree.

There were a few moments of heavy awkward silence before people finally broke off and began chatting quietly amongst themselves.

"Can we go now?" I leaned in and asked Bella, hoping she was finally ready.

"Lunch hasn't even been served yet," she mumbled back, but wouldn't turn to meet my eye.

"Babe," I murmured, but she pulled away and began chatting with the person on her opposite side.

The meal was soon served by a hired staff, and all the while, Bella amazingly held herself together. There were a few points where I couldn't help but wonder if she split and Rosalie or Alice took over to finish the event, but when she'd finally look at me, even briefly, I knew she was still there. Bella was so strong, and she wasn't about to let my mother's despicable stunt get the better of her. But in addition to recognizing Bella's maintained control, I also could see the subtle pain she was in. The continued slight squinting of her eyes told me all I needed to know. She was on the brink, and I needed to force our departure whether she wanted to or not.

"You know what, I think I'm starting to come down with the flu. And here I didn't get my annual shot because I thought it was all bogus," I said while faking several coughs, making all the doctors at the table squirm. "Babe, I'm sorry, I just really need to get home."

"You can always go rest in your apartment here," my mother so dotingly suggested.

"No thanks. I'd rather just get to my own bed."

"Why don't you let me grab my stethoscope so I can make sure it hasn't gone to your lungs," my dad requested.

"No, dad, I'm fine. I just want to go," I said frankly. "I'm sorry. Happy birthday," I added before pulling at Bella's hand again. This time, thankfully, she relented and stood.

"Thank you for lunch, and it was nice meeting you all. Happy birthday," she said before I practically dragged her out of the house.

She didn't say a word to me when we got into the car and kept her silence halfway home. When she did speak, it became painfully clear that she finally lost her grip.

"Wow, what a bunch of squares!"

I glanced at her, and just knew.

"Hey Alice. Did you see all that?" I asked, trying like hell not to let her sense my disappointment with her presence.

"Hell yeah I saw that! It was like some bad soap opera. Your mom is a manipulative socialite from hell. She'd give Erica Kane a run for her money, that's for sure."

"Who is Erica Kane?" I asked, clueless.

"A manipulative socialite from a soap opera," she explained. "'All My Children' – the best soap to ever be canceled. Bella's mom used to watch that show religiously. One of the few fond memories we have with her."

"Oh," I said, not sure how else to respond. None of them ever really mentioned their mother before, so it was a topic I definitely wanted to hear more on if she was willing to speak about it, but I wasn't going to push; especially not right then when I was so pissed at my own mother.

"Alice, is Bella okay?" I asked carefully.

"Oh, she'll be fine," she said, unconcerned. "Trust me, she's faced worse."

I shook my head in anger. "That shouldn't have happened. I should have fucking knew better. Damn it!" I shouted while reflexively punching the steering wheel.

"Relax. Jeesh!" Alice demanded. "It was her decision to go to that party, and she wanted to stay. She wouldn't even let me out for it. I always get to go to the parties," she pouted.

"Where have you guys been lately?" I asked, letting my curiosity momentarily overcome my anger. "None of you have been out in weeks."

"Bella has been pretty determined to keep us locked up. And I think Rosalie felt bad about your guys' last tiff and she was trying to make amends by giving you more time with Bella. Don't count on it continuing though. We have all been cooped up for far too long." She paused to yawn. "Let's go on an adventure."

I squeezed my eyes shut; thankfully we were stopped at a red light at the time, so I didn't crash the car from my moment of internal struggle. I was angry, and disappointed, and I already missed Bella, but I decided to bury all that so I could give Alice the proper time and attention she needed.

I reopened my eyes and turned to her with the most genuine smile I could conjure at the moment. "What do you want to do?"

"What are you willing to do?" she asked with an eager and scheming grin.

My stomach fluttered, but I pushed it away. "For you? Anything."

With a blush warming her cheeks, she giggled and clapped her hands eagerly. "Oh, you shouldn't have said that," she squealed, and judging from her excitement, I was sure she was right. What the hell was I thinking?

Without allowing myself to take back my words, I pulled over and let her drive us to wherever she wanted.

Based on Alice's previous adventure of choice, I wasn't completely confident we would survive the day. However, I ultimately decided to just sit back and attempt to enjoy the ride. If Bella was right and a cure for DID would never come, I needed to fully embrace each and every one of her alters, and that was what I was determined to do…