After what felt like hours of dancing, I was able to break away from the crowd. My mother reached out and squeezed my shoulder as I passed; she knew I'd be looking for Garrett.
Since we had returned, there had been a lot of official business to attend to, with the knighting and the repairs to the castle. When we could, Garrett and I would walk in the King's gardens.
Merlin kept the grounds blooming, even in the winter. It was the end of spring now, so natural blossoms were scattered throughout the sprawling garden. I knew Garrett couldn't see the beauty of the plants, but after living in nature for so long he was much more comfortable outside than in the confines of the castle.
I was unsurprised to find him sitting on a carved wooden bench some distance from the castle, where the noise from the celebration faded enough to lend a sense of calm.
"There you are," I said quietly, not wishing to startle him. He lifted his head at the sound of my voice and gestured for me to sit with him.
"I'm sorry for leaving, you know I'm not used to large crowds." He shrugged sheepishly.
"I can leave you be if you want some peace and quiet." I started to stand back up, but he laid his hand on my arm.
"I think I've had enough solitude. Stay, please." He spoke softly; I could tell he had a lot on his mind.
"I don't have a clue what I'm doing, Kayley." He said, then ducked his head in embarrassment. "I think I am still in shock at how fortunate i am. To be here, to be knighted. With you."
For once I kept quiet, letting him gather his thoughts as he spoke.
"When I lost my sight, I thought that was it for the life I had been working towards. I believed that I had lost any chance of happiness as well. I settled for contentment, never reaching beyond the confines I had created for myself." He paused and took my hand, threading his fingers though mine. I glanced at our joined hands, my smaller one fitting perfectly into his large, roughened one.
"I lived with no aspirations for eight years, never desiring anything beyond what I needed to survive. You have managed to change everything for me in such a short amount of time, when all I could do was wallow in what I thought was my fate." His grip tightened and I watched his face closely as he spoke, his features shadowed by the fading sun.
"And now?" I asked quietly. He gave me a sad smile.
"I meant what I said about being grateful. I am forever indebted to you for quite literally pulling me out of my former life. I can't see why-" he broke off suddenly, and my heart dropped at the anguish on his face.
"Garrett, you're scaring me," I whispered. He was acting the way he had at the edge of the Forest, when he told me he wasn't coming with me to Camelot. I felt him pulling away, even as he took a steadying breath and pressed his forehead briefly to mine.
"I may not crave seclusion anymore, but being close with someone is not my strong point. I still can't fathom how you would even want..me." He said the last word so quietly and with such pain that my breath caught.
I knew that eight years of living alone and fighting for survival while coming to terms with the loss of his sight had affected him deeply. It wasn't until that moment that I realized just how unworthy of love and companionship he believed he was.
I rested my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me, his hand absently playing with the strands of my hair that had come loose from their plait. I struggled with how to answer him, watching the sunset paint the sky, wishing he could see it.
"You once told me that I could be your eyes. Right now, I see a brilliant sunset, all shades of purples, pinks and yellow." He made a small sound of acknowledgement. I knew it was hard for him to admit the things he missed the most from his sighted life. I took a deep breath and went on.
"But that's not the most remarkable sight for me right now. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Garrett." His hand in my hair stilled, and he turned to face me, listening.
"I see a strong, hardworking man who has made a life for himself despite the circumstances forced upon him. I see someone who gave up the familiarity of that life to help a stranger and in doing so return to the very place that you feel rejected you."
Garrett had told me about the weeks following my father's death, when no one give him work or believe in him. After too many nights sleeping on the streets, he decided to leave Camelot behind him.
"I know how hard you are on yourself." He was silent, so I continued. "I also know that one week back here is not going to undo eight years. I don't expect you to be ready for...any more major changes. I just need you to know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, no matter how hard you try to push me away or convince me you aren't worthy."
His hand reached out then and traced my face, just as I had done to him earlier. I knew this was his way of seeing me, and I didn't flinch when his fingers found the few tears that had slipped out down my cheeks.
"You know I care about you," he said softly, his hand still on my cheek. Not trusting my voice, I nodded, knowing that he could feel it. "I just need time to sort through everything in my head."
My face heating, I realized my mistake at the celebration. "I understand. I'm sorry I k-kissed you earlier-" I stammered, but he cut me off with a finger to my lips.
"Is that why you think I came out here? Kayley..." He sighed and, tipping my chin up, leaned down to meet me. I relished in the feel of his lips on mine and slight stubble against my skin. Not wanting to push too far, he pulled away.
Resting my head on his chest, I listened to his heartbeat. I closed my eyes, the events of the day catching up to me. As I began to drift off, I felt him kiss the top of my head.
"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for being patient with me."
