"I Just want you to walk by my side…"
"I will Hermione….always…."
Always….
That word seemed to be haunting him ever since forever….but back then it was dedicated to another woman who never reciprocated his love. This was the first time in his life that he spoke that word to a woman who willingly abandoned her life in his hands….No that was so wrong. This was a woman who sacrificed her life for his….who aged a decade to bring him back to life. Has he ever in his life hoped for such a devoted representation of love directed towards him? Had he ever dreamed of someone thinking him worthy enough to sacrifice for? All those years he was the one who broke himself apart for the love of a woman. He tore his soul to threads for her son….knowing that his love would never be reciprocated. Lily wasn't ever going to share the depth of his feelings. She would have never loved him as desperately and as devotedly as he did.
After her, he assumed many relationships along his life, but none was serious enough to allow him to ….feel again. Never mind experience emotional depths that were far beyond what he had experienced with Lily. He thought he was emotionally spent, cursed to never love a woman again. Yet here he was looming above Hermione as she slept peacefully. Stroking her curly mane with cold fingers and feeling his heart more awake than it had ever been before.
His painful confession yesterday came along with a torrent of agonizing memories. The desolation he felt when she saw through his eyes the hellish life in his house, was overburdened by the blunt realization that this was the first time in ages that he had lowered his Occlumancy shields for anyone. Voldemort never managed to penetrate them and Albus never tried. No one else had a chance to see through his mind. He idly thought that he never wished for Lily to see his thoughts back when they were both young and unspoiled. When he called her a filthy Mudblood and she finally turned her back to him…he never tried to show her his thoughts. He didn't try to explain to her his blind jealousy towards James…the man who bullied him for so long. He couldn't get himself to tell her that he was furious at her for choosing James' company….how wrong that choice was in his eyes. He simply allowed her to leave him and still she was the most important love of his life…up till another woman appeared….a woman who not only held his life in her hands….she also carried inside her a little miracle that he never hoped or dreamed to be a part of.
He looked at her serene features….at the soft undulation of her chest as she breathed steadily and his heart mellowed. She gave him the choice to leave….She even decided in the end to leave him herself. He could have allowed her to walk away like he did with Lily. Instead he all but knelt under the burden of her teary eyes and held her close as he allowed her access to his most heartbreaking memories. He offered her his past, he showed her his destroyed home, his drunken father, his bruised mother and the pool of blood between her legs that was never destined to be born. He showed her everything in the hopes that she'd understand his fears….that she'd give him another chance…that she wouldn't walk away from him.
The ache he experienced when he realized that she was about to leave him …was unbearable. The agony he felt when she told him to erase the Eleventh Key from her shoulder…excruciating. The fear that he'd never see her again….insufferable. The dread of never seeing that little miracle being born ….purely torturous. As his hands lowered the blanket down to her thighs, he wondered idly if he would have been able to live had she left him and with sorrow he admitted that life would mean nothing without her in it. Hadn't he entered the Underworld with the intention of never coming back from it alive perchance?
He shuddered and closed his eyes as his palm covered her lower belly tenderly.
He had succeeded, when this clever and beautiful woman decided to ruin his plans for a grand exit. His heart twitched painfully when he remembered her sacrifice….how she turned back in time inside a world she had no way of controlling in order to bring him back to life. At that moment, leaning over her with his long hair creating a dark curtain around her face…and with his hand lingering over her belly he had no other wish in his life than to offer it whole….to her. With whatever that included, be it his fears or the astounding power that he held hidden inside his veins. The one that Hermione got a small glimpse of and was awestricken…the same one that vile woman Maxine witnessed more than once and was terrified of. The same power the Ministry longed to engage again under their employment…..
The same magic that he was now controlling with so much ease as it sizzled inside his very soul...letting it glide over his fingers and pool in the middle of his palm. He closed his eyes and called on ancient spells the Ministry would have killed to know…spells almost forgotten. He woke up his power as gently as possible and allowed it to slide off his palm and enter Hermione's belly…blessing the little miracle inside her with a magical awareness that Albus would have deemed formidable. Severus knew that he was unable to pass down the fiery power that boiled inside his chest to the baby….but he hoped that this blessing would allow their magic to blossom into something quite extraordinary….if his seed hadn't already achieved that.
As he released his magic into Hermione's loins, he prayed the baby to be protected of all evil and instilled upon it his ancient schematics…the ones that protected his mother and him. He implored for it to be blessed and lucky. He begged for it to take his mother's brains and looks….and only take from him this power….not his darkness…neither his inclination towards the dark arts…..or the malicious energy that derived from his abusive father. He beseeched for the baby to take his mother's beloved heart…and borrow all their assets from her brilliance. As his magic covered Hermione's stomach he besought the baby would never be hurt by their father….or by their father's actions.
A few tears rolled down his cheeks as he prayed for the baby to be spared of an abusive parent and in his stead to have a loving father. Something that he ached to have all his life, now he had the opportunity to give his own child.
My own child….
Upon that thought his breath hitched and the magic withdrew back into his hand. He leaned his forehead upon hers, panting and squeezed his eyes tight. His hand caressed her belly gently, praying that caress would pass down to his child….his child….A caress he never got from his own father and rarely received from his torn mother.
I am going to be a father…the thought thundered through his mind and the usual dread tried to return. However the warm brow of Hermione pressed upon his and the feathery touch of his fingers on her belly, caused that fear to draw back it's talons of horror. His breath gradually eased and the tension on his shoulders softened. After a few moments he felt collected enough to pull away from her. She hadn't woken up from his magical blessings.
He tucked some hair behind her ear and took the vial from the side-table. This was the second day she was sleeping so deeply. He offered her the peaceful rest her body yearned so much while he brewed endlessly. He fed her the age-reversing potion after waking her up with a gentle kiss. Telling her to rest again…and reassuring her that he was there for her….
….always.
Remaining above her, holding her hand as she fell asleep again, safely tucked under the heavy covers. Then he angled the door without closing it and placed a ward around the room, which would instantly notify him when she'd wake up.
He then proceeded to get buried in his office, searching his books, opening his scrolls, seeking tirelessly for an improvement of the potion. Walking up the steps to his study and picking up bottle after bottle of rare and illegal ingredients until he could find what he wished. Then making it back to his boiling cauldrons that send thick clouds of vaporizing materials up to the magical ceiling which instantly sucked them. He worked over several potions for two days and two nights….barely sleeping as he waited for one ingredient to be processed before continuing to the next.
He came out of his study only when Hermione was about to wake up in order to offer her nutritional food, plenty of water and her potion. When she made an attempt to stand up, he warned her that it was either allowing him to take care of her….or going back to the hospital. A choice that she accepted with a soft smile and a sweet kiss each time. Just the reassurance of his presence next to her was enough to make her sleep deeply.
The only other time he was forced to leave the potion kingdom of his attic was when his lantern called. That had been a quite awkward, but also rather demanding conversation with Mister Potter. He inquired about his friend insistently and when Severus told him that Hermione was well into her recovery and resting as much as possible, Harry seemed relieved. When the Professor gave him permission to enter his home whenever he wished in order to see his friend, Potter smiled. The moment Harry tried to speak to him about Conroy and Oswald who were insistently asking for Severus' return, the conversation was cut short.
Before Potter closed the connection with the lantern he told the Professor that Ephias Doge, Albus' friend and an old nemesis of Severus…the current Minister of Magic requested a discussion with him. The invitation was polite both from Potter and from the Minister and that stopped Severus from lashing out. After returning from the Underworld and learning what Hermione did for him…he directed his wrath towards the Ministry. It had forsaken him not only in the past when he fought courageously for them against Voldemort….they had also forsaken him now that he gave them everything he had in order to control the Underworld. The very place that Voldemort used in order to hide in the past…and harvested its evil in order to get more powerful.
When he saw Hermione so broken from the Underworld and remembered how coldly the Ministry had accepted that filthy woman to commandeer the Keepers in his stead …how nonchalant the Wizengamot was about firing him….he abhorred the idea of getting into any kind of discussion with them again.
Before Potter left a note came flying through the lantern. It had the signature of Minister Doge. Severus remained looking at it mutely for several moments after Mister Potter was gone. He thought idly of reading it…wondering what one of Albus' best friend would ever have to say with him. He rather doubted that Doge would ever offer him an apology for what happened not his wishes for a good life with Hermione.
Even years after Dumbledore's death, even after the world learned that Albus was already dying when he requested Severus to ease his way out of this world…even then Hogwarts kept its respectful distance from him. Minerva…the current Headmistress made sure to keep her words measured about Professor Snape and his role in the war. She never offered a public apology for engaging him in battle in front of the whole school. She never showed remorse for not trying to recover his dead body along with all the other heroes of the war. She didn't initiate any kind of contact when he returned to the world after hiding in the Underworld in order to heal from his wounds for one year.
When the Ministry called him in for questioning, she didn't come to his defense…and neither did any of the other teachers or previous Headmasters except from Dumbledore's ghost itself and Phineas Nigellus. Even though his trial was kept away from the press, his former colleagues didn't defend him.
He shed his blood all those years for them…and they forsake him…exactly like the Ministry had done before. When he was exonerated from his crimes, Hogwarts remained eerily silent. Kingsley gave him two choices….exile in Ireland in a house the government would pay under the term that he would never return to England and that he'd lead a quiet life away from the press. The other choice was to remain in London and work for the Ministry under strict privacy…and also keep away from the press.
Kingsley yearned to have a go at the immense knowledge Severus had in the Dark Arts and in the Underworld...if not to have straight access to the dark magic the Death Eaters used for so many years. The Ministry offered him a rather hefty wage, a beautiful office, a big house and five wizards of his choice in exchange for the abundant treasures of knowledge he kept hidden inside his head.
When Severus accepted to work as a Keeper of the Underworld and Commander for the Ministry in whatever concerned the Dark Arts….Hogwarts didn't reach out. Dumbledore's friends and colleagues remained silently absent as always and that continued for all those years after. Therefore seeing Darling Dodgy, as that trollop Skeeter used to call him, a very close friend of Albus approaching him after so many years of silence, made Severus very thoughtful.
The need of the Ministry must be very dire in order to force this man to break character after so long. Buried as he was in his thoughts and his work, he felt the wards on his room ringing clear as a bell in his head. He looked towards the ceiling. Hermione was waking up….he gritted his teeth and hurried to finish the necessary stirring of one of the potions in order to put it on stasis. She had a great timing, didn't she? She caught him in a moment where he was unable to stop. Not long after he heard the door to his study opening.
"Severus?"
"In here. Careful with the steps…" He warned and listened intently as she walked up.
She stopped at the landing of the large open area and looked around her wide-eyed. "Wow…why haven't I ever been in here before?"
His mouth lifted up with the precursors of a sweet smile when he looked at her beautiful features, looking so well rested. Her hair was a wild mess around her and her lips were plump. She had a quilt wrapped around her nightdress and her feet were bare. "My work in the Underworld didn't need for me to work on any potions during the few months of your stay here."
"And you kept this amazing library away from me?" She raised her brows.
"Excuse me for not thinking about books when the whole world was falling apart." He pursed his lips.
She shook her head. "Never too overwhelmed to read a book…."
"That is true…for you." He humphed remembering how she always turned to a book, even in the Forest of Dean when Voldemort was on her tail.
She covered her mouth in order to yawn and his hands itched to get buried under her nightgown and feel her soft and warm skin. She looked absolutely gorgeous at that moment, truly glowing. -Maybe what they are saying about pregnant women being radiant is true after all-….he thought with wonder. "These windows give an amazing view of the mountains….mountains that don't belong in England…." She smirked.
"It's called magic." He gave her a fleeting glance before looking back at his cauldron.
She approached the large bay windows and leaned at the frame. "Your mind created something absolutely astounding."
He pressed his lips quietly.
She looked at him. "And people always thought you prefer your study in a dungeon."
"In Hogwarts I didn't have a lot of choices on the matter….and Albus hated me placing spells on his beloved castle. Here I can do anything I wish." He pointed towards the windows that were framed by the heavy maroon curtains.
"The rain outside?"
"Matches the elements of the weather out of the house. The only thing I have tampered with was the view and the decoration of the place." He returned casually.
"And your spells last indefinitely?" He raised her brows.
He nodded with a smile.
"You don't have to renew them?" She looked impressed.
"No."
"I should have been impressed…." She smirked and turned to him.
"But?" He raised his brow.
"I already know the brilliance that you carry inside that handsome head of yours." She walked slowly towards him.
"Says the most brilliant Healer of London…" He reciprocated.
"After Myriam." She noted.
"For now." Came the quick retort.
"So what made you resume your potion mastery now?" She looked at him.
"Dare you ask?" He raised his brow austerely.
Her fingers caressed one bottle out of the hundreds he had stored on racks upon racks. "Reverse aging potion?" Her eyes glowed.
"That too…." He let the thought linger.
"You have done wonders to this place. Your apothecary is humongous." She raised her brows looking impressed.
"A simple sizing spell can do a lot." He smirked at his cauldron.
She turned to him with a smile. "And each section, each different rack, has its own weather conditions…."
"The proper ones to keep the ingredients as fresh as possible. You see I don't have the opportunity to re-stoke as often as I did when I was working as a Professor. My other occupations engaged most of my time." He explained casually.
"I am sure that whoever has taken your place as Potion Master in Hogwarts would have killed to own this kind of an apothecary. Not to mention the Ministry since it seems that you have a very dark and rather inaccessible section of illegal ingredients back there." She sauntered up to him gracefully.
He looked fleetingly at the back of the study were a formidable looking fence was under heavy wards. "I couldn't care less what either Hogwarts or the Ministry want."
Her hand slithered around his waist. "Oh, I am sure about that one." She leaned her head on his shoulder.
He clasped her hand and brought it to his lips. He gave it a butterfly kiss and then another one on her forehead. "I am so sorry I didn't come down when you woke up."
"It was for the best." She closed her eyes.
"Why?" He frowned.
"Because you would have stopped me again from waking up. How long have I been sleeping?" She raised her brow at him.
"Two days…." He winced.
"Two days?" She frowned surprised.
He pressed his lips regretfully.
"Did you cast a sleeping spell on me?" She scrounged her lips.
"Two….and they were rather potent…." -He couldn't help but smirk- "You look refreshed."
"I would have chastised you, haven't I indeed felt incredibly well rested….and curiously not hungry at all. What have you been doing in between….spoon feeding me?" She joked.
When he smirked her mouth dropped open.
"Seriously…now?"
"Your body needed proper nourishment and repose. I warned you it was either this or returning to the hospital and the care of Myriam." He rejoined dryly.
She tilted her head and gave him a scrutinizing look that made his stomach tilt backwards. "A meaningless choice to be sure…..who would choose Myriam instead of you as a healer?"
He gave a quick look of gratitude. "You have no idea how much I appreciate your playful nature right now." –He cast a freezing spell on his cauldron and turned to her- "You have worried me so much these past few days."
As he pulled her in, she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned on him. "I feel so good….my whole body is warm and cozy…tingling with the aftermaths of what I can only describe as a magical surge I know only too well." She murmured.
His arms fell heavy upon her shoulders. "My beautiful and perceptive Hermione…." His fingers entangled through her hair gently.
"I feel especially warm in my belly…." She muttered and gave a butterfly kiss on his chest.
He tensed for a single moment before loosening up and leaning into her. "The baby needs protection." His voice was barely heard.
"So its father was blessing it with his monumental power while its mother slept?" She stroked the center of his chest with her nose, inhaling his beloved scent deeply. Just being in his arms like this and knowing how much he was taking care of her was able to heal her every ailment.
"I…I am trying…" He stumbled.
She felt his hesitation. "About what?"
The pause was long and she felt him tensing up again. "To do the right thing… for you and for the baby." He whispered.
She inhaled deeply and felt her chest welling unexpectedly. She drew back and looked at him through blurry eyes. "You my love…." –She felt his shudder under her fingertips and held him even tighter- "You are going to be an exceptional father….a father our baby will be lucky to have…."
She felt his shaky exhalation as he touched her forehead to hers. His arms tensed possessively around her. He didn't know what to answer to that….his violent past was terrifying him and he was unable to hide this weakness from her. "You seem so certain…yet I am not."
She cupped his cheeks. "You sacrificed your life to save the son of a woman you loved Severus. How much more will you be able to do about your own child? You cannot see yourself like I do. I am fearless my love, exactly because I know that you'd give your last breath for our baby…." An affectionate smile brightened her features.
"I would….the Gods only know that I would…." His jawline flexed and he closed his eyes.
"The Gods and me…." Her finger feathered over his parted lips.
He opened his eyes slowly and they were full of tears. "Thank you…for trusting me to care for you both."
She frowned. "You are my other half Severus…I would never be able to do this without you….thank you for loving me….for loving us."
He enwrapped her so tightly that she rejoiced. She felt his breath burning on the croon of her neck and buried her fingers through his long hair, stroking him tenderly. Allowing her touch to soothe his terrifying nightmares….the ones he shared with her two days ago. "It is going to be a hard…a long road Hermione."
"I told you before that I am here to hold your hand….always…" She kissed his temple fervently.
That word again…that word spoken by a woman who loved him…a woman who had his baby inside her womb. He melted against her and their lips touched. Instantly her body woke up with goosebumps and her stomach twisted around impatiently. His kiss was giving and tender, wanting to draw from her an emotional response that she was more than happy to provide.
"And I yours…with as much strength as is left in me." He whispered.
Her smile was adoring. "Says the man who can create earthquakes with the surge of his magic…as well as his appearance …."
He frowned deeply. "Don't suck up, it doesn't suit you."
"I am simply telling you the truth." -She kissed the tip of his nose - "Listen what happened two days ago….me running away from the hospital….I am sorry."
"Being under the care of Myriam has that effect on people." He frowned and tucked a lock behind her ear.
"Be serious." She frowned.
He wondered idly when he started finding her sulking adorable. Once upon a time he found even his skin intolerable, never mind considering how alluring a woman's frown is.
"That morning I woke up frustrated, angry and sadder than I have ever felt. I needed to leave or else I would have gone mad." She averted her eyes.
He enwrapped her close to his chest. "I caused you all this grief."
"You had your own demons to fight Severus….All this must have been so hard on you…" She murmured.
"Hadn't you left the hospital, I wouldn't have been forced to face your wrath and I wouldn't have ever shown you my memories. That is the truth." He whispered.
"I forced you to share with me your most terrifying moments. I was unfair with you….forgive me." Her arms tightened around him.
"You had always dealt with fairness, remember? You've told me so and you've proven it. I tried to do the same. Your reaction was not only excused, but also justified and I had to show you that I didn't hate fatherhood….I dreaded it."
She inhaled deeply.
"The reason I run away was never you my beautiful Hermione, but my past. I couldn't allow you to leave me for all the wrong reasons. You always had a fiery spirit Hermione….ever since I remember you. Marching up to your table along with all the other annoying Gryffindors ready to take Hogwarts by storm. The little know-it-all, always sitting at the front desk, with her arm stuck up in the air demanding the attention of every professor. The girl whose potions were always a little too perfect for my tastes….The girl who aced all her classes, every year effortlessly….."
"Not so effortlessly….I used the time-turner a lot of times in order to manage." She interrupted.
"…Which makes you much closer to my age than you are willing to admit, especially after your last escapade." He raised his brow.
"What this with you and age? Do you have a problem dating a younger woman?" Her brows furrowed.
"I would have had a problem dating a former student of mine, hadn't that student changed so drastically over the years. The bold Army Nurse hardly resembled that little nuisance with the unruly hair and the eager eyes, but she had the little girl's fiery spirit." He rejoined with a small smile.
"The Army Nurse? Don't tell me you've been reading about my lawless adventures long before you walked into my path once more?" Her teeth were worrying her bottom lip.
His finger trapped her bottom lip. "I always keep a tap on fascinating people."
"Oh…" She seemed surprised.
"You showed a braveness in your pursuits that cannot leave people unaffected. You showed a braveness the likes of which I hadn't seen again since you led Potter and Weasley into the wilderness all those years ago. That courageous girl that I tried so hard to assist back then, had indeed caught my attention…" He pursed his lips.
"You sound like a stalker…." She teased.
"Of the good kind." He tilted his head.
She bit her lower lip and stood up on tip-toe. "I don't know if that scares me or arouses me."
"I don't think I intended either of those reaction when I followed your rebellious career. I simply wanted to make sure that courageous little girl, was going to be given the chance to become a fearless woman."
"I assure you…this courageous woman had that brilliant profession in the palm of her hand, when the Marriage Law stopped all her progress." Her voice filled with sadness.
"You still have it Hermione….an apprenticeship under Myriam…" A soft kiss was placed on her forehead.
"A coveted position to be sure." Her smile lit up her whole face.
He leaned down until their lips touched, yearning to taste that wholesomeness on her. "You will outrank her in no time."
"And I will help so many people…."
His eyelids closed heavily. "Like you have helped me…"
"Do you hate me for knowing your past now?" The question came out of nowhere.
He shook his head. "I love you for it even more."
"Do you hate accepting to help me when Harry asked you?" She frowned.
"No, because I would have never been given the chance to known Hermione the woman and that would have been the greatest misfortune." He rejoined heavily.
"Did you hate having to apply for me in front of the Wizengamot?" Her forefinger touched his lower lip gently.
"Yes…I did. Such actions must be done out of love, not out of necessity." He scowled.
"Did you regret becoming my fiancé under the Marriage Law?" She continued with a breathy voice.
"Yes, because we were forced into the arrangement by an unethical government. Also no, because that allowed me to get to know you more intimately…and that is something I'd never take back." He said broodily.
She swallowed heavily. "Then why did you sign the papers of our separation?"
He cupped her cheek. "It has bothered you so much?"
"Yes…it did." Her eyes fell to his lips.
"These were papers that soon would have no value anyway."
"I don't care….just you putting your signature on them….it didn't feel right." She shook her head.
His other hand released her waist and slithered in front to stroke her lower stomach. "You feel our situation is too compromising to not be official?"
She exhaled and leaned her head on his chest. "I don't have such insecurities Severus….not now that I know why you fear fatherhood. I don't demand a ring out of you…not a marriage either….yet that signature really annoyed me."
"Then if I decide to ask your hand in marriage at some point, you might deny?" He raised his brow.
Her body instantly tensed and that was enough of an answer for him. "Maybe…" She smiled playfully.
He enfolded her on him and buried his long nose between her curls. "Maybe?"
She shrugged and cuddled in his arms. "Who knows…"
"Who knows what?" His fingers entwined through her hair.
"Maybe I'll never marry…maybe I'll marry someone else in the future….no one knows…" The tease was clear in her voice.
"And you think I'd allow anyone else to ask for your hand in marriage? I'd be quicker to severe their hand from the root." He tilted his head and the warning was clear in his voice.
"Oh, I like it when you become possessive." She cooed and gazed up into his eyes.
"Don't tempt me and don't try me." He cautioned.
She stood on the balls of her feet and planted a wet and lingering kiss on his lips. "I wouldn't dare…." She whispered and her fingers planed down the flat of his stomach and stopped on his belt buckle.
He swallowed heavily. "No sex yet….you are still recuperating."
She humphed in annoyance and bumped her forehead on his chest. "You can sure be a mood destroyer."
"I need to care for you. Not throw you in bed." He smirked.
"I will hold that against you. I think my pregnancy is doing things to my libido. All I dreamt about was you and me in various positions and being rather vocal in several compromising situations."
"And you woke up all hot and bothered?"
"More than….itching for your touch to be more precise." She pursed her lips.
"Too soon into your recuperation to toy around young lady." -He scolded- "I am trying hard to reverse the aging process. I won't ruin all that by throwing you in a bed in order to have my filthy ways with you." He retorted.
"Fine…." She sounded vexed.
He sighed and offered a dozen kisses all over her face before pulling back. "We have all the time in the world for that. For now we concentrate on your rest and caring for the little creature you have in your belly."
"The father in you is really aggravating." Her tone was not serious.
"And the mother in you needs pampering. Now enough talking. Let's go down. Have you eaten breakfast?" He frowned.
"Not yet…"
"Come then." He said and practically dragged her to the stairs.
"What was boiling in that cauldron? It smelled divine." She said as she stumbled behind him clumsily.
He came out to the corridor and closed the heavy door behind him. "Love potion." He said nonchalantly.
"A what? Why would you need a love potion for?" She asked confused.
"Who knows? Maybe I will feed some young witch with it….you have grown way too old for my tastes." He said casually.
She pulled her hand free and crossed her arms. "You are not serious."
He took her hand in his and drew her gently towards the kitchen. "And you are calling me jealous. You promised a certain librarian a rather potent love potion in exchange for information not long ago, remember?"
Her eyes grew wide in recognition. "Oh, damn. Had forgotten completely."
"I didn't." He said and made her take a seat. Then he went to fridge and took out eggs and ham.
"And you are taking time away from your overburdened schedule in order to fulfil my promise to her?" She asked keenly.
"My schedule is not overburdened since I resigned from the Ministry…..so …I have time to spare." He said as he started cooking.
"Thank you for doing this." A loving smile spread on her lips.
"My pleasure…." He reciprocated the smile as he bothered over the eggs.
"Why did you sound regretful when you spoke about your free schedule back there?" She asked carefully.
"Because I rarely have anything to do anymore." He sighed deeply.
"And that annoys you?" She frowned.
"To no end. You see I never stopped working all these years. When I was a kid I used to do all kinds of work around the neighborhood in order to get some money. Then after going to Hogwarts I was always busy with classes….or with Voldemort." –His voice filled with bitterness at those words- "When I graduated, soon after I got employed in Hogwarts as a Professor and a double spy. When the war was over and I recuperated from my wounds I was employed by the Ministry. I have never stopped working…until now." He said and served the scrambled eggs to her.
"I know what you mean. It must feel frustrating." She rejoined thoughtfully.
He sat across from her and inhaled deeply. She could see his jawline flexing and knew he was weighing his words carefully. She could feel the tension in him and got prepared for the usual cold wave that he always threw at her when he was upset. When his hand softly clasped hers a shudder of appreciation run down her spine. She looked up at him worried. "It is not easy, but I will find a way….we will find a way." He corrected himself.
Her eyes seared into his. "This is the first time I am feeling you leaning onto me when you are upset, instead of drawing away. I like that." Her voice welled with emotion.
His fingers caressed hers and his eyes got lost in thought. "Me too."
She cleared her voice as she felt the fear creeping up her spine slowly. "Maybe you can find another job…I mean not maybe, most certainly. Who would be daft not to hire the best Potion Master in all of England if not the whole of Europe? Not to mention the Dark Arts. Have you thought of working as a Professor in them? Apply and all the schools and colleges are going to fight over you. Your knowledge is so expansive in so many subjects that your application will be venerated by the biggest academic minds."
"Apply and get a job….then what? Will you be willing to move if I get employed in Ireland or France?" His voice was uncertain.
She pressed his fingers. "I'd go anywhere with you." The honesty of her smile lit up her whole countenance.
His heart clenched at how easy she made everything feel. "And what about your brilliant career in St. Mungo's and Ward 49?"
"I can apparate there from anywhere in the world."
"That will become harder as your pregnancy progresses." He reasoned.
"I will establish a floo connection….scratch that…I will let you do the whole thing." She said coolly.
"Just like that…" His brows creased.
"Just like that….yes. We shall find a solution, as a family." She beamed up at him.
His eyes welled upon those words and he looked away quickly.
Her regard was tentative. "I showed you how easy it can be and you still look concerned."
"Not concerned, merely thoughtful." His voice was quiet.
"About what?"
"There are so many wizards and witches able to apply for the same jobs as me." He was quietly thoughtful.
"Professors?" She frowned.
"Academics …Lecturers, Professors, Teachers…the whole lot. The market is overcrowded." He waved his hand around dismissively.
"Not by men of your talent." She smiled awkwardly.
"Still though…a Professor is a job anyone can do." He looked at her.
Her fingers tightened around his hand. A few silent moments rolled by. "And you are not just anyone, are you?" Her voice dropped.
He looked away…finding the counter-top suddenly rather interesting.
"No…Severus Snape is not just anyone….You have knowledge the Ministry would kill for. You know things that few others do…." She murmured and felt her stomach twisting painfully.
His eyes returned to her, but she saw the indecision in them.
"And you yearn to offer that knowledge in those areas….you wish to help where no one else can….don't you?" She whispered with a frown.
He swallowed heavily and forced a smile on his lips. "I don't know Hermione. I don't know anything anymore. All this is new to me. Everything feels unfamiliar, uncharted. Falling so deeply in love with you….almost loosing you, becoming a father….ending up jobless….or even worse with a job that I would…"
"Despise….a job that would bore you? Like being a Professor?" Her eyes smiled sadly.
"No…no of course not. I loved being a Professor. It was the only thing that kept my mind in one piece." His smile was not genial, even though his hands were warm above hers.
She pressed her lips. "In an age that was tearing all of us apart. You've worked under Voldemort for years as a young adult. You were a double spy for equal years and then you were employed by the Ministry in order to manage the Underworld. Being just a Professor, without serving some ultimate purpose would probably cause you a permanent boredom attack."
A side-smile formed on his lips. "It matters not. I will do what I must."
"But will that be enough?" She asked solemnly.
"I am too old to pursue ideals anymore. What I wish is to provide for you and the baby." He placed a warm kiss in the middle of her palm.
A shiver tickled her spine. "I love you Severus Snape."
He stood up and leaned over the counter. Then his lips where upon hers. His kiss as comforting as ever. "I love you too Hermione Granger….more than words will ever be able to say."
She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. "I know my heart." Their lips, remained locked for long. Their fingers entwined.
When he finally sat down his eyes were solely on her….seemingly sensing her nervousness.
She wished to quieten him. "I know I am so beautiful that you cannot take your eyes off of me….but let me taste this magnificent breakfast you cooked for me. I am starving." This last conversation had awoken a fear in her heart that she was unable to share or put to rest. When she saw his loving she felt a wave of relief. He took up his fork and begun eating heartily as their conversation turned to much safer topics, like the exceptionally rare love potion he was making in his study. Something that she insisted that he should market and sell despite its illegal ingredients. When they finished he stood up and walked around to her. Then he enclosed her in his arms. "Now come, you need your rest and I need to get back to work."
She felt his magic entering her mind as his warm lips feathered at the side of her neck. "Don't you dare hex me with another sleeping spell…" She warned.
"You need to take a bath and lay down. You need to recuperate." His soft kisses chased the goosebumps down to her collarbone.
"At this moment you are arousing me, you are not helping me relax." She warned.
"You are rebuking my efforts to relax you." His tongue came out to leave a wet trail across her collarbone and stopped with a kiss on her exposed shoulder.
She sighed deeply. "If that consists of a certain sleeping spell then no thank you."
He rested his chin on her shoulder-line and she shuddered as how his rough stubble awoke her skin. "Then what do you wish me to do in order to relax you?"
"Fuck my brains out and then massage me to sleep." She snorted.
His lips stroked her skin in boringly sensual circles. "No sex until we make sure this misadventure in the Underworld has not caused permanent damage to you and the baby."
"You mean until you are able to reverse my aging process." She winced.
"Possibly that too."
"Then keep your hands and your mouth away from me, because they are both going to drive me insane." She gritted her teeth.
He pulled back to her utter regret and turned her around. "At your orders Madame. Now what are you going to do?"
"Follow you up to that amazing study you hide in your attic in order to assist you with the love potion." She nibbled her bottom lip coyly.
His brows furrowed. "No rest?"
"No…I cannot sleep anymore….don't force me….please. Let me come and enjoy your vast library. I can help with the potion and I ache to know what secret ingredients you have put in it to enhance it. Will it bend the will of the one who drinks it?" She cupped his cheek with a pout.
He leaned down to peck that insolent lip. "It will make a love-struck puppet out of them….much like I am."
Her cheeks flushed and she closed her eyes when he deepened the kiss. After a few sizzling moments she pushed him back panting. "Stop unless you want me to undress you this very moment. You know I still fantasize of having you take me in this very counter."
He swallowed dryly and looked at her wet lips. A grunt of frustration got lodged in his throat. "Enough ….alright come at the study and let us pray you'll find something more interesting than your perverse daydreaming to occupy your brilliant mind."
"Oh but I will Master. I will have your exceptional Potions…your extensive library….lit up with dozens of candles, those elegant bay windows hidden behind the velvet curtains….and the astounding view under the heavy downpour. I am sure that if a book lulls me to sleep you can turn one of those couches in front of the windows into a bed….and join me in it." She whispered defiantly.
He bit his lower lip and his finger slipped through her hair, taking a tight grip. "And you think I am going to be able to concentrate with your alluring presence around me?"
She felt her stomach twisting at this sign of greediness from him. "Oh, I am sure we will find a way to work things out." The insinuation clear in her voice.
His forehead touched hers. "Who'd knew you are such a tease…."
"A sexy tease…." She corrected.
"A pregnant sexy tease." He retorted.
She humphed and pushed him back. "You keep on ruining my mood."
"That is the point. Now are you coming?" he offered his hand.
"I will tidy the kitchen and I will be with you." She said happily.
"No tidying for you….." He frowned.
"I will use magic." -She stood up and pushed him away- "Now go."
He looked at her thoughtfully for a few moments and the lopsided smile that could light up her heart returned. "Alright, now don't tire yourself. For any reason." He warned.
"Yes Sir!" She gave him a military salutation.
He scowled.
"Now go!" She pointed towards the corridor.
With visible unwillingness he walked away. When she heard the door of the study closing she allowed her shoulders to deflate and the apprehension making a comeback at her stomach. She tidied up the kitchen and used magic to wash the dishes. Then she leaned against the counter and crossed her arms, still feeling waves of anxiety passing through her belly whenever she remembered their conversation about boring jobs. Feeling beyond annoyed with her own mind playing such tricks on her she looked next to the lantern at a rather large pile of newspapers and letters that needed sorting.
Needing to make herself useful she began clearing up the pile meticulously. She checked every letter, article and newspaper and made two stacks. One to throw away and one to keep. She was down to the last two letters when suddenly her heart picked up speed. She turned the official scroll in her hands and looked at the sigil of the Ministry. One she knew well. Her eyes darted to the corridor that was dark and quiet. She licked her lower lip and opened up the scroll slowly. Her eyes fell on the date, which was today and she closed it again vexed. It wasn't her place to snoop into his correspondence.
Why would the Ministry communicate with him again now they had his resignation? Why did he go to the trouble of tucking it at the bottom of the pile? She gritted her teeth and opened the scroll again. A few moments later she was already reading it.
When she finished her stomach had dropped to the floor and her face had paled. She closed the scroll and placed it back at the bottom of the pile. Then she drew back as if touched by fire.
No…that was impossible. Not only had Minister Doge weaved a sentimental praise for Severus, he had also offered a well concealed apology. Had Severus read it? The Ministry was asking him for a meeting. Where they going to beg him to take back his Commander position at the Keepers? Would he ever do it? After everything that happened? Is that why he didn't rebuke her words about boring jobs more vivaciously? Is that why he sounded so uncertain?
After everything they went through in the Underworld the last thing she wanted to hear in her pregnant state was that he was considering a return to it. With an angry dismissal she tried to understand what was wrong with just being a Professor…a profession he had been doing for decades. That is when the logical part of herself took over.
He was never truly just a Professor Hermione? That was his cover. He was a Death Eater, a double spy and a Keeper Commander….
The profession that he had been identified with for so many years was just a cover for something much more dangerous. Would it be reasonable or even fair to demand him to become a boring Professor now when apparently he was yearning for something more? Was having a child enough of a reason to bridle a nature that was forged inside the very fires of hell? She didn't doubt that if she asked him to settle down for their sake he would. Knowing that he was employed in a safe environment would make her heart blossom….but she feared that employment would make his heart wither and die.
This man was not made to be a mere academic. He had extensive knowledge in a field that few had. His command of the Underworld was unprecedented. As much as she needed to feel angry at the Ministry for still pursuing him, she could also understand….
….and that weighed heavily upon her.
