Sometimes, Itachi wondered what had compelled the universe to make the world so harsh. Had he done something to be singled out? Did he truely deserve this all, or was it simply the way life worked?
For a long while, he had assumed the latter. Being brought to the war fields and forced to see humanity in its whole at the tender age of four? It was an unfortunate but necessary day for him to be fully aware of the life he would lead. Dealing with the harassment from the other boys in his class? He could deal with it, if it meant becoming stronger for Sasuke. The nine-tails attack and the loss of his godparents were even understandable, no matter how much it had stung at the time. The village had been saved.
But why, oh sage above why, did he have to deal with such a tricky mangekyou power while he was trying to construct his alibi? It was more than a little difficult to explain why, out of the two people missing from the meeting, one was dead and the other happened to be out on a mission.
It seemed like a perfect alibi, sure, but it was such a basic excuse. He'd heard countless shinobi use missions as an excuse. The young Uchiha couldn't help but doubt it as he stared down at the book he was pretending to read. Even in the safety of his own room, Itachi couldn't let his guard down. It'd be more trouble than it was worth than to be caught zoning out directly after the estimated time of death. At the very least, he knew how the police force worked, so it should be easy to be unsuspicious. Itachi wouldn't give them a single reason to question his innocence.
No, he was being foolish. There was nothing to worry about. He hadn't killed Shisui, even if they did somehow prove that he'd been there at the time of his cousin's death. Not to mention the loopholes the police force would have to jump through to open an official case against an ANBU member. If worse came to worse, Danzo still needed him. Especially now that he was the only internal spy they had left.
"Is this really what you do all day?" Hashirama's voice rang from his spot on the floor, the surprisingly informal spirit laying on his stomach as he continued to watch Itachi carefully.
The young ANBU member didn't bother taking his eyes off his book as he flipped the page, voice low as mused in a strained yet polite tone, "It is. If it bores you, you could always return to the Hokage monument."
Itachi was more disappointed than he'd like to admit when Hashirama stubbornly shook his head.
It had only been a few hours since Shisui's death. Itachi was ashamed to say he hadn't taken the awakening of his mangekyo with near as much restraint as he had the sharingan. He imagined it must have been quite the sight for the three to see-- shoving Shisui's eyes into a crow and swiftly hiding any evidence that he'd been there. Rushing home as indiscreetly as he could.
Normally he wouldn't care much for how others viewed him, but even he had to admit to shame at some point. He'd always admired the Hokage position and Hashirama's philosophy, then there was his godfather who probably thought he was some sort of murderer. The way the second stared into him didn't remedy his insecurities any.
He must just be worn down after Shisui's death. That had to be it. He was stressed because everything was left to him. There was no reason to feel this way. Even so, the feeling remained. When he'd realized they'd followed him back to the compound no matter how he ignored them, he'd tried everything he could to get them to leave.
The living weren't supposed to talk to the dead, he had things to do, they should be enjoying the afterlife-- unfortunately, the first had shot down every excuse while the second had sent him unreadable looks. His godfather's concerned and conflicted look didn't help any.
Unfortunately, his eyes didn't seem to care. Even as he deactivated them, the three remained. He'd been hoping to bore them into leaving, but it seemed they were perfectly content with watching him and occasionally knit-picking for answers.
"I'd say you have plenty to do." the second had apparently decided it was his turn to have a go at it, much to Itachi's dismay. Itachi was enough of a history buff to know that the silver-haired shinobi hardly had a high opinion of their clan. Which was why he wasn't too surprised when the next words filed out of his mouth. "For example, reporting the boy's death to the police. Turn yourself in and save them some work." he all but ordered. Oh, if only it could be that easy.
"Now, now." his godfather seemed to try to deescalate the elder's biting tone, "I'm sure there's an explanation for this." Itachi didn't have to look from his spot at his desk to know that the blond had turned to him. "Itachi, I know you're shaken up right now, but pretending you weren't there will do more harm than good. Was it an accident? Did he fall?"
Itachi, for all his usual poise, was unable to keep the annoyance from his voice. "You know just as well as I do that any half-decent shinobi could have caught themselves on the cliff."
He set his book down on the desk, legs uncrossing as he strolled over to his door, peeking out it briefly. Just to make sure.
Mother was still out shopping with Sasuke and father was at work. Good. They were already suspicious that he was hiding something, he didn't need them adding crazy to the list.
Maybe he was crazy. Was Shisui's death the last straw? Was he seeing things now? Fingers gripping the door frame as he stared into the hallway, the young Uchiha internally grimaced. He couldn't afford to question his mental state right now. There was too much to do. He was the clan and village's final hope to escape a civil war.
A trembling cold ran through his spine like electricity, a numbing sensation so strong it almost burned overtaking his back. "Itachi, you're clearly a shinobi. There shouldn't be a reason to hide a kill within Konoha walls unless it was a kill you weren't supposed to make." Hashirama's words were strangely firm and coaxing at the same time, the brunet's spirit having gone behind him at some point.
"It was a suicide." the hollow words left his mouth, betraying the drowning feeling in his chest. "I didn't kill him and he didn't fall on accident."
Itachi wasn't sure if the swimming in his head was from the day's events or the hand on his back, which he was sure was intended to be supporting. Tobirama's tight expression as the man moved to stand across from Itachi, arms crossed, did not help. "Then why are you not reporting the body? And why did you take one of his eyes?"
The words left his mouth before he could give them permission. He stole a glance at his bed over at the red-eyed shinobi. "It's...complicated. He gave me his eye." blinking heavier than he should have as he tried to think straight. There was a pounding behind his eyes. This wasn't right. He needed to stay calm. Even if Danzo...even if Shisui...even if he was the only one...if the sharingan...if he was seeing ghosts or it felt like his body was hot and cold--
His body which, it seemed, did indeed have a stress limit he was unaware of.
One which included his body coming down with a heavy 'thump', much to the spirit's dismay.
