A Hyrule Historian
Chapter V
Good Grief
There was no mistaking him, even in the plain off white shirt and trousers outfit, that were very reminiscent of the begging of Breath of the Wild. Strangely, he looked both exactly like I thought he would, and nothing at all as I'd expected, if that made any sense. While he was much taller than his companion, he was still a good deal shorter than me. His tan skin and piercing blue eyes were a unique combo when paired with his incredibly Japanese features. Most surprising, I think, was the fact that his blond hair was a specific shade of yellow that didn't look like a naturally occurring blond but one that was almost exclusively synonymous with someone who has bleached their naturally very dark hair. But, even if there had been any doubt about his identity, it was completely blown away by the Sheikah Slate resting sturdily on his hip.
Ramona pulled me excitedly up to the pair, before I could even convince my brain that it should maybe restart my breathing functions, she jumped into introductions, "Hello, Welcome to Lon Lon Ranch! I'm Ramona and this is my friend Lazarie. We function as both an inn and stable if you have any need for that! What are your names?"
The way Ramona just blasted through that sales pitch spoke volumes of her upbringing on the ranch. The way she kept excitedly looking from me to the other girl and back spoke volumes as to her excitement at… I'm not particularly sure, a new friend, maybe? But, I couldn't blame her, really. This was the second person from my world that we met in such a short period of time, so it was kind of exciting. I wonder what item she has? Part of me hopes it is another instrument, judging by the large backpack she's wearing it could be almost anything.
"Hello. I'm Link, and this is Michiko." The boy introduced quietly but warmly, "It's nice to me you. Do you both work here?"
"It's nice to meet both of you. Actually, I work here but Lazarie doesn't. She's just been staying with us since she got here. So, Michiko, are you also an alien? Like Lazarie? Wait, did you say your name was Link? Like from the stories?" Ramona's rapid fire were a bit hard to follow, as they were addressed to different people and so on top of one another no one was really sure who was supposed to answer.
Gauging the incredibly confused look from Link and the unreadable pinched expression from Michiko, I figured it'd be best for me to answer the only question directed at me, the last one.
"Um, yeah. Like from the stories." I nervously confirmed before turning to face Michiko, who was nervously fidgeting and rapidly looking between Link and us. "Sorry, the alien thing is a joke. But, you are right? Like me? Another person from our world? A Legend of Zelda fan?" I clarify in hopes that it helps her understand. This was obviously that this was the first bit of evidence that there were others like her, so she was probably pretty overwhelmed with all the new information. Heaven knows, I'm still feeling that way after meeting Ash.
Michiko flinches at my statement, her already pale skin loosing even more of its color and her pale eyes widening in what looked like panic. "I don't know what you're talking about. But, we're very busy, so we should go." Came her hurried response. She had a clear West Coast American accent, with maybe a tinge of something else that I couldn't begin to guess at. She seemed to really be uncomfortable though.
"Oh, um. I'm sorry. I just assumed. I meant another player of the Eclipse Game?" I tried heart racing. I had assumed because both Ash and I had items from Legend of Zelda as our "Obsessions" that it had something to do with us ending up here. Maybe, it didn't matter what item you had? Maybe the whole purpose of the game was to get to Hyrule? Oh man, I can't imagine what it would be like for someone who has absolutely no context on the place they were magically transported to.
My answer only seemed to upset her further, "I said I don't know what you're talking about. Link, let's go." She snapped before grabbing the now very confused Link's hand.
"Michiko, we just got here, and it's almost nighttime. We should probably wait until morning before travelling." He stated softly, in almost a questioning manner.
"We have to get to Kakariko Village! Link, we don't have any time to waste. This is of the utmost importance, we can't delay." Michiko started of rather angrily before seeming to remember she was talking to Link and her tone quickly shifted to a more nurturing tone, almost as if she was speaking to a young child. She also adopted and incredibly forced fake British accent.
I was kind of stricken with the ostentatious display. So, she obviously knew about Legend of Zelda. Did she really not know how she got here? Was she just lying? What the fuck is up with the fake accent? I spared a quick glance to Ramona to see if maybe she had a better understanding of the situation. By her pinched brow, I assumed she was just as confused.
"Oh, I guess if it's that important…" Link trailed off uncertainly, "I'm sorry, it looks like we will need to leave now, but I'm sure we'll come back some other time. If there's anything you need help with, or something you need help finding. We'd be more than happy to help out." Link offered.
"Oh, um. Thanks but I'm fine." I wave it off, secretly just the littlest bit happy that a Link, maybe not the one from my childhood but still, was kind enough to talk to me and even try and get in a fetch quest while he was at it. I know this is real and not a game anymore, but I couldn't help but feel just a little bit of comfort that some things still transfer over.
"See? She's fine. They don't need our help to continue their inconsequential little lives. Now, let's go. We have more important things to do than hang around some E-girl and her hillbilly friend." Michiko interrupted with a not so small dose of snide superiority.
That warm comfort disappeared very quickly. In it's place I had two warring factions. On one side I had the "Punch Her in The Face" team and the other was the "Runaway From Uncomfortable Situations" team. Looking back at the condescending glare from what had to be a 14-year-old infant, I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
Don't throw hands at a child.
I didn't know what this girl's deal with, and honestly I didn't care. I was both physically and emotionally exhausted from our trip and I just wanted to get away from this disaster of an introduction. I may be only 19 but I am far too old for this I'm not like other girls kind of shit.
Because that's what this was, wasn't it? With that thought in my brain, everything made a bit more sense. Here we have a young teen girl, her hipster glasses, fake accent, and oversized backpack basically screaming "I'm an Intellectual unlike all those other silly girls" getting to meet a boy she undoubtedly has a gigantic crush on. So now she's getting territorial with potentially the first girls she's seen since meeting him, afraid that someone gonna "steal her boyfriend" or whatever.
Nope. I'm not touching any of that.
I plaster on a smile and wave them off, pressing my other hand to Ramona's shoulder to try and convey that it was best to just let it go. We watched them leave the ranch and consequently our line of sight before finally relaxing.
"That was…" Ramona started after a brief period of silence, but trailed off not entirely sure how to describe what just happened.
"Yeah." I breathe out in agreement.
"I'm sorry." Ramona lightly grasps my hand, her voice full of genuine sorrow.
"What why?" I quickly make eye contact with her. What does she have to be sorry about? She didn't do anything wrong.
"It's just that went pretty badly…" She hesitantly pointed out.
I waited for a beat for her to continue, but when she still just looked at me expectantly I finally spoke up, "Well, yeah. But that wasn't your fault. Why should you be sorry?"
"No, I know that it's not my fault. I'm just sorry because that was not a great way to first meet someone, and he's your Link, right?" She uses both of her hands to hold mine as if to help support me through any kind of emotional response I would have to it.
"Oh. Nah, I'm okay. Also he's not really. Like I don't know him at all. Yeah he's this version of the hero, but he's not mine in any sense. If anything he's a Link, they're all different people. I do feel a bit bad for him. I'm not sure what that girl's deal is but it seems messy as hell." I smile trying to convey the fact that I really was okay, and I was. I'm sure if this had turned out to be Ocarina of Time I would have been sad, but that wasn't the Link that I grew up with. Hell, if he's any Link any of us have seen before, he's gotta be Breath of the Wild, the Sheikah Slate kind of pointed to that.
Maybe this is just an alternate timeline version of it. That might account for the missing Sheikah Technology, and I could really count them as missing now. Even with Link now awake and off the Great Plateau, there were no shrines, no towers anywhere in sight.
I guess this settled it. Michiko and Link were headed to Impa, and therefore towards a quest to save Hyrule. I won't be any use to that, but I could still get info about Hyrule. If I can find any kind of historical record I might be able to piece together which timeline we're in and therefore maybe some helpful info on what needs to be done.
I'm Lazarie Baptiste, future Archaeologist, and I'm going to figure out where the fuck I am on Hyrule's garbage timeline.
"Hey Ramona? I need a sword."
So apparently Parcy had a stash of swords underneath her bed.
Apparently, in order to get Parcy to give you one of said swords you had to beg a lot and promise treasure from some future adventure you are going to have.
Apparently, Parcy and Ramona are bad friends who like to sit and laugh at their poor friend who has never held a sword in her life before try to figure out how to properly swing one.
Apparently, Parcy and Ramona can eat my entire ass.
I was only a little grumpy. So it turns out that there was more to using a sword than just picking one up and swinging it. I have also learned that two people yelling vague advice at you instead of making any effort to show you what you should be doing is in fact not very helpful at all.
I had spent most of the morning after the disastrous meeting begging Parcy to give me a sword, at one point literally throwing myself at her feet in a fit of dramatics. With that accomplished I figured the afternoon would be best served with me trying to figure out how to hold the thing.
It was not going well.
I eventually gave up, when I realized my rude terrible friends were just going to continue to laugh at me and not actually help. To spite them I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon ignoring them and spending some quality time with Epona.
I spent a couple hours giving Epona apples or carrots, brushing her, and playing her different songs on the Ocarina of Time. I hadn't worked up the nerve to try playing any of the other songs from the game on it yet, but I was having fun playing the tunes from home. And if I threw in Epona's song every now and then to make me feel a little loved by her, then that was no one's business but my own. But after those couple of hours, Epona seemed to really want to be left to graze and run around with the other horses so I decided to take a break and get out of the sun.
I had only just sequestered myself into Ramona's room to get some writing done when the door was thrown open abruptly, startling me violently.
"You're hero is here." Ramona announced dramatically.
"Weird flex, but okay." I deadpanned.
"What does that mean?" Ramona asked more than a bit exasperated.
"Um. Just that that was a weird way to announce you entrance, but it's not untrue, you did save me after all, so like good for you." By the end my statement ends up sounding more like a question than I meant it to.
"What? No, not me. You're Hero. He's here. He came back. But now he's just sitting sadly in the barn, all alone, that mean pretty girl isn't with him. I think something is wrong." She explained, looking at me expectantly.
"Shit! Did something happen? Is she okay? Why isn't he at Kakariko?" I ask rapidly trying to stand up from her bed at the same time.
"I don't know! I just saw him in the barn and ran straight here!" Ramona stated while grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the room and towards the barn.
"Wait you didn't ask? Did you literally just see him and run away? Ramona! That's not nice! Why didn't you talk to him?" I question incredulously.
"I figured it would be best if you talked to him." She waved off my concern as we approached the barn, "Okay he's in the go help him out."
"What?" I stumble as Ramona pushes me ahead. Turning back to her I gesture for her to come with, "Come on. What are you doing?"
She shakes her head as she walks backwards away from me, "You got this!" She whispers and gives me a double thumbs up before running away.
"Ramona? Ramona! Don't leave me! Ramona I don't know what to do! Please don't leave me alone!" I whisper scream towards her in panic, but it is to no avail. She is inside the main tent and out of sight before I can really do anything.
In panic I look between the open doors of the barn and the main tent, debating if I should also make a run for the tent. But, I know I can't do that. If Link is really upset and in there alone…
He may not be my Link, but I can't just abandon him. God, or I guess Goddesses, please don't let Michiko have died. I know I'm not a huge fan but like she doesn't deserve that.
I take another second to collect myself before hesitantly walking into the barn. Hylia help me.
It wasn't hard to find him once inside. Link sat slumped on top of a large hay bale at the other side of the barn. His back was pressed firmly against the wall and his knees where pulled up close so he could rest his forehead on them. I started heading back towards him slowly, desperately wracking my brain for literally anything to say in a situation like this.
What do people usually say in situations like this? Shit! I've never had to do this before!
Link must have heard my footsteps because he ended up raising his head to look at me long before I actually reached him. Thankfully, it looked like he wasn't crying, though that's not to say he hadn't been before, but the look on his face really did give of a strong sense of confusion and sadness.
He looks heartbroken.
It feels like a decade passes as I take the last few steps towards him, his eyes on me the whole time. I reach up to nervously play with the bobble attached to my velvet choker. An incredibly awkward moment of silence passes between the two of us.
"Hey… Buddy. How are you doing?" I wince at the incredibly awkward opening, my tone doing nothing to hide my discomfort.
He huffs a breathy broken laugh. "I'm okay. How are you?" his voice is quiet and unsettlingly hollow.
"I'm fine. Um… So, you're back very soon. Is there anything you need? Is everything okay?" It almost feels like pulling teeth trying to figure out the right words to say, and I'm entirely sure I am failing at that.
"Um, yeah, I…I'm fine. Just, a lot's happened today. I'm just trying to figure it out." He says quietly not meeting my eyes.
"Oh. Okay. I can leave you alone, then. Let me know if you need anything, okay?" I nod and seeing his in return turn around and make to get out of the barn.
I only make it a couple steps before I have to squeeze my eyes shut. Anxiety and guilt make my skin crawl and itch, like I was a snake in need of a good shedding.
"Or… If you'd like, I mean- If you wanted to talk about it. I'm not great at this stuff, but I could listen at least." I offered not opening my eyes or daring to move an inch.
There was a long pause, and for a second I thought that was it.
"Michiko was lying to me." Came the quiet response. I turn around to look at him. He is still not looking at me, but his legs have stretched out to lay in front of him on the hay bale.
"Okay," I nod as I slowly walk back to him. I hop up to sit on the edge of the hay bale, close to his outstretched legs, but far enough that we aren't touching. I continue softly, "What was she lying about?"
I immediately thought of the obviously fake accent.
"Everything. Who she is. Who I am. What's going on. Everything! I don't know if anything she said was the truth!" He got a bit more hysterical as he went along, clearly distressed.
"Hey, hey. Okay. It's okay. That sounds really upsetting. Why don't we start from the beginning? That might be easier." I ask trying to sound understanding and calming.
Link nodded before describing the events of the past few days. Weaving a tapestry of unfathomable lies.
So Link had only been awake for about four days now. He had woken up in the Shrine of Resurrection, not to Princess Zelda's Voice, but to Michiko's. True to the game, however he did wake up with absolutely no memories of who or where he was. Michiko told him that he was the Hero of Hyrule, he had been asleep for 100 years, and she had awoken him to save the land.
Now, Here's where shit gets fucked. Michiko told him that the Triforce Goddesses brought her here to help Link to save Hyrule. She also said that she is the reincarnation of Link's "True Love" and that she was imprisoned by a jealous Hylia to keep them apart. That Hylia reincarnated herself as Zelda and stole Michiko's Goddess Harp so she could steal Link away from her. She said that once the Triforce Goddesses learned of Hylia's cruelty they freed her and gave her back the Goddess Harp so she could take her rightful place by Link's side again. Apparently, Zelda found out about this, and in a last ditch effort to keep them apart, stole Link's Memories and planned to implant fake ones to make him that he was in love with her instead.
Link, with no memories and no reason not to trust the only person he knows and the only friend he had at the moment, believed her. My heart broke for him. Not only were these lies fucking bonkers, but he also literally had no one else to turn to. Apparently, along with the missing towers and shrines, no one else was up on the Great Plateau. No ghost of Kingsmas Past. And, it was far from over.
Apparently, they weren't allowed to enter the Temple of Time because that belonged to Hylia and going in there would notify the Goddess where they were, so the spent days trying to find a way off of the plateau. A few days in Michiko said she was going to search the Shrine of Resurrection again and she had to do it alone, so Link had to search through the woods in the meantime.
She came back with the Paraglider.
She told him that she had asked Nayru for guidance and she gifted her the Paraglider and told them to go to Kakariko Village. They had only just gotten off the plateau when we had met yesterday. It made a lot more sense why she was so panicked meet us.
She had apparently made him travel most of the night so they could get as far away from us as possible. The whole time he was trying to get information on the things we had said. What was The Legend of Zelda or the Eclipse Game? What did I mean when I had asked if she was from my world? What did I mean that he was Link from the stories? What was an E-girl or a hillbilly, for that matter? But, she just came up with more excuses. She didn't know what any of those meant, but if we like the traitor Zelda, then that meant that we must hate her and were trying to separate them.
They had ended up stopping at the Dueling Peaks stable and sleeping because they had travelled so much that they were ready to drop. I had a suspicion she only even agreed to it because there were no women at that stable.
There were up and on the road again at first light, which meant that they had reached Kakariko Village just this afternoon, only a few hours ago. Link said that Michiko was acting strange and irritated again, but she wouldn't tell him what was wrong. She just kept pushing to get to Impa's house and that they needed to speak to her immediately.
I'm really not sure what she was expecting to happen once she got there. How on earth, or in Hyrule in this case, she was planning on keeping this story going in the face of Impa? Unfortunately, we may never get to know what her plan was, because once they got to Impa's house and barged in uninvited and unannounced, they did not meet Impa. They met Ash.
I could hide a wince implication of the situation. Here we had this huge extravagant lie and not only was Michiko about to face another unexpected variable, that variable was someone who in a pleasant mood threatened to gut me. I almost didn't even need Link to explain what was about to happen. I could see the signs of a train wreck all too well.
Ash had immediately clocked Michiko as another person from our world and had started to complain loudly about how "this is what you get when a ritual game is posted in English" or something along those lines, before asking what the "Less Interesting White Girl" wanted. Which was confusing because while, yes Michiko did look very white passing, that didn't actually mean she was white. But, I guess by that logic that meant I was the more interesting white girl, which was a little flattering, but that was beside the point, right now.
Michiko had tried to deny any knowledge of what she was talking about and demand to speak to Impa, but this was Ash she was dealing with. Ash got mad in a "You come into My House, ask to see My Manager" kind of way. Ash told her not to pretend that she didn't arrive here by the Eclipse Game like the rest of us and to get her snapback wearing head out of her own ass. Link, poor thing, got concerned for his only friend and was ready to throw down. But, he saw this as a good opportunity to get some information on their supposed enemy. He asked Ash what the Eclipse Game was.
It was all downhill from there. Ash explained the Eclipse Game and then consequently The Legend of Zelda. She explained that Michiko was one of at least three players who made it through to this world from ours. Michiko tried to deny it, telling Link that this was just lie to break them apart, but Link asked why would Nayru tell them to come here if they couldn't trust the info that they were being given.
Ash lost it at the question. Apparently she laughed so hard she started crying and couldn't breath, but managed to get out that it was hilarious that he thought Nayru would just up and speak to some nobody.
Link, still believing in Michiko, tried to defend her. That she wasn't nobody, she was the incarnation of true love that the Goddesses had sent to help him. Ash gleefully told him that was a crock of shit. Ash was apparently incredibly happy to confirm to Link that everything Michiko had said was a lie. From the way Link spoke of it Ash was filled with malicious glee. Michiko started crying and pleading for Link to believe her, that the Goddess Harp was proof that she was telling the truth.
Ash laughed before pulling out the Baton of Winds and with a manic croon of, "Bitch, do you really think you're the only one who got a magical instrument from this?" the walls apparently closed in on Michiko, too tight for her to handle.
Link not knowing how to confront the fact that the only friend he had in the world, had been lying to him about everything. Not knowing what to do, or even who he was at that point, he ran. And, once he was far enough away from her, he used the Sheikah Slate to warp back here. Hoping that if she did try to find him, she wouldn't look here.
By the time Link had finished his story, I had already moved to lay down on the floor. It didn't matter that I had no idea what gross things had been on this floor before me because I needed to lay down after a story like that. Link had decided to join me but remained sitting up somewhere around my feet.
"Wow." I stated in disbelief. The roof of the barn held no answers for me so despite my desire otherwise, I tore my gaze away from it and down to Link's face. Telling the story did seem to help him ground himself a bit, his face no longer looked quite so hollow. Now he was just hurt, confused, and lost. And why wouldn't he be? He knew almost nothing, brain wiped completely clean from the Shrine of Resurrection, and everything he had been told since waking up was a lie.
"I- Wow. Okay, that's a lot to unpack. Yeah." I stumble trying to force any words out of my mouth. I push myself to actually sit up and look him in the eye. "I'm sorry that that happened. I'm also sorry that you had to hear all that from Ash."
"Thanks, but I feel like it's probably my own fault. Honestly, who would believe all that anyway? I should have known better." He demeaned himself.
"Hey, don't do that. It's not your fault she took advantage of you." I pressed gently.
"Isn't it? I never once questioned her. I just blindly followed what she told me." He shook his head, obviously embarrassed and overcritical of himself.
I paused for a second, "Well, in that case. I'm sorry, too. I should have stepped in. Instead I just let you leave. I didn't even try to figure out what was going on, even though I knew something wasn't right."
"What? No! It's not your fault! You had no way of knowing what she had been telling me. It's not your fault." He repeated vehemently.
"Then why is it yours?" I asked softly, "If I'm not at fault for her actions, why are you?"
We sit in silence for a while, neither of us really sure what to say at this point. How, do you help someone who's whole world just came shattering down, especially someone who you basically don't know anything about? An idea popped into my head suddenly. It might not help, but it was worth a try. I may not know this Link, but I do know a fair bit about many Links. And, if there is one thing the games have taught me, it's that Link's loves side quests. Hopefully, that holds true.
"Alright Mister Hero," I begin by energetically jumping up to my feet, "Well, I can't change the past, but I have a proposition for you. Yesterday you said if I needed anything at all I could ask you, right? Well, I've got a big one. I need to get up onto the Great Plateau, and so far I have come up empty handed in the hunt for a way up there. You and that snazzy little device you got, are the first real chance I've got to getting up there. So here's a quest for you. Get me up on to the Great Plateau so I can go see the Temple of Time. Now I warn you, I only have 20 Rupees to my name right now, so I can't really reward you. But! If you do this for me, I am certain I can beg Ramona to pack us some food, and to sweeten the deal, I promise I will answer any and all questions you have 100% truthfully. I have already commit to not trying to make up stories to the girls here, I don't think I'm gonna start trying to lie now. So what do you say, Hero?" I ask dramatic and overly positive as I could be.
There was a beat of silence.
"Only if you want to of course." I add on, panicking. I hope I didn't say the wrong thing.
Link smiles at me gratefully, "I think I'd like that."
Notes:
Oh man, two chapters this week! I'm feeling so super productive! Ah man, I have been so looking forward to this chapter, but also dreading it because I am a conflict avoiding baby in real life. I'm really excited though, because this chapter marks the end of the introductory arc and now we are gonna really get into the meatier stuff.
I'm also really excited because there is so much going on behind the scenes at this point that Lazarie has no actual context for.
I'm trying to build to big things and I hope anyone reading this will enjoy them!
Please let me know what you guys are thinking!
Thanks.
