Okay - first and foremost, I am ALIVE!
Secondly, I have not meant to be away this long. More than half a dozen times I have sat down at my computer to write - but nothing comes out. So - I have been taking a break. Even working on the book I'd like to finish isn't going well. I have re-written the first 2-3 chapters a dozen times. So, I am going to change where the story begins. I need to not edit what I write and just keep moving forward with it. I doubt it'll ever be a best-seller - but of course all writers would hope!
With Covid - I worked from home for several weeks - but I went back to my office prior to the whole office actually being forced to come back. I needed some normalcy back. Getting up and getting ready for work, going in, taking a real lunch break...Coming home to my husband after work. We have done a lot of yard work to the house when our state was locked down March through May. Trying to get back to a somewhat normal life.
Due to Covid I am not coaching. It is hard to sit back and reflect that I have not worked with kids for nearly 4 months. And - I sincerely miss it. Honestly - I am not sure if we will be able to go back this fall - but here is hoping!
Tonight I was sitting staring at the blank screen and thought of this in my head - after all, this has turned into our reality.
...
Mr. Vast was busying himself with a case file. Absentmindedly, he reached to his right for his mug of coffee. He was expecting it to be freezing cold, as he'd known it had been a few hours since he'd poured it for himself. Reading a statement in a deposition, he placed the ceramic mug to his lips. However, only a few drops touched his tongue. Empty.
Rolling his eyes to himself, he glanced back down at the deposition, signed, and stood up from his chair. He really needed a boost. His eyes caught Hiccup sitting on the living room couch, staring blankly at something straight ahead of him. Strange. The boy was leaning against a decorative pillow, his legs drawn towards his chest. Mr. Vast could see a sketch pad sandwiched between Hiccup. Earbuds were in. More than likely listening to a podcast or his playlist.
Leaning around the corner, he looked to see what Hiccup was staring at. He found nothing out of the ordinary. Other than a blank television screen, and a picture of Hiccup and himself at one of his junior high track meets, there should have been nothing in particular to look at and study.
Mr. Vast stood staring at his son from across the room. The boy didn't move. He noticed Hiccup absentmindedly rubbing a spot in his shin where his prosthetic was attached. He walked up towards his son expecting Hiccup to move or snap out of whatever he was looking at, but Hiccup continued to stare. A strong hand rested on the boy's shoulder. He felt Hiccup jerk.
"Easy, there," Mr. Vast said to him.
Hiccup tore out an earbud and sat up a little straighter. "Did you need something, Dad?"
"Just came to check on you," his father replied. Taking an opportunity to glance at the sketch, Mr. Vast saw a virtually blank canvas. Outside of one oblong line, there was nothing there.
"Oh," Hiccup said. "Yeah, just sketching." His son's voice was monotone. And distant.
Mr. Vast glanced at the clock on the wall for the time. It was three. To his knowledge, he couldn't remember Hiccup having lunch.
"Did you eat?"
Hiccup glanced at his father. "I'm not that hungry."
"That hungry, or hungry?" Mr. Vast asked him.
"Not hungry," Hiccup said. He drew in a deep breath and let out a loud sigh. "How's your case going?"
Mr. Vast felt concern welling up inside of him. The itch of slight panic flooded his veins. The last time he remembered his son being like this was before school had started. The boy had started sleeping into the afternoons, had often forgotten to eat, and had struggled for a little while taking care of himself. Depression had ebbed over his body, consuming him. Hiccup had pushed people away, not wanting to talk about his accident. Even his friend Fish hadn't known for weeks Hiccup had spent well over a week in the hospital and had been knocked out twice for surgery.
"The case is going all right," his father responded. He wanted to pull his son from his slump on the couch, make him come sit at the dinner table and talk to him. But, perhaps he was over-reacting as a parent. How long had his son been like this? Had he been like this a few days ago, and he was just now noticing the distance? Mentally scolding himself, he asked Hiccup, "Do you need anything from the kitchen while I am up?" He didn't want to over-react. He needed to investigate further.
"No, I'm okay. Thanks though." With that, he watched Hiccup shut himself off behind his earbuds again, and he turned back to the sketch he'd started who knew how long ago.
Mr. Vast took in a breath to calm his anxiety, and he turned back into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and fumbled through his banking app. When was the last time he purchased Hiccup'd medication? Ah, March 23. Crossing the house, he went into the bathroom medicine cabinet and pulled Hiccup's prescription bottle out, and started counting the pills. Hiccup should of had roughly twelve pills left in his prescription. He counted the pills carefully, and to his relief the count was accurate by a day or two. If Hiccup had missed one dose of his depression medication, he wouldn't be this upset because of it, would he?
He sighed, and reached into his pocket for his phone again and text Katherine.
3:22 PM - HOW'S HEATHER HOLDING UP?
Crossing the house again, he glanced over at his son. Hiccup was ticking away on the sketch pad, a look of concentration showed in his eyes.
Pouring himself a mugful of coffee again, he decided to nuke it. Once he pushed start on the microwave, he felt his pocket vibrate.
3:24 PM - HONESTLY, SHE'S STRUGGLING TO FOCUS. SHE'S DOING HER SCHOOLWORK BUT SHE'S MISSING HER COLLEGE FRIENDS. THIS STAY AT HOME ORDER IS MAKING HER FEEL LIKE SHE WAS GROUNDED FOR SNEAKING OUT OF THE HOUSE. SHE'S BORED.
Mr. Vast sighed again. The pandemic was hard on everyone - but so many of the younger generation, especially teenagers and young adults seemed to be the ones that were most impacted by this. These kids were used to having friends around, even though there was school, five days a week. They were used to socializing before school, during lunch, and after school as briefly as it may be. Even though Hiccup hadn't been much of a social butterfly over the last several months, going to school kept a sense of normalcy in his life.
According to his doctor and therapist, he needed a schedule.
"People who struggle with depression and forms of anxiety do better when they are on a schedule, research has found. Little things like going to the grocery store at some point during the week, or having to go see a play or a band concert - those are all fine. But - the boy needs to have a schedule. Wake up at this time, do homework at this time, shower at this time...Setting a schedule will help keep his anxiety under control..."
Of course, at the time his doctor was not dealing with the crippling nightmares keeping not just Hiccup but himself up in the middle of the night. Depression had stolen his son's form for a while, and over the summer Hiccup had been secluded to the house. It had taken medication and normalcy in the fall to help him get through it.
And, the stay at home order most certainly wasn't helping matters. Again, Hiccup was confined to the house. Due to Hiccup's immune system Mr. Vast wasn't taking him to the grocery store in fears he'd catch the Covid.
When was the last time he'd seen Hiccup smile - like genuinely smile?
Oh. It was three weeks ago when he'd walked Astrid out to the car. It had been a Tuesday night. She'd stopped by the house for Hiccup to help her with some Algebra homework. Mr. Vast felt the corner of his mouth roll up slightly. Seemed like she always needed help with her Algebra homework. The girl was just as smart as his son was, yet Algebra seemed to always be her excuse. Perhaps she did need some help. But, all in the same, Mr. Vast thought it was just a good excuse for Astrid to visit Hiccup after school.
Astrid's mother had virtually been the one to put her foot down to no visitations. He knew the woman had her guard up with Hiccup. She'd been very insistent on Astrid looking at the "big" picture when it came to she seeing his son. Darcy was concerned Astrid would become a caregiver to Hiccup if things grew too serious in the future. Astrid had fought for them, her father, Jason, had fought for them. Darcy herself was having a hard time coping with the fact her daughter was getting older - to put it simply.
According to Hiccup, Astrid hadn't actually been interested in boys until she started spending time with him. And, Jason hinted to that as well to him one evening when he'd come to collect Astrid on a Saturday night.
"Darc is going through a lot right now. Her little girl, our only child, is growing up. As Darcy's mother becomes more mentally fragile with her dementia, little things, such as Astrid showing an interest in your son, has set her off. Astrid's growing up. Honestly, Stoick, I'm glad she found herself with Hiccup."
Darcy's had been taking care of her mother for the last year alongside her sister due to the early onset of dementia. As a parent, and an attorney, Stoick had to force himself to sit back and stand in Darcy's shoes for a moment. Here she had this well-mannered, respectable daughter. Very active in sports, and a member of NHS. Astrid surely did have a lot going for her. Stoick realized that she perhaps saw Hiccup holding Astrid back, just as her own mother was holding her back from working due to her needs. But, Hiccup pushed for Astrid to excel. The last thing Hiccup wanted was to hold Astrid back.
The poor kid seriously had thought at one time that he wasn't good enough for Astrid. And, that had been the self-doubt, the anxiety and the second-guessing. Thank the Gods for Astrid. Honestly, most teenagers would have said "screw this nut" and walked away. No, Astrid saw the value in Hiccup just as much as he saw in her. Despite his handicap, she saw him for what was inside verses outside. The girl had every opportunity to run just a few months back when Hiccup had one of the worst phantom pains he'd ever had. She'd been there doing her best to comfort him until he'd made it back to the house to try to ease his son's physical pain.
With the pandemic, Darcy had pushed Astrid to stay at home where it was safest -at home. The media, Facebook, the President, the stores and so many more were pushing social distancing. It was all anyone would talk about, joke about, think about. Mr. Vast found himself cautiously walking in grocery stores trying to stay clear of people. Plastic barriers were set up between the cashiers and the patrons. Everything was coming and going so quickly - life was changing so fast. Yet, they were all feeling as though they were at a stand-still with the shut down in effect.
"Dad?"
Mr. Vast jumped at his son's voice directly behind him, and he turned around to meet his son's eyes, seeing some worry drawing inside them. Now, looking closely, he could see dark bags under his son's eyes. He'd seen Hiccup worse, far worse than this. Since they'd been at rock bottom before, Mr. Vast was determined not to let his son fall that far down the hole again.
"The microwave has been beeping off and on for a little while. Are you okay?"
Mr. Vast nodded to him, giving him a reassuring smile.
"Just thinking about this file, that is all." He reached into the microwave for the mug, realizing it was no where warm enough to be satisfying, but that was okay. He needed to focus on Hiccup.
The milk was placed on the counter beside him by Hiccup with one hand, and then a container of applesauce in the other. Well, at least he was eating.
"Did you finish your school work for the day?" Mr. Vast asked him.
Hiccup opened the silverware drawer for a spoon. "Hmmm? Oh, yeah. I'm caught up for the week, I think."
"You need to slow down," Mr. Vast said. "You are going to struggle to find something to do."
Hiccup shrugged. "It's just what I've done all year. Spend a night or two getting ahead and then just reviewing it when the teacher assigns it and discusses it." He simply poured himself a small bowl, placed the container back in the fridge, and headed back towards the living room.
Sighing, Mr. Vast gathered himself and headed back into his study. After logging onto the computer, he logged into the parent portal of the school website. There, he could message Hiccup's teachers, check on homework assignments, grades, and review how Hiccup was graded on a particular assignment, test or quiz. Some of the teachers would even put positive or negative comments if needed beside the current grade status.
Scrolling through the current week's assignments, he found his son was telling him the truth. He could categorize all of the assignments by the dates they needed completed by, and also see if they were submitted and what date they had been submitted. He had finished all of his assignments for the week already. Outside of needing to have a book completed by next Friday for English, he had completed everything for the week that the teachers had asked. Knowing Hiccup, the book was probably already completed. There would be a quiz on it next Friday, and the students had until Sunday at eight in the evening to finish it. If it had been available already he was sure Hiccup would of finished the quiz and submitted it in.
Mr. Vast logged out.
When was the last time he'd actually seen Hiccup Facetiming with Astrid? Typically he could hear their small chatter in the study coming from either Hiccup's room or the living room. Even though he usually left them in private, he could still here the Charlie Brown voices in his ears when he'd notice them talking. Had Darcy put a stop to them chatting back and forth with each other? He hated thinking so negative of the woman, because like everyone, she had her own issues and demons to overcome. He knew she was slowly warming up to Hiccup. Yet, the woman had a controlling streak when it came to Astrid. When Astrid had come ill just before they'd been forced to come home due to the pandemic, looking back Mr. Vast was certain that Astrid had actually contracted Covid. She'd had pneumonia come on quickly and fiercely that it had thrown both their families and doctors for a loop.
Although he was convinced of this, since testing hadn't been done to confirm it, and the fact that neither her parents nor Hiccup, who were in close proximity to her during that time, had come down with Covid yet. And, if they had all been exposed, they would have contracted it by now. The whole situation was full of "what ifs" and "maybes." Hiccup hadn't caught it, if it was Covid, thankfully. As far as he knew, everyone close to both he and his son were healthy and keeping safe during this hard time.
He glanced down at his case file, and signed. He needed to talk to Katherine on the phone. In private, too. Did he trust Hiccup alone? Weighing everything out, he did. Reaching for his car keys, he shoved them into his pocket, abandoned his luke-warm coffee, and headed towards the living room again. Hiccup tilted his head towards his father, making eye contact. He popped an earbud out of the closest ear.
"I need to run to the office for a few files. Are you okay here for a little bit if I disappear for, maybe, an hour?"
Hiccup nodded. Mr. Vast could see a thought gathering in his son's head, but Hiccup hesitated.
"Is there-something I can pick up for you? Or, do for you before I go?"
Although Hiccup hesitated a moment more, he finally asked, "Would you mind picking me up some snowballs?"
Mr. Vast felt his throat constrict at the thought of tasting coconut. It made Hiccup laugh a little bit. Finally, a slight smile.
"How you eat those awful things - bleck!"
"You either love them or you hate them," Hiccup said simply. "Would you mind, though? I'm kinda craving some?"
"Okay," Mr. Vast said. "Any particular color?"
"They all taste the same. Doesn't matter."
"Okay, I'll have my phone. Text me if you think of anything else, okay?"
Hiccup nodded. "Thanks, Dad." With that, the bud went back into the cavity of the ear, and Hiccup turned back to his sketchpad.
After closing the door behind himself, Mr. Vast pulled his phone from his pocket, and dialed Katherine. She answered on the fourth ring.
"Hey, handsome," she said sweetly.
"Hi, pretty lass," he said to her. She always made him smile. She was so genuine and kind; her energy always warmed him.
"How's the Miller case file treating you?"
Mr. Vast had pushed the case file into the back of his head after he'd started investigating his own son.
"It's okay," he replied. "I have something else taking up my time, however."
"Oh?" she said.
Mr. Vast plopped himself in the front seat of his car, and slumped back a little bit, trying to gather the words. It was rare for him to have to contemplate what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. Typically it all just came spilling out. Keep it simple, stupid, he decided.
"I'm a little worried about Hiccup."
A small noise came from the speaker, which told Mr. Vast that Katherine had re-positioned herself in her chair. She was readying herself for this conversation, he imagined. She'd been his rock when Hiccup had been in the hospital, and when they'd been struggling through the depression. She was the person he'd bounced not just work but his personal life off of as well. He hadn't intended to. She'd been his paralegal for five years prior to they actually diving down into life on a more personal level.
He'd just gotten Hiccup home from the hospital, and rested enough to leave the neighbor to watch over his son briefly while he went to gather the files. The day had been stressful. Hiccup was still in pain, yet the hospital released him sooner to his liking. In the meantime he'd gotten calls from the office that the doctor recommended for his physical therapy, so they were walking him through the beginning steps. Then, while he was digging through files in his office and placing them into a box to bring home, when Hiccup's primary care doctor called storming because she also felt as though the hospital discharged him too soon. While he was shoving files into boxes, she kept reinforcing how they needed to make sure they managed his pain efficiently but also preached to him about making sure he wasn't on the medication too long.
"...and if you think he's becoming addicted contact me right away..."
"Oh, great," he'd thought. Now, not only was he on his own helping Hiccup during recovery and healing, but now he would be growing concerned about his son become a pill addict.
When the call had ended, Mr. Vast's frustration and stress had gotten the better of him, that the box of files went flying off the desk and across the room, hitting the adjacent wall with a loud bang. He'd collapsed over his desk then.
This was when Katherine had come to the door, knocking and asked him if he was all right. Any other woman would have heard slamming would have ran away, he thought. Instead, she'd come to check on him and had asked him what she could do.
For the first time, he'd allowed himself to melt emotionally to her. She'd sat across from him at the desk, listening to him spout off his frustrations, cry at the physical state his son was in, and chimed in just when he needed her to. He'd known and seen her sincerity over the years. She was great with clients, and was the person who'd trained the last two secretaries. And, since she was the paralegal she'd sat in on interviews with him with and reviewed resumes when it was time to hire and expand. She needed to work with these new hires directly herself, so he'd thought it prudent that she would get some say in who he hired. Next two his friend, Mitch, that he'd hired just a year after starting the firm, Katherine had been the second one he'd hired to do a double job at answering phones and being the firm's paralegal.
She'd been the one to calm his panic, and be the listening ear when he couldn't handle the stress and just needed someone to vent to. He'd bottled it in for over a week that he'd simply exploded on her. He'd always had her cell phone number in his phone since he'd hired her, often calling her when he was hours away asking her to follow up on other cases for him until he returned back to the office. Their relationship, up until Hiccup's accident, had more or less been ninety-five percent work related and five percent personal.
He'd known she had a daughter around Hiccup's age. He'd given Heather a card for her graduation. He knew what car she drove, had guessed what her favorite color was years ago (purple) just by how she decorated her office, or her cell phone case. He knew she liked to wear her long, dark hair in a pony tail when she would leave the office, often talking to him about a case and watching her pull it back while they finished an end-of-the-day meeting. He knew she had a cat only because she had a picture of the white-fluffy furr-ball on her desk. He assumed it was some type of Siamese judging by the blue eyes.
He'd crumbled to her at eleven o'clock one night while he'd been rushing through a file, trying to prepare for a hearing the next morning, yet Hiccup was struggling to sleep due to the pain radiating up and down what was left of his leg. It was she that told him to take a deep breath and let it out, and told him to email her the notes he had and she would help pick up the pieces with Mitch.
"Worry about your boy," she'd told him gently yet forcefully. "Mitch and I will handle the hearing."
Somehow, one thing led to another, and he'd asked her to go running with him. Then, he'd decided to have a small bouquet of flowers delivered, and afterwards regretted it thinking she'd think her boss was hitting on her. Instead, she'd text him smiley faces with big hearts for the eye emojis, along with a picture of the half dozen roses accenting with purple and white flowers. Then, she'd asked him out to dinner one evening...and, the rest was history.
He hadn't dated anyone until Katherine since Valka left town. He'd been too busy living life through his work, filling in the void. Looking back, he'd become obsessed, and unfortunately pushed Hiccup to the side more than he should have and liked.
Katherine sighed. "He's reliving the isolation, isn't he?"
She hit the nail on the head.
"I think so. I don't know why but I just noticed it today. With all the time I've been at home with him, you'd think I would have caught onto it sooner than now."
"Have you reached out to the counselor?"
"No - up until a half hour ago, I honestly didn't notice. I feel like such a horrible dad - "
"Sto-ick!" she said with a hint of frustration. "How many times do I have to tell you this - you aren't a horrible father."
"Why didn't I see this before, Kat?" I asked. Only he could call her Kat. No one else.
"Stoick - maybe today is rock bottom. You know Hiccup. He hides his emotions to keep you from worrying."
"And I hate that - "
"I know you do," she said to him soothingly. "But, like father like son. Keep that in mind."
He sighed. "I'm trying to figure out what I need to do. He's cooped up inside - yet with this virus and social distance - I'm fearing he's falling through that spiral again."
"Try getting him out of the house. Take him for a hike. When was the last time he did that?"
"Two weeks ago before the ranger told him to go home." Multiple area parks had started shutting down to keep visitors out to help keep control of the social distance guidelines. It was overkill, Mr. Vast thought. The ranger knew Hiccup. He knew Hiccup hiked alone, and Mr. Vast had gone to school with Ranger Hart. Of course, they couldn't just make an exception for Hiccup based off of connections.
"Darcy still won't even let them visit on the porch, will she?"
"No - and I know Astrid's been home just like Hiccup. The exposure to the virus is minimal. Other than Jason being exposed due to the jail, which could in turn expose the family, Astrid's kept socially distant."
Silence loomed between them for a moment. Mr. Vast took the time to start his car. His eyes danced towards the overcast sky that lined the street lights and trees. The weather had been beautiful through most of their shut down, but today it seemed somber. It seemed as though it was mimicking Hiccup's demeanor.
"I wish I had the answers, Stoick," she said. "Heather leaves in the car to do a few errands. I keep shoving hand sanitizer at her each time she leaves. I know she's using it. I can smell it caked on her hands when she comes through the door."
"How often is she leaving, and why is she leaving?" he said sternly. He was surprised Katherine had let her guard down. After all, Heather was also her only child as well. Heather did have a half brother, Dagur, but they only shared a father.
"Honestly, Stoick, I think she just goes and grabs a coffee and goes for a drive most of the time. I peaked into her car yesterday. She did tell me that she met two high school friends in the park and they all kinda just sat in their cars in the parking lot and chatted for a little while." She paused. "As adults I think we get used to the quiet. After a busy day of work, all we want to do is go home and sit in quiet. Watch television, clean our house, sink into the couch, and nap." She laughed slightly.
"And, as young adults getting out of the house, having no parents and experiencing freedom was what we wanted. Running wild with our friends and enjoying no responsibility."
"You hit the nail on the head there, my dear," she said sweetly to him.
Mr. Vast sighed. "I think I need to call Jason. And, check on Astrid."
"I think you should," Katherine said replied. "Get a feel for where they stand. You two get along well, even in the court room on opposing sides."
Mr. Vast chuckled. "Well, we haven't spoken in a while. Not since the whole Jasper case."
"If his officer hadn't recorded three different breathalyzer tests, two of them being below the legal limit, perhaps they wouldn't have dismissed the DUI charges."
"Either way, Kat, we both know the man shouldn't have walked away from that."
She sighed. "Stoick, if this was a repeat offender, I wouldn't have been able to sleep at night knowing he was cleared. But, the guy literally had one two many drinks, and the officer found him in a parked car knowing he was not capable of driving. Cameras show that. He's never been in trouble before, and - "
"Okay, okay. You've brought that up to me multiple times, now. I am mixing my business life and my personal life with the Hoffersons now."
"It's not like you haven't done it before," she said pointedly.
Mr. Vast laughed. "You got me there, lass."
"Now, I am going to get off of her and finish reviewing the Ferrier land deeds. You need to call Jason and check on Astrid."
"Okay boss. Love you."
"I love you," she said, and with that the phone connection was gone.
...
