18 September 1971
"Mates!" Sirius's face was white to his lips as he scrambled through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor common room. "Mates, you'll never believe what's happened!"
Remus, James, and Peter all looked up from their table in the corner of the common room, where Remus was helping Peter prepare for a Defense Against the Dark Arts test and James was lazily flipping through Seeker Weekly.
At the sight of Sirius's expression, James dropped the magazine. "What—?"
"One of the Gudgeon twins almost just died," Sirius blurted out, without preamble. "I was walking by the Whomping Willow with my cousin, and I saw a bunch of Hufflepuffs playing this game, trying to get close enough to the trunk to touch it. Well, Gladys Gudgeon managed to dodge the branch just in time—but Davey nearly lost his eye!"
A sickening, swooping sensation filled Remus's stomach. His quill fell to the table with a clatter.
"Remus?" Peter asked, looking at him worriedly.
Remus ignored him, too preoccupied with gaping at Sirius. "Is…is Davey all right?" he asked hoarsely.
"What? Oh, yeah," Sirius said dismissively. "He broke a few ribs—it's nothing that Madam Pomfrey can't put right." He turned to James. "But I heard Sprout telling McGonagall that she's going to start handing out detentions to students who get too close to the tree."
"Not surprising," James breathed, picking up his magazine again and leaning back in his chair. "It's a shame, though. I never got to have a look at it."
"Yeah, well, I don't much fancy wearing an eyepatch for the rest of my life, either," Sirius snorted, dropping into the chair next to James's. He paused for a moment, frowning off toward a point in the distance. Then, he gave his head a little shake. "It's weird, isn't it?"
"What's weird?" Peter piped up.
"That tree," Sirius said slowly. "It's weird that they planted it at all. Meda—my cousin—told me that they've never had anything like it on the grounds before."
James's expression became thoughtful. "Yeah…yeah, it is weird."
Remus's heart was hammering so heavily against his chest that he thought it might leap out through his throat. "It's not that weird," he said in a strained voice. "Hagrid's got loads of crazy plants in the forest."
Sirius raised his eyebrows at him. "Hagrid?" he asked curiously. "You mean, that massive bloke with the boats on the first night?"
"He's the groundskeeper," Remus explained.
"When did you talk to him?" James asked, looking surprised.
"I visit him almost every other day," Remus shrugged. It was the truth—ever since his first detention with the groundskeeper, Hagrid had become something of an unexpected friend to Remus. He was kind, and warm, and easygoing—and it was nice to have someone to talk to who knew his secret and appreciated his company in spite of it.
"Really?" James sounded eager now. "What kind of stuff has he got in the forest?"
Utterly relieved by this shift in the conversation, Remus was only too happy to ignore his Defense Against the Dark Arts notes for the rest of the night and spend the next several hours recounting to his friends every single detail he could remember Hagrid telling him about the Forbidden Forest and the things it housed.
22 September 1971
"Hmm…let's see…Potter and Pettigrew, fine—Mr. Black, you're with Miss Griffiths today. I don't trust you and Mr. Potter to work together anymore—now, who doesn't have a partner? Ah, Mr. Lupin—you can partner with Mr. Cattermole," Professor Sprout said, smiling at Remus. "Nothing wrong with a little inter-house camaraderie, I think."
Remus looked around and saw a small, skinny, ferrety-looking Hufflepuff boy with gingery-brown hair waving timidly at him from across the classroom. Remus gave him a friendly wave in return, before picking up his schoolbag and walking over to him.
"Hi," he greeted Remus shyly, making space next to him on the bench. "I'm Reginald—Reg Cattermole."
"Remus Lupin," Remus replied amiably, shaking his hand.
Reg looked at him curiously. "Are you related to Mr. Lyall Lupin by any chance?"
Remus stared at him, nonplussed. "I'm his son," he said, without thinking. "Er…how—?"
"My dad's in Magical Maintenance, at the Ministry—I've met your dad a few times when my dad took me to work with him," Reg explained excitedly. He paused, frowning slightly. "I don't think he mentioned that he had a son, too."
Remus's heart gave a painful twinge.
26 September 1971
"It is my pleasure to welcome you all to the team," said Gobstones Captain Marlene Cresswell curtly, gazing sternly around at the small group of first year students gathered in the Charms Classroom. "The Hogwarts Gobstones Team is a crown jewel of the school. It was established by Lady Rowena Ravenclaw herself, and we are considered the best school team in all of Europe. Being a part of the team is something to be proud of—but it is also a responsibility. We meet every Monday at six o'clock in the evening. If you miss a single meeting without good reason, you will be dismissed from the team. Am I clear?"
There was a murmur of assent from the group of students, and Remus saw a couple of Ravenclaws exchange raised eyebrows.
Marlene lifted her chin, her shrewd, dark eyes piercing. Then, she gave the group an unexpected, thin-lipped smile. "Excellent," she said crisply. "I look forward to working with you all. Have a good evening."
There was a scraping of chairs being pushed back and a rustle of robes, as students began trooping out of the classroom. Remus waited until the last couple of first year Hufflepuffs disappeared down the corridor before he swallowed heavily, shuffling up to the front of the classroom, where Marlene was adjusting her blue and bronze Head Girl badge.
"Erm—Marlene?"
Marlene looked up, eyebrows raised. "Yes?"
"I…" Remus averted his gaze, crossing his arms. "I'm…really, really sorry, but…I won't be able to make it to next Monday's meeting."
Marlene frowned at him. "As I said in my speech, unless you have good reason, I can't allow—"
"I have to go home," Remus whispered, swallowing heavily. "It's my mum…she's ill."
The lie, though practiced, left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he found himself suddenly unable to meet Marlene's gaze.
2 October 1971
"How ill is she?" James whispered, climbing out of his bed and walking slowly toward Remus, his eyes wide.
"Quite ill," Remus said in a low voice, staring fixedly at the ground. "I have to go home to see her—"
Remus broke off abruptly; he'd suddenly found himself in the fiercest hug he had ever experienced. His body went rigid with guilt, and he tried to pull away, but James only held onto him tighter.
"She'll be fine," James said forcefully, clapping Remus's back. "I'm sure of it, Remus. She—she'll be okay."
"Yeah, Remus," Sirius said quietly from his own bed, his expression uncharacteristically somber. "She's going to be fine."
"'Course she will," Peter added, looking thoroughly upset.
Remus nodded, unable to speak, as the knot of guilt in the pit of his stomach suddenly lodged itself in his throat. Finally, after several more moments, he managed to garner the willpower to pull away from James's grasp.
"I'll only be gone for a couple of days," Remus whispered. "I leave on Monday night—"
"We'll take notes for you," Sirius said fervently, and James and Peter chimed in their emphatic agreement.
With enormous difficulty, Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. "Thank you. And…and please don't say anything about this to anyone—"
"Of course, mate," James said earnestly, gripping Remus's shoulder.
Remus nodded. Then, without meeting his friends' eyes, he turned around and climbed into his bed, drawing his curtains around him and feeling lonelier than he had ever felt before.
4 November 1971
"Thank you so much, Lily," Remus said gratefully, reaching across the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall and accepting a scroll of neatly-printed Potions notes from the red-haired girl. "I was so worried about this test. Peter's got a good heart, but his Potions notes are practically illegible."
"No problem," Lily Evans said brightly, lathering jam onto a slice of toast. "Are you feeling better?" she added in a gentle voice.
Remus shrugged uncomfortably, tucking Lily's notes into his schoolbag. "More or less."
"You look better," Lily said warmly, reaching across the table and patting his hand. "You're still a little pale though. If you want, you can skive off Charms, and I'll explain to Professor Flitwick—"
She was cut off by a resounding peal of laughter from the direction of the Entrance Hall. Both Remus and Lily whipped their heads around to look through the double doors. James and Sirius, with Peter hovering a few feet behind them, had their wands pointed at Lily's Slytherin friend, Severus Snape. Even from here, Remus could see that Snape's sallow face was erupting with red boils.
"Oh, no," Remus muttered, pushing the bench back and rising to his feet—but Lily was yards ahead of him. She had already drawn her wand and marched off toward the doors, her dark red braid flying behind her.
Drawing his wand as well, Remus hurried into the Entrance Hall and came to a standstill next to James and Sirius. Lily had gotten to her knees next to Snape and was trying to coax him into prising his hands away from his face. "C'mon, Sev…we've got to get you to the Hospital Wing…"
"Why are you bothering, Evans?" James drawled with a wicked grin. "If anything, he looks better now that he's got some color in his face."
Sirius guffawed loudly, and Peter let out a nervous titter.
Lily leaped to her feet, her bright green eyes flashing. "You are so full of yourself," she spat, pointing her wand at James.
"Yeah, because Snivellus is an innocent little puffskein," James snorted, glaring back at her.
"He's the one covered in boils, isn't he?" she said coldly, her face twisting with anger.
"James," Remus said in a low voice, stepping forward. "James, let's go."
He glanced over Lily's shoulder at Snape and was startled to find the stringy Slytherin boy gaping at his chest. Remus looked down, and with a jolt of horror, he realized that his robes had slipped off of his collarbone slightly, exposing a sliver of the thick red scratch he'd given himself during the full moon on Tuesday. Hastily, he jerked his robes straight—but Snape's eyes remained wide and shocked. Heart pounding now, Remus reached out and tugged on the sleeve of James's robes.
"James, please, let's just go," he said again, his tone slightly more urgent. He had just spotted the fifth year Gryffindor prefects, Frank Longbottom and Alice Fawley, coming down the nearby marble staircase. Any which way Remus looked at the situation, it could only get worse.
James sighed impatiently, flinging one last glower at Snape and Lily. "Fine," he snapped, swiveling around and stalking off toward the double doors of the Great Hall with Sirius; Peter bobbed along in their wake. Shaking his head, Remus gave Lily an apologetic look, too afraid to meet Snape's eyes, before hurrying after his friends.
18 December 1971
As the Hogwarts Express cranked into the station, Remus and his friends clambered out with their trunks and were immediately separated by the thick steam of the platform. Craning his head, Remus wandered through the hordes of reuniting families for several minutes. He saw Lily hugging her friendly-faced, big-bellied father. He saw Snape trailing after a thin, hunched, sallow-faced woman who looked remarkably like him. Then, at last, he saw them—his own parents, looking happier, healthier, and more relaxed than Remus could ever remember seeing them before.
"Remus!" Mum cried, hurrying forward and gathering him in a tight embrace. Remus hugged her back just as tightly, blissfully breathing in her familiar smell—rose oil, and cinnamon, and warmth. Embarrassed to find that his eyes were stinging, Remus blinked quickly and pulled away.
"Hi, Mum," he said softly, beaming at her.
Mum stepped back with her hands still on his shoulders and gave him an appraising look, though she was smiling. "You're too thin," she fussed. "Have you been eating at all—?"
"Let him breathe, Hope," Dad interrupted, chuckling under his breath as he stepped forward and gave Remus a hug, too. "He's only been gone a couple of months."
"Oh, I know, I know," Mum sighed, embracing Remus tightly again and kissing the top of his head. "I'm just so glad he's home."
"Remus!" yelled a voice suddenly, and Remus spun around to see James and Sirius scurrying down the station toward him, waving enthusiastically. They were closely followed by a pair of kind-faced, gray-haired adults.
"Mum, Dad, these are my friends, James Potter and Sirius Black," Remus told his parents happily, as James and Sirius reached them, panting slightly.
"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin," James said politely, and Remus couldn't help but grin. James was a natural when it came to charming adults; even Professor McGonagall seemed to harbor a soft spot for him, though Remus doubted she would ever admit it. "These are my parents, Monty and Fifi Potter."
Remus glanced over James's shoulder—and did a double take. Up close, James's parents looked quite old enough to be his grandparents. Mr. Potter was tall and wiry with gray hair, and apart from his bright blue eyes and the fact that his hair was markedly tidier, he looked like an older version of his son. Mrs. Potter, meanwhile, was short and slender, with shining, dark gray hair and James's warm hazel eyes. Despite her age, she looked very glamorous and sophisticated, and it was clear to Remus that she had once been a great beauty.
As Remus's parents stepped aside to greet Mr. and Mrs. Potter, Remus turned back to face James and Sirius.
"Where's Peter?" he asked, looking around.
"He and his mum left already," Sirius said, sounding slightly guilty—and Remus knew why. After more than three months of friendship, Remus, James, and Sirius had only a few days earlier discovered that the reason Peter had been raised by his single mother was because his father had left his wife and son when Peter was only a year old.
"I wanted to say goodbye to him," Remus said sadly.
"Don't worry, he'll understand," James said bracingly. "It's a madhouse 'round here anyway," he added, gesturing at the still-swarming platform. "Besides, we'll all see each other in a few weeks!" he continued excitedly. "My parents throw a massive New Year's Eve party every year. Sirius is coming home with me, so he'll be there—and I'll write to Peter to tell him about it, too. Can you make it, Remus?"
Remus's heart fell. Unless he was mistaken, there was a full moon on New Year's Eve.
"I…I'll try," he said evasively. "I'll write to you."
"Oh, yeah—what's your address?" Sirius asked, rummaging inside his jumper pocket for a quill.
Remus shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Er—I actually don't know my address yet. My parents moved a few weeks after I left for school." James and Sirius stared at him. "I'll write to you first," Remus continued hastily, and James and Sirius looked satisfied—but only slightly.
"Why'd your parents move?" Sirius wanted to know, frowning.
"They…they needed to move closer to—a hospital," Remus lied. "For my mum."
In reality, Remus's parents had moved out of their Yorkshire home because they'd heard rumors of werewolf attacks in the neighboring village. Not wanting to risk drawing any unwanted attention to their family—particularly to their son, regardless of whether or not he was living at home—the pair had quickly packed up all of their belongings and moved to a sparse, quiet neighborhood in the West Country.
But James and Sirius were now looking at Remus with renewed sympathy.
"She's looking all right," Sirius said encouragingly, glancing over Remus's shoulder at his mother.
"Yeah, she's doing a bit better, now, I think…" Remus trailed off, looking at his mother over his shoulder, too, and silently praying that her conversation with Mrs. Potter would be over soon.
As though she sensed her son's gaze, Mum looked over and caught Remus's eye. Taking Dad's hand, she faced the Potters again. "Well, I think we'd best be heading off," she told them brightly. "Our house is rather far."
Remus turned back to his friends. "I'll see you both soon."
"Write to us as soon as you're home," James commanded, shoving a rumpled scrap of parchment—with his address scrawled untidily onto it—into Remus's hands.
Remus laughed, tucking the parchment into his jeans pocket. Then, waving at his friends, he turned and followed Mum and Dad toward the barrier.
The drive home was a long one. The sun was already setting as they finally pulled into the driveway of a little bungalow on the outskirts of a quaint, quiet seaside village. As he climbed out of the car, Remus immediately smelled the salt in the air, and he vaguely heard the distant sound of crashing waves.
"Where are we?" Remus asked his mother, as his father began lugging Remus's trunk down the drive.
"Tinworth, in Cornwall," Mum said, smiling at him. "It's a beautiful town, very peaceful—and I do love being so close to the water. It does wonders for the imagination." She drew an arm around Remus's shoulders and pulled him close. "Welcome home, love."
"Thanks, Mum," Remus said softly, and they began walking toward the porch together.
But then, at the front door, Mum placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from going inside. Remus looked up at her, frowning.
"Mrs. Potter kept asking me if I was feeling better," she told him quietly. Her tone was light, but Remus's stomach clenched nonetheless.
Swallowing heavily, he met her gaze. "I…I had to tell my friends that you were ill," he whispered. "And that I had to go home once a month to visit you."
"I thought it must be something like that," Mum sighed, looking sad for a moment. She reached out and gently brushed Remus's fringe away from his forehead. "I understand that you need to tell your friends something, love, but please be careful. A fib like this could very easily spiral out of control."
"I know," Remus said quickly, his stomach turning at the thought of his friends discovering his lie. "I've got it under control, Mum, I promise."
Mum gave him a small smile. "Of course you do, sunshine boy," she said softly, bending and kissing his head. "Come on, let's go inside. Your father's been dying to show you the new house."
25 December 1971
Remus could not remember having ever had a happier Christmas. His mother had clearly gone to great lengths to make their new home as cozy and festive as possible for Remus's homecoming. Every inch of the cottage's small sitting room was covered in red, green, and gold—garlands of holly and tinsel, strings of color-changing lights, and enormous, glowing baubles—and the tree in the corner of the room occupied a solid six feet of space in every direction. In fact, the angel at the top was curving quite impressively against the ceiling.
At the end of the night, Remus was curled up on the warm hearthrug with James and Sirius's Christmas present to him—a volume of books about the best defenses against Non-Human Spiritous Apparitions like Boggarts and Dementors. Remus's father had been quite as impressed with the books as Remus himself, and he was currently tucked into his armchair by the fireplace, leafing through one of them. Mum, meanwhile, was fast asleep in her own chair; her gramophone on the coffee table was stuttering out an old Muggle Christmas ballad.
"…I'm dreaming of a white Christmas…Just like the ones I used to know…"
Yawning contentedly, Remus rolled over onto his stomach and flipped a page of his book. A moving diagram of a Boggart being banished into a wisp of smoke caught his eye and he gently smoothed the page out with his palm, staring at it. He had never seen a real Boggart before. Briefly, he wondered what form it would take for him—but the answer came to him almost immediately. Pressing his lips together, Remus glanced in the direction of the sitting room window. The waxing moon was glowing luminously in the sky outside, starkly white against the branches of the trees in the front yard.
Shivering slightly, Remus glanced at his father. "Dad?" he asked softly. "Am I going to stay in my room on Friday? This house doesn't have an extra bedroom, does it?"
Dad sat up straight, eyes widening. "I've completely forgotten to show you," he whispered, climbing to his feet and setting Remus's book down on the coffee table next to Mum's old gramophone. "Follow me."
"Where the tree tops glisten…And children listen…To hear sleigh bells in the snow…"
Frowning, Remus closed his book and rose to his feet, as well. Careful not to wake his mother, Remus tiptoed out of the sitting room and hurried after his father into the kitchen, toward the backdoor. To Remus's astonishment, Dad opened the kitchen door and stepped out onto the back porch. Then, he drew his wand from within his robes and waved it at a flurry of snow on the ground—and the snowdrift melted away to reveal two wooden doors.
Remus wrapped his arms around himself, as he followed his father down a short flight of rickety stairs and into a dark room. Dad lit his wand with a flick of his wrist and the cellar was suddenly bathed in a whitish, ghostly glow. It was small and musty, and a few spiderwebs and dried-up leaves littered the corners of the room. But it was also quite clear that someone had spent hours upon hours sweeping and scrubbing every inch of the expanse they could reach. A shelf fastened high up on the wall even contained blankets, pillows, and various healing supplies.
Remus swallowed heavily, taking in the underground room. It was very, very dark. The shack in Hogsmeade was no less sinister, with its boarded-up windows and its creaky floorboards, but it also had a distinctive openness to it. This tiny cellar reminded Remus of one thing and one thing only—a cage.
He looked around at his father, and with a jolt, Remus saw that he was beaming at his surroundings. And suddenly, Remus felt a fierce rush of shame. How many days had his father spent preparing this room? How many houses had his parents looked at before they'd found this one? And all for Remus's sake…
"With every Christmas card I write…May your days, may your days, may your days…Be merry and bright…"
"So?" Dad asked, turning to Remus hopefully. "What do you think?"
Ignoring the fear and misery that had risen to the back of his throat like bile, Remus gave his father the most grateful smile he could muster.
"It's brilliant, Dad."
Author's Note:
This is the first of two chapters (Secret I and Secret II) that describe the difficulties Remus faces with his keeping his condition a secret in his first year of Hogwarts. I'll be back with Secret II next Wednesday! Hope you enjoyed, my loves!
Ari
