ii.
The breaking point, though, might be when Kuchiki Byakuya decides to remark upon it.
"Captain Hitsugaya," Kuchiki says, pausing to greet him in the hallway, and regard him with detached curiosity. "Your older brother has gained quite the reputation."
Toushirou's blood stills.
He doesn't talk to Kuchiki much — not even fighting together during the Quincy War has changed that. Still, Toushirou supposes that he considers Kuchiki to be… almost a friend.
These days Toushirou actually makes the effort to greet Kuchiki when there's a meeting, or when they cross each other's paths in corridors.
As for Kuchiki, Toushirou can only surmise that the stoic Captain must feel the same kind of almost friendship, since he's become more open to engaging Toushirou in conversation after the Quincy War.
Toushirou finds it a little odd that Kuchiki hasn't revealed the truth to anyone, not even to his younger sister, who surely would have told Abarai, had she known.
Whenever someone tries to ask Kuchiki Byakuya about Hitsugaya 'Juushirou', the only response he gives is to merely stare at them until they walk away, unsettled. Toushirou envies that ability, prone to snapping when he's at his wits end, or muttering that he doesn't want to talk about it when he isn't.
Toushirou is grateful, in a way, that Kuchiki hasn't said anything; but then, he's also annoyed because it means the whole ordeal could have been prevented in the first place if Kuchiki had corrected Abarai and Kuchiki Rukia at his convenience, and none of this would have happened in the first place.
That's why it's so surprisingly to Toushirou that Kuchiki is finally acknowledging 'Juushirou'.
"I suppose so," Toushirou says warily, bracing himself for whatever news Kuchiki is about to bring. It must be something special if Kuchiki has broken his silence on the subject. "Wait. What reputation?"
He hasn't heard about this!
"Haven't you been listening to the rumours?" Kuchiki asks instead, his face devoid of expression as always, even as he talks about… gossip.
Toushirou stares at him, stunned.
Have you? Toushirou nearly asks.
For a second, he thinks he's being pranked on, before he remembers that Kuchiki Byakuya doesn't prank.
Kuchiki Byakuya doesn't even like comedy gold jokes about height.
Despite this, Toushirou is certain that Kuchiki is absolutely telling the truth and admitting that he has been listening to people gossip about Hitsugaya Juushirou, knowing the truth, and saying nothing.
If Toushirou's eyes aren't deceiving him, and Kuchiki wasn't so damn difficult to read, Toushirou would say that Kuchiki looked mercurially amused.
"I thought you didn't care for rumours," Toushirou says, after a beat, his mouth dry. He tries very hard not to look astounded.
"I don't," Kuchiki concedes, inclining his head in agreement. "But Rukia and Renji like to talk. He is a subject of great interest of late."
"I'm well aware," Toushirou says flatly, frowning. He's been doing his best trying to pay it no mind, hoping the more he pretends his brother doesn't exist, the sooner this nonsense goes away and Soul Society will find something new to obsess about. "So you listen to them… gossip?"
"Reluctantly."
"Of course," Toushirou deadpans.
"They have a source," Kuchiki informs him, regarding him with a cool gaze. "Everyone considers her information to be reliable."
"What —" Toushirou narrows his eyes, suspicious. He doesn't like what Kuchiki is insinuating at all. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You gave him a backstory?"
To say he is upset is putting it mildly.
"A personality?"
He just can't wrap his head around the insanity of it, always short fusing when it's about to make sense.
"And you decide to turn him into a narcissist?"
He would be speechless if he wasn't so outraged.
"What were you thinking?"
A narcissist, Toushirou thinks sourly, glowering. He had to have a narcissist for a brother!
And that's barely scratching the surface. He's learnt more about his fake brother from Kuchiki than he ever thought he would, and Toushirou doesn't like what he's heard in the slightest.
Vain. Ditzy. Lazy.
"Well," Momo coughs, refusing to look ashamed. Instead, she folds her arms and raises her chin, meeting his gaze with resolve. She exhales, and explains calmly. "I was thinking that in order to not raise suspicion, Shirou-chan, that it would be best to make Juushirou as different from you as possible."
"Best for who?" Toushirou grumbles.
"You, Shirou-chan!" Momo snaps, incensed by his flippant response. Placing her hands on her hips, she leans towards him, wilfully determined to keep her voice lowered. "Best for you! I don't have to go along with this, but I am! If you want to tell people that you don't have an older brother and you went along with Kuchiki-chan and Abarai-kun's mistake because you were too embarrassed to admit otherwise, then by all means, do it."
That shuts him up.
"Look," Momo says, quietly, composed once more, observing him with a solemn expression. "I won't tell anyone, I promise. If you don't want me to help you, then I'll stop."
"No more made up backstory?"
"No more made up backstory," Momo confirms with a nod.
He should be satisfied by that. Instead, Toushirou realizes that it's actually the last thing he wants.
Needs, even.
If he doesn't have Momo, then he doesn't know who he can go to talk to when he has to vent about the lunacy of it all. Kuchiki is… difficult to confide in, particularly when his default expression is pre-emptively judging.
It's selfish of him, Toushirou knows, but he needs Momo to help maintain the charade that Hitsugaya Juushirou exists.
"Actually, Momo, I think that that backstory was a very good idea," Toushirou admits, slowly, feeling contrite for lashing out and not giving Momo a chance to explain herself until afterwards.
Now that it's sinking in, and the shock faded, he can see how clever Momo had ben. He's never met his brother, but based on that characterization, it makes complete sense why they wouldn't get along at all, just like Momo had told Matsumoto.
"I'm sorry, Momo," Toushirou says, sincerely. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."
"We both lost our heads for a minute there," Momo states, softly, and Toushirou nods. "So… the backstory stays?"
"Yeah, the backstory stays," Toushirou concedes, rolling his eyes. It doesn't stop him from catching the slightest hint of a triumphant smile tugging at the corner of her lips, finding joy at such a strange victory. He presses on, clearing his throat. "In the future, however, I'd appreciate it if you ran your ideas by me first, instead of having to be told about them by Kuchiki — Captain Kuchiki — of all people."
"No way," Momo gasps, her hand flying to cover her mouth, before lowering her hands and revealing a truly delighted smile. "Seriously?"
"Seriously," Toushirou confirms, before realizing that Momo probably isn't aware of Kuchiki's peripheral involvement. "He was there when this all began. Kuchiki saw me transform while we were fighting against the Quincies."
He stood there, letting Kuchiki and Abarai draw their own conclusions, silently and judgingly watching while Toushirou decided just to go with it and pretend that they were right.
Come to think about it, wasn't Zaraki also fighting nearby that day? But try as he might, Toushirou can't recall Zaraki even noticing the difference, and he's never said anything since. He probably didn't care, knowing him, which was fine by Toushirou.
"So we're the only ones that know the truth?" Momo double-checks, her tone thoughtful, as she places her hand under her chin. "You, me, and Captain Kuchiki."
"That's right," Toushirou confirms, nodding. "And Baa-chan. But I don't think either of them want to be part of this."
"Baa-chan might," Momo says, considering. "She always did have a sense of humour. She probably could think up some great backstory for Juushirou-kun."
"Yes, well," Toushirou flusters, remembering the bedtime stories Baa-chan used to tell. "Lucky for us that she isn't here."
They've made such a mess of the situation already, but between the two of them, Toushirou believes it's still possible to do some damage control. It's not like the situation is completely out of hand just yet.
If he's being honest, now that he's got used to the idea of Juushirou being his own person, Toushirou doesn't mind Momo's contributions. Except —
"Momo," Toushirou says, huffing. "Did you really have to tell people that everyone who meets him instantly falls in love with him?"
Kuchiki had been very amused, as much as he was capable at expressing emotions, Toushirou assumes, retelling that particular fact.
This, out of everything that's been said past ten minutes, is what makes Hinamori Momo blush.
"Um, I mean," Momo stutters, cheeks getting darker the longer he scrutinizes her. Waiting.
Her hands wave about, stalling for time, stalling for words. Finally, she gives up, shoulders slumping, as she admits in a whisper:
"He is very handsome, Shirou-chan!"
It becomes an enjoyable partnership of sorts. Momo creates Juushirou's backstory, shapes his personality, and Toushirou offers his opinion from time to time, but mostly watches Momo get excited about the story she is bringing to life.
Matsumoto questions, Momo provides answers.
Toushirou sighs, and shares aside glances with Kuchiki, who never hears the end of it from the company he keeps, and stares back at him, unimpressed.
It's fine until it isn't — and a situations happens where the last petal of his ice flowers falls.
Daiguren Hyourinmaru matures, Toushirou transforms and —
It's just his luck that Karin is in the vicinity.
"Oh, wow, Rukia was not kidding about those abs!" Karin exclaims, eyes lighting up.
Toushirou grimaces — first, because he never wanted Karin to see him like this; secondly, because of course Karin runs towards danger instead of away from it, and third, it makes so much sense that that Kuchiki would tell Karin about his… his…
"Sorry, what?" Toushirou blinks at her, stunned by what he thinks he just heard. He must have misheard, right? His mouth parts, but no words come out.
"I mean!" Karin flushes, and her hands gestures at all of him.
Toushirou waits.
"You're so…" Karin tries, but looks embarrassed, unsure how to proceed while her entire face grows redder by the second. "So…"
"Care to finish that sentence?" Toushirou smirks, unexpectedly amused by her reaction. He didn't think Karin would flounder. Out of everybody, the last person that Toushirou thought would be flustered by his new form would be Karin. Somehow, he expected her to have a teasing quip at the ready, rolling her eyes and act as if nothing had changed. "Karin?"
"You… know who I am?" Karin's cheeks darken even more, her voice higher pitched than it normally is — and Toushirou stares at her, confused why she would even ask that.
And then it hits him.
"O-of course!" Toushirou declares, blustering, determined to not show his disappointment when he realizes that Karin doesn't recognize him.
He towers over her now, his limbs long and spindly and entirely too much like a scarecrow for Toushirou to be comfortable with. He'll grow into it one day, since it's his future self, but for now, the change is too fast and sudden and like an itch beneath his skin that tells him that his body doesn't fit him quite right.
He'd like to say that he's getting more accustomed to his older self, but somehow Toushirou can never escape the strangeness he feels inhabiting his future body. He always has to be careful about how he moves at first, having to re-adjust his centre of balance that has shifted after he sprouts into a skinny beanpole. The first few times he times he transformed, he always fell flat on his face.
"My little brother speaks of you often!" Toushirou says loudly. Absent-mindedly, he wonders why he's prone to making dramatic announcement whenever it became apparent that nobody recognized him and he was too mortified to correct them.
Only this time, Kuchiki Byakuya isn't here to silently judge him.
"Oh?" Karin says, in a dreamy sort of voice, clearly not listening as she blinks owlishly at him, entranced and staring at his ripped shirt —
It's overkill, Toushirou knows, but it happens every time, whether he likes it or not. He doesn't mind the ice covering his body and further decorating his uniform, but he can't help but be annoyed by his ruined clothes.
"Um," Karin swallows, visibly trying to make the effort to tilt her chin up at him, fluttering her lashes as she presumably tries to focus on his words, and sound interested by what he just said. "Really?"
"Yup," Toushirou affirms, resting his hand on the back of his neck, his thumb rubbing the fleshy juncture; then continues in a gruff tone. "Pleased to meet you."
He's a bit disheartened that Karin hadn't recognised him — older but clearly resembling his usual self — especially as he's standing right in front of her, almost invading her personal space.
Guess not.
"Likewise!" Karin blurts out instantly, cheeks glazed cherry pink. "And you are?"
"Hitsugaya," Toushirou says, a little bit breathlessly, willing himself to say his own name and tease her because she's going to get so embarrassed at her failure to recognize him instead of — "My name is Hitsugaya Juushirou."
He blanches, his smirk freezes.
He hadn't… hadn't he just told himself to not to do that?
"You're kidding," Karin breaks into the goofiest smile, delighted, and clearly Kuchiki Rukia hadn't told her of the latest developments, but more to the point, Toushirou has never ever seen Karin look at anyone — let alone himself! — like that before. "Variations on a theme, huh?"
His new appearance might make her slightly dazed, but it doesn't take much for Karin to make a quip.
Toushirou can't help it, absurdly fond of her, and he chuckles. "Something like that."
If anything, her cheeks get pinker.
"Anyway, look," Toushirou says, his grin fading, "I have to go."
"So soon?" Karin squeaks, disappointment shuttering across her face, before she coughs, trying to regain her standard aloofness. When she speaks again, she's deepened her voice. "Um, alright then. Well. It — it was very nice to meet you!"
"Believe me, the pleasure was all mine," Toushirou states, feeling that it's an appropriately caddish statement. He hasn't acted at all like the Juushirou of Momo's imagination — a detail which he remembers entirely too late.
Oh well.
He nods at Karin one last time before he leaves.
Toushirou waits a couple of minutes before he meets with Karin again, having returned to his shorter and comfortable and not to mention actual self.
She hasn't moved from her spot at all.
"Um. Toushirou! Hey!" Karin says, cheeks glowing brightly, a grin plastered on her face, grey eyes sparkling. All of which fades the second she starts to worry about him; concern quickly making itself evident. "You okay?"
"Fine," Toushirou says tersely, trying to suppress the dizziness he feels. An aftereffect of transforming back.
It's been a while.
He always forgets that it happens until it happens.
He just needs a minute to collect himself.
"Guess who I just met?" Karin asks, ridiculously excited and flailing a little, her face flush with joy. He wishes he could share her joy instead of feeling bone deep tiredness.
"… Matsumoto?" Toushirou guesses half-heartedly, fully aware that it's not the right answer.
"I wish! That would have been great too! Oh, man, she's going to be so jealous when I tell her," Karin shakes her head, her famously crooked grin flashed in his direction. "Actually, Toushirou, I met your brother, Juushirou."
It shouldn't feel like a gut punch and yet —
"Oh," Toushirou says, and some fragment of hope that he didn't know he even had shatters inside of him. The possibility that Karin might have seen through him and was going to tell him that she'd known it was him all along when he changed back is… gone. "Right."
"He's so cool, Toushirou!" Karin beams, hands flapping. She tries to tell him of her brief encounter, but she's so giddy and enthusiastic that her words are a jumble of syllables that she can't get out fast enough. It would be endearing to watch if only wasn't disappointing. "I mean — when I first met you I thought you were cool, but him? Meeting Juushirou? Wow! Just — wow! He's even cooler than that! He's the coolest!"
"He's okay," Toushirou shrugs, not wanting to ruin her cheerful disposition, but unable to hide his grumpiness. He doesn't think she'll notice, too wrapped up in her own excitement. "I guess."
"Speaking of, where were you?" Karin quizzes, concern filtering through as she peers at him, setting aside her rambling for clear eyed scrutiny. "I thought you were meant to save the day?"
In retrospect, this was the perfect moment to come clean.
But —
"It's kind of embarrassing to say," Toushirou mutters, cheeks heating up, and he gives in, thinking it's better just to go along with it. If he tells Karin the truth now, she'll only be disappointed, right? "But my brother has a habit of stealing the spotlight."
It's not exactly a lie.
"He just wanted to protect you, huh," Karin says, understandingly, and smiles softly at him. "Yeah, I know what that's like."
He's too tired to correct her, and so he merely nods.
"So, uh, Ran-chan told me that you two didn't get along?" Karin scuffs her shoes against the ground, her classic red sneakers studded with diamond dust, the flecks of ice left in the aftermath. "Want to talk about it?"
"Not really," Toushirou shakes his head and closes his eyes, trying to ignore the wave of dizziness that slowly overwhelms him. "Not much to say. I've just… never liked him all that much."
"Well," Karin says, looking at him, considering, before she places his arm around her shoulder, puts her arm around his waist, and together they walk at an easy pace to the nearest café. "He seemed alright to me."
That, Toushirou sourly thinks later, refusing to think about the implications, is an understatement.
It's not an unwelcome sight to see Karin in his office.
Often, she comes because it's one of the few places where she can get peace and quiet. If Matsumoto can nap in his office, Karin argues, then so can she. And since Ichi-nii isn't using the Soul Tickets, mostly because Rukia and Renji prefer to take it upon themselves to visit the mortal world, Karin figures that she might as well, especially since no one has decided to take them back.
Most of the time, though, Karin visits so that she can catch up with Matsumoto, sitting on the sofa, while Toushirou half-heartedly finishes his reports for the day.
"Aw, that's so cute! Right, Captain?" Matsumoto squeals, clapping her hands in delight, and Karin muffles a squawk and tries to downplay her embarrassment by pretending she's invisible.
Toushirou looks up, barely interested. "What is?"
"Karin-chan has… a crush!" Matsumoto announces, grinning, just as Karin goes bright red.
"It's not a crush!" Karin yells, shaking her head. "Don't call it that!"
"That's totally what someone who has a crush would say!" Matsumoto teases, giggling the more ruffled Karin becomes in trying to deny it more and more vehemently.
Oh.
He knits his brow, thinking, trying to come with a name. Wonders if it's anyone he knows. If it's somebody that she's talked about lately.
He shouldn't be surprised, honestly. It was bound to happen one day.
Toushirou turns his attention to Karin, silently observing her dark pink cheeks, and asks gently, smiling softly. "On who?"
"Nobody!" Karin blurts out, then stills, and then stares resolutely at her knees.
Matsumoto smiles impishly, like a cat that's got the cream and is relishing every second.
"On the hotter and sexier Hitsugaya Juushirou!"
Toushirou blinks.
"Ran-chan!" Karin yells, trying to cover her face, hiding how red she's becoming.
"Karin-chan was just telling me about the time she met your brother, Captain," Matsumoto informs him, ignoring the way Karin is shooting her glares and muttering under her breath that she should shut up, shut up now. Matsumoto, of course, being Matsumoto, pays her no mind. "And it sounds to me that she has a crush!"
"I… I see," Toushirou says, for lack of anything else to say.
He doesn't mean to be standoffish, still processing the news, but he's certain that's how it comes across.
"Jealous, Captain?" Matsumoto drawls, eyes twinkling as she looks meaningfully at him.
"No," Toushirou scowls, his initial shock giving way easily to annoyance. Why would he be jealous? Confused, maybe, but not jealous. He looks at the furiously blushing Karin, flummoxed. "You only met him once!"
And at most, five minutes!
"I know, but," Karin shrugs, and grins helplessly, giving up the pretence that what she feels for his older brother is anything other than the devastating effect of a simple crush. "Sometimes all it takes is glance."
He wonders how he didn't notice it before — at the time, even! — he's seen how Momo gets when she talks about someone she likes, lighting up like she just can't help herself, her latest literary love.
"And," Karin continues, sighing. "He's so… dreamy."
"Dreamy," Toushirou echoes, flatly. When did 'alright' change to 'dreamy'?
"It means incredibly attractive," Matsumoto translates, helpfully unhelpful. Not that it stops her from beaming and evidently deriving entertainment at being spectator to this conversation.
"I know what dreamy means!" Toushirou hisses through gritted teeth. He stares at Karin, who is still blushing. In a quieter voice, he says, "Shouldn't a crush be… I don't know… a little more substantial?"
"It's a crush," Karin answers simply. "Not love, you know?"
"I guess," Toushirou makes a face. He still doesn't like it.
"So, what was he like?" Matsumoto leans forward, intrigued. Despite her amusement in teasing both Karin and Toushirou, she has a vested interest in the development of events. "You're probably the fifth person to have met Captain Hitsugaya's brother in person."
"Seventh, actually," Toushirou mutters. Counting himself and Baa-chan, Momo and Kuchiki, and the two idiots who started this whole misconception in the first place, it's a grand total of seven people who have actually met Hitsugaya Juushirou. He feels it's only proper that he should include Baa-chan, considering that she helped 'raise' Juushirou and Momo and Toushirou in Rukongai.
Technically, Zaraki might count as the eighth person, but he hadn't noticed at the time, and in current day had expressed surprise of the existence of an older Hitsugaya brother, and the inevitable desire to fight him.
Of course, neither Karin nor Matsumoto pay him any attention.
"I didn't get to talk to him for very long," Karin admits shyly, her cheeks colouring once more. "But believe me, Ran-chan, you would have swooned. You really should have seen his —"
Karin breaks off midsentence, awkwardly turning to look at Toushirou, like she doesn't know if she should say things like this in front of him, regarding how dreamy his 'big brother' is.
Toushirou rolls his eyes.
"Just say it," Toushirou sighs, resigned, waving his hand flippantly at them. "I'm not going to tell him."
"— jawline," Karin finishes, swooning, and her eyes go distant, basking in the memory. Her smile turns soft, reminiscing. "It was really something."
"I bet it was quite a jawline," Matsumoto smirks, shameless.
"Oh, it was," Karin confirms with enthusiasm, spurred by Matsumoto's encouragement. "Ran-chan, it really was. But the best part was that he knew me! He recognized me right away!"
"Did he now?" Matsumoto drawls, swivelling to look at Toushirou, her eyebrow perfectly raised and full of smugness. "I imagine that Captain Hitsugaya must have spoken of you very highly to his brother then."
Karin giggles, and then claps her hand over her mouth, an oddly adorable sight.
"No more than usual," Toushirou mutters dismissively, drumming his fingers on his desk, feigning the act of trying to recall the right memory, the right conversation. "I'm certain I must have used the words… obnoxious, reckless, runs headfirst into danger, a constant thorn in my side…"
Karin visibly wilts.
"But also," Toushirou hastens to add, not wanting to see Karin be too disheartened in his description of her, having only listed her negative traits. "Thoughtful, considerate, smart, knows how to set a person at ease, and is pretty good at soccer."
It works. Karin brightens up immediately.
"You said that about me?" Karin asks, awe in her voice.
"Probably," Toushirou shrugs, returning to his usual reticence. He only spoke his honest opinion of her. "If not those exact words, then something similar."
"And me, Captain?" Matsumoto flutters her eyelashes at him, and Karin lets loose a blinding grin. "What did you tell Juushirou about me?"
"That you're awful, lazy, and will do absolutely anything to get away from the fact that you should be doing your paperwork!" Toushirou snarls, raising his voice into a roar. He stands up, the palms of his hands slamming hard into his desk.
Papers fly, people scatter.
When Toushirou is alone in his office, and he's certain he won't be disturbed, he groans and slumps over his desk, letting what just happened truly sink in.
Karin has a crush on him.
No, he notes bitterly, correcting himself. Not him —
His future self.
His future self who has a terrific jawline, according to Karin. His future self who has fantastic abs, according to Vice-Captain Kuchiki.
His future self who everybody, except for a select few, is under the impression that his name is Hitsugaya Juushirou and is in fact, Toushirou's older brother.
Shit.
