iii.


"Momo," Toushirou says, after he's calmed down somewhat, and decided that the next logical step is to consult his oldest friend about the unexpected turn of events. His thoughts have settled into some abject misery, and with one final attempt, he tries to expel them with a heavy sigh before meeting her eyes. The anguish remains within him, unfortunately. "I have a problem."

"If you've come to me for help it must bebad — oh no. No, no, no," Momo stares at him, aghast, and Toushirou watches her face change from twinkling eyes and a fond smile to dawning horror and a gaping mouth. When Momo speaks again, her voice is strained. "Don't tell me it's about your brother, Shirou-chan."

He doesn't speak.

Momo looks at him, furrowing her brows as her incredulousness increases. The seconds tick by.

"It is, isn't it?"

He doesn't speak.

She looks at him, disappointed, while Toushirou remains silent, heat bubbling over his cheeks.

The silence lasts for a long time, before Momo gives in with a resigned sigh.

"You know," Momo begins, clearly peeved. "You might want to consider going to Captain Kuchiki one of these days, Shirou-chan."

"I couldn't possibly go to Kuchiki for this, Momo," Toushirou mutters, cheeks colouring at the thought.

First, because he doesn't have the slightest idea how to broach the topic of accidentally begotten crushes on handsomer alter egos with a Captain who is famous for ignoring his own admirers to the point of stepping over all those who dared throw themselves at his feet.

Second, it's embarrassing.

And third, Toushirou can't imagine the sort of advice the stoic man would give.

"Oh?" Momo's expression turns curious, eager to hear more. It's a crafty trick, and Hirako's influence, no doubt, as her light voice shifts into something altogether more devious. "And why's that?"

He hesitates, stalling for time until he can find the courage to say the words out loud.

"To be honest, Momo," Toushirou admits eventually, shrugging, "I doubt he'd know how to help me beyond saying 'ignore it'."

He supposes, begrudgingly, that ignoring Karin's crush on his fictional big brother is one way to deal with it. Certainly that advice is one that he can easily see Kuchiki employ himself for numerous occasions in situations that don't even come close to ill-advised infatuation.

But that doesn't mean that Toushirou likes it.

Momo giggles, and immediately stops once he glares at her.

"Momo!"

"What? It's true!" Momo says, with a smile in her voice, genuinely amused. At least she's in a mood to humour him now, putting her dismay on hold for the moment. "That is how Captain Kuchiki operates. Still, you have to admit it works out very well for him."

"I know," Toushirou agrees, wearily. "But I have feeling that ignoring it isn't the way to go."

Never mind that he's been ignoring every chance to speak about his brother before now.

This is different, because it's not just workplace gossip, Karin actually met Juushirou.

Karin is one of his dearest friends, and that worries him.

He has to do something.

"Alright, I give in," Momo relents with a sigh, placing her hands on her hips. "You've never been that bothered by our dear big brother before. Annoyed? Yes. Panicked? No. What's the problem, Shirou-chan?"

"Karin," Toushirou begins, taking a deep breath before driving the words out. "Likes me."

"She's your friend," Momo looks confused. "Of course she likes you, Shirou-chan. How are you just figuring that out now?"

"Momo!" Toushirou hisses, bristling as Momo snickers, amused by playing dense and pretending not to understand what he meant. More of Hirako's bad influence, no doubt.

"I couldn't resist, Shirou-chan," Momo says with a smile that brightens her face, even as she has the good sense to look remorseful a moment later. "It won't happen again."

"It better not," Toushirou grumbles.

"It won't," Momo insists, almost a promise. She tilts her head, musing on the information that he's given her, which he wishes she could figure out without him having to say it out loud. "Okay. So, Karin-san likes you like that. What does it have to do with Juushirou-kun?"

"Didn't you listen to what I just said?" Toushirou scowls, frustrated that he has to repeat himself. "Karin has a crush on me!"

"Karin-san has a crush on you, Shirou-chan, not Juushirou-kun?" Momo stares at him, speaking slowly. "That's what the problem is?"

Oh.

His mouth drops open when he realizes it's his fault for not being clear enough.

"No! That's notthat's not what I meant!" Toushirou flusters, hastily correcting himself as he becomes even more frantic at that particular revelation, that insane possibility. For a brief second, all coherency in his mind is lost and his thoughts tie themselves into knots. Blood rushes to his face as he stutters out. "I didn't mean… it's not… it's not like that! Momo, Karin doesn't have a crush on me but —"

"But on Juushirou-kun," Momo finishes for him, in a gentle tone.

"Yeah," Toushirou confirms quietly, shoulders sinking.

Silence and then —

"How?" Momo demands, a flash of disbelief in her eyes. She looks at him, confounded, then frustrated, growing vexed, and Toushirou gulps. "How?"

She tries to curb her anger, waiting for his explanation.

"A couple of days ago, I was in Karakura Town," Toushirou recaps hurriedly. "I needed the completed version of Daiguren Hyourinmaru to defeat an Arrancar. Karin happened to be nearby. She talked to me, thought that I was Juushirou and I… I let her believe that."

He clenches his hands, trying to ground himself. His heart beats frantically in his chest, a wild thing that pounds against his ribcage.

"Today," Toushirou continues, persisting to the end. "Karin tells me that she has a crush on him."

He still feels like he's in shock and the full weight of those words aren't quite hitting him hard enough, but he still feels some instant gut feeling of anguish.

"Okay, okay," Momo says, more to herself than him, and lapses into silence, thinking. She exhales deeply, calming herself. "There's an easy solution to this."

"Yes?"

"Tell Karin-san the truth," Momo suggests, sensibly. "That there is no Hitsugaya Juushirou and she saw another stage of your bankai."

"No."

"What?" Momo stares at him, taken aback. "But she's your friend!"

"Still no!"

"Shirou-chan!" Momo says, sharply. "It would clear up the misunderstanding immediately! Why not tell her the truth?"

"Because," Toushirou retorts, before muttering, his face growing warm. "It's embarrassing."

"Embarrassing," Momo repeats, unimpressed. She places her hands on her hips and refuses to back down. "Embarrassing?"

"Yes," Toushirou states firmly, folding his arms over his chest.

"Goodness gracious," Momo says, her hands flying to her face, obscuring her expression. She takes a moment, and sighs, lowering one hand back to her side, and pinches the bridge of her nose with the other. "Fine, Shirou-chan. Don't tell Karin-san the truth. Then maybe you should follow Captain Kuchiki's advice."

"And do nothing?" Toushirou frowns. Either tell Karin the truth or ignore it — those are his choices? Surely there has to be a third option. Surely he can do something.

His own thoughts race, reckless and fraying.

"Why not?" Momo asks quietly. When he doesn't answer, she continues. "She's… thirteen now, right?"

"Fourteen," Toushirou corrects her, muttering.

"Okay, fourteen," Momo amends, nodding, maintaining a rational cadence. "She'll probably forget about him in a week. Give Karin-san enough time and I'm sure someone cuter and more handsome than our big brother will come along and steal her heart away."

He doesn't like the sound of that much.

"But you said I was handsome," Toushirou objects, vaguely aware that he's whining. "That I — that he was very handsome!"

And that everyone who meets him instantly falls in love with him!

"And?" Momo looks at him, bemused by his reaction. "I'm sure there are plenty of other people who are equally if not more handsome than Juushirou, and that Karin will meet them sooner or later."

"I guess," Toushirou looks away pointedly.

"What I'm trying to say, Shirou-chan," Momo says, in a patient tone. "Is that Karin-san will find someone else soon enough. And if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it."

"You could not be more wrong about that if you tried. Sounds to me that you should absolutely worry about it."

"C-Captain Hirako!" Momo stutters, going bright red as she looks at her Captain, who leans on the door to their office, with a manic smile curved across his face.

Toushirou frowns, annoyed that yet again someone had snuck up on them without his notice when they were talking about their fictional older brother.

Wait.

He pales.

How much of their conversation had Hirako heard?

"Don't you know that first love has and always will be incredibly precious?" Hirako declares, always an odd mix between bombastic statements and saying them breezily. "That you have to protect it at all costs?"

"Captain, you call everyone you meet for the first time your first love," Momo notes, disapprovingly, and wrinkles her nose in distaste. "I'm not sure we should listen to you."

"What can I say, my daughter? I'm a romantic at heart," Hirako says, infuriatingly nonchalant in Toushirou's opinion as he makes himself comfortable in his own office. "I can't help but fall in love with such beautiful ladies and somehow, it always, always, always feels like it's the first time."

Momo makes a face, but says nothing.

Toushirou on the other hand, desperately wishes that Sarugaki, as vexing as he found her, could be present to turn Hirako into more tolerable company. Even though he was vastly relieved that she had decided to stay in Karakura Town instead of returning to Soul Society, there was something about that smart-mouthed brat that had Hirako wrapped around her finger. It was true that Momo did an exceptional job at handling Hirako, but with Sarugaki it was an art form.

Then again, maybe it was just the sandal that Sarugaki wielded just as efficiently as a zanpakutou.

He rolls his eyes. "I do not need help from you, Hirako."

Hirako reveals his teeth in an especially charmless smile.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so dismissive, Juushirou — did I say Juushirou, I'm sorry, I meant to say Toushirou."

"It's Captain Hitsugaya, actually!" Toushirou snaps automatically, fuming a little before Hirako's words catch up with him, and he gasps. "How did you…"

"I didn't tell him anything!" Momo says immediately.

The thought had never crossed Toushirou's mind.

"She's right, Captain Hitsugaya," Hirako shakes his head and tuts at him, even though Toushirou had done nothing, not even glare in Momo's direction.

Why must Hirako be so infuriating? Even as he complies with Toushirou's request, does he have to use such a mocking tone?

"I know," Toushirou huffs out, annoyed, because Momo should know him better than that. He's not so irrational to start pointing fingers at everybody and anybody in a moment of paranoia. He can keep his head cool, believe it or not. "Still, Hirako, that doesn't answer how you —"

"Found out?" Hirako interrupts and finishes his sentence. He lifts his eyebrow, none too impressed. "Psh. That's easy, Captain Hitsugaya. You underestimate me."

Toushirou scowls, loathing his evasive answer. It's slightly more preferable that Hirako has only emphasised the Captain part this time around, but it still feels condescending.

"I'll give you a hint," Hirako winks at him, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "These walls are thinner than you think."

"What Captain Hirako means, Shirou-chan," Momo says, directing a meaningful glower at the grinning Hirako, before turning her attention back to Toushirou. "Is that maybe you should have waited until the day was over, and then found me to talk about your big brother?"

"Hey, isn't he your big brother too?" Hirako asks, droll.

They both ignore him.

"Maybe," Toushirou concedes. Sometimes his impetuousness gets the better of him.

As of now, the select few that knew that Hitsugaya Juushirou was a figment of Abarai and Kuchiki's rampant imagination had increased by one. And it was Hirako. Of all people.

Great. Just… great.

Maybe he should form a club.

The Secret Blame Kuchiki and Abarai For This Mess Club.

The Secret Hitsugaya Juushirou Is Actually Hitsugaya Toushirou Club.

The Secret Hitsugaya Juushirou Is A Lie Club.

… whatever he was going to call it, he'd need a better club name than those.

Regardless, the next time he had to talk to Momo about his fictional older brother, be it updates or venting, it won't take place during work. That way he'd be secure in the knowledge that they wouldn't be eavesdropped by busybodies like Hirako or Matsumoto, both who were far more trouble than their worth.

"Oh, it's too late for that," Hirako drawls, breezily, detestably upbeat about their — more accurately, Toushirou's — carelessness. "I'm invested now. Included. Involved, some might say. And as Hinamori's Captain, I insist that I help."

There's no way that it's a good idea but —

"What do you suggest, then?" Toushirou asks, wary but polite. He could use the help, he supposes.

Perhaps Hirako had better luck in the actual romance department, rather than Toushirou, who has none, and Momo, who predominantly refers to books as a guideline.

(Then again, if Hirako's only real romance is Sarugaki, according to Momo's opinion, then Hirako isn't really in any position to act superior.)

Oblivious to Toushirou's increasingly disheartening thoughts, Hirako offers his brand of 'helpful' advice:

"Go back to Karin as Juushirou," Hirako says sagely, with visionary hand gestures. "Tell Karin that there can be nothing between the two of you, and break her heart forever."

"Forever?" Toushirou narrows his eyes, taken back by the bluntness of it, so different from Hirako's earlier statements about the importance of first love. He doesn't know who provides worse advice: Kuchiki or Hirako.

"Not forever," Momo shakes her head and sends Hirako a stern look. "Captain Hirako is just being dramatic. Right, Captain?"

"Yup, that's correct, Momo," Hirako beams at his Vice-Captain, before directing his attention to Toushirou. "But you see what I'm getting at, right? It's real simple, any fool can see it. Break her heart as Juushirou, and then use that chance as Toushirou to swoop in and make her realize who she loved all along. That would be you."

Toushirou should have known that the advice had a second part, which falls more in line with what he was expecting from Hirako.

"But that's not what I want at all!" Toushirou objects, cheeks blazing. It infuriates him how badly Hirako appears to have misunderstood the situation. "What I want is for Karin to not have a crush on Juushirou!"

"Because?" Hirako inquires, arching his brow.

"Because it's a waste of time," Toushirou says flatly, disliking Hirako's tone.

"Nope! Try again," Hirako rolls his eyes, rejecting that answer, much to Toushirou's surprise. Instead of bristling, Toushirou blinks, mouth gaping open like an idiot waiting to catch flies. Hirako leans forward, curiosity piqued. "Think about it. Really think about it, Captain Hitsugaya. Why does it bother you so much?"

"Because it's a waste of time," Toushirou repeats, gritting his teeth and folding his arms over his chest. He doesn't lose his temper, but is a near thing. Curtly, he feels the need to remind Hirako of the most important fact. "Since Juushirou doesn't exist."

Hirako rolls his eyes.

"Jeez, you're going to be like that? What a shame," Hirako laments, the arbitrary switch in his emotion taking Toushirou aback. One second he's playful, then he's callous, then he's bored. Hirako stretches his arms and cricks his neck from side to side. Momo pointedly looks away. "And to think I was going to help a fellow captain out with affairs of the heart… oh well. Whatever."

"Captain?" Momo blinks.

"I finally thought Captain Hitsugaya showed some promise," Hirako tuts, much to Toushirou's bewilderedness. "But I stand corrected. Carry on like this and well, it's going to be an absolute bore. So, I'm out. You two can carry on as you are."

"But Captain —"

"It's alright, Momo, I was leaving for a coffee break anyway," Hirako stands up and heads towards the door. "You can find me when he's finished being hopeless."

"Yes, Captain," Momo dutifully says, standing up to bow.

"Hopeless?" Toushirou seethes. How dare he!

"That goes for you too, Toushirou," Hirako says, glancing at him sideways. "I'll help you after you've gotten your head out of your ass."

"It's Captain Hitsugaya!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know it is," Hirako says, and gives a backhanded wave before he leaves. "Rest assured, Captain Hitsugaya, that your secret is safe with me… for now."

Toushirou glares at him long after the door closes beside him.

Momo sits back down on the sofa, making herself comfortable once more.

"Shirou-chan, maybe you should consider it," Momo says, quietly, gesturing for him to sit back down again. Toushirou blinks, he hadn't realized that he'd stood up. "Captain Hirako's advice."

"Oh really?" Toushirou scoffs, smarting from Hirako's infuriating remarks. Everything about him is always so irritating. "And it's Captain Hitsugaya, Momo! Call me by that name! Is it really so hard?"

"You never call me Vice-Captain Hinamori either," Momo says.

"Yes, well, never mind that," Toushirou grumbles at that, preferring to pace around in the Fifth Division's office instead. He's not hopeless. "Which part of his advice was I supposed to listen to?"

"Honestly, right now I'm tempted to say the last part," Momo says quietly, and Toushirou pretends he didn't hear that. "But I actually think there's some merit in the breaking her heart bit. Cruel to be kind."

Toushirou grimaces at the thought and comes to a stop.

As much as Hirako is wont to play the clown and mess about, he can be surprisingly insightful. Toushirou's dislike for him doesn't erase the fact that Hirako did offer an alternative to his predicament. But is it really much better?

"What else are you going to do, Shirou-chan?" Momo asks, glancing at him and sensing his distaste for it. "You don't want to tell Karin-san the truth, so your options are to either: break her heart by becoming Juushirou and treat her terribly; or break her heart by never letting her see Juushirou again."

"It doesn't mean I like it," Toushirou mutters.

"Her heart mostly likely won't even be broken, Shirou-chan," Momo says, not unkindly. "She's only met him once, right? Karin-san doesn't know him. She probably doesn't even know… oh! She probably doesn't know what a flirt Juushirou-kun can be!"

She tries to laugh by making light of the ridiculous personality that they've constructed together for their fake brother, but it falls flat.

Toushirou shakes his head.

"I'm sure Matsumoto has told Karin plenty about what the rumours say," Toushirou says unhappily, recalling how joyful Matsumoto was when she announced that Karin had a crush on his 'hotter and sexier' older brother. And if not Matsumoto, then certainly Kuchiki. After all, Kuchiki had apparently greatly appreciated his abs. "I'm sure I didn't flirt with Karin as Juushirou, but still…"

Somehow Karin had developed a crush on Juushirou.

"You're going to have to give me the full details of this encounter at some point, Shirou-chan. Not now, obviously," Momo sighs, and Toushirou's throat feels thick. Momo knits her brows together, thinking. "Look, to be perfectly honest, I think you're jumping to the worst conclusion. I mean, Juushirou-kun is more fantasy than reality, isn't he?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

"He is, Shirou-chan," Momo insists, firmly. " Juushirou-kun is new and exciting and mysterious and no one really knows anything about him except that he's related to you and looks very handsome and he briefly appeared in the Quincy War. We've filled in the blanks a little for the past two months, but that doesn't stop people from getting ideas about it."

And really, in the heat of the moment, when Karin met Juushirou, how much of the backstory and personality had Toushirou incorporated in his performance?

"We didn't have to," Toushirou mumbles. "We could have told the truth."

"Well, why haven't you, Shirou-chan?" Momo asks, bluntly, reaching out to him. "I know, I know. It's embarrassing. But you've got to be one to tell them, not me."

It's his mess, after all.

Momo didn't have to corroborate Juushirou's existence, didn't have to give Juushirou his name, didn't have to provide details that would be the foundations of his personality.

"This wouldn't have happened if you didn't go along with it," Toushirou shoots back, petulant, aware that he's lashing out a little. He didn't tell her to go that far. "I told you to act as if you didn't know what they were talking about."

It's a pitiful and weak excuse, and completely overlooks how grateful he was at the time but now

"I would have done!" Momo says, flushing. "If only—"

"Matsumoto," Toushirou growls. He'd nearly forgotten about that.

"If only Rangiku-san hadn't appeared and caught me off-guard," Momo sighs, self-depreciating. "I just acted without thinking…"

"It happens," Toushirou says, thinking about both his encounters when he's been mistaken for Juushirou. If he'd been a little less embarrassed, if he'd been calmer, if he'd taken the time to point out their mistake… "You're right. I should have said something then. If I had, I wouldn't be in this predicament."

"Maybe," Momo says, leaning back on the sofa. "Then again, maybe not."

Would Matsumoto have believed them? Would she have listened? Or would she have taken off, and spread the word of confirmation before they even had the chance to say otherwise?

It's hard to say.

"It's not all bad," Momo admits, looking at him with a fond expression. "I have had a lot of fun coming up with stories for our larger than life big brother."

"I can tell," Toushirou says, dryly, the corner of his mouth twitching into an almost smile.

"But then," Momo narrows her eyes, and she becomes exasperated. "You had to up the ante once more!"

"I was caught off guard," Toushirou argues, echoing her words, because he never intended to up the ante at all. "Believe me, I was more than happy to let Juushirou be nothing more than the stories you made up. The last thing I expected was that that I'd be mistaken for him in the mortal realm. I didn't think Karin would see me in that form and I certainly didn't expect Karin to even know about him, or even —"

He breaks off, unable to finish that sentence. It's too bizarre, too surreal, too absurd. He can't finish that sentence. If possible, he'd like to delude himself into denial.

"Shirou-chan, are you sure it's not something else that bothers you?"

"Like what?" Toushirou locks his jaw, tensing up. Whatever Momo is about to say, he's certain he won't like it.

"Are you jealous?" Momo asks bluntly, and barrels on before he has the chance to speak. "No, listen. Listen. Don't you make that face at me, Shirou-chan! Captain Hirako might have decided for once in his life to be subtle, but if it's bothering you this much, then perhaps it's worth asking out loud."

Toushirou stares at her, flabbergasted.

"I'd rather you didn't answer," Momo says, quickly, bossily, as she stares back at him with complete seriousness. She studies him, the slant of her shoulders eventually lowering, and she relents with a resigned sigh. "But Shirou-chan, at least think about it. Please."


Jealous. He scoffs at the idea. Of what?

Himself?

No matter how he thinks about it, it just sounds ludicrous. What is there to be jealous about?

His future self?

His fictional big brother?

How can a person be jealous of that?


He doesn't even like his future self, let alone the personality created for him, which he's begrudgingly accepted as his 'brother'.

Jealous.

Days afterwards, whenever his mind strays into thoughts of something as inane as being jealous of someone who doesn't even exist, Toushirou can't help but instinctively roll his eyes, and feel like his teeth have been set on edge.

Ludicrous.


In the meantime, while Toushirou deliberates on how he should proceed, Momo keeps him updated on the Shinigami Women's Association. They've mostly abandoned hope on finding the mysterious Hitsugaya Juushirou, but there's always one person who continues to be on the lookout.

"I've told Matsumoto that our dear brother is flighty," Momo reports, somewhat amused by their secret that keeps on escalating. As much as Momo likes pointing out how ridiculous their plan to continue pretending that Hitsugaya Juushirou exists is, Momo clearly delights in telling his story. Since Matsumoto can't pester details out of Toushirou, then she wheedles them out of Momo, who is more than willing to improvise and make their brother seem like a fully realized person.

So long as Momo tells Toushirou about her revisions, he has no problem with her rewriting their fictional past. On the whole, Toushirou doesn't have much input, happy to give Momo free reign, but he'll disagree if he feels the need to and will voice his thoughts if he thinks his brother is becoming a bit of a caricature or it contradicts their actual past too much. Besides, he likes that their current predicament gives them more reason to spend time together, two steps ahead of everyone else, if only barely. It's them against the world, just like it used to be.

"It just makes sense that Juushirou-kun never likes to stay in one place for too long," Momo continues, reasoning it out. "Hence why he's not in Soul Society, and why neither of us have seen him… for over a year."

"That's him alright," Toushirou nods, adding the detail into his memory. It fits perfectly with the ne'er do well attitude that both he and Momo have been crafting for their brother's personality, so at odds with their own. "He stopped to say hello, and then off he went."

"You could tell Karin-san that," Momo says, gentle but firm. There's something careful about her tone as she raises the issue once again. "Have you talked to Karin-san about Juushirou-kun yet?"

"No," Toushirou admits, pointedly looking and avoiding her gaze. "Not yet."

Momo huffs.

In his defence, he's been very busy these past few weeks, and Karin's free time has also become limited as she get used to a hectic school schedule. Neither of them has thought about contacting each other to arrange an afternoon together and catch up.

It happens.

"Shirou-chan."

He still doesn't know what he's going to tell Karin about his brother— to either come clean or ignore the issue for another day. He shouldn't ignore it, he knows, but the temptation is there, nonetheless.

"I will," Toushirou swears, meeting Momo's eyes. "Soon."


He drops by on a weekend, in the field where Karin is already playing soccer, her boots smattered in mud, legs grass stained, but all of that becomes insignificant details as Karin notices his arrival and grins at him.

It hits him hard, how much he's missed her. Something about the mere sight of her relaxes him, makes him feel happy, in spite of how conflicted he feels because of the nature of his visit.

Karin grins at him, slightly breathless, and waves, her hand stretched high in the sky.

She's missed him too.

"Hey, Toushirou," Karin greets him, kicking the soccer ball towards him. It rolls slowly and lackadaisically, in no rush at all. "In the mood for a game?"

"Yeah, alright," Toushirou agrees easily, deciding to put the reason he came to visit on hold. He stops the ball with his foot, and can't help but smile to himself, picking it up.

It's been too long since he's played soccer.

He looks at her, considering. Feeling competitive. "Best of five?"

"You're on," Karin beams, and just like that, her excitement is infectious, pushing all thoughts of Hitsugaya Juushirou out of his mind.