vii.
"You look happy," Matsumoto comments the next day, with a sly expression. "I take it things went well with Karin, yesterday?"
"As well as they can be," Toushirou shrugs, and then stops in his tracks to look disapprovingly at his Vice-Captain, annoyed with her choice of words. "I wouldn't say that I'm happy about it."
The breakup left Karin contrite, and though Toushirou did his best to cheer her up, and assure her that she did the right thing, it wasn't enough.
When they parted ways, Toushirou could see the pain she tried to hide, and though his heart hurt at the sight, he let it go, knowing that the rest was up to Karin. She had to come to terms with it on her own, and that was someone he couldn't help with.
"Smug, then," Matsumoto cheerfully compromises, which makes Toushirou feel worse. He clamps down on the spike of guilt that pierces him and leaves his throat thick. He scowls at her, hating that Matsumoto has painted him in an even worse light than before. "Admit it, Captain, you were rooting for her relationship to fail."
"Absolutely not!"
"But you knew it wouldn't last," Matsumoto shoots back, instantly, without missing a beat.
That gives him pause. He opens his mouth and… can't think of a suitable response.
"Aha!" Matsumoto snaps her fingers and points at him. "I knew it!"
"Fine," Toushirou concedes, rolling his eyes and giving in. Maybe he is a little smug. A little satisfied, though he knows he shouldn't be. He does feel bad for Karin, but that doesn't negate the triumph he feels at being right. "I could have told you at the start that it wouldn't work out."
That's what happens when a relationship begins with no expectations of it lasting. It's doomed from the very beginning.
He's merely stating a fact.
"Yeah, but you didn't, Captain," Matsumoto wrinkles her nose, sceptical. "Instead you were really surly whenever a certain someone wanted to talk about Daiki."
"I was not," Toushirou protests, irritated that she'd described him as such. He'd never stoop that low. Just because he had misgivings about the relationship didn't mean he was obvious about it. He had been impartial. "What would I be surly about?"
"Oh, I don't know, Captain," Matsumoto says loftily. Mischief glitters in her gaze. "Your brother perhaps?"
"What?" Toushirou says, flatly. Bristling. "What about my brother?"
Just because he didn't like Karin's relationship with Daiki did not mean that he'd have preferred Karin to date Juushirou.
"Karin-chan didn't tell you?" Matsumoto looks innocently at him before her devilish smile makes itself known, and Toushirou represses the urge to roll his eyes at her theatrics, milking the information for all it's worth. He tamps down on his frustration. "It seems your very handsome brother has decided to pay a few more visits to Karakura Town to spend some quality time getting to know Karin-chan."
"I see."
He exhales all the air from his lungs, an obvious gesture of annoyance.
"Of course he did," Toushirou mutters, more to himself to Matsumoto, like any younger brother would do, when reacting to an older sibling's misdeeds. Of course Momo would name his future self Juushirou. Of course Juushirou would catch Karin's eye.
It's not nearly as difficult to genuinely dislike a fictional older brother as one might think.
In fact, Toushirou could even picture it. Juushirou, turned curious by the praise Toushirou had whenever he talked about Karin, wanted to meet her. And even though Toushirou had voiced his disapproval, it only spurred Juushirou's curiosity. How could Juushirou resist? And so, friendship between Juushirou and Karin was born.
Crap.
It's alarming, to say the least, for Toushirou to realize how committed he's become. He didn't even need to construct the backstory, but he went ahead and did it without thinking. It's almost effortless now how he can genuinely pretend that he has a real, living, breathing brother that he's never mentioned before until a few months ago.
"— listening to me, Captain?"
"What?" Toushirou blinks, and pulls himself out of his reverie. "Matsumoto, did you say something?"
"I said that it's thanks to Karin-chan that I can finally agree that nobody was overhyping those abs of his," Matsumoto reports cheerfully, grinning at him. Her grin widens as the seconds pass, and he's certain that she's thinking something lewd and desperately does not want to know. "You really could fry an egg on them."
"What," Toushirou says, flatly. Uncomprehending. Why would anyone want to fry eggs on abs? How is it even possible?
"He's so hot I'm surprised that the ice isn't melting off him," Matsumoto says, winking, and Toushirou desperately wishes he could unhear that and then —
All of a sudden, there are photos.
There are numerous photos spread over on his table featuring Hitsugaya Juushirou.
"Karin-chan finally took photos!" Matsumoto gleefully proclaims, overjoyed. "Look at him! He's not even here and I feel like I'm getting a tan!"
He should have known.
He should have fucking known this would happen.
At the very least, he should have suspected, but no.
No, he couldn't even do that.
He had a split second to make his decision, weighing the pros and cons of what Juushirou would do with what Toushirou would do in that scenario, and he made the wrong decision in the heat of the moment again. He was too distracted by wanting to bring back Karin's smile — unable to spare himself a thought about the repercussions because he feared that would break character. Who is he kidding — he would have. Once he started thinking about what the downsides of agreeing to take a selfie with Karin, he would have never have been able to regain Juushirou's whimsical disposition.
Nevertheless, he feels like a fool for not even expecting that Matsumoto, once again, would take advantage of the situation. He knew that Karin and Matsumoto were close, but not once did he suspect this.
In retrospect, it was so very, very obvious.
"If you asking me to destroy them, I'm more than happy to oblige," Toushirou says, witheringly, after a pause. He stares at the photos, then at Matsumoto, and then returns to stare at the photos, feeling aghast but reluctant to show it lest he gives himself away.
"Of course not!" Matsumoto laughs, finding his response absurd. "Captain, what are you saying?"
"Why else are you showing me these?" Toushirou asks archly, more bored than flustered, after he realize what role he's supposed to play and proceeds to be exactly that. The little brother, endlessly frustrated by the ridiculousness of his older brother, who once again, takes the time to go out of his way and embarrass him.
Toushirou is fine in this situation — he's used to the spotlight being on his brother once again, he's used to Matsumoto getting excited, and riling him up just to see how he'll snap.
Well, he won't give her the satisfaction. He's tired of Juushirou, and anyway, it's over now.
"It's my brother's business if he wants to spend some time with Karin and pose for a camera, not mine," Toushirou states plainly, dismissing the photos and deciding not to look at them again, directing all his unimpressed attention on Matsumoto. "He can do what he wants, Matsumoto."
"True," Matsumoto nods, musing. She rests her legs on the sofa, contemplating, before an idea strikes, and Toushirou can see the cogs turn in her mind giddily. "If he's willing to pose for Karin-chan, maybe he'll be willing to pose for the Women Shinigami's Association. You know, for his fan club!"
"No," Toushirou refuses to even imagine the possibility. "I am not going to suffer a month long headache because of my brother's insane popularity yet again."
In the event that Matsumoto somehow profited from Karin's photos, he's hoping that people won't crowd him and ask him for his brother's autographs, knowing how tetchy he was when it came to his big brother.
Juushirou would thrive on the attention, and that already makes Toushirou's head hurt.
"A week at best," Matsumoto insists, rolling her eyes. "You're always so dramatic, Captain! Come on, invite him over, it'll be fun!"
"Still no."
"Captain Hitsugaya," Kuchiki Byakuya says, a strange glint in his eyes, as they meet in a corridor. As always, the corridors seem to be strangely empty whenever they have their 'talks'.
"Kuchiki," Toushirou replies, hairs prickling at the back of his neck.
It's not like him to be apprehensive around the stoic Captain, especially in lieu of their silent agreement of never acknowledging that they both are part of the Hitsugaya Juushirou Is An Actual Conspiracy Club.
However, with the recent photos of Juushirou being released by Shinigami Women's Association a few days ago — thanks to Matsumoto's quick thinking — Toushirou has no idea what Kuchiki will make of his current predicament.
Perhaps he won't say anything. Toushirou can feel the judgement emanating from him regardless.
"I see your brother has been very active recently," Kuchiki blithely remarks.
… or perhaps he will.
"Yes, it's been most… unfortunate," Toushirou says, awkwardly, and somehow, the judging intensifies. He'd been hoping the avoid it. "Though I doubt that he'll be around much longer."
"Is that so?" Kuchiki says, glancing at him, considering. He seems oddly… disappointed? Troubled? Constipated? It's hard to tell what his expression is trying to convey.
"He feels like it's time to move on, and disappear for a while," Toushirou explains as bluntly, as close to the truth as possible. "There's no need to worry."
"Then there's no chance of him… reappearing?"
"There shouldn't be," Toushirou frowns, looking at Kuchiki warily. Why would he ask something like that? "I imagine he won't be back for a very long time. Not unless it was of utmost importance."
Juushirou had served his purpose. Though Toushirou was, again, left to deal with the aftermath, he had dealt with it before, and could deal with it again.
Truthfully, he hadn't been pestered nearly as much as the first time, when Abarai revealed to everyone that he had a brother. Less people have approached him… but that doesn't mean that there aren't few mornings where he comes to his desk, and sees a stack of photos, asking for Juushirou to sign them.
It takes a lot of willpower — or perhaps Matsumoto's mysterious timing to snatch them away — to not just dump them in the bin.
What bothers him more is that now he's being compared to a photo of his brother whenever he walks through the corridors. Most people are discreet.
Hirako is not.
Still, whenever someone directly approaches him, no matter how inconvenienced he feels, he doesn't like seeing their eager expression turn to disappointment, so instead of coldly brushing them off, he mutters that he can make no promises, and see what he can do.
"I see," Kuchiki says, furrowing his brow. He pauses only for a moment. "Tell me, Captain Hitsugaya, does your brother have a penchant for poetry?"
"Poetry?" Toushirou echoes, in disbelief.
"Haiku, to be precise," Kuchiki elaborates, if only barely, looking intently at Toushirou while awaiting his response.
"I… I wouldn't know," Toushirou stumbles pitifully, trying to continue the conversation, taken off guard by the nature of the question. How out of the blue it is. His mind stops, stutters, comes screeching to a halt, and so Toushirou asks himself: would Juushirou like poetry? "No. On second thought, I don't think he does."
Kuchiki's gaze intensifies.
"Oh," Kuchiki says, silkily, and there's something ominous in the way he says that. "Pity."
Toushirou's eyes narrow at his tone.
"Kuchiki," Toushirou says, choosing his words with care. "Is there a reason why Juushirou should like poetry?"
It's not that Toushirou has anything against poetry, it's just… well. Kuchiki had asked a very specific question, arbitrarily, which Toushirou finds to be deeply suspicious because Kuchiki rarely displays such behaviour.
Captain Kuchiki has a face of marble, and in any normal circumstance, is nigh impossible to read.
So why is it, the more Toushirou scrutinizes him and waits for his question to be answered, does it feel that the aloof Kuchiki appears to be… squirming?
"Perhaps," Kuchiki begins, before pausing and closing his mouth, and appears to be in some… pain.
No, Toushirou realizes with a jolt, it is embarrassment.
Kuchiki is embarrassed about something.
Will wonders ever cease?
"Perhaps," Kuchiki starts again, stiltedly, cheeks faintly turning pink. "Perhaps, Captain Hitsugaya, you have not been the only one who has taken certain liberties with the truth regarding your brother."
"They're best friends?" Momo giggles, trying to stifle her laughter, and utterly, utterly failing, even as she covers her mouth, she can't hide her smile, can't hide the dimple dancing delightedly in her cheek. "Captain Kuchiki actually said that?"
"Apparently they've been best friends since the moment they saw each other," Toushirou says, with a grumble. He can hardly believe it but Kuchiki's words are ringing clearly in his ears. Even after he's reported it to Momo, the memory already feels like a fever dream. Never would he have expected that kind of revelation, but then, he supposes, he would never have suspected that the other Kuchiki, upon seeing Toushirou's matured bankai form, would jump to the conclusion that the person before her, was his older brother. Kuchikis, Toushirou thinks, resentfully. "That's what he told Kuchiki and Abarai, apparently."
It was an incredible sight to see Kuchiki so uncomfortable when he admitted it, Toushirou can't help but recall. Awkward as hell, but… still, incredible.
"When?"
"At the beginning," Toushirou shrugs. "When Abarai and Kuchiki had just… met Juushirou."
"Really?" Momo lifts an eyebrow. "Renji-kun never mentioned that."
"That's because Kuchiki didn't want anyone to know," Toushirou says dryly, briefly smirking as he remembers that Kuchiki had only said that Juushirou had become his best friend because he was smarting from Toushirou's remarks about not being able to make a joke.
So he told Abarai and Kuchiki that Hitsugaya's older brother was his best friend, during the Quincy War, before he sent them away, never expecting that his off the cuff remark would have repercussions a year later.
("Yeah," Toushirou had said, shoving his hands into his pockets, sharing that bitterness. "Who would have thought it?")
Anyway, the point was that he'd said it as a joke, said it sarcastically, so anyone could tell he wasn't being serious, only… only Kuchiki and Abarai hadn't seen it that way. And then Kuchiki had remembered, while the rumours of Juushirou grew, and by then it was too late to take it back, and now he was in a spot of bother.
"And now he wants an autograph," Momo marvels, succumbing to a fit of laughter, and Toushirou can't help but share her amusement, because who could have predicted that twist? "As proof of their friendship?"
"Haiku, actually," Toushirou corrects her, snorting. "But, yes. Basically."
"Is this why he was glaring at you all the time when this whole thing started?" Momo inquires, mouth falling open with a gasp. Softly, she says. "It all makes so much sense now."
"To be fair, I wouldn't want Juushirou to be my best friend either," Toushirou deadpans, feeling a little bit sorry for Kuchiki's predicament. "But how are we going to compose haiku?"
"Leave it to me," Momo beams, full of confidence. "With your beauty and my brains, we're sure to come up with something that even Captain Kuchiki can deem acceptable."
Something that surprises him is that Karin doesn't change after the breakup.
She's not overly sad, but then he supposes that she wasn't overly happy when she started dating Daiki either.
Well. Maybe she was happier, in a quiet way, but not like the heroines who get their happily-ever-after with the man of their dreams, where their joy was felt with each word in every fibre of their being.
It's not that Toushirou doubts that Karin genuinely liked Daiki, but he'd known that her heart wasn't in it from the start, so her indifference remained constant despite it.
From that perspective, of course her relationship was doomed to fail, and maybe that's why it doesn't have as much as an impact on her as much as he thought it would.
"How are you doing?" Toushirou asks Karin later, after he's visited and hung out with her for a couple of weekends, concerned about her wellbeing, post-break up.
"Pretty good, actually," Karin grins, hands on her hips, as she declares her response. "I do feel guilty about how things went, but… well, I gave it a shot, you know? To not doom myself, but I… I couldn't do it."
"I see," Toushirou says.
Dating seemed to him such a strange concept to him, sometimes. Or rather: Karin's notion to date someone but not expect it to last. Maybe times were changing though, and this was what dating in the living world was like.
Not always, he reminds himself, because it seemed that Inoue and Kurosaki had their hearts set on each other since the beginning, but a lot.
Those days when he was a high school student are distant memories, and he can't recall if students were breaking up and getting back together every week or not.
It's not that people didn't date in Soul Society, but he's fairly certain that the norm was to get married instead.
"Yeah, so," Karin says, with a shrug. "I'm doing… I'm alright."
"What about…" Toushirou hesitates, not certain what prompts him to ask, "What about Daiki?"
"We actually haven't talked since," Karin admits, clearing her throat. Her lashes flutter as strands of hair gets caught in the breeze. "It's. Um. Awkward, but I think what we both need is space. So we probably won't be talking to each other for a while."
"That's… good," Toushirou says, cautiously. He's really out of his depth here. Should he say good? Is 'good' the right thing to say? "Right?"
"I think so," Karin says, forcing positivity in her voice like a recitation. "Time apart will let us think about what we both really want."
"What do you want?"
"Oh, you know. Money. Good grades. Successful sports career," Karin lists off, blasé. She smiles her crooked smile that Toushirou recognises is always a precursor to trouble. "The usual."
"Nice goals," Toushirou comments, smirking despite himself, and then asks, "And what about boyfriends?"
"Only if I really like him," Karin decides, rolling her eyes at him. "And he does my homework as part of the deal."
"Didn't Daiki?" Toushirou teases, shaking his head. "The nerve."
"Hush you," Karin snickers, amused despite herself. "He bought me food and showered me in gifts instead. That was enough for me."
"Just that?" Toushirou lifts an eyebrow at her, like he can't believe that Karin would stop there. "What happens when your next boyfriend comes along?"
"Yeah, because there's a million boys queuing up to date me," Karin deadpans, then pushes at his shoulder, a punch that has no weight to it. "C'mon, Toushirou, don't be like that. I might not even have another boyfriend until I graduate high school."
"Sorry," Toushirou says. There's just something about the situation that keeps catching him out. "I didn't mean…"
He thinks about Juushirou, how Karin thinks that he's dated a lot, and realize that Juushirou does not follow the general norm in Seireitei. Crud. There's got to be a loophole he can come up with, in case Karin questions it. Then again, because Juushirou is such a wild card anyway, would it really be that unrealistic to say Juushirou would defy the standard expectations, anyway? Just because he can?
"It's fine," Karin waves it away, but her shoulders rise when she's tense, and she adds, defensively. "I'm just saying that it's my choice, you know? I didn't have to date Daiki-kun, Toushirou."
"Why did you?" Toushirou asks, softly, peering at her curiously.
"Because," Karin says, then states plainly. "Daiki-kun seemed interesting and I liked the look of him. He swayed me over with gifts. For a while, that worked, that was fine. And then, it wasn't. Daiki-kun just… wasn't interesting, the gifts weren't enough. So I called it quits."
Silence falls upon them.
Put like that, he can see why the novelty of it had appealed to her.
"It'll be better, next time," Karin says, gently, upturning her face to the sky.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," Karin nods, determinedly, and something about that makes her hopeful. She smiles at the blue and white sky, and then cheerfully looks at him and grins with all her teeth. "I've got dating experience now, and stuff."
"And that makes you such a catch," Toushirou snarks, bumping his shoulder with hers.
Karin sticks her tongue out at him, completely undeterred. "It really does."
It's stupid, he knows.
Momo would be disappointed in him, furious when he tells her — particularly since she was the one most insistent that it should never happen again.
Toushirou knows it's wrong, but against all his better judgement, he can't resist.
"Yo," Juushirou says, with a wave. Toushirou is going to keep it simple and short, and ignore any opportunity to 'flirt'. An off day for Juushirou, perhaps, but necessary for Toushirou's growing discomfort the longer he dwells on it. "How've you been?"
"Juushirou!" Karin says, surprise flittering over her face before it transforms into joy. "Hi! What are you doing here? How do you always manage to sneak up on me like that?"
"Habit," Juushirou says, having the sense to act remorseful. Toushirou had decided that Juushirou's tendency to appear and disappear at will is because his brother really enjoys using shunpo. To an unnecessary extent. Even though Juushirou loves attention and spotlight, he's not one for long goodbyes. He offers an impish smile at Karin, almost bashful. "Sorry?"
"It's fine," Karin says, waving it away with a blush rising on her face. She grins at him. "I'm fine. And you? Are you fine?"
"Very fine, indeed," Juushirou smirks. "Thank you for asking."
Mentally, Toushirou berates himself. He hadn't meant to flirt, and yet, within seconds, he had. He's not even good at flirting, but even he can hear the suggestiveness in his tone. He's certain that it wasn't there last time he spoke with her.
The worst part is that Toushirou doesn't know if it's Juushirou's character escaping him, or Toushirou is can't stop saying words when he's in this form. Maybe it's because he's gotten rusty again, but it feels like there's so much energy thrumming through his veins.
"Anytime," Karin says, looking up at him, which is still something Toushirou has yet to get used to. "Hey, so, I'm pretty sure that Toushirou had told me you had left Karakura Town already? I mean, it's been a while since I've seen you, so I figured…"
"Right. I should explain. Truth is, I'm not really one for goodbyes, Karin," Juushirou admits, somewhat sheepishly. "It drives my baby brother and sweet sister insane, but… that's how it is. It's just something I've always done. I'm like a leaf blowing in the wind, you know? Here one moment, gone the next."
His arms gesture and move sweepingly, and Toushirou is left to pose awkwardly, staring at his hands.
"Okay," Karin says, tilting her head at him, her eyes wide. "So why are you —"
"I had to come back," Juushirou admits, interrupting her and Toushirou doesn't know what he's supposed to say next. What could possibly justify this extraordinarily selfish visit? Maybe he could use this opportunity to say goodbye to Karin for good. Grant her closure that Juushirou would normally never give. "I got curious. Last time I saw you, you were going to break up with your boyfriend. How'd that go?"
"It went okay, I guess," Karin admits, reticently. She folds her arms across her chest and shrugs. "It was hard to get the words out, but I did it. I broke up with Daiki-kun."
"Congratulations," Juushirou says, applauding her, though belatedly Toushirou wonders if that's in poor taste and promptly stops. "So what now?"
"Not sure," Karin says. "Probably stay single for a while. Take the experience I gained and use it to become a better person. I don't want to make the same mistakes next time."
"Interesting outlook, I like it!" Juushirou whistles, impressed. "Good for you to be that positive!"
"Thanks," Karin grins at him, glowing at his praise. "I like to think I have a pretty realistic view on these things."
"Tch, realism. Love doesn't anything to do with having a realistic view on things," Juushirou says, scoffing at the thought. He takes her hand, impulsively, and with the other, gestures at the blue, blue sky, inspired to make a point, to inspire her. "Love is lunacy, Karin! Throwing caution to the wind! Love is all about making hearts beat faster, capiche?"
Capiche?
Toushirou cannot believe that he is saying these words out loud, but lo and behold, there he is, saying complete drivel. A mishmash of all the purple prose he's picked up from reading romance novels.
Who says capiche?
"Okay," Karin agrees, laughing slightly and smiling at him, like she's genuinely charmed by his nonsense. She is, Toushirou knows, dread in his throat, because Karin doesn't fake her feelings. If she dislikes someone, she won't make the effort to pretend to like them.
Karin looks at Juushirou like she's dazzled by him, cheeks blossoming into an apple pink glow, and how can Toushirou even think that Karin can fake emotions like that?
It nearly takes his breath away. The effect Juushirou has on her. The effect Karin has on him.
Then Toushirou remembers that he's still holding her hand, a feat that's only possible when —
When he's Juushirou.
Louder. Bombastic. Theatrical.
Pure impulsiveness and sheer hedonism.
He can't help but resent it a little. How he just acts without thinking, running his mouth, and afterwards is left horrified at how out-of-control he was in that form. But somehow, he always forgets about it until he's feeling slightly out-of-control again. It's different when he's in a battle, where he can concentrate on winning and feel centred by the increase of power. When he uses his bankai for non-fighting purposes, it has a different effect.
The thing is, he still feels like he's in control. He always feels like he's reining himself back, but on reflection, it's never enough. Everything feels magnified in this form. His emotions feel magnified, leave him troubled afterwards, the reason eluding him every time.
Toushirou notices now. Details that he wouldn't have when he's his usual self.
Like Karin.
Karin likes Juushirou so much more than she's ever liked Toushirou, crushing on Juushirou instantly.
"Okay," Karin repeats, more confidently, and nods. Then she glances around to see if anyone is watching them before she adds, her grin widening. "Capiche."
It's such an endearing sight that Toushirou despairs.
"Promise me, Karin, that you'll find someone you can see yourself loving like that," Juushirou implores her, and Toushirou doesn't recognise himself, doesn't know where the words are coming from, but he can't stop. It's like he's consumed by passion, the moment, Karin gazing at him in reverence. "Someone who makes you happier than you ever thought possible."
"I will," Karin says, cheeks flushed, glancing at his hand in hers for a moment, before staring at him, eyes bright, and with so much admiration as if —
As if she wished that person was him.
Hitsugaya Juushirou.
Air rushes out of his lungs with the realization. Karin still likes Juushirou. Mind reeling, Toushirou lets go of her hand, hardly cognizant of his actions as everything turns to static.
Karin still has a crush on Juushirou.
It shouldn't be a revelation, but it is, and it shatters him to the core. And then another thought occurs, an emotion he couldn't decipher slides into place, and suddenly everything makes sense.
It strikes him at once how stupid he's been, how blind, how jealous —
Toushirou had been jealous all this time, wishing that Karin would like him like that —
And now, infuriatingly, he's jealous of a person who doesn't even fucking exist.
