A/N: Hey look. I managed to get it up on time. I am currently in the legitimate middle of nowhere in my state. (will be for, ugh, 4-6 weeks for work) I am surrounded by idiotic trump supporters. (HELLO Stein, Johnson, or Clinton is WAY better!). And to post this, I have to sit on the hood of my car on the side of US-97, 10 minutes from town to get my stupid mobile hotspot to hit my laptop, because while the walmart has it, it won't connect to my stupid laptop.
Which, thankfully, I did NOT throw into oncoming traffic. I am still pondering that though. Well now that I have complained enough, without further ado, please enjoy this chapter.
Despite everything Emma had said during their conversation, Regina knew she couldn't stay away. So she had procured herself a cozy two bedroom apartment in a nice complex half a mile away from the YMCA. She had even been able to get herself a job, an administrative position no less, at the Y. The job did mean she spent a rather large portion of her day behind a desk with paperwork, but it was less stressful than being a mayor. Meant a paycheck, and she was working at the same place as Emma.
Anytime she saw the woman she loved she was polite, and Regina did her best not to push Emma into anything. If nothing else, Regina wanted to be her friend. For three months, time passed slowly on, with minimal words, and only a handful of short conversations. Then Emma had, finally, agree to let her see Rhydian. Mostly because the little boy had been begging to see her.
"Look. I need you to understand, this isn't for you, for me, for us. Or anything saying that I want to spend more time with you. The truth is. Lucy thinks it is best that we allow you to see him. As she believes you are his second parent, and really, in a way, you are. Rhydian" Emma paused.
Her words cut through Regina like a knife. She knew she shouldn't hope for anything, not even friendship. She did, she hoped, beyond all hope, that one day they could at least be friends. Then. To know that Lucy had been a part of this, that Lucy held enough claim over Emma's son that Emma was using "we allow" in her statements. That stung, in a way Regina didn't recognize.
Running her hands through her hair Emma took a deep, long breath. This was hard on her, she didn't want her son with the woman. She didn't want Regina here. Yet, she did, she wanted to see Regina everyday. Wanted to fall into her arms. It was entirely confusing, and she hated dwelling on it.
However. They worked together, sort of, different departments but enough to see each other nearly every day. Emma had to admit, Regina was polite and rarely tried to engage in more than a polite Hello in the halls. Then there was Rhydian. He wanted to be around Regina. Emma knew she had to think of him first. Had to make this situation work as best as possible. Finally, Emma found her voice.
"Rhydian adores you. I don't understand it, and I really don't need to. The fact of the matter is he truly does. You brought him back to life, something I can never repay you for. Because of that you are kind of like his second parent. I just ask that you don't fill his head with dreams of us being together once more" Regina opened her mouth, clearly about to interrupt, but Emma held up her hand to stop her.
While Emma paused she continued to stare straight at Regina, right below her eyes. Even though she was silent it was clear she was not ready for her ex to speak just yet. Emma's fears were swirling deep inside of her gut. About what would Regina say to her son, deep down she believed whatever went on between the two would not be manipulative. That did not stop her from fearing it. Didn't stop her from fearing that Regina couldn't love him like she should. Yet. As much as she feared those things, she knew she was being irrational.
"Don't take him with you if you can't love him like he's clearly desperate for you to do. Which, I have no doubt you will love him. That you can. But. I have to protect my boy. And he wants to go with you. It's why he sneaks out of daycare, and Zeus knows I am hoping this will cure that. I have enough issues with daycare without worrying Luce and Fred freaking out because he's the only kid they have ever lost" With that Emma finally relinquished the boys bag to her ex wife.
An entire weekend, that was how long Regina would have him. Until now it had been the rare afternoon at the Y. Regina had only gotten that because Emma was busy and Rhydian had already snuck off, or thrown a hissy fit the likes of which Regina had not had to experience prior to Henry's tenth birthday.
"Thank you Emma. This means so much. Allowing me to have this time with him. This isn't some plan to win you back. Not saying I don't have such plans. I love Rhydian for himself. Since I first laid eyes on him all naked and confused at the well. He was the son, second son, I always wanted, but we had never had." Was uttered softly, but firmly, from her lips. "Which, I know, is my fault"
Taking a deep breath to calm down the guilt, the anger, the love, and simple melting pot of emotions erupting inside of her body and soul. Regina's statement conjured all sorts of things within Emma. The blonde still couldn't think of what to say. She'd wanted another child, she just had not been able to do it. Not after Rhydian.
When she had finally been ready and able to tell Regina what had been her darkest, deepest, secret she'd found her fucking her best friend. How could she have brought it up at that point? She didn't want to voice that aloud now. Didn't want to bring up anymore drama. That didn't stop her from thinking that had Regina never cheated they could have worked past her issues together. They wouldn't have Rhydian, but perhaps another little boy or girl.
"Hurry up Gina! I wanna go!" Shouted out Rhydian from the car before his mother could come up with something to say. Effectively tearing her from her internal monologue. From the many scenarios playing inside of her mind. From the what could have beens. Emma blinked away the visuals, and the tears.
"Go, love, I'll see you sunday." Was pushed past the meteor sized lump that now resided in the blonde's throat. Regina nodded, and climbed into the driver's seat as Emma glanced back at her son. He was buckled in the back seat tightly, both women had checked, a thousand watt smile on his lips.
"Byes Momma! We gonna go to the movies and I gonna tell yous all bouts it when we comes back on Sunday" Rhydian promised, his grin threatening to take over his entire face. His voice filled with so much excitement. It made Emma's heart clench, leaving her to watch with sad eyes as the car pulled away with the two people she love most inside of it.
After her son was gone she had gone home, and she was realizing that she was a brand new all time low. The way Emma saw it, though, was that she simply had no other options. She had to do this. Lucy, she couldn't have sex with her, not even some random woman she picked up at a bar. No. Those wouldn't work.
That left Emma with only one viable option in her opinion. She would have to pay for it, the good side to that was she figured if she was paying for it and she failed to do the act the hooker she hired couldn't go blabbing to people about it as long as she still paid her. Or, at least that was what she hoped.
Which was why there was now a prostitute lying in her bed. The woman was beautiful, and young at only twenty-three. She was clean, Emma had ushered her straight into the shower the moment she had arrived even though she had seemed clean enough. This woman, Candycane, had even given her recent proof of her STD testing. To prove she had no diseases.
So, considering all that, and the fact she was a very high priced call girl, this should be easy. It had been too long since Emma herself had achieved any sort of release. So long since her divorce. So long since she had so much as kissed another person. She hadn't even really touched herself, Emma had always much preferred actual sex to masturbation.
Kissing this woman, this beautiful woman who anyone would have been thankful to so much as kiss her. Yet, it felt as if Emma was cheating. It felt wrong, completely wrong, so much so that Emma had to completely give up on the idea itself. Needed to stop feeling guilty when there was not a single reason to.
So with that deciding that perhaps the first time back in the saddle it might be easier on her person, not to mention her mental stability, if she just laid down and allowed Candycane to do all of the work. Sprawled out on her bed, naked, confused, guilty and scared Emma was still. Her body, eventually, beginning to react to the younger woman's ministrations. That only made her feel even worse.
Candycane finally made her way from Emma's throat, to her breasts, and when she was done suckling and licking she continued further down until she had reached the ultimate destination. With the first swipe of her tongue against Emma's clit the blonde jerked upright and bolted right out of the bed.
Emma had burst into tears the moment the woman was gone. It had been a miracle she had lasted that long. As it had taken every ounce of strength she had not to do so beforehand. Emma had paid the woman over twice what she had promised. Then she had half shoved her out of the house before bolting the door and climbing the stairs back up to her bedroom.
Where she had stumbled forward, life drained from her body. Falling into full out crying mode. Entire body shaking violently as she dropped face first into the bed before curling into a ball. Right there, in the middle of her bed, was where she stayed for two whole days. Arms locked around her knees. Pretending to be a lump. She had left her bed only once per day, to grab a single glass of water and relieve herself.
Truth be told Emma would have likely never scraped herself off of her bedsheets period had she the choice to do so. However she had no choice but to forcibly remove herself from her bed and climb into the shower on day three. Which left only an hour before Regina was to drop off her son.
Once out of the shower she went downstairs, put on a mask of indifference and uncaring rather than the turmoil and pain she was truly in. Went to her kitchen and threw in dinosaur nuggets and curly fries into the oven. Throwing some corn on the stove to boil. Her sons favorite meal, and it was easy and uncomplicated which she needed today.
Rhydian, as Emma had thought he would, invited Regina to dinner. She couldn't deny him, so, Emma had allowed it. However, Emma had caught the concerned looks from her ex-wife. She knew she hadn't fooled her. Not after fooling her for so long, no Regina had taken the blinders off and looked at her with a much more critical and honest eye.
Ignoring the looks Emma pushed around the food on her plate. She wasn't hungry, her mind kept wandering back to Candycane. How she couldn't perform. How she had felt like she was betraying Regina, even though they were not longer together. She only half listened to her son, making non-committing noises to his tales of his awesome weekend, his own words not hers.
Dinner both took a century and was over in a whirlwind. Rhydian begged for a game of candyland before bathtime, where he pleaded with Regina to stay. He took great pleasure in splashing them both as he drowned his army men so he could turn them into zombies. The raised eyebrow and stern glare from the older woman told Emma that Regina fully blamed her for his fascination with the undead.
Following his bath they tucked him in together, he clearly want Regina there, and Emma just could not tell him no. Didn't know if she herself wanted Regina to leave while at the same time wanting her as far gone as possible. They had read him some fairy tales that Regina had corrected every other sentence, and then her precious little boy was asleep. Breathing softly with a content smile all curled up in his batman pajamas.
Regina didn't leave right away like Emma had hoped. No that would make things easier, that would have been lucky. The woman had, of course, insisted on staying to help with the dishes and Emma just couldn't handle Regina today. Especially since winning against her when her mind was made up was trying to win a fight with a giant damn porcupine. Damn near impossible, so, she had given into Regina's demands this time round.
Silence had wrapped around them like an old, familiar, cloak during the first half of the dishes. Just like old times Regina had washed, Emma had rinsed and dried. It would have been a pleasant experience under other circumstances. Unfortunately. Emma was still fighting feelings of guilt, angry at herself, and still just too confused and depressed. She didn't want to deal with any of that. And then Regina had asked her what was wrong, breaking the silence.
At first Emma didn't move, her whole body tensing. Then slowly she had turned to look at the once Evil Queen. Her eyes filled with so much hurt, so much anger, that Regina lost all breath. Before another word could be uttered Emma's hands found purchase at her waist. Yanking her forward into her own body.
The only sound was the small gasp that left Regina's lips, then the footsteps as they walked backwards. Rather, Regina was slightly lifted and pushed back until she was flush against the wall. Before she could protest - or cheer Emma on - the woman's lips were upon her own. The blonde kissed her with everything she had within her.
Right, perfect. It felt like it was just meant to be. As if they were two halves of a puzzle. Which just made Emma feel so utterly wrong. Emma let go of her ex-wife and slid down to her knees. Burying her face into her abdomen. Her hands grabbing the standing woman's legs, locking her into place. Then she just cried.
That was how they stayed for well over an hour. Emma crying into Regina, clutching onto her as if onto life itself. No movement besides the shaking of her shoulders as the sobs racked her entire body. Crying, never stopping. She couldn't, no matter how she wanted to, Emma couldn't stop the flow of tears or let go of the woman pinned to the wall.
A/N: Any and all thoughts that are funny, weird, about tyrannosaurus rex, the story itself, or the Boston Celtics are much appreciated.
