A/N: So. Trump has won. A person known for his hatred of LGBTQ, anyone not white, the disabled, and woman. I am ashamed of my country. I am ashamed of humanity. He is not my president, and I fear for the lives of my loved ones, friends, and all others who are not white privileged, straight, men. Ontop of all of that knowledge, and several work weeks coming up with forty plus hours. I might miss this fridays deadline. I apologize in advance.
The woman who had been known as the Evil Queen for almost half her life, who was still fighting the use of that title, felt absolutely horrible. Yet, as she held Emma's shoulders as the blonde's entire body shook she couldn't help to feel even worse than before. She had the decency to hold back her own tears.
Feeling like the worst human to walk any earth she couldn't help but wonder if what she had done had destroyed not only the slimmest possibility of them getting back together or friendship at the least, but any possibility of happiness period for the obviously broken woman clutching onto her as if she would cease to exist at any given moment.
Time passed slowly as Regina stood there, but eventually Emma fell asleep. Her hand still locked around the older woman's waist. Her body, mind, and her very soul just too tired from all of that crying her body had shut down.
Even in her sleep she had no true rest, as tears still fell. She still cried, just softer, silently this time. It tore Regina's heart even further, it felt like Regina herself had ripped her heart out and was crushing it to dust. It was an extreme pain, but, she knew she deserved nothing less. A broken heart was no match for the horrors she had done.
That didn't mean she didn't still hold hope, didn't still want to do anything in her power to show she wasn't that weak willed woman who had allowed her own insecurities and fears to turn her head. That had allowed a beautiful woman to sweet talk her into bed with lust and sweet words. Therapy and a freezing reality had shown her the mistakes she had made, and why she had made them.
Pulling herself from her own self-anger Regina leaned down and softly kissed the top of Emma's head. Letting a single tear drip down her cheek before the sorceress transported them both upstairs. Planting Emma in her own bed, and Regina staring down at her. Regina carefully tucked in the woman as she stared at her with longing and sorrow.
Regina wanted nothing more than to crawl in beside Emma and hold her close, but she knew that was not an acceptable thing to do. Knew she would not appreciate such actions. However, she was not ready to leave, especially since she was unsure how Emma would read that act. There were too many variable.
After some thought, and a large internal pros and cons list Regina decided she would stay, but away from the blonde. To give her the space she wanted, without making it seemed she had fled at the first sign of weakness from Emma. She grabbed a pen and tore out a page of paper from a small notepad from her purse before jotting down a note and leaving the room.
Like she had done many a time with Henry, and like she had done the nights Rhydian stayed with her, she checked in on the young boy. Pulling his covers back over his snoozing body, and leaving after a kiss to his forehead. Then she had peeked back in at Emma before climbing into the guest bed. Falling into a restless sleep.
I did not want you to awake alone, but I also did not want you to think that I was pressuring you or going against your wishes. Or, worse, taking advantage of the situation. That's not to say I did not wish more then anything to hold you all throughout the night, I desperately did. I wanted to chase away your pain, but that is not what you want, maybe not even what you need. So I will have slept in the spare room.
Everything was sort of numb as Emma put down the first note she had found on her nightstand. She let out a deep breath as all of the emotions attacked her at once, making her wish to be back into that numbness that came with just awakening. On one hand she wished that Regina had held her, has chased away her nightmares. That everything could just be like it was before she had known about Ruby.
That couldn't happen, so, on the other hand she was thankful that Regina hadn't done that. Had respected her needs, and had left her alone to battle the demons inside of her dreams. Because had she stayed. Had Emma awoken to Regina in her bed. She was unsure she could have let her go. Emma knew she shouldn't go back to the woman, no matter how badly she wanted to.
Groaning Emma picked up the second note, but didn't open it. Laying back down on her bed and letting out a scream into her pillow as she tried to sort through her emotions. When she rolled over she couldn't help but crack a smile. As Regina had actually scrawled 'Read this second' on the outside of the folded note. It was something wholly Regina.
Groaning seemed to become her forte as she stole a glance at the clock, which read it was seventeen past noon. She had to deal with Rhydian, but before that, the note. If she didn't read it now, she never would. It made her nervous enough to hold it in her hands. With a sigh she opened it, and began to read.
I know you are freaking out about the time, don't. I have fed Rhydian breakfast, and am leaving to take him to the Y. He says he has Judo and swim, and I have confirmed it on your calendar in the kitchen. If you are not awake when I return I will wait downstairs and read a novel. Should you sleep past his pick-up time I will leave you a third note.
Emma slapped her own forehead as she jumped to her feet. She had completely spaced out about her sons lessons that day. It was bad enough she thought her five year old had rotted his brain to television and chips while she overslept, but to miss his lessons? Her brain was fried, and she was beyond pissed at herself.
With a huff and an annoyed growl she pulled herself fully out of her bed. She didn't want to go downstairs, wanted to be a complete child about it all. To stick her fingers in her ears and sing silly nonsense until the entire world stopped. Emma knew as much as she didn't want to face anything, but knew she had to. As much as she didn't want to deal, as much as she wished to go back to sleep and pretend this was all a very, very bad dream.
Reality is the biggest bitch out there. One you couldn't conquer no matter what you did. So Emma pulled some clean clothes on and slowly made her way down the stairs. Sure enough Regina was right where she said she would be. Legs curled beneath her as she sat in Emma's favorite recliner. Reading the second Pendragon, Emma's absolute favorite book series.
Covertly, with great technique, the elder woman raised her eyes just above the edge of the book. Pretending to continue her reading, as if she didn't notice the blonde. Regina was eying the entire situation as carefully as possible. She didn't want to spook Emma away, or make her feel like she was pushing her.
The savior had stopped at the bottom of the stairs, staring over at Regina. Amazed by her beauty, by just her existence. After a few minutes she finally moved over to sit on the couch that was opposite of the other woman. Emma's entire body was rigid, and the sight only caused further injury to Regina's heart. To keep up appearances she flipped the page without even having read it.
"Did I ever tell you that Rhydian's middle name was literally about two seconds from being Pendragon?" Vomited itself right out of Emma's mouth when she simply couldn't take the silence about fifteen minutes later. Minutes where, as far as she knew, Regina was fully concentrated on the book.
"Oh? No you haven't. Is that so, then, if I may ask, why didn't you name him Pendragon if that was what you wanted?" Regina chose her words carefully, and slowly worded her question. As horrible as it sounded, she was stalking her prey. Eyes not raising from the book no matter how they wanted to fully look at the beautiful blonde before them.
It was a relief that Emma had started the conversation, and that it was a topic that they wouldn't fight over. Mostly. Rhydian was an amazing child, a boy Regina had loved since she had first laid eyes on him. A boy she was most thankful to know and be a part of his life. Learning things about him always made her happy. Whether it was his favorite dinosaur or his almost name.
"He was, is, my son. My baby. My first son, my firstborn. As I held him. In my hands. I wanted. Well I wanted something like a junior your know? Give someone my name" Emma rubbed over her heart. "My middle name is just a single letter. J. I thought about naming him that, but I always hated that all I got was a single letter."
That was something Regina had known. It was something that Emma had shared with her, something they had talked at length about. Those memories were good. Cherished. Just them. Laying in bed, hands intertwined, whispering secrets to each other in the dead of night. Regina hoped, one day, they could share secrets again. Even if only as friends.
"So" Continued Emma. "He was my baby, my son, my cub. I his mother. So. Jacob. I thought the name was cute, it sounded right. And it flowed way better with Rhydian then Pendragon had. I could have gone with Jason, but that didn't seem to fit him. He just seemed like a Rhydian Jacob." Rambled the blonde nervously. Her hands wringing together.
For several moments Regina was silent as she fully processed the information she was given. Then she put down the book, not caring that it was closed. As she knew where she had truly left off when Emma had come down. Then she looked up, fully, at the woman she loved. Staring at her freely. The blonde fidgeted even more under her gaze.
"Well, as we have previously discussed, you could have, and still can, change your middle name to Jordan, Jacob, or Susan. Anything you want. You could have named him Emmett Rhydian if you were sold on Rhydian. That actually has a rather nice ring to it" Since Emma had chosen this topic Regina was hopeful that it was a safe route for her to continue on.
"I. Well. Reg. I didn't think of that, almost wish I had. But. Anyway. Look. I. Uh. Me. I work. At three. I-if y-y-you want I can t-tell the daycare you can have him today" Stuttered out the awkward woman as she stared at anything, and everything, but the magnificent dark haired beauty in front of her.
"That sounds delightful, I will absolutely love that. Thank you Emma. If that's the case why don't I just drive you into work? Then Rhydian and I can come back after your shift to get you. Then perhaps I can take you both out to that deplorable arcade with the heavily questionable pizza you both insist on loving so much" The mere thought of Regina inside of Game Emporium's made Emma smile.
Conflicting emotions were warring inside of the gut of the once evil queen. Not even Emma's smile helped. On one hand she was pleased with short circuiting the blonde. It had always made her feel special when she got to see Emma nervous. All flustered and confused. It was a rare sight.
However, on the other hand she felt bad. Knowing that this wasn't the good short circuiting. The kind where she had embarrassed the blonde, confused her, or talked all sexual in front of her family or friends. No this was the bad type of short circuiting. She had startled her, and the blonde wasn't ready, or willing, to deal with the onslaught of emotions caused by such things.
"Uhm. You know. Uh. S-sure. I. I. I. Sh-shower. And. yeah. Yeah. Leave in. Like. Fifteen" The blonde managed to push the words out of her mouth. Slow and choppy. Once the words were out she gave herself a firm nod, silently congratulating herself on her success, and then she bolted from the room like a deer from a hunter.
In some ways one little trip to the arcade had changed it all. For the next few months life moved on. It was true that Emma remained withdrawn from Regina, but, she did allow her son to spend most of his weekends with the other woman. They were polite to each other, and the blonde was slowly becoming more comfortable watching her leave.
Routine settled into their lives. Every wednesday Regina would pick up Rhydian from his swim class. They'd eat lunch together, waving to his mother who would be just arriving, as she ran the eight miles to work. Then at six, right on the dot, Regina would pick Emma up, and they'd head out to the Game Emporium for 'questionable' pizza and arcade games.
They all loved, and eagerly awaited, Wednesday nights. Rhydian loved the games, the food, and seeing the lady he wanted to be his Mommy interact with his Momma. Though he was smart enough to know better than to voice that yet. Regina loved it because Emma always seemed so happy playing video games, with or without her son.
Regina constantly wondered how she ended up with such an overgrown child for a true love, but every Emma won a game her face would light up and Regina couldn't help but smile too. She loved the talks they'd have as Rhydian was on the gigantic warehouse sized big toy. The one Emma would lace her fingers through Regina's to drag her into. It was a short handholding, but Regina loved every second.
Lastly, Emma loved Wednesdays because she loved, as much as she knew she shouldn't, being close to Regina. Even if being that close hurt her, even if it made her entirely too confused. But like clockwork. She didn't want to break the routine. She loved Rhydian happy, loved Regina happy. Even if it made her happy while also killing her ever so slowly.
A/N: Please leave any thoughts or comments about anything from Aardvarks to this story, to Zimbabwe. They are, as always, appreciated.
