A/N: Things that happened over break. One. My laptop died. Two. My phone died. Three. I lost internet because apparently the company that provides said service would like to be paid. So. Overall. I fail at being adult. That said. I still have no laptop. My phone is from the dark ages, it only does calling it has a number pad for texting. I mean seriously. And, the library won't let me use their computers until I pay them. So I am living at the mercy of my friends right now when it comes to internet. I do not know how long that will last, so I am legit writing with pen and paper and typing up what I can when I have a few glorious moments of what I call civilization. AKA. Internet. All mistakes are mine, and this isn't as looked over/reworded as I would like. But. Well. Given the whole pen and paper thing. It'll do for now.

"Em? Emma? What's in front of the door?" Receiving no answer she shoved it open with all her strength. Causing the blonde to shoot upwards to try and get out of the way. The door caught her ass on the last shoved. This landed her face first, ass up, groaning in renewed pain as the door finally sprung open.

"Fucking hell" Whined Emma. Not moving. She had fallen asleep, and before her brain could register that someone was trying to get in, and that someone was Lucy. She hadn't been able to make coherent sounds through the blanket, and then wham. Floor sandwich.

"Are you alright?" Lucy asked in worry as she stared down at the groaning savior. Ass still high up in the air, barely covered by the blanket. "What on the earth? There is so much blood, what is with this damage?"

All the woman could do was stare in complete and utter horror around the room. It truly appeared like three tornados had come to fight in the room, as if it was a fucking arena. Blood, broken glass, and a slew of broken furniture were all around the room. She doubted Emma had the money to fix the flat screen, let alone the entire room. A whole section of drywall was missing!

"I'm fine, it'll all be fine" Emma sighed out as she stood up, slowly. Now fully awake and able to speak easier. Wincing as her bones protested the moment. The blanket slipping enough for Lucy to know she was, indeed, naked underneath.

"You are naked" Lucy blurted out. Confusion on her features. Emma sighed, wrapping the blanket back around her before ripping the last of the sheet still clinging to the bed and throwing it to the floor. Lucy watched as Emma grabbed another blanket placing it on the bed. SIlently climbing on and sitting up against the headboard. "You fought her, naked?"

"I didn't just fight her. I fucked her." Point blank. No beating around the bush. Just a quick double punch to Lucy's gut. Color drained from the other woman's face at Emma's admission. "I haven't lied to you before, so I won't now"

It felt like her ex wife all over again, even though Lucy knew she had no claim to the woman before her. All Emma had ever agreed to being was her best friend, nothing more. Still. All Lucy could do was stare at her. The news hurt so much worse than she had thought emma finding a girlfriend or sexual partner would.

"You. You had sex with that. Homewrecker?" Lucy asked, trying to reign in her anger. Yet, disbelief and pain were still in her features. "You can't kiss me without feeling guilty, but you can all out have sex with the woman who ruined your fucking life!? How, how in the hell could you do that? To yourself? To anyone?" The 'to me' going unsaid, but not unheard.

"I" Emma pushed her brows together as her face scrunched up in thought. "It was just sex. But it was dark, fueled by an almost evil level of hatred. It was. It wasn't about love, or even pleasure. I mean. It was pleasurable, in ways. But the main goal was about. Domination, not like bedism, it was. It was just. Hate. Luce. I can't even explain it, but I feel"

It was clear that Emma was going to continue, but at this point Lucy didn't want to hear more. She wanted answers, not excuses. She held up her hand, and Emma's mouth just stopped moving. All sound halted. Emma would let Lucy direct the conversation, at least, for now. The savior felt bad enough about causing Lucy any sort of pain.

"You feel what!?" Dripped from Lucy's lips like a poison."God. I know I have no rights to you, but can you even fathom how much it hurts to know that you'd rather have sex with Ruby, the very woman who came in and destroyed everything you cared about, who screwed your wife while pretending to be your best friend?"

Tears were threatening to fall, and that made Emma sad. She hadn't meant to ever hurt Lucy, she was her best friend, and she had avoided Lucy's feelings for too long. She should have put distance between them long ago to save her friend from this very pain, but she had been selfish.

"I'm so sorry Lucy, but. I just couldn't. Before. Not even with someone I had paid! Ruby. With her. It was like my entire person had changed into this. Dark beast. Every bad thing inside of me just took over. And. I fucked her, I destroyed her, it was more. Sexual brutality than anything else. I won't lie. We both orgasmed. But it wasn't anything good. I swear. If I had a choice on who I would be able to actually fuck do you really think I would have chosen her" Emma asked as calmly as she could muster.

"I. Damn. Emma. I won't lie and say I understand this, or agree that it was the right thing to do. But. I think should talk to your therapist about it. I guess. Do you plan on it happening again? Is it something you have even thought about it?" Lucy asked quietly, she was rather shaken by some of the events that had occurred.

"No, fucking hell no. This. To be honest this likely wouldn't have happened if I had just talked to my wife in the first place. Instead of drinking myself so stupid I forgot. It's not my fault, I understand that. But. Regina had a hard life. She shouldn't have cheated. But maybe. Maybe this is how I can heal."

All hope that had clung to life within Lucy's soul about her and Emma being together died in that final moment. Emma had called Regina her wife. Not ex-wife. Not just Regina. Wife. She doubted that Emma had even noticed, but she had. She didn't hate Emma for it, but it still hurt to know she would always lose to a woman who had hurt Emma so deeply. Nothing she could ever do, or say, could change that.

Lucy had long since discovered that sometimes you don't deserve love, but get it. Other times you don't deserve love, but get it. Love was unmistakably the best thing on earth. Whether love of a lover, friend, or child. You could not choose love, it chose you, and you were simply it's slave. It finally dawned on Lucy that Emma was slave to her love for Regina. That didn't mean she had to like it, agree to it, or accept it.

"I feel" Emma continued. "I feel like I cheated on her, with Ruby. There is no denying that. But. I also feel. Free. I feel stronger. Like I have this fire in my veins, I can't continue running. I can see that now. That's not healthy for my son, or, admittedly, myself. I never really listened to her. Or, me. How screwed up was I that I never listened to me? To her?"

"So you are going back to her" Accused Lucy. She'd rather see Emma with Regina then with Ruby, but she'd choose over a billion people over either of them. Her going back to Regina rather than be with her, that just all out sucked. "You didn't cheat with Ruby! You can't cheat on your EX-wife!"

Lucy angry was a rare sight, and generally only when she was sad. Right now she was truly sad, and truly angry. Emma rubbed her face with her hands and groaned. She didn't have the stamina or the desire to deal with any of this crap right now, she wanted to wallow and maybe sleep the night away. Not deal with emotional bullshit. However, she knew she owed that much to the woman before her.

"No. I am not. At least, not right this moment. I can't vow one way or the other. I. I still love her. If I think about it, Rhydian wouldn't even be alive if it hadn't been for Ruby and Regina doing what they did. Which is something I have never allowed myself to even stop and think about. Let alone appreciate"

"What was he some sort of. Anchor baby. To keep Regina with you? Actually you know what. I don't understand, and it's not my place too I think. I don't think I can handle it right now. I just worry and I don't like what this town, what these people, do to you" Lucy clenched her knees as she spoke.

Not caring that underneath her blanket she was completely naked Emma sat up and pulled Lucy to her. Hugging her as tightly as she could. Kissing the top of her head before resting her chin on it. Holding her as Lucy cried her pain away into her chest. Emma's mind racing on what she should do, what she needed to do, and how the fuck she was going to set about doing it.

The answers she came up with. Were not her first choice, and went against everything her body told her to. Running had been her go to, ever since she was a child. It was common trait among adults who had spent time in the foster system, and Emma's life had been a rather bad case. She'd been lucky to make it out alive. Others she had known had not been so lucky.

"Lucy. Tomorrow morning. You will be leaving alone. And don't get mad at me, just listen" Emma didn't continue until the woman stopped struggling against her hold. "That damn shrink keeps telling me to face my problems, emotions, and past. There is a really good shrink in town who understands everything that went down. Knowns the town better than even I. So. I think. No. I don't think. I know I can't talk to her alone, even talk to her yet at all. But I'll go and see Arch and well."

"And what some marriage counseling makes up for every bad thing she did? You go back and play happy family with her? Going to invite your new sex toy into your bed too? To make sure she doesn't take your wife from you again?" Lucy said angrily as she tore herself out of Emma's grip. "I'm sorry. I" She had gone from angry to guilty in a second flat as her mind, heart, had caught up with her words.

"It's alright Lucy" Emma said with a sad smile. "I hurt you because I can't love you in the way I wish I could. I know you didn't mean what you said. That's not you. But. Moving on. I don't know, by Cthulhu, I just don't. I feel so strong right now. If I don't do it now, who is to say this strength I feel won't wear off? In a day, or a week. When you leave. I will have to stand on my own two feet, face whatever it is that stops me from moving on for as long as I can, I have to hold onto this strength"

They stared at each other. Best friends. Women who had lovers who had cheated. Divorced with young children, if this were a book, then many would be rooting for Emma to love Lucy. But it's not a book. It's life, and as much as they both wished Emma could. She didn't. She belonged to Regina as much as Regina belonged to her. Emma was bound to her love for Regina like a slave to it's master, a slave to love. Lucy still didn't want to accept it, despite knowing the truth.

"Not moving on has kept me from truly living. I don't think I'm alive, not really. But. Right now, as fucked up as it is, as it sounds. I can feel it. Feel life. Feel the fire. Feel this strength. I feel like a fucking god, like I could do anything. And I am going to need that to sort everything out. This time. The right way. Not running like a coward." Emma finished.

"You realize you sound like you are on drugs right? You didn't get high while having sex with her did you?" Demanded Lucy. Emma shook her head and laughed. "I had to ask, I still think your high on something. Are you sure she didn't slip something into your drink?"

"I doubt I have ever had a clearer mind then I do right now" Emma admitted. "I promise. No drugs. And tomorrow. I want you to take Rhydian with. For a week or two. I am going to be dealing with a bunch of emotional shit he doesn't need to see, so his best place is with you"

While Lucy was a common person in the boy's life it surprised her that Emma would ask her to do this, to freely let her son go. In this situation she wasn't sure she could let her children go even knowing that it was for the best. The love she held for Emma only grew knowing that, despite her flaws, she always put her son's well being first. So she nodded, before hugging her friend tightly.