Ravi threw open the door to the bathroom stall; toppling to the floor after having thrown his backpack to the side. He hovered above the toilet, gripping it with tightly pressed hands. He could feel his heart pulsing unsteadily and a sweat breaking out on his forehead. They're going to hear me and I will never live this down. Behind him, there was minimal noise from the few boys that had gotten there before him. He'd been hoping to arrive before he did, perhaps more specifically, before they did.
You're so weak
You're so pathetic
You should just go home, you're going to fail anyway
Why are you even here?
It was only halfway through the school day, not even in actuality but Ravi was done. Done.
In science, he had chosen a seat that was unknowingly being reserved for one of the cheerleaders. Someone much higher up on the social food chain then he. And, as any hormonal-crazed teenager would do, her boyfriend was eager to impress which meant his latest victim was Ravi. He was seized, thrown upward then shoved to the floor. He was threatened with more physical violence should he do it again.
If you weren't such a dork, people might actually like you
History was no better. Just as he was about to sit down, after a difficult selection because, really, no seat was safe from torment when Mitch was there, his seat was pulled out from underneath him. It sent him crashing to the floor on his butt. This didn't faze him. He didn't react with tears or even blush from the embarrassment they were determined to cause. There was laughter, there was the quick flashing of pictures taken so they could gossip later to their friends about what happened to Ravi "the lizard boy" Ross. It wasn't worth caring about. Nothing was anymore.
I shouldn't have come. I don't want to be here.
Finally it came time for the one class that he could have done without. PE. It was the last class before lunch and the one he was most uneasy about. The upperclassmen were lumped together, some for this current hour and others for the following. It was to keep aside more time for the athletic students to train. The high school prided itself on their sports teams.
Luke was in that class. In fact it was the only one they shared. Ravi had wanted to vomit the moment he found out about his brother's schedule. Why did he have to share everything with him? Their parents, the penthouse, school and now this!
Deep breaths, Ravi rocked back and forth. Deep breaths. It was simply too much, the knowledge that even at school, in the very class he despised, Luke would be there. Mitch would be there. And there was no way to escape.
All of the sudden, a barrage of loud voices and laughter erupted, bouncing off the walls. Startled, Ravi jerked-falling to his butt for the second time that day.
"Dude, I can't believe you stood up to her like that." That was Mitch, sniggering. "How'd you not get a detention?"
"It's all about the freckles." Ravi's stomach churned. Luke.
More animalish laughter ensued.
They sounded close. Ravi inwardly debated on whether he should stay in there. It would mean a negative remark, on the first day that would surely result in Jessie finding out or Luke telling her (he paused, snorting. Who was he kidding? As if Luke would notice his absence).
That's it, ruin your future
I don't have a future anymore
Not the way you're going
Ravi stood up on shaky legs, pulling down the handle to flush. He wiped away the excess saliva that was hanging around the outsides of his mouth. Ugh, gross. Luckily, he hadn't actually thrown up or the other boys would have heard him gagging.
Although he'd have a sort of fair excuse as to why; the boys locker room reeked. That permanently soaked stench of sweaty socks and body odor would hit anyone that approached the door. It certainly didn't help that a great deal of the male student population was unaware as to what a shower was. Or clean underwear for that matter.
Just around the corner, huddled in a circle that was causing most, if not all, of the obnoxious noise was Luke and his buddies. They were yelling and slapping each other on the back. Ravi made it a point to stay as far away from him as possible. He didn't know if Luke remembered that fine detail of them being in the same hour; either way he didn't need to announce it.
Do not make eye contact and everything will be alright
I hope
Ravi screamed shrilly as something, someone rammed into him. He was pushed onto the stone cold floor with a throbbing pain in his head. Does he not get enough pleasure from class alone? But it wasn't Mitch. It was Luke whose body had hit him. Of course! If it's not Mitch, it's Luke. what a surprise.
It must have been the result of him and his friends messing around. They did that; with absolutely no regard for anyone else that might be nearby.
"Ravi," he just now noticed him, furrowing his eyebrows. "You're in this class?" The confusion lacing Luke's voice was like a slap to the face. The discussion had not been but a week ago. Had he truly forgotten that fast?
"Yes, Luke," Ravi kept his tone neutral in case the big, scary guys that stood in close rang would attack. Maybe I want them to. At least I would not have to suffer through this. "We talked about this with Jessie, remember?"
"No," Luke snorted and his goonies did too. Ravi watched as his brother returned to the conversation he'd been having, utterly aloof to his own brother. He didn't expect a grand gesture or groveling at his feet...but a little sincere apology would have been nice.
As if that would ever happen, Ravi went on the other side of the room where no one else was. He hated that they had to strip in front of other people, strangers that would have qualms about teasing him for his poorly structured body. The other boys were muscular and tall; he was tiny and skinny. Oh why can we not change in the bathrooms? By all rights, there was no rule that stated they couldn't, but Ravi had seen other boys tortured for being a "sissy" for doing the same thing.
He took his gym uniform out of his backpack, slowly peeling off his normal clothes and putting them into the locker. His upper body was where he was the most self conscious at; noodle arms, flat yet abeless abdomen. There are children in better shape than you.
He was almost done when he heard footsteps creeping up. Oh Gods no. He whirled around to see Luke standing there, dressed in his own uniform.
"What?" he asked, a little too defensively one might say.
His brother smirked. "Just wanted to say you might wanna watch yourself out there, little bro. PE can get a little...crazy."
Every single muscle tensed. His breathing became shallow. Ravi had been in PE with Luke before, inflicted with plenty of injuries, some minor and some not. Those days were nightmare inducing. And it seems as though they will be again.
And well, he wasn't about to show Luke that his words scared him-that was just begging to be beat up. And Ravi was smarter than that.
"I understand," he said coolly. "Thank you, brother for the warning but I can handle myself out there."
Luke held his hands up in surrender, amusedly. "Of course brother," he said mockingly. He walked away, leaving with his friends. The door slammed shut behind them.
What a great first day
"Alright, listen up maggots!" Couch Miller hollered. He was a burly man; ex military, he'd heard, which was what made him so strict and scary. "I'm Couch Miller and if there's anyone in this class that isn't going to work hard this year, then you just up and leave."
Ravi didn't think there was anyone that would have the audacity to do that, except maybe for Mitch or Luke.
"Good," Couch Miller observed the room with an approved nod when no one moved. "This is junior/senior PE as I'm sure you're all well aware. If you're not, you're stupid." Mitch raised his hand. "Yes-?"
"Mitch Tyler, Sir," Mitch said. What a suck up.
"Yes, Tyler?" Couch Miller said somewhat impatiently, "what is it?"
"Is this class coed?" Mitch asked to which majority of the boys laughed.
Couch Miller didn't find it particularly humorous. "No!" he barked. "Because some of you bags of hormones can't control yourselves, the principal's decided girls and boys PE is separate."
There was some grumbling about this. Ravi didn't care either way. He neither bothered them and they didn't talk to him.
"Now don't whine," Couch Miller said sharply, "if that's all you're going to do then you can leave 'cuz I don't deal with whiners. You boys are young men and you're going to act like it. Got it?" Ravi nodded but he was only the one. "I said GOT IT?"
"Yes couch!" they answered in unison. Couch Miller was satisfied.
"Good. I want to go over a few rules with you boys and you best listen up because I'm not repeating. Junior boys on one side of the locker room and seniors on the other. I'll let today slide since I wasn't around to tell you otherwise but until the year ends you better be on the correct side."
That wasn't so bad. Great, even. There was no way Luke was going to go out of his way to be near him.
He'd be lying if that didn't sting a little.
"Rule number two," Couch Miller continued, eyeing them with beady eyes that just dared them not to pay attention, "you arrive on time. If you're late, that's a tardy and after three you're going to see the principal. Rule number three, you wear your uniform. We don't make the rules just for you to say 'oh I don't feel like it today'. You know what I say to that? WHO CARES!" Ravi flinched. "Rule number four..."
He sort of tuned out some of the discussion, though he did catch on to the words "violence" and "accident". Mitch was probably rubbing his hands together, plotting on his latest attempt at humiliating him for...what? Existing, most likely.
Couch Miller, after going through all of the rules, explained what the rest of the year would look like and that included going over a list of team related activities they had to participate in (none of which Ravi was any good at. That was Luke's forte).
"Alright," Coach Miller rubbed his hands together, "now that that's all done, let's vote: dodgeball or kickball?" Some of the boys groaned. "Heh, you didn't think you were gonna sit on your behind until the bell rang, did ya?" Coach Miller smirked. "You boys are gonna work until your muscles cramp up and the sweat is pouring."
Ravi paled at the thought.
"But it's the first day," someone complained.
"Your point?" Coach Miller raised his eyebrows.
The boy squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. "I just thought we wouldn't, ya know, do anything until tomorrow."
"Let me tell you something, sonny; life ain't fair and neither am I. Now again I say, dodgeball or kickball?" Coach Miller's lips were in a thin line.
Please be kickball, please be kickball. At least if it was kickball there was less of a chance he'd get attacked by his brother or Mitch. At least in kickball he could take his turn and wait a while before the next.
"Dodgeball!" the loudest of all those voices just had to be Luke.
"Everyone okay with that?" Coach Miller asked the rest of the class.
NO!
No one really spoke up against it. "Excellent," Coach Miller said to them. "Dodgeball it is. Now half of you boys go over here," he pointed to the right side, "and the rest of you go over there."
Ravi waited to see where Luke was going then lumbered over to the left side. This was all going to be so predictable; maybe if he kept near to the gym wall he'd be okay. The balls were fairly worn and couldn't reach that far, even with Luke's super toss.
Why does he wish to play in the first place? Any other time Luke would whine about doing anything that didn't involve an electronic screen.
What was so gratifying about being smacked with a ball anyway? The boys were far too competitive for such a physical sport; they pelted the balls and cried foul when told they couldn't hit a person's face. He'd ended up with quite a few bruises as a result of prior games, all of which were given to him by Luke.
"It's not my fault Ravi sucks," he'd said in defense when Jessie questioned him about it. "Tell him to man up."
He wasn't supposed to have heard that; Jessie had taken Luke on the terrace to preserve their privacy. But Zuri, unable to cope with her overwhelming curiosity, opened the door just a smidge, enough to hear them quite clearly.
Ravi wished they hadn't.
"Luke!" Jessie snapped, "that's not nice to say. Ravi's your brother."
Luke shrugged. "Just sayin, babe."
Jessie had long given up on reprimanding Luke for referring to her as 'babe'; she simply sighed. "You never know, he may get good someday."
"Not without a miracle and steroids," Luke snorted.
"I even threw him a pair of socks and he missed that," Jessie reminisced, presumably making one of those rather unattractive faces, "that boy cannot catch."
"Or throw," Luke added.
He knew he wasn't as talented nor did he have the correct coordination when it came to that stuff like Luke did. Must they rub it in his face? Even Jessie doesn't spare his feelings. Because they don't dare care. It was as if he was expected to be stone; nothing could hurt him.
If only it were true.
Maybe then he wouldn't have this incredible desire to crumble at the drop of a hat. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so alone even in the crowd. Maybe then the walls wouldn;'t cave in, leaving him trapped with no way out.
It would be just seconds later that he wished he would have been coherent to his surroundings. Perhaps he wouldn't have been too late to see the incoming dodgeball. With nothing else to do, he held up his arms in front of his face as a feeble attempt at shielding himself.
Spoiler alert: it didn't do any good.
"KID! WATCH OUT!"
SLAM!
Ravi shrieked as it made contact. He was knocked down; straight on his back. The world stopped briefly, put on pause as he was overcome with a combination of dizziness, nausea and pain. It was so extensive he was sure he was on the verge of fainting.
"Kid!" Coach Miller is by his side at once, forehead wrinkled. A few others tried to join, surrounding him but are warned not to from a single glare. Wow, Ravi thought deliriously, he's good. Luke wasn't one of the people that tried to come near, not from his view point. Ravi guessed he wasn't worth the trouble of worrying over. "You alright there son? Anything hurt?" he questioned, putting a rather large hand on Ravi's forehead.
Just my dignity, but I suppose I didn't have much to begin with anyway
"Yes," Ravi whimpered with tightly shut eyes. A trail of blazing hot pain had shot up from his wrist to his shoulder; it was the worst he'd ever felt in his life. I am sure it's broken, he thought grimly. His wrist had gone numb now, the pain was still there. "M-my wrist. It hurts."
"Let me see it," Coach Miller was not a gentle man. The standard cation that came with tending to a sick or injured person was not something he was familiar with. Ravi realized this when his teacher examined his wrist, gripping it like he was trying to pop a grape.
Ravi hissed, arching his back. He refused to cry out like he knew he was expected to. He'd be labeled a crybaby and a crybaby was worse than a nerd could ever be. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? He wanted to scream when Coach Miller poked at it.
"I'd say ya sprained it," his teacher suspected. Ravi was lifted up into a sitting position. More like jerked. But he digressed. "Well, go on now. Go see Nurse Gina and she'll take care of you. You're gonna be out for a while till it heals."
So she can say I'm faking this as well?
Ravi didn't want to go to Nurse Gina's office. He held a dislike for her that boardlined a grudge. He could still recall the incident in freshman year here she all but accused him of faking the injuries he sustained from Mitch. After that, he avoided her at all costs and learned to patch himself up after going head-to-head with any bullies. Granted, her atrocious bedside manner was seen by everybody. How she'd gone this long without being reported or fired was a mystery.
"No!" he blurted out then recomposed his words after receiving a harsh glare from his teacher, "I mean, I am fine, Coach Miller. I appreciate the concern but-"
"No buts, kid. You're goin down there or I'll drag ya," Coach Miller frowned. He addressed the crowd of boys sternly, "now who threw that?"
"I did," Luke said with a goofy grin.
"Drop and give me fifteen."
"Huh?" Luke was confused and a little caught off guard.
"I said drop and give me fifteen. Are you deaf?" Coach Miller wasn't playing around. Luke must have realized that. After a swift glance at everyone else, he dropped and began. "No, no, no. Not like that. What are you, a girl? Do 'em better!"
"Why do I have to do this?" Luke was breathless, wincing at the probable pain in his arms. "Ravi was the one not paying attention."
"Yeah," Mitch nodded, adding his two cents, "he should do double."
Coach Miller ignored Mitch's input. "If you knew he wasn't paying attention, why did you throw it then, hmm?"
Watching Luke and knowing this must be the tiniest bit embarrassing did bring Ravi a moment of satisfaction. If only you understood how I felt. You would know I feel this everyday.
Nurse Gina gave him an earful for being her first patient of the school year (after she accused him yet again of faking to get out of class. PE was definitely not a favorite but even he wouldn't go to great lengths to end up stuck in proximity with her).
Coach Miller's earlier prediction that he'd sprained his wrist had been wrong. Nurse Gina declared that he'd only bruised it, which was worse than a break pain-wise. He was instructed to keep ice on it and limit activity use. On the bright side, that meant no PE and he would miss most of their first unit- capture the flag.
Currently, it throbbed. A blue, purplish bruise was beginning to set in, covering the wrist area and some of his hand. Simple tasks were going to be difficult. All thanks to Luke.
Why did he have to do that? To show off? To prove that he (Ravi) was as incompetent as they figured he was? Or did he really just hate him? Ravi was starting to wonder. They may have been family but he felt more and more like some outsider that wasn't welcomed in their home. It was the vibe they gave off and he couldn't shake it.
His lunch hour was the second to last of the day. And God was it crowded. It was a big school, and for that they needed multiple lunch hours. The first two weren't as packed as the other two. Who's ever idea it was to keep more of the students in the last two lunch periods were morons. What's worse was that most of the kids in Ravi's hour were popular and left hardly any room for the socially inept.
"Hello, may I sit her?" he approached a table on the far right, the brainy kids. He should have had no issue in talking to them but they could be as stuck up as the jocks. Intelligence wasn't bragging points; it wasn't to be used to look down on someone who perhaps wasn't on the same level.
It didn't stop them from doing it.
"No," a girl closests to him said rather rudely.
"But you have all that room," he gestured to the four or five open seats.
The girl glanced then turned back to him. "We're saving them," she said plainly.
"For who?"
"None of your business," she was miffed by his blatant question.
She is correct. It isn. Must you be so nosy? You're only making matters worse.
"Go find someone else to bother!" she snapped.
Bother
I bother everyone
You really do. That's why no one wants to be around you
I'm just a burden. No one would even notice if I'm gone
Ravi did as he was told. In a corner of the cafeteria that no one occupied, he sat down just under a window and took out his lunch bag. Just as he was promised, it was chicken salad. Thank God for that. Jessie had also packed him some chips, a brownie, soda and some fruit. It was much more nutritious than anything the school was selling.
As he took a bite, another bout of pain occurred. It brought forth unpleasant memories. Ones he'd tried to suppress. Don't even try to have that pity party. It had been your fault and you KNOW it.
Ravi dropped his sandwich, cradling his head.
He'd been six or seven, just a mere child.
"Papa, I'm sorry," he sobbed, rocking back and forth in the darkness. "Let me out, let me out!"
"QUIET!" the roar from his father silenced him. "I have told you time and time again not to touch my beer. Now you will pay." You can stay there for the rest of the night."
Little Ravi was so very confused and afraid. He didn't touch his Papa's 'funny juice' that was on the high shelf and way too high for him to reach. All he knew was that he was hungry and had to go potty very badly.
His lower lip protruded, trembling as the tears fell down his tearstained, bright red face. "Please Papa," he whispered, "I'm sorry." It was so dark in there; the only light was coming through the bottom of the door. Not enough to see.
Ravi didn't like the dark, it was too scary. Monsters hid in the dark. His little eyes widened. What if there was one in there right now just waiting to eat him?
He sniffled, pulling his legs up to his chest. He wanted his papa; he wanted to be held in his strong arms and rescued from the evil closet. Why wasn't he coming?
Ravi sucked on his thumb. His papa would come. He loved Ravi and Ravi loved him.
He wouldn't leave like mommy did.
He missed his mommy. She smelled nice, like pretty flowers. She drank that funny juice like papa did but she wasn't as mean. He loved her lots and she loved him too.
"Papa?" he called. He didn't answer. "Pa-"
The closet door opened; his papa's face was red like a tomato. Ravi shrunk down. His papa was mad. "What?" his papa growled like a dog. "Didn't I tell you to be quiet?" he grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Huh? DIDN'T I?"
"Yes," Ravi responded fearfully.
"THAN WHY ARE YOU TALKING?"
"I'm scared," Ravi didn't like it when his papa spit on him, "and I gots to go potty."
"You do, don't ya?"
He wasn't yelling anymore, Ravi relaxed a little and nodded. "Yes."
"TOO BAD!" his papa laughed and let him drop to the floor. "You should have thought about that before you touched my beer."
"But I didn't," Ravi whimpered. "Papa, please-"
"Shut up!" his papa smacked him over the side of the head. "Now be quiet. I don't want to hear you another word." He started to close the door and Ravi panicked. He didn't want to stay anymore, he'd be good! He'd be a good boy forever and ever.
"NO!" he screamed helplessly, "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"
"ENOUGH!" His papa was bent down, twisting his wrist and cupping his face tightly. "I told you to be quiet and you disobeyed me again. You can just stay in here for two days now and if I hear one more peep out of you, you'll wish you'd never been born. Got it?"
Ravi did his best to nod.
"Good," he was shoved away and the door slammed shut. It left Ravi with only the darkness for comfort.
Ravi let out a gasp and pushed his food away.
He suddenly wasn't so hungry anymore.
