"What happened to your wrist?" Ravi lifted his head to meet Shelby's face at eye level. Her face was scrunched up, undoubtedly unreadable he wasn't sure how to procede. With his brain frazzled, he stood there dumbly. It wasn't as if he meant for her to see it; his flannel had become too warm and he had meant to take it off for a second. He hadn't heard her approaching him, otherwise he would have endured it until it was safe.
"Are you okay? Does it hurt? Should I get a teacher? How'd that happen? I don't remember you saying anything about your wrist hurting, I'd remember if you did." She babbled, throwing question after question at him. "Boy, I've never hurt my wrist before. Broken bones, though. I broke my leg in third grade and my arm a year later. Have you broken any bones before? Did you get a cast?..." Her voice grew distent as Ravi tried to make sense of his mind.
"Have you ever broken any bones before?"
"Please let, please let go," his papa mocked in a high pitch voice that was supposed to resemble Ravi's. "Oh, I'm sorry; does that hurt?"
Ravi nodded his head, staring up at his father with wide, teary eyes.
"Hmm. How about this?" There was a loud crack and a blood-curdling scream that shook the entire house.
"I got one and all my friends signed it. Emily got in trouble for writing 'bang bang' on it. She really liked that one cowboy show at the time, oh what was it called?" She chewed on her lip, drifting off into deeper thought.
Ravi's heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth felt very dry.
"I am fine," he wasn't even sure why he needed to reassure her. "It was just an accident."
"What kind of accident?" There went that short attention span. "Did you fall? Did someone hurt you? Did you trip going up the stairs? Because I do that a lot." She nodded vigorously to emphasize her point.
"Okay..."
"So what happened?" her backpack slid off her shoulder, she let it drop not-so-softly to the floor. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to but I do wish you did. We're bosome friends, aren't we?"
Ravi jerked suddenly, caught off guard by her strange idiom. "W-what?" His cheeks darkened at the word 'bosome'. He hated how the childish response was a go-to in a case such as this.
"It means you're my best friend!" she giggled to which he sighed in relief. "I've been reading Anne of Green Gables and Anne says that about Diana Berry. Have you read it before? Well, I suppose you haven't if you didn't know what bosome friends meant."
"Don't say that," he hissed. A couple people had snickered as they walked passed them, hearing Shelby quite clearly. Unfortunately.
"What? Bosome friends?" She had said that word her lips was a teasing smile. He wanted to die in a hole. Did she have to be so embarrassing?
"Yes, that word," he wanted the floor to swallow him hole. "Nobody uses that anymore."
Shelby didn't seem to mind. "Oh, that's okay! I think when you do things people don't normally do, it means you're unique, don't you think so? How dreadfully boring the world would be if we all were the same. I'd hate it, wouldn't you?"
If they were all the same, perhaps he'd feel less of an outcast.
"Yes," he went ahead and gave her the answer she'd want. It was easier. He'd learned that. Not just with her, everyone.
Shelby beamed.
"You're such a wonderful friend. I really like you. We should hangout sometime after school, don't you think? Oh! What if we go to the park? Or get ice cream? Or do homework together? Or-" her expression became even more happier, only of which could occur with Shelby, "what if I meet your family? I'd absolutely die if I could!"
"Or," Ravi cut in, "perhaps not. I am busy."
"Busy with what? Homework? I have a lot too. Miss Zenon's packet is huge but not that bad. I had one English teacher that gave us two hours of homework every day. She said it was for character building. Emily didn't like her very much and I don't think she liked Emily." At this, she giggled.
"Err yes, and chores. I have too much to do and Jessie says I'm not allowed to have any friends over until I am finished." He felt a twinge of guilt for lying, though he pushed that thought away. It wasn't like she could be counted as a friend, despite her insinuations that he was.
"Who's Jessie? Oh, is she your mom or guardian? Is she nice? Caleb's mom didn't like me very much because she said said I talked too much but I don't think I do."
Ignorance is bliss
Look who's talking
I am not ignorant
Sure you aren't
"Jessie is our nanny," he explained half heartedly. A wave of tiredness had washed over him, dragging him down a notch. I shouldn't have stayed up so late, he reasoned. Jessie told me to go to bed and I didn't. His stubbornness was becoming a hazard as much as Luke's was.
"Oh, you have a nanny?" Shelby was genuinely interested. She didn't make a wisecrack at his expense or tease him about being treated like a baby. "That's cool. Is she nice? Does she have kids too? Does she stay with you guys? I heard that some are live ins and others just come and go. Are your parents gone a lot? Is that too nosy? I'm sorry. I try not to be nosy but I can't help having so many questions. They just come to me and I have to say something or I'll burst. You know?"
Ravi tightly smiled, his lips in a thin line. When the time came that it steered toward the subject of family, he always found a way to change it to something more light hearted. Currently, he was at a loss at what to do now.
Shelby's shoes scuffed on the slick, hallway floor. They were side-by-side, just enough apart that meant they weren't touching each other. Ravi was keen on his personal space; though he doubted she would've been more than okay with breaking that space and invading it to hug or touch him for no reason.
Shelby, he learned, was perfectly fine with speaking and not having her questions answered. She hopped onto the next available topic. Friends. Or, more accurately, the friends she believed that existed when in fact they didn't. "Do your friends go to a different school? I haven't seen them yet and I really want to! I bet they're super fun! Are they? Do you think they'll like me?"
Hypothetically speaking, if those 'friends' she spoke of were in existence, Ravi wasn't so sure they would be taken with her, if he was being honest. She was too outgoing for his taste and had no sense of tact to her. As if he could ever (platonically) like her. He shook his head.
You're terrible
Shelby's been nothing but nice to you, the only one to do so and you aren't the least bit grateful
I am
You have a funny way of showing it
She's just- she's so-
She's her. You're just being ridiculous
I am not!
Oh but you are. Perhaps if you truly began to know her then you wouldn't feel a need to badmouth her
There is absolutely no point
Why?
What do you mean why? You already know! She's going to leave. They all leave
"Ravi?" Shelby turned back to look at him. He'd stopped right in the middle of the hallway. In plain sight. Where everyone could see him and most had. "Are you okay?"
Some guy shoved Ravi as he came by. There was a near collision with him and the floor. He caught himself just in time; that and Shelby rushed forward to grab his shoulder.
"You should say sorry," Shelby called to the guy, "that wasn't very nice."
"Hmm. No thanks!" The guy high fived his buddy, snickering.
Ravi could have cared less about an apology. To what value did it hold anyway? That guy wasn't sorry, not in the slightest.
"He's mean," Shelby said quietly, her bright demeanor diminishing for a moment. "What'd you ever do to him? It's like he hates you or something." He wondered what his facial expression was, because she added quickly, "oh no! I didn't mean that you did anything. I'm so sorry! I just don't get why he did it, is all."
His defenses had immediately gone up and he was preparing for the inevitable. However, her correction had confused him, had relaxed him.
"Oh," he murmured. The itchy feeling in his skin was starting to go away. He felt it often, like he needed to rip the skin off for any comfort to happen.
My God, he was a freak. Normal people didn't feel like this. Normal people didn't have this urgency, this need for relief. Why didn't he get shoved hard enough to be knocked out? That would have solved his woes of attending another school day.
If I hit my head just right I'd have a cerebral hemorrhage
If the blood pools just enough it can cause death
How can one thought be so terrifying yet so enticing at the same time?
"Oh, we better go," the cheerfulness was back in her voice. "It's almost time for English. Are you excited for today? We're starting the poetry unit, did you know? I love poetry. Do you? It's so romantic. Do you know how simply wonderful it would be if a guy would write me a poem? I'd die of happiness."
Ravi had had enough. He sped up in his walking, muttering under his breath, "I think I'll just walk on my own, thanks."
"Wait, Ravi!" Shelby sounded confused. "I thought we were walking together."
Ravi ignored her and kept on. She would realize soon enough that he wasn't friend material and that she had made a big mistake in choosing him in the first place.
Ravi laid in the comforting silence of the darkness. There was a certain spot on the ceiling that caught his eye for no apparent reason. He stared at it, having done so for two hours now.
He felt so heavy. Like there was an anchor on his chest, weighing him down and nothing could pull it off. What was the use? He snorted softly. There wasn't any point. This feeling, this helplessness he'd been experiencing was almost able to be classified as debilitating. He knew he shouldn't feel that way but he couldn't very well help it. This was his life now.
His thoughts began mulling over the day's events, namely the time spent with Shelby. What was her problem today? Or was he the problem? For whatever reason she just kept striking nerves with him. Her obsession with questioning him about his family had grown tiresome and what was all that about trying to make that guy apologize to him? He wasnt some stupid child that needed to be taken care of!
...or maybe he was.
Stupid, anyway.
Luke and everyone else at school thought he was stupid. Emma and Zuri probably thought so as well.
You know who else thinks you're stupid?
His teeth clenched, fists wound up as tight as they would go.
Stop
Why not? You scared?
Stop it
You're scared aren't you? Poor little Ravi. Even being millions if miles away can't make the memories leave, can it?
I SAID STOP IT!
A burst of raw anger shot threw him. He felt a strong desire to break something. He wanted to destroy it; watch as it shattered into smithereens.
"ARRRG!" he tossed his pillow with exceeding force.
It hit the bedroom wall with barely any noise produced.
Fantastic. Now that we know you have the strength of a cupcake...
Ravi wrapped his arms around one of his big, fluffy pillows, pulling his knees up to his chest. He let out a long, ragged sigh.
I just want to feel alright again. Is that too much to ask for?
He didn't think so.
A tear rolled down his cheek and onto the pillow. I mustn't be so emotional. If Luke finds out, he will never let me forget it.
This must be teenage hormones. Ravi knew deep down that this was way beyond hormones. Although, it was the safest bet; so he clung to it. It meant that eventually he would be okay. People didn't live with teenage hormones forever. They outgrew it. So long as he would put forth more focus on things that mattered (his school work came to mind), these feelings he'd been dealing with would subside. Perhaps if he sought out employment, that would be of assistance as well. Working meant less time in the presence of Luke. Besides, he was at an adequate age to acquire one. Most of his classmates had jobs. He wouldn't be able to freeload off his parents for the rest of his life.
His stomach growled.
He had skipped out on dinner earlier that night-well, last night. He was easily able to convince Jessie he was working on a huge project for his science class, reassuring her that he would grab something to eat before it was time for bed.
He didn't.
And as usual, she paid no mind. She was so sure he would do it. And why? Because he had a freakin reputation. He was the good kid that never did anything wrong.
Ravi hated that. More then he could articulate with words.
Quietly, mindful of Luke's door that wasn't completely shut, Ravi descended down the stairs where he snuck into the kitchen. Nothing sounded particularly appetizing. Logically, he knew he was starving but yet, he didn't quite feel the hunger.
He long gave up on trying to understand himself.
Ravi sat at the kitchen table in the dark, munching on a couple chocolate chip cookies Jessie had made. A half filled glass of milk was next to his cookies. I used to love Jessie's cookies, he noted that they tasted stale but he knew they weren't.
You're going to get fat
It's two cookies. I believe I'm fine
So you say
Just once he would have liked to push away that inner voice that irritated him so.
You can wish all you want. The facts are right in front of you
Leave me alone!
The ticking from the clock on the wall was becoming loud, as if right next to his ear.
Shouldn't he have felt lonely in that big kitchen all by himself? That was a normal response, should have been a normal respnse.
He suddenly wasn't so hungry anymore.
The old Ravi would have picked up his mess. This new Ravi didn't. He left it for Jessie and the others to see later on.
He flopped on his bed, staring back at the ceiling again. Hooked up to the charger while laying on his nightstand, his phone lit up. The bright light lit up the greater half of his room. Ravi peered at it curiously. Who would be messaging him?
Had Shelby gotten his number somehow? Impossible. He didn't text anyone else from school and there was no way in this universe would Luke or Zuri do something nice like that.
He picked it up. His stomach churned upon reading it.
From: unknown
She's going to get tired of you
In came another.
Why would she want to be friends with a freak?
And another.
You don't deserve to breathe the same air as her
The phone slid out of his grasp, landing to the floor with a thud. Ravi's chest was constricting. Why-how did they get his number? Whoever they were, they made sure to make it to where it hurt.
Why is this happening to me?
