He'd lost it, lost all the self-control he'd been preserving. He stormed up to his room, slamming the door behind him so hard it could've fallen off the hinges. Ravi didn't quite know what came over him; it was a feeling of utter rage being doused on him, fueling a fire that had been quietly brewing for some time now after he finally had, after he couldn't take it anymore and it just boiled over. It was lit; and the result was catastrophic.
He pushed everything off his desk.
A loud crash, surrounding his ears; somehow, he managed to remain calm, hardly startled.
It all landed in a pile for the most part, he inspected it fleetingly. A lone pencil rolled over beside his bed, stopping short just underneath of it.
As quickly as it came, his fury dissipated. He was left standing there, exhaling out a breath.
He should have been embarrassed by his outburst; at least the tiniest bit ashamed. Never once did he recall ever succumbing to his ire. He was able to maintain it, put on a façade to shield everyone else from knowing the truth; from knowing how twisted he felt on the inside.
But that was the thing...he didn't feel any regret at all.
Because you're not sorry. You don't want to be
I...I should be
You don't have to be
Then what do I do?
That's for you to figure out
The rain was trickling down his window.
It was happening, on-and-off since yesterday; switching back and forth from a heavy downpour that thudded so loudly against the rooftop that it drowned out all other noise to a dainty sprinkle.
To his dismay, he was going to have to walk through it on his way to school. If Jessie was sensible enough, she would allow them to take a taxi; it made sense for the circumstance. However, that was not likely to occur.
Jessie was not known for her sensibility.
He rolled up the sleeves on his pull-over up to his elbows, adjusting so they didn't cut off his circulation. His stomach gave a low rumble, pleadingly. He hadn't...exactly kept up on his nutrition throughout the weekend. He'd excelled at avoiding Jessie and sister, sad to say, that was at the expense of his stomach. He made multiple excuses as to why he couldn't (more accurately speaking, couldn't) come down at mealtimes.
What is the point? That thought crossed his mind more than once. If he died of malnutrition by his own hand, so be it. His body would decompose and rot before anyone in the family was aware of it. It was grossly morbid but foreseeable.
You can't keep thinking that way. It's like you want to die
I won't deny nor will I confirm
That's kind of a bad mindset to have
I am not the only one to have it
Of course not. But it doesn't make it okay. You should get some help...some therapy or something
You must think I'm stupid
I'm you so in that case, you must think you're stupid
Stop this nonsense. You're confusing me
You're confusing yourself
He fumbled the comb through his unruly hair, thinking it through, wondering if it was worth it to give in and eat some breakfast. It wouldn't do him any good to pass out at school.
But...
He was still sore about the other night and his vexation flared up when he saw either of them. It was difficult to let it go, to forget what happened and forgive them. How could he, when it wasn't just a one-time occurrence? Ravi always got the short end of the sick; he'd dealt with, and accepted, it for so long that it became his normal.
Jessie had not paused to remember Zuri's track record, how she lied to get out of trouble. It was so convenient. She had Jessie wrapped around her finger, whether Jessie knew it (or admitted) or not. She just...took her side, demanding that Ravi apologize when, by all rights, she should have apologized for her behavior, too. How was it fair that Zuri got away with bloody murder while he was supposed to be held up to a higher standard? He was older, yes, but that didn't mean she should be allowed to act however she pleased with no repercussions! It was hardly fair at all but no one seemed to acknowledge that, no one seemed to care when it was affecting him.
Do you know how whiny you sound right now?
I am not whining. I am telling the truth. No one cares
I bet Shelby cares. She'd care if you told her
I am not telling her anything. It is none of her business
You can't keep everything to yourself. One day you're gonna explode and regret it
I have already exploded but I do not regret it
Cute but that was hardly an explosion. So, you let off some steam. Big deal. I mean it, though, one day you're just gonna let loose and you won't be able to take it back.
As if it matters
Then maybe it doesn't
After that night, after his explosion, Ravi felt...done, for a lack of better wording. He wished he was somewhere else, anywhere but there and anywhere Shelby wasn't. She had a knack for popping out of nowhere, disturbing his peace (though, he was skeptical he had any at all). When his father came to get him, to bring him back to his new family, a new sense of hope, he had been so excited.
That was a distant memory, one that he resented.
His eyes came back into focus, after realizing that he'd been staring at his reflection for who knows how long. Blinking irregularly, his hand hovered above the door knob.
He had to stick to it, first and foremost. He had to follow through with it, without caving into the pressure of what they wanted him to do. Their expectation was for him to drop to his knees and grovel. But Ravi refused; he refused to be as spineless as his younger self had been. He was taking control back, he was changing and it was for the better.
He was tired of being the punching bag and unable to defend himself without them crying foul. He was tired of indirectly being told to take it with no consideration for how he felt, for what was going on with him. He supposed that by now it probably didn't matter anymore. If they were going to start caring, it should have been from the start and not after he had to nudge them into doing so.
The hallway was silent, not a sign of life within sight or hearing distance. It meant they were already down in the kitchen (or, in Luke's case, he might still be sleeping until the last minute when Jessie was hurrying them out the door).
The wind had picked up outside to an almost intolerable degree. He wasn't intimidated by much else, not a thunderstorm or threatening flood waters. But when the wind sounded strangled, a piercing screech to an inhumane octave, the anxiety swirled within him so strongly that he had to refrain from covering his ears.
He sucked in a breath, swallowing.
He remembered being stuck out there, huddled under a tree that was barely taller than him, the wind was howling and debris were flying everywhere, getting caught on houses and the like.
He remembered having to resort to eating out of a trashcan, the amount of sheer shame he felt when the owner of said trashcan came out and caught him-
This is a new time now
That may be so, but sometimes memories can never be forgotten
The bright light from the kitchen peeked out from beneath the door. He pushed it open, seeing that, out of his peripheral vision, his siblings were seated at the table, methodically eating their cereal whilst checking out the latest news on their phone.
(Their obsession with their electronics was another topic that he felt Jessie should have taken charge of better but that was something to be discussed another day).
The cabinet door creaked as he took out his cereal of choice, along with a bowl and the jug of milk from the refrigerator. Once he was settled, he sat on a stool, propping his elbows on the countertop. He had no interest in listening to the minimal chatter being said nor did he think they would want him there anyway.
Bertam came out from around the corner, dropping a handful of bags-filled to the brim with food-beside where Ravi was. A few oranges rolled away, almost falling to the floor. As for Bertram, himself, he was panting like a dog on a sweltering day in July and a thin trail of sweat gathered on his forehead.
Ravi wordlessly offered him a napkin to which he accepted.
Luke turned around in his chair. "Whoa, bro. What's up with you? I haven't seen you so breathless since...ever."
Bertam scowled when Emma and Zuri giggled. "You'll have to excuse me. Taking care of you brats is a full time job. I've had to the store four times in the past week."
"Maybe that's because you have a snack like, every hour?" Zuri sassed.
"Yeah," Emma said. "It's no wonder we're starving."
Ravi had to hold back a bitter laugh. Starving? You wouldn't know the first thing about starving. Some of us have faced true hardship while you equate hardship to your favorite nail polish being discontinued.
You can't be mad at her. It's not her fault you went through what you did
Perhaps not. But I can be incredulous at her obliviousness
Bertram seemed to be having the same thought process-sort of. "You kids don't know the first thing about starving," he scoffed.
"Have you tried your cooking?" Zuri asked rhetorically.
She was ignored. "You know, you kids could be grateful for once," Bertram said as if it was a concept they hadn't heard of. "You know, be grateful Morgan and Christina can provide for you like they can. Not every kid has a butler that can get them food whenever they want."
"Their parents must hate them," Emma commented.
Bertram rolled his eyes. When Ravi stood up- just to refill his juice glass- he shoved one of the bags in his arms. "Here, take care of this. You're not doing anything."
I am trying to eat. Resignedly, Ravi stood there momentarily then went ahead and started to put stuff away. He preferred not to make a fuss or else-
"Careful, Bertram," Zuri's voice sent him on edge as he anticipated her next move, "or Ravi might try to get you in trouble with Jessie."
"Heh, I heard about that," Luke said. "Didn't he shove you, too?"
"Mhm," Zuri crossed her arms, shaking her head like a disappointed parent.
Temper...temper...
"But that's okay. I hear Jessie threatened to ground him."
"I heard her shouting," Emma added. "You guys were interrupting my facetime with Rosie."
Oh for the love of-who cares?
"That means you're the reason Jessie was mad at me!" Luke accused, throwing a glare in Ravi's direction. "She threatened to ground me again."
That is your own fault. If you would adhere to the rules then maybe Jessie would be more lenient on you. But, seeing as time-and-time again you deliberately make it a point to do the opposite of what she says, you will have negative outcomes and there is no one to blame it on but yourself.
"Try not coming home late. See if that helps," Bertram drawled.
But no one responded to him. The figurative darts were raised, aiming for Ravi.
But it certainly didn't help matters that he felt their eyes boring into his back. It was an antagonization, a way to rile him up enough for him to snap then they could turn the tables, acting as though they were the innocent ones and he'd just overreacted.
"What is wrong with you?" Emma was shaking her head. "Stop acting like a jerk."
"And stop upsetting Jessie! I'm tired of being grounded. Mitch is throwing a party this weekend and I wanna go."
"And tell us the truth about Friday. We know you weren't really with a girl."
"As if a girl would want to be around him," Luke said nastily. He then did a terrible impression of Ravi's accent. "Hi, I'm Ravi Ross. I have one friend and she's a lizard and once she dies I'll have no one just like always."
The bag slipped from his grip and the contents spilled on the floor. Ravi's brain didn't acknowledge Bertram or any other noise going on. He was focused in on Luke; trying not to loose control again.
He was not a violent person by nature, but at the moment, Ravi wanted to kill him. He wanted to wipe off the smug smile, the condescending attitude.
All of it.
In a flash, he was right up next to his brother's face.
"Oh, you're not serious," Luke snickered. "What? You wanna fight me?"
"I'd pay to see that," Zuri said to Emma. "Five bucks says Ravi doesn't make it five minutes."
"Ten bucks says he doesn't make it past two."
Their lack of confidence in him only fueled him further.
"Perhaps I will," Ravi said hotly.
"Biiiiig mistake, little bro."
"I am not your bro," Ravi hissed. "As a matter of fact, I am hardly your brother at all."
"Oh, great," Luke sneered, "finally, something we can agree on."
"Shut up!"
"I hate you!"
"I wish you were never adopted!'
"Ditto!"
"What is going on?" Jessie made an appearance, looking from his sisters to Bertram.
"Ravi's fighting Luke," Zuri told her.
"Yeah. He got mad at us for nothing."
"Really? And you didn't think to do anything about it, Bertram?"
Said butler simply shrugged. "As long as there's no blood shed, I think we're good."
"No, we're not good," Jessie went over and pulled them apart, holding on to both of them by the back of their collars. "Guys, stop it! You both know better."
As always, Luke had to get the last word in there. "It wasn't me," he said defensively, "he started it!" He pointed a finger at Ravi. "He came at me, first!"
"I don't care who started it. I'm ending it. Ravi, apologize to your brother now. I don't know what's gotten into you but I've had it. I'm not gonna tolerate this kind of behavior, is that clear?" Jessie demanded.
His glare was hateful but he otherwise didn't offer up a response.
"Is that clear?"
Luke didn't bother to hide his smirk (which added to all of...this).
This was just like Friday night. It didn't matter that they'd instigated it. It never did. And now, with everyone eying him disdainfully as if it was his fault that global warming existed, he just...
He just wanted to get away at this point.
Maybe he would find people to actually appreciate him.
Fat chance at that
"Yes," he swallowed back what he truly wanted to say, "yes, it is clear."
Jessie was about to say something else when she tore her eyes away from Ravi and onto the groceries that were currently on the floor. "Who did this?"
"It was Ravi!" His siblings said quickly.
Jessie waved her hands around, spluttering. Ravi groaned internally. He should have put them down on the counter instead of just dropping them.
"Pick them up," she said shrilly (which, he learned, was a sign that she was thoroughly upset). "Pick them up now and apologize to Luke."
"What about me?" Zuri piped up. "Ravi hasn't said sorry for shoving me."
"And Zuri," Jessie agreed.
Ravi's chest burned. She wasn't serious-
"I am not playing with you, Ravi. If you think you are above the rules, you are mistaken. You're grounded. One week."
I cannot believe this
Well...you did test her patience
So does Luke! So does Zuri! She is far easier on both of them than me! This is hardly fair at all.
"Whoa, guess Ravi isn't such a goody-goody after all," Luke whispered to Zuri.
Ravi lowered his eyes to the floor, keeping his face emotionless.
"I want your phone and your computer," Jessie told him.
"I need them for school," Ravi said quietly. "Shelby and I are still working on our project."
"Fine. Only for school and I'm taking all your books then. No reading for fun and no TV."
He shrugged. Neither of those things brought him much pleasure nowadays anyway.
Jessie was growing flustered by the way he was reacting, or technically, by the way he wasn't reacting. He didn't have to work hard at it; not after what he dealt with on a daily basis. But, she was oblivious whether it was intentional or not, so to think that the Ravi she thought she knew was acting this way just astounded her.
"Ooooh," Zuri was evidently enjoying the spectacle. "He's gonna get it."
Emma and Luke's gaze was flickering back and forth from Ravi to Jessie. Just like they were watching a fascinating movie in the theater.
"Okay, I don't know what's gotten into you but this ends now, Ravi. Do you understand me? If you need to talk to someone, fine, I don't have a problem with that but you do not get to treat us like this. You know better. Morgan and Christina raised you better than this. What do you think they would say to you, right now?"
They would be far too busy to care. Like always. Work is apparently more important, as is anyone else that isn't me
"I don't know."
It was a cop-out. An utter lie. Jessie was wholly aware of it as well, or, she should be. Their parents wouldn't even have addressed the issue unless one of his siblings made a great big fuss over it. Otherwise, they might say, halfheartedly, don't do that or Why don't you have a talk with your father? His dad would be strongly encouraged to by their mother, only to fumble with his words horribly then leave and Ravi would be more confused and alone than ever.
"I think you do," Jessie scolded. "They would be very disappointed in you."
"Heh, that's usually what Jessie says to me," Luke mused.
No one acknowledged that.
Jessie rolled her eyes, continuing. "My point is, none of this is okay. I don't understand why you're acting out all of the sudden. You can tell us, we won't judge you," she tossed a quick glance in Luke's direction, correcting herself, "Most of us won't judge you."
"Thank you for your concern, but I am fine. I assure you," he didn't feel like eating anymore. He bent down, starting to pick the fallen groceries and put the rest away.
"Ravi, I'm serious. Talk to us. We're your family."
You are no family of mine
"Fine," she snapped after she gave him a few seconds to say something and he did not. She took a hold of his arm, yanking him away from what he was doing and in that moment, the world just stopped. His blood ran cold, pounding in his ears. Jessie, his siblings, Bertram, were all nonexistent.
"What do you think you're doing?" his daddy yanked him by the arm, pulling him up close to his face.
Ravi was terrified.
He couldn't speak.
"ANSWER ME!"
"Ravi!" Jessie gave him a little shake. He came back to reality. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Yes," he said, dazedly.
She didn't noticed.
She pushed him forward a bit, gesturing with her free hand as a silent well?
"I'm..." he saw that he was most definitely not getting out of it. "Sorry."
"Ravi," Jessie said unhappily. "Mean it."
I can't
"I'm sorry," he fixed it.
"For?" she prompted.
Nothing because I did nothing
Wellllll you did try to fight Luke
I was provoked! And anyway, I wouldn't have actually fought him. I'm not stupid
"For treating you all badly," he finished flatly. "It won't happen again."
"Good," Jessie seemed satisfied. Shelooked at the clock. "Guys, it's getting late. Get your stuff and Luke don't procrastinate. If I hear that you've gotten one more tardy, I'm telling your parents."
Ravi was on the way out when Zuri stepped out in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.
"There, now was that so hard?"
