Disappointed. That word was echoing in Ravi's mind, a taunting reminder of what he'd become.
Sometimes it was like a loud, booming, deep-throaty voice that was like a judge; smacking his gavel down and pronouncing as guilty, guilty, guilty.
Other times, it was less severe but still equally as harmful. Just when things didn't seem so bad, just when for a second, he didn't feel those raging emotions that threatened to throw him overboard in the midst of a harrowing sea of depression, a soft voice would whisper. He'd feel his throat tighten, his heart speeding up and sweat accumulating on his palms.
He was crazy, he must be. Only crazy people thought like that.
After the intense face-time with his parents, Jessie had gone over the more intimate details of his punishment again just so it was clear between them and made no room for misunderstandings. Yes, he was allowed his electronics for school and homework but as soon as that was over, he was to hand them over to Jessie to where she could plug them up in her room for safekeeping. He was forbidden from any leisurely reading, no cross word puzzles or word searches. She'd initially resisted on allowing him to watch any TV in the screening room but then relented on the subject, but only for half an hour; she would time him to make sure he obeyed.
Because she doesn't trust you
And why would she? After what you did, she'll probably never trust you again
She'd been on a role; completely into her 'lecture mode' she normally saved for Luke. It just came out that he wasn't allowed to have any friends over or go hangout with them. As for Ravi, he stayed stolic; even when Jessie registered what she had said, put a hand to her mouth and covered up her gasp, scrunching up her face and apologizing for her mistake.
He didn't refute or wave off her attempt at correcting what she had done. He didn't want her to feel any better, any sort of justification or reassurance that everything was alright. He'd just sat through nearly twenty minutes of hearing her berate him for his behavior, wagging her finger in his face and discussing his punishment. She'd kept saying over and over, how disappointed she was in him, how he wasn't the same kid he was when she came to work for them.
Disappointed.
And when he looked down at the floor, unable to continue to meet her eyes, she'd grabbed him roughly by the chin, ordering him to look at her when she was talking.
Disappointed.
Nothing had gotten better at school, either. That chemistry project that he was supposed to do, that he'd procrastinated on and struggled to come up with a proper idea-he failed. A big zero was printed on the top corner of his rubric in red ink. "I'm disappointed in you, Ravi," his chemistry teacher had frowned, shaking his head just like Jessie had done. "You know what you're supposed to do. I've heard such good things from your other teachers." He dropped the rubric and it fell onto the desk. He looked down, then back up at his student. "You're going to have problems if you keep that up."
Disappointed.
That was becoming a recurrence; more of his teachers were noticing a vast change in his behavior and academic performance. Still, some of them saw him as "Bobby" and didn't care as much because he wasn't "important". He wasn't a part of the popular crowd that needed those extra tutoring sessions so they didn't get kicked out of their clubs or benched for the sports season. And beyond a scolding or two, not one of his teachers reached out to Jessie to see if there was anything going on at home that might explain it or even to himself, to ask him questions and just observe.
In a way, he was more than happy to be left alone. It wasn't their problem that they needed to fix nor did he need them getting involved and disrupting his home life more than it already was.
Disappointed.
Someone was in a hurry to beat the line for the pizza that was being served that day. They bumped into Ravi, their enormously filled backpack hit him in the side, knocking him to the right a bit. He stumbled, but caught himself before he had taken a fall right in front of everyone. That would have been embarrassing.
Shelby was at their table that they shared, that only they occupied. Everyone else had their own cliques, their own tables that they'd found during the first week of school. Now, it was like assigned seating, without the assigned part.
He maneuvered out of the way of someone walking with two textbooks and a lunch tray. It was only after he stopped daydreaming long enough to notice her presence. She gave him a dirty look as she passed; he'd seen plenty to become desensitized from it.
That's saying something
When Ravi got to 'their' table, he put his backpack straps over the back of his chair that he almost always sat in. For once, Shelby did not cheerfully greet him and ask how his morning (and his classes) had been. She was viciously stirring a chocolate pudding cup, with her eyes staring at it intently for some strange reason.
As much as he would have loved to keep it quiet for a few minutes longer, he did have something to talk to her about. They needed one more study session before their project was due and he was anxious to get it finished. After that was over, he didn't need to be around her after the school day. No more needless chatter or being hounded with questions. He was quite looking forward to it. "Shelby," he said after a moment, "we must talk."
She sat right up, taking notice of his appearance and a smile tugged at her lips. "I love to talk!" she told him.
Yes, I know. I think everyone knows
"So what do you wanna talk about?" she brought the spoon she had been stirring with up to mouth, licking the pudding off the front. "Oooh! What about movies? Have you seen anything new recently? I haven't. I'm not really into movies, I kinda watch some but I get bored and distracted really easily. Or what about flowers? Do you like flowers? Do you have a favorite one? I love sunflowers, they're so pretty. Did I tell you that? I can't remember. Sometimes I repeat myself. Did I also tell you that back home, we had a garden? It was so pretty! We had sunflowers and marigolds and mums and roses and lilies and carnations and daisies. We also had vegetables, too and one fruit! Squash and tomatoes and two kinds of peppers and watermelon and peas and cucumbers! It was a really big garden. Huge." She opened her arms wide to emphasize her point.
Ravi shook his head, in a vague daze from all that she spilled out so fast. "No," he said flatly. "Neither of those."
"Aw okay," she said, making one of her weird faces again. "What about, then?"
He took a seat, unraveling the paper bag lunch bag he had with him. He also undid the plastic wrap that was on his sandwich, grimacing at the soggy bread. Jessie had put too much mayonnaise again, making his food unappetizing. If anything, he would just eat the meat. And that's what he planned on doing, so he pulled the sandwich apart, even though touching it was really the last thing he wanted to do.
Luke's right. You're such a wuss
You can't even touch bread
That's kinda pathetic
Shelby peered at what he was doing, although not just that-she leaned her body a bit over the table to have a closer look. Ravi felt like asking her if she wanted a picture so it would last longer.
But he didn't. He just patiently waited until she sat back down.
She's ridiculously nosy
Actually, you're just a grump
There was absolutely no reason to do that! Does she not have manners? Did her parents not teach her any?
Pretty sure you've complained about that before
And I will continue to complain!
Do you know who you sound like? Jessie
Ugh
"What's wrong with your sandwich?"
"Nothing," he said sharply.
"Then why are you taking the meat off?"
"Because I want to," he ground out. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"Oh, no," she said brightly. "I was just curious. You usually eat it all together, ya know, like normal."
He swore he hated that, like normal.
Perhaps it was because nothing he'd ever done reflected any sort of normalness within him, prompting others to point it out as though he wasn't aware.
"Well, this time I want it to be different," he lied. "Which is of no concern to you."
There was that knowing smile again. She did a half laugh, the kind that clearly said I know you're lying but it's okay and tore off half of her sandwich and-
Handed it to him.
"Here, take it," she offered. "I don't mind, really." He stared at it warily, as if expecting it to jump out and attack him. "Go on, it's okay!"
He took it from her slowly, unsure of how to interpret her kind gesture.
"Besides," she took another mouthful of pudding and swallowed. "Yours looks gross, no offense. Way too much mayonnaise."
So they agreed on something.
He peeked at the contents on the inside.
"It's roast beef with a tiny bit of ranch and jalapeno peppers. If you don't like the peppers you can take them off. I'll eat them. I love them. Do you like spicy food? I love spicy food. It's so good," Shelby was tapping her food underneath the table. He heard it, heard her rhythm. It must have been from a favorite song of hers.
"I do like spicy food," he admitted as he took a modest bite of the sandwich. It was tasty, better than he'd anticipated. Then he added, "And thank you."
"What kind do you like?" Shelby bypassed his thank you, absolutely thrilled that they had something in common.
This makes it seem like we're friends
To her, you are
But I don't want to encourage it
It's a simple conversation. Get a grip
"Well, there are these dragon fire peppers that I quite enjoy."
Shelby looked impressed.
"That sounds good! I'd love to try one sometime! If that's okay, of course. No one else in my family likes spicy stuff as much as I do. They think it's too hot so I have to spicy up my own food."
Kind of reminiscent of how most of the family didn't share his appreciation for spicy food either. Not one of them had tried his dragon fire peppers, especially after he and Luke had told the story of how Ravi had stopped the school bully, Dale Davenport.
She wiped the pudding stain that was nearly her mouth with a napkin. "So, what were you gonna say? You said we needed to talk."
Oh, yes. Now he remembered.
"About our project-" He barely even got the words out and she started talking again. Why did he even try?
"Oh yeah! We only have one more study date, don't we? I'm so sad about that, aren't you? I can't believe it's almost over. I guess we'll have more projects, what do you think? I think we will. But this was so fun! I can't wait to act it out. Do you want us to go first when we present or last or maybe in the middle? I don't mind, either way. I just figured that maybe you'd wanna get it over with and done, you know?" She babbled.
"As I was trying to say," he leveled her with a pointed look that she did not react to. He gave up. It was useless. "About our project, I think we should study in the park again. We can do that after school, unless you have somewhere else to be today."
He hoped that she would.
"Nope, I don't!" Darn it. "Buuuuut," she drawled teasingly.
"But what?" he groaned.
"I was thinking..."
"...Yes?"
"What if we go somewhere else to study?" He had a bad feeling about that. "The library and the park's been fun but my parents want me home earlier today. I think it's because we still need to unpack some things. Did you have a lot of stuff when you came here? Did it take you a while to unpack? We don't have a whole lot but it's enough, you know? It's been hard because they work a lot and then my brother and I have homework and chores and we've been studying so I can't just help them out and-"
"So what you're saying is," he hurriedly interjected, "we need to choose somewhere that's closer to your apartment?"
"Orrrrrr," she was bouncing in her seat again and Ravi saw that pattern: that signal that she had a fantastic idea and was thoroughly excited to share the fantastic idea with Ravi. "We could go over to my house!"
(And as with most of her ideas and thoughts, Ravi didn't share that overwhelming enthusiasm-exhibit A: This moment when she (falsely) believed that he would be thrilled to come over. He wasn't).
"Y-Your house?" He could just imagine it, picturing that her family was equally as obnoxious and sickeningly happy as Shelby was. He refrained from shuddering.
"Yeah!" she beamed and there were those dimples again.
Funny how you notice those
I'm making a simple observation
Sure you are
"Wouldn't it be fun?" That was her signature question, one he was sure she'd said about a thousand times since she came to Walden. "After we finish, we could hangout together! We could bake cookies or watch people or take a walk or you could even stay for dinner! Oh man, I'm so excited, aren't you?"
There was that, too.
"Oh, no," he started to backtrack before he would get pushed into it any further, "I hardly think that's a good idea."
"Why not?" her eyes went big again. And they looked so ridiculously innocent. Like bambi.
That's an interesting comparison
"Well, I-" He didn't have much of an excuse so what was he supposed to say? "Well, I-I'm grounded," he settled on that.
"Oh, no!" she exclaimed.
"Yes," he pretended to be sorry about it, "Jessie told me I'm not allowed to go over anyone's house to hangout."
She also meant that for your 'friends', unless you're considering Shelby a friend now
No! Don't be obtuse. It's just an excuse
"That sucks," she remarked. Then she brightened up, an imaginary light bulb seemed to light up. "But this is for our project. So technically we're not hanging out, are we? We're doing our homework so maybe she'll let you!"
She's technically correct
Ugh
"I don't know," he was stalling. "She might not."
"You should ask her!" Shelby suggested. "Oooh! I'll text my dad and ask if you can come over! My parents have been wanting to meet you. I've told them all about you, of course!"
"You've...talk about me?"
"Of course, silly."
"About what?" Knowing Shelby, that could have been anything.
"Lots of stuff!"
That doesn't make me feel any better
"That doesn't narrow it down," Ravi argued.
But Shelby had apparently abandoned the subject and was onto something else. The fate of whether Ravi would be allowed over was more important. "Did you ask yet? Can you come over?"
Did you see me touch my phone?
"No," he said slowly.
"Can you ask? Pleaseeeee?"
"Why?" He didn't want to and quite frankly, her persistence was wearing on him. "And don't tell me it will be fun."
She giggled. "Oh come on, Ravi! You know you want to!"
No, I don't. I really don't
He had to maintain a relatively normal composure without unloading all of what he was feeling onto her, at least within the presence of his classmates. They would just love that. They would snicker and label him having anger issues. They came up with enough things to bother him with, he didn't need to help them with it!
"I would rather not," he said quietly.
"Raviiiiii."
"Don't start that," he warned.
"Don't start what?" She was messing with him, enjoying it.
"You know very well what I'm speaking of," he didn't wish to play any games. He was tired and wanted to be back in bed.
"Or do I?" She propped her elbows on the table, resting her chin on the tops of her hands.
"You're not funny," he said crossly.
"How funny! Emily said the same thing!"
What. A. Coincidence.
He was about to lose it. "Just stop it!" he whisper-yelled. "I don't appreciate this-any of this!"
She reached over to playfully shove him at his shoulder. "I'm just messing around, silly."
That's always your excuse
"Regardless," he was going to say something but ultimately realized it was worthless to try and get through to her. She was simply so stubborn that he didn't need to try. He buried his face in his arms, making all sorts of exasperated noises.
He felt a poke in one of his arms. His eye twitched.
"So are you gonna ask?"
Take a deep breath and count to ten
"Fine!" he said shippishly and grabbed his phone.
Maybe Jessie would say no.
Maybe the universe would be in his favor for this one time in his pathetic life.
Just maybe.
Okay, I suppose that's fine since it is for homework. But remember to be home in time for dinner. We're having pizza and you know how Luke is
...Or it might be laughing at him while making everything entirely impossible for him.
"Did she text you back? What'd she say? Can you come over?" Shelby asked him.
Why couldn't Jessie put her foot down for once?
"I can't believe it, I can't believe it, I can't believe it!" She was squealing, holding onto the sleeve of his shirt, jumping up and down like some loon. "I can't believe you're actually coming over! Isn't this great? Are you as excited as I am? This is gonna be the best day ever!"
Or the day I decide to throw myself into traffic
"Can you stop that please?' He was cringing at how she was conducting herself out in public. It was utterly embarrassing and he didn't want to be seen with someone like that. His social standing was lowered enough by his own issues, he didn't need to have it any lower because of Shelby. She might not care all that much about how other people saw her, but he did.
"Hold up," that time, she took his wrist and guided him away from the sea of incoming students and over to the side where all the lockers were. "I need to get something out of my locker first."
"Fine," he muttered, not even fighting against her.
Some people were still bothered by the fact that Ravi Ross was being willingly seen with (and associated by) a female. They were giving the pair strange looks that had been going on since she'd come there. It was slightly tiring. Didn't they have anything else to do besides stare at them?
Luke was passing by with his friends, totally engrossed in their conversation. Ravi was glad; still, though, he turned his face more toward the lockers to avoid meeting eyes with Mitch. He'd done good in trying to avoid him and for now, anyway, Mitch had grown bored of trying to mess with him in the mornings so he left Ravi alone.
(But Ravi didn't let his guard down so easily. He anticipated Mitch's next attack).
"Okay!" Shelby slammed the door of her locker and Ravi flinched. "I'm done! We can go now."
"Can we wait a second?" Ravi was hoping that by waiting a few minutes, his siblings would be on their way home.
"How come?"
"I-I have to go to the bathroom," he'd spied the bathroom sign and it gave him a quick, reasonable excuse.
"Okay! I think I'll go too. I wanna fix my ponytail anyway, it kept sliding down in PE..." Shelby went into the girl's bathroom, her voice echoing.
Ravi stayed by her locker. He didn't really have to go and he didn't fancy running into anyone else that didn't particularly like him in there.
Thankfully, unlike his sisters, Shelby didn't linger in there and came out as quick as she went in
"Ready to go now?" She asked.
No, not at all
He ignored his screaming inner voice.
"Yes," he sighed. "Let's go."
She offered her arm for him to latch on, like in those older movies. He declined.
It was one of those days where the temperature had cooled dramatically from the other days that the two had to study together. The breeze made her hair sway and it was refreshing on his face, even with the sun.
Speaking of the sun, the rays had shone down on Shelby's face and-
And what? What were you going to say?
Nothing
That didn't seem like nothing
"It's so pretty out," Shelby commented.
"I suppose." Out of habit, Ravi would answer as if she would ask him his opinion (which she usually did).
"At least it's not hot outside."
"Mhm," he hummed.
"And at least there's a breeze."
"Mhm," he repeated.
"I also think we're gonna have so much! It's been a while since I've had a friend over."
"Mhm."
"Maybe after this we could try going on an actual date?"
"Mhm-what?' he spluttered.
She started to laugh. "I just wanted to see if you were paying attention! You should have seen your face!"
Hilarious
He must have looked as sour as he felt; she pinched his cheeks and said, "Oh come on, Ravi. I was just kidding."
Don't do that. Don't touch me, don't even look at me
"You're so serious," she mockingly sighed. "I've got to loosen you up somehow."
"No, thank you. I'm very much fine with how I am."
"No, you aren't," she disagreed.
Who are you to say...
"Excuse you? Yes, I am."
"Ravi, you don't have to pretend. I get it."
"Get what?"
But Shelby let the topic slide. "Anyway, like I said, it's been a super long time since I've had anyone over. Okay, well maybe not a super long time but long enough, you know? Before I left Iowa, my friends and I had one last party. It was super fun. Caleb has a pool so we all went to his house. Isabella was there, Emily was there and we went swimming and a lot of food. We even made ice cream sundaes! I made mine look like a clown."
"That's very nice," he tried to sound convincing.
"You know, sometimes I miss them. I call them everyday and we video-chat, of course, but it's not the same. I miss seeing them in person and hanging out like we always did. Did you feel like that after you moved away from India? I hope maybe next summer I can see them again."
That almost made her seem human. Tolerable.
Still, her voice pepped back up, after nearly leaning toward sadness (but still not quite? Ravi was unsure of how to explain it). It was nice to see her acting human-if only briefly.
"No," he answered her question, deliberately doing what he could to stop himself from falling into the depth of another memory. Those flashbacks; those horrible, awful flashbacks that felt so eerily real. "No, I didn't."
Because you didn't have anyone to miss
"That's too bad," Shelby pointed over to where they needed to make a right turn at. Ravi followed her lead, thinking how ironic it was that he had to rely on her.
"I suppose," he said carefully.
She abruptly stopped-which meant Ravi did, too.
"Are you coming-?"
"That means you didn't have any friends!" she gaped.
His cheeks reddened.
Must she be so loud and announce it to the whole world?
Shelby took a hold of his arms and he froze. "That's awful. You must have been so lonely!"
Stop talking, please
He wiggled out of her grip. "I was fine, thank you," he said shortly.
Liar
"I think you're lying," Shelby studied his face. "How could you be fine without any friends?"
She's onto you
No she is not!
Her staring was making him squirm. "Come on," he said, unnerved, "didn't you say you have to be home earlier? We don't want to be late."
"You're avoiding the question!" she declared as they began to walk again. "You don't want to talk!"
Now she gets it...
"Correct, so that means we should continue on our journey," but he had an inkling that they wouldn't be going as fast as he'd like.
"You can't avoid it forever," she told him matter-of-factly.
She's right
I can try
And you'll fail
"I-I'm not trying to avoid it," he defended himself weakly.
"Than why won't you talk about it?"
Because I don't want to?
"Because I do not wish to!" There was a dog at the end of the corner, a stray, he assumed from the lack of collar around its neck. Shelby momentarily diverted her attention onto the animal, cooing at it with her hands extended.
"Hi Toby! Hi sweet boy! I love, love you too!" Shelby was delighted as the dog, Toby, eagerly peppered her with kisses and making happy noises.
Ugh, so much slobber
"Ravi, this is Toby," Shelby introduced him, glowing with happiness. "Isn't he the cutest little angel in the world?"
That cutest little angel looked up at him and growled, baring its teeth. Ravi instinctively took a step backwards.
"Charming," he said dryly.
"I know right!" Shelby stood back up to her full height. "I wish we could take him home but mom and dad said we can't." She looked down longingly at the dog that decided to lay down at her feet. "It's so sad. I hate to see strays, don't you? I found Toby when we moved here. He didn't have a name-at least I don't think so-so I named him Toby. I like that name, don't you? It fits him, I think."
Perhaps if you had decided to name it 'Satan'
You're just sour because he didn't like you
That is absurd and unfounded
"I don't know," she continued, "I think Chewie and Toby would get along fine. Chewie likes people and other dogs. Back when we lived in Iowa, there was this pug that lived kinda close to us. She and Chewie liked to chase each other all the time. Isn't that adorable? I think it is. And if we took Toby home, we wouldn't have to worry about someone hurting him. I worry about him a lot. It's a really big city and I don't want him to get run over or something."
"Perhaps he has more sense than to run out in traffic?" Ravi suggested.
Since when do you try and make her feel better?
She pondered his words. "I hope so. I'd just be crushed if he didn't. But dogs are smart, I think. Sometimes it's like there's a little person inside them."
She seemed to think what she said was fairly clever and laughed.
"Oh, look! There's my house! Come on!" Yet again, without thinking back to the numerous times Ravi had instructed Shelby not to touch him (especially without his permission), she took his wrist and picked up her speed. Ravi squeaked out in surprise, nearly tripping. It was a modest home, a single home that had a chimney at the top. Not a fancy penthouse or a farmhouse with a barn in the back.
You sound like you're stereotyping
They went up the stairs and she tried to open the door but it appeared locked.
"Hmm, dad's not back yet," she said more to herself, taking her lanyard off that had her house key attached. She unlocked the door and pushed it open, gesturing for Ravi to go in first.
He did, but only a step or two. He was still in the doorway, glancing at his surroundings.
He wasn't exactly sure what he'd expected it to look like; maybe because they'd come from the country, to be full of country things or maybe busy. Because Shelby always seemed so busy. He didn't know but either way, nothing looked like he thought it would.
It seemed mostly average. There were a few boxes laying around that were untouched. The walls had some pictures scattered on them. Most of the furniture was up and unpacked and the place had definitely been cleaned and repainted with a calming sky blue. Straight across the way was a staircase that led to the upstairs. He guessed Shelby's room was up there.
"I'm so glad you're here!" she repeated, closing the door and making her way over to the closed blinds that were covering the living room windows. She twisted the handle, then pushed it upward. "Can you help me open the windows? Mom must have forgot to do it earlier."
"I suppose," he did not feel entirely comfortable with going about and touching things in a home that wasn't his. But Shelby had requested it so-maybe it was alright.
Together they opened all the windows downstairs; it brightened up the house considerably.
"Thanks! Oh my gosh, don't you just love sunshine? It's the greatest thing ever! I just love sun-shiny days; oh and fresh cut grass! I love fresh cut grass. I don't know why but I've always loved the smell. It's great!" Shelby exhaled happily, as if she'd just swallowed her favorite drink.
"No, I don't really-AH!" Ravi whipped around as soon as he felt something cold and wet touch penetrate through his jeans, nudging the back of his knee. With his heart beating wildly, he looked down at another dog, the dog that Shelby had a picture pinned on the door of her locker.
"Chewie!" Shelby exclaimed. "Say hi, Ravi!"
Ravi tensed up. Chewie was peering at him, sniffing his leg. He was silently praying that it would get bored and leave him alone. Now, Ravi wasn't really afraid of dogs; they were cute of course. But one time he nearly got attacked by one and had been wary around them ever since.
Ravi awkwardly patted Chewie's head. Okay, so he was ridiculously adorable but as far as the cutest, Mrs. Kipling was still number one.
"I have to go feed Chewie real quick and take out the trash," Shelby told him, simultaneously petting her dog. "I'll be right back!"
"'Okay," he muttered as he heard her stomp off and watched Chewie rush after her.
"Are you hungry?" she called over the noise of her dumping dry food into a dog bowl. "There's some chocolate chip cookies if you want! Do you like milk? You can have milk and cookies if you want. Or we have water or soda or juice. You can take whatever you want."
I shouldn't
You're hungry
I can wait
Is that why your stomach just growled?
"I shouldn't," he scrunched up his face.
"Why not?" She moved on to her next task and tied up the strings of the trash bag into a knot. "You like cookies, don't you? I thought you did but I couldn't remember. If not, we might have something else."
"That is not necessary," he said quickly.
Shelby struggled to take the bag out, it was filled to the brim and she stumbled, trying to make her way over to the backdoor. He guessed that her trash can was out there.
"Here," he sighed and against his better judgement, he held the door for her so she didn't fall down the stairs.
You mean like you would have? But it kinda seems like an excuse, you didn't even hesitate
He...He frowned, thinking back to that split second where he'd done it without stopping to think about it. Well, he reasoned, he didn't want to be a jerk. He may not have particularly liked her but that didn't mean he had to be rude.
"Thanks!" she beamed. "You're so sweet."
His mother finally flattened down a piece of his hair that had been bent on staying straight up. She caressed his soft cheek. "Oh my, sweet, Ravi. I love you so much. Mommy loves you, okay?"
He forced a smile in return. "You're welcome."
"Now about those cookies," Shelby and he went back into the kitchen where she dipped her hand into a homemade ceramic cookie jar. It was a dark, blood red with a distorted dinosaur on it. She pulled out a couple and held them out, waving them in a silent question of do you want any or not?
Don't be stupid, you're hungry so just say yes!
I shouldn't
You're being dramatic, too. It's just food
But what if she thinks I'm being greedy if I take them or rude if I don't?
Since when do you care what she thinks about you?
Ughhhh!
He took them (cringing as she whooped), muttering a thank you as he bit into one. He was starving at this point; he'd eaten some of his lunch but not all of it. He'd been anxious at the thought of going over to Shelby's house, imagining how her family was and what they would think of him.
Would they be overly happy and talkative?
Would they be disgusted by his presence and avoid him at all costs and gossip about him the moment he left?
"It's good," he said out of surprise. It was gooey with more chocolate chips than a typical cookie had in a package from the supermarket. Beyond that, he didn't know what the difference was from any other kind of chocolate chip cookie, but it was good. Better than when Jessie had tried to be 'helpful' and bake six dozens of cookies for Zuri's booth at a bake sale. Not even Mrs. Kipling touched them. Rock hard and salty because she'd confused the salt and the sugar. No, these were to die for.
"I'm glad you like them!" Shelby said, pleased.
"Did you make these?" He'd been given her cookies before, on her first day during lunch. He managed to swipe them up in a napkin and dispose of them without eating any of it, despite that they had looked good enough to eat. That following Monday, she'd brought him a container to bring home to his family but they never made it out of the school building. Ravi should have felt bad, for wasting nearly two dozen of them by throwing them in a trash can by the staircase that hardly anyone used-he kept the container hidden in his backpack until the next day when he returned it to her and avoided all of her questions about whether or not his family had liked them or not.
"Mhm," Shelby's cheeks were still pink from the sun, it resembled Emma's when she used that-oh, what was it-blush just before her dates. "They're much better this time. I used a secret ingredient," she said in an exaggerated whisper that couldn't have been counted as a whisper at all.
"I see," Ravi felt extraordinarily awkward just standing there, looking around the mostly finished kitchen so he had something to do.
Say something!
No! Then she will start talking again
That's kinda the point
I don't want to hear it. The less I hear, the better
"Do you want any milk? Or soda? Or Water? Or Juice?"
"I suppose I'll have whatever you have," he rubbed back of his neck.
Shelby nodded. "Okay!" She went into the refrigerator and got two cans of cola. She set one on the counter and slid it over to him. "Funny, usually people eat milk and cookies together, you know? That reminds me-" Oh, what now? "Back at my old school, there was this weird kid and he used to eat his cookies and cereal with water," she made a face and groaned good naturedly, "Gross! He was super weird but a good weird. He was also a really good chess player. We used to call him Waterdown Waldo, because his name's Waldo."
Again, she assumed that was an ingenious line that only she could come up with.
Fascinating
Although Ravi had to-of all things-agree with Shelby on her take; the thought of soggy cereal and cookies by water was nauseating. The kids at school made fun of him for being weird but he wasn't as weird as that kid.
"Wanna get started?" Shelby asked after taking a big gulp. Her eyes kind of looked glassy from all that carbonation. "You can take that in the living room," she pointed to his cola, "my parents won't mind."
And accidentally spill it, creating a monstrous stain on the obviously new carpet? He'd rather not.
"I'm fine right here," he disagreed.
"Okay!" she chirped.
A few minutes later, their school papers and the Romeo and Juliet book were scattered on the counter and the table. Paranoid, Ravi kept his soda can a fair distance away. There had been a time, way back in fifth grade, about four months before Jessie came into the picture, where he had spilled soda all over Luke's homework and textbook. One of their many new and short lived nanny's, Tara-he thought that was her name-was a fresh out of school college student. She insisted that Luke do his homework right after school, persuading him that if he got it all done that he'd have the rest of the night to play his video games. Ravi had not yet been through the new school system so he stayed around to partially observe; only things went sour quickly.
Luke had whined and tried everything he could try and get out of doing his work.
Zuri had been having some temper tantrum because Tara put a limit on how many sweets she could consume before dinner.
And Emma-well he didn't really know what she'd been doing other than freaking out about something fashion related.
Poor Tara was overwhelmed and it hadn't even been five-o'clock yet. So when Ravi made the fatal mistake of moving his arm too quickly and subsequently knocked his drink over, it flooded the table and Tara was up in a flash and lost her temper. She never touched him, but she did scream at him for not watching what he was doing.
He could remember that; how it felt. How worthless she'd made him feel. How Luke had laughed at him from behind Tara's back. Those feelings he'd suppressed for the sake of getting along and he hadn't been adopted that long anyway so...
(Tara eventually got fired; not for screaming at him, though. She'd been caught snooping through his mother's makeup and his parents were concerned about what else she'd been into).
"Are you ready?" Shelby was twirling some of her hair with her finger, her eyes on the page they were supposed to be reading from.
"I suppose," he was saying that a lot lately. He was to go first so he said in a kind of monotone, "Holy Francisian! Brother, ho!"
Shelby took a step forward (which was more like one stomp of her foot. It was needlessly dramatic). "This should be the voice of Friar John! Welcome from Mantua: what says Romeo? Or, if his mind is written, give me his letter."
Ravi tried not to stumble over his lines (as he had the day they rehearsed in the park). "Going to find a bare-foot brother out one of our order, to associate me, here in this city visiting the sick and finding him, the searchers of the town, suspecting that we both were in a house where the infectious pestilence did reign, seal'd up the doors, and would not us forth; so that my speed to Mantua there was stay'd."
He had to reread that line twice-the language was so twisted and crazy that he felt like a headache was beginning to set in.
Shelby jumped in. "Unhappy fortune!" she bellowed and he jumped too, "By my brotherhood, the letter was not nice but full of charge, of dear import, and the neglecting it. May do much danger. Friar John, go hence; get me an iron crow, and bring it straight. Unto my cell."
"Brother, I'll go and bring it to thee," Ravi read.
He was to exit so he stepped back behind the kitchen counter and Shelby came a bit more forward. "Now must I to the monument alone; within three hours will fair Juliet wake: she will beshrew me much that Romeo hath had no choice of these accidents; but I will write again on Mantua, and keep her at my cell till Romeo come; poor living corse, closed in a dead man's tomb."
She took a bow. "Thank you, thank you," she said to their invisible audience. "We'll be here until Monday!"
He rolled his eyes at her antics.
"Well," she straightened back up, "I think that went well."
"Well? Well?" He looked at her in disbelief. Did she participate in some other rehearsal? "I messed up five times. I stumbled over my words and I'm not sure if I can do this in front of our class!"
She patted him on the shoulder. "Ravi, Ravi, Ravi," she tisked. "Making mistakes is a good thing!"
You must be joking
"It's how we learn," she was trying to seem wise again. "Have you ever seen the movie, Meet the Robinsons?"
He blinked, not understanding the point.
"Well if you haven't, it's so good. You should watch it. Actually, I think we have the movie somewhere. Oooh! Do you wanna stay and watch it with me? That'll be so fun! Oh, wait, you're grounded, aren't you? That stinks. I guess we'll just have to wait until some other time. But anyway," perhaps now she was going to get to the point. If there was one. "The characters have a motto: Keep moving forward. No matter how many mistakes you make, you've got to keep going."
That's hardly applicable to real life
Why? Too positive for you?
No! That's not it!
Oh, I see
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Oh, so now she was asking. "Why'd you get grounded anyway?"
Too personal
"I don't believe that's any of your business," he narrowed his eyes.
"Oh come on, we're friends, aren't we?"
No
"I just wanna know. You're so quiet, what could you have done?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"But why?"
"Because."
"Because why?" she must have enjoyed pushing his buttons. Because his nerves were on their last, very thin thread.
"Because I don't want to! Must you know every single detail of my life?" he buried his face in his hands.
"Not everything," she mused. "Well, I kinda know everything about Isabella and Emily and Caleb. But they're my besties so of course, I do! And don't worry," she said as if Ravi had been heartbroken by her previous words, "you're my bestie, too. My new bestie!"
Hooray...
I wonder what would kill me faster; a knife or banging my head on this counter?
The front door creaked and a masculine voice called out, "I'm home."
A pair of thudding feet flew through the hallway, dropping a backpack by the stairs and then rushing up them. A man that Ravi presumed to be Shelby's father stood at the end, admonishing Elliot that he knew better than to leave his backpack down there where someone could trip over it and if he didn't pick it up in five seconds, he wouldn't get any dessert that night.
The man then turned to the kitchen area where he and Shelby were. He had a nice smile and Ravi immediately saw the resemblance between him and his daughter. She was his spitting image, only in female form.
Same blonde hair, same facial constriction, same bulky, hipster glasses; he was a few inches taller than her but overall, a smaller man than average. He held a confidence about him that had passed down to his daughter.
"Daddy!" Shelby shrieked and met her father in a hug. "How was your day?"
"Just fine, princess," he squeezed her back. "And what about you?"
"It's been great!" she exclaimed and went through a run down of how her day had been. "We played dodgeball in PE and it was really fun! I almost won! I was the third to last person out, which only happened because I tripped and the ball hit me. The girl who threw it had good aim; she reminded me of Emily. Emily liked Pe, it was the only class she liked to stay awake for. So, how was your day? Did all the kids behave? I don't really have any homework besides my English project. Ravi and I are having so much fun! Oh, by the way, Daddy, this is Ravi. He's my new best friend!"
With that lovely introduction, Shelby's father looked over at him and Ravi felt a wave of anxiety wash over him. Really, he wasn't totally sure how to feel. "H-Hello," he said nervously.
A smile broke out on Mr. England's face. Shelby let him go so her father could extend his hand for a handshake. Ravi took it cautiously. "Good to finally meet you, son," her father said jovially. "Matt England. Shelby's told us all about you. My wife and I were wondering if we'd ever get to meet this infamous Ravi."
"She wouldn't shut up about you," a little boy with brown hair and a baby face came into the kitchen, grumbling.
Mr. England slapped a hand on the boy's back, pulling him in closer and ruffling his hair. "Be nice," he chided. "Your sister was excited; you know she likes people."
Shelby beamed in agreement.
"But she doesn't have to be so weird about it," the boy protested.
So Ravi wasn't the only one that thought her behavior was strange.
"Be nice," Mr. England repeated, giving his son a stern look. "You'll have to excuse our son, Elliot," he said to Ravi, than glanced back down at Elliot, "We're still working on manners."
"Manners, smanners," Elliot said under his breath-or so he thought.
"Oh," Ravi said awkwardly, "that is alright."
Mr. England, however, didn't stay concentrated on Ravi to hear his reply. "Get a snack then go into the living room so we can work on your homework."
Elliot groaned. "Daaaad."
"No buts. And don't bother your sister and Ravi. They're busy."
"But can I-"
"No."
"But what if I-"
"No."
"But-"
"Elliot, no," Mr. England was firm about his decision. "Snack, then homework. We talked about this, how you're getting older and you have to keep your grades up."
"I know," Elliot was sulking but eventually did as he was told.
Mr. England shook his head. "Kids," he said fondly. "So, tell me Ravi, you're a junior just like my daughter is, correct?"
"Yes, sir," he said politely.
"What's your plan for after high school?" Mr. England sat on the edge of the counter, arms crossed, although not in a confrontational way.
"I-" He hadn't put much thought into lately, especially with the way his grades were going. What did he want to pursue, career wise? What was he good at? He was drawing a blank and didn't know how to come up with a (fast) answer that sounded reasonable and would placate Shelby's father.
"I think you'd be a good teacher!' Shelby chimed in. "Or a doctor or a nurse or a scientist or a vet or-"
"Shelby," Mr. England said gently, slightly laughing, "why don't we let Ravi answer."
"Okay," she giggled.
"I hope my daughter hasn't talked your ear off too much, son," Mr. England chuckled.
"I haven't!" Shelby said just as Ravi faked yet another smile.
"I really don't know yet," Ravi finally settled on, shrugging to make his answer seem more believable.
Mr. England bought it. So did Shelby. He should have been an actor.
"I was the same way for a while," the man nodded as if remembering his younger years as a high school student. "It's tricky, for sure. Still treated like a kid yet expected to make big decisions. I get it. I didn't know what I wanted to do until my last two months of high school. Finally figured out that teaching was my calling. Let me tell ya: when you find that thing that just makes you ecstatic, go for it. Run with it. No matter what it takes. It sure beats a job you aren't really happy with."
He's right, you know
That may be so, but surely that isn't realistic. You can't always have a job you want
Maybe not, but you should try
So I can fail?
That depends on your attitude. If you think you'll fail, you will
That kind of psychology doesn't work on me
"Thank you, err, for the advice," Ravi said.
"Don't mention it," Mr. England said. "And remembering, that isn't just for picking a career. That's for life. If you ever come across and you just want it, grab onto it. It could be the best thing for you."
Ravi could detect that tone, that knowing tone, the same of which that Shelby had. He didn't quite know what to think of it or how to respond to that last piece of advice. But, he didn't have to. Mr. England then harped on his son for not listening to his instructions again. The boy was trying to watch TV with the volume turned down but he'd apparently not anticipated on his father catching him in the act.
As for Shelby, she was still standing there (miraculously quiet), sucking on a straw that was pushed into a fruit punch juice box. "My dad's so smart," she complemented, "that's why he's a teacher. I don't think I could be a teacher. It just doesn't feel right, you know? I don't feel all ecstatic like dad says I should. Do you wanna be a teacher? I feel like you'd be a good one. Maybe a science teacher or, ooooh! An English teacher since you're so good at English."
For being so good at English, he'd recently been given a D on their last three assignments, one of them being on the verge of an F in one case.
At least she has faith in you. No one else does
"I don't think so," he didn't think he could picture himself up in front of a class, being watched and judged for things like enforcing the rules.
They would eat you alive
"That's too bad! You'd be so good at it."
I think you're delusional
"Wanna see my room?" She really did have a short attention span. Like a gnat or a small child.
"We aren't done with our project yet," Ravi felt so defeated. There was little time for them to prepare any longer. Soon they would present their project to the class and Shelby wanted to waste further time by showing him something as pointless as her room. "Do you not think we should spend a little more time on it?"
They were going to fail. Given an F or a D for halfhearting it. Their classmates would laugh at them, mock them for it, especially if Shelby acted as theatrical and dramatic as she did during their rehearsal.
He didn't want any of that to happen. But, simultaneously, he'd stopped caring for the most part about his grades. He didn't want to be that same brainiac that everyone messed with.
He was confused. He was unsure. Everything felt like a jumbled mess.
"We'll be fine!" She motioned for him to follow her and they passed by the living room, where Elliot was seated on the couch next to his father, visibly pouting.
Chewie wanted to go upstairs as well and made it up there before either of them, waiting until Shelby got up to the top.
"Such a good boy," she praised, rubbing the top of his head.
There were three bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. The bathroom was located on the right as soon as one came upstairs. The door was wide open and the lights were off. He saw that down the hallway, all the way at the end, what appeared to be a master bedroom. That must have been for Shelby's parents.
"This is my room," she pointed to a room that was straight ahead of them. Chewie went in, first and jumped up on her bed, curling up in a ball and laying his head down.
Ravi would have had to have been heartless to not find that adorable.
"Make yourself at home!" Shelby told him, slapping him on the back (he gasped, having not seen that coming). "I'll be right back," and she disappeared from view, her voice trailing downstairs as she called for her father.
Ravi stood there, really unsure of how to make himself at home when, quite frankly, he was more than uncomfortable with being alone in her bedroom. Either her father was oblivious and preoccupied with getting her brother to do his homework, or he entirely trusted his daughter to make good choices and that Ravi wouldn't try anything while up there.
(Although the mere thought of the implication made him want to vomit).
Stop being so dramatic
It was a fairly typical room, he supposed. Not disasterly untidy like Luke's room. Not over the top girly like Emma's or Zuri's. And it wasn't as Shelby-fied as he would have assumed. Still, that could have been because not everything was taken out of the boxes yet, as indicated by the ones sitting beside the window.
But, she did have some things put away. A few posters for some books, a bookcase that was already filled up. A dresser was placed in the corner of the room, across from him. There was a bean-bag and a few pictures scattered around. Her bed was made and the curtains on the window were pulled open.
The walls were most definitely painted recently-a neon green that really popped.
"So how do you like my room?" She came up right behind him, practically yelling into the back of his ear.
He cursed under his breath, keeping a rein on his emotions when she came out in front of him and sat on the edge of her bed. He couldn't believe it; he just couldn't believe it. No one could be that socially unaware. There was just no way she didn't have a clue that she was heavily irritating him, causing him to fight the urge against breaking something to release all that anger. She had to have known what she was doing.
"You can sit down if you want," she encouraged. "You can sit on my bed or the bean-bag or even the floor if you want. I don't care. But the floor would be really uncomfortable, don't you think? Have you ever slept on the floor? I did-a few times for a few sleepovers and my back hurt afterwards. But then again, that was a hardwood floor." She was tapping her finger against her cheek, wearing a thoughtful expression.
I'm honestly astounded you've reached the level of schooling that you are in
"I think I will just stand," he held his left arm with his right hand.
"Okay!" Shelby didn't insist on him joining her on the bed, just to scoot up next to him and invade his personal space. "Ooooh! Wanna see my friends! Come on!" She was up in seconds to get one of the pictures hanging on the wall. She eagerly held it out to him and he realized that she meant for him to physically take it. "That's me and Caleb and Isabella and Emily," she pointed to each individual. "Caleb's family went on vacation to Arizona and his parents said we could come along and it was so fun! That's us at the Grand Canyon. It was really hot. We went swimming after that. I took a ton of pictures. Wanna see? I think I have them around somewhere in a scrapbook. I used a polaroid-have you ever used one? They're so cool! Mine's not new like you see in the stores, my grandpa had one when he was around my age and he gave it to me! Isn't that neat?"
"Fascinating," he said dryly.
The picture must not have been taken that long ago, for Shelby doesn't look that much different than she does now. There was one exception; she wasn't wearing any glasses.
His eyes glossed over the picture in his hands. Caleb was in between Shelby and Isabella. He was around their height, just slightly taller. His hair was blonde, too and he wore thick-rimmed glasses that looked kind of big for his face. Honestly, had he not just met Elliot, he would have thought she and Caleb were related.
Then there was Isabella. Taller than Shelby, dark hair and dark eyes. She wore glasses as well-they all did.
Emily had dirty blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She was at the end and making a face while sticking her tongue out. The one thing that stuck out to Ravi was her hoodie. It must have been well over a hundred degrees yet that did not stop her from wearing it.
What's the difference between you wearing a flannel and jeans?
"Emily's always wearing a hoodie," Shelby said as if she was reading his mind. "She says she's cold, even in the summer. Isabella tried to get her to take it off in Arizona so she didn't overheat but Emily's stubborn and she didn't listen to her. Isabella tries to be the responsible one and Emily's always saying that she's going to corrupt her one day. Emily tried to get her to skip school once but she refused. Have you ever skipped school? Probably not, but I thought I'd ask. I haven't. I couldn't do it. I'd be too nervous and I'd feel just awful lying to my parents, wouldn't you?"
He'd lost so much feeling for just about everything, that should he have made the choice to skip, he didn't think he would regret it or feel bad about lying to Jessie.
That had to be a red flag about something.
Wasn't it?
Or was he overthinking again? Like some hypochondriac patient on the brink of a breakdown after fearing cancer might be causing her knee pain. He'd done that before, his fear overriding him to the point he felt like he could have shut down.
It surely wasn't normal.
But nothing about him was normal, not in a sense that truly mattered.
And it wasn't a cutesy abnormality either; that some kids, more prominent in the younger grades, made known to everyone around them. He wasn't abnormal in the sense of trying to appear strange when in reality he was normal and just attention seeking. No, he was actually weird. People had pointed and laughed at him before. They'd said the most abhorrent things, they'd done the most abhorrent things.
"Ravi," Shelby put a hand to his shoulder and it broke his stupor he'd fallen into. It took a moment, to realize where he was and become aware that they were still in Shelby's bedroom, still in Shelby's house. "Are you okay? You looked kinda spaced out so I wasn't sure if you were daydreaming or not. Did you know that you could have a seizure and it looks like you're just daydreaming? Isn't that freaky? I can't remember what they're called but someone from my class in elementary school had them. It was so weird. Have you ever had a seizure? I haven't. It looks scary, you know when you convulse and all that."
Ravi's head was spinning. Shelby's words were registering but she sounded so distant, like she was much further away than being right next to him like she was in reality. He could really only answer one question at a time. "No," he muttered dazedly. "No, I haven't."
"That's good," she said earnestly."That would suck if you did."
Somewhere, through her less than articulate wording, Ravi sensed that her sincerity was absolute. Her hand hadn't moved and her eyes expressed her genuine happiness.
He coughed, stepping back just a smidge.
His shoulder felt strange, now that her hand was off of it.
But he brushed it off, figuring that he was just imagining it.
"Can we go back to working on our project now?" he needed to get out of the room, suddenly feeling a tad claustrophobic for no good reason. It was smaller than his room (smaller than most of the rooms in the penthouse) and it was making him think. Think bad thoughts, memories he'd rather not think about. He was desperate to move on.
"Okay!" Shelby flashed him another smile and together they walked out with her chattering once again, "Do you want more cookies and soda? We have plenty. I'm still hungry but, course, I don't wanna ruin your dinner..."
Shelby had a 'fantistical' idea of turning on the radio and inserting one of her CDs. She claimed that would help them and her father was alright with it, so long as she didn't play it too loud since they were still working (Ravi came to learn that Shelby's brother didn't tackle homework with any seriousness so their dad had to be right there with him to make sure his son did what he was supposed to do).
A disadvantage of having a teacher for a parent, he supposed.
The music was from the nineties and was upbeat and danceable (Shelby was insisting that he 'let loose' and have some fun). Ravi found it increasingly distracting to focus on reading his lines when she was lowly singing and moving her hips to the song. Could she not stop fooling around and pay attention?
"I think we're good," she said after they rehearsed for the fourth time that day.
"But we still keep messing up," he countered. "We should strive to perfect it."
"We'll be fine!" she exclaimed. Famous last words. "Besides, don't you have to leave soon?"
"No," he'd checked his phone and he had plenty of time. As expected, time seemed to go much slower when he was in the presence of Shelby.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes," he was starting to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "It is only after four."
"No, it isn't," she held up her phone and he was stunned to see that it was actually only a few minutes before the clock was to strike five.
Uh oh
"What-" he stared at his screen. Something-or someone-had tampered with it. Jessie had fixed it before she placed it on charge, so he'd been told. "That is impossible!" He was going to be late again. He pild everything into his backpack without neatly arranging, just shoving it right in. Shelby was watching him with that look of hers.
"I must be going," he said as a way of goodbye.
"Well, do you want any cookies and soda for the road? You know, in case you get hungry. If you don't, that's fine! I just thought you might want some. Also, we can rehearse one last time on Monday if you think we need it. I think we're fine but if it'll make you less nervous, it's alright with me! You know, I'm kinda bummed you won't ghetto meet my mom. She's super nice. Maybe if you get the chance to come back over sometime, you can meet her then! Okay, bye, Ravi!" she said happily as he closed the door. "See you on Monday!"
