I'm baaack! Sorry this is a bit short. I haven't done one this short in a while but I wanted to stop there because of what I have planned for next chapter! Which will probably be a long one.
I officially unofficially have 3 parts for this fic. The first is done, which was to get to Ravi's attempted suicide. The second will be for them to become friends and start Ravi's healing process and finally the third part is for them to get romantically involved. I don't know how many chapters will be done for the last two parts. We'll see
They walked back in silence. Shelby didn't pester him with questions or try to cheer him up with optimism he didn't want. She didn't do anything but stay beside him as they made their way back to her house. Since it was after dark, plus he felt responsible for her being that she was technically still new to the city, Ravi took her home.
She stood in the doorway. Her brother was put to bed a couple hours ago and her parents were upstairs, watching TV from the sound of it. She looked over her shoulder at him from where he was, not too far from her. He didn't move quite yet. He didn't know if he wanted to.
She opened her mouth, but ultimately didn't speak. A rarity. He watched as she turned back to go inside. At the last minute she whirled back around and pulled him into a tight embrace, her face pressing on his shoulder. It was then, tossing him a soft smile, that she went into her house.
Ravi's legs felt enormously heavy and unwilling to move on the way back to the penthouse. Every step was taken as if he were in some slow moving parallel universe. He was known as the level headed child of the family. The one who was always prepared who always had a plan and wasn't as spontaneous as his siblings. But as of right now, he didn't feel prepared nor did he have a plan. His entire foundation was shattered, shaken to its core. It left him feeling utterly vulnerable and exposed. How was one supposed to feel after failing to do...that?
How should he begin to pick up and rebuild the pieces when everything was so numb?
He didn't want to. He wanted to go back out there, stand on the railing and finish what he tried to start. Make it better by redeeming himself. He mourned for the lost opportunity, for the chance he finally had at freeing himself. At freeing his family and those who dreaded having to be within his presence. It's not too late. Just go do it. You owe it to everyone, don't you? You owe it to them for having to put up with you for so long. Just do it and get it over with already.
The rain was on and off; it didn't pour down like it had earlier but it did start up again so Ravi's clothes that were beginning to dry uncomfortably had gotten soaked again, clinging even more to his body. He felt like he was in a daze. As if there was water clogging up his ears, blocking out the noises of the world. He was weighed down by some invisible weight that was chained to him, feet being nearly unwilling to cooperate as he walked. The air itself was stuffy, suffocating. Was there not enough air or was it him?
The numbness crept up like a crouched lion. The world seemed so bleak, so gray. He was so lost, a disturbed soul that merely shuffled through, while everyone else went on living. That no one took notice of, no one did more than glance at him. If that.
Everyone thought the next person would do it.
"Ravi!" Tony grinned when he walked into the lobby. "How'd the party go? Did you and-what was her name?-Shelby have fun?" He was wiggling his eyebrows again. "Hope it wasn't too much fun, if you know what I mean. Don't want Jessie to kill you."
If only he knew
If only he knew how non threatening Jessie is
She isn't a danger
You're a danger to yourself
Isn't that ironic
Up in the penthouse, Luke was in the kitchen, grabbing a ton of junk food. He and Zuri were going to the theater room where they would watch some movie that wasn't even released yet but on account of their dad's job, they were able to view it before anyone else. When Ravi stepped off the elevator, glancing out of his peripheral to the direction where the noise of crinkling bags and thudding from aluminum cans colliding with the counter, he recalled Mitch's words.
"Send it to Luke. he'll love it."
Send it to- His brother knew about it. He must have seen it by now that enough time has passed. Ravi imagined Luke laughing hysterically, sharing it to his own online socials because it was so funny. Being shared over and over and over . Thousands of people laughing at his expense. Mocking him. All of it happening faster then he could blink.
Later that night, with his bedroom plunged into darkness, Ravi sat on his bed. His knees were pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped himself tightly. His eyes became strikingly red and puffy again; big, fat tears spilled down his cheeks. He cried harder than he had in a long time. There had been an awakening, a rapid stirring of emotions he hadn't known himself capable of feeling and then...then it all just became too much. He was drowning, unable to get back up to the top. His hands were waving around wildly, trying to find something to grasp, someone to grasp but he couldn't because there was nothing. There was no one to help him.
The rest of the weekend flew by, not that Ravi took much notice of what went on around the penthouse. For once, Jessie didn't bother him, but he didn't believe for one second it was because she'd seen the video and felt an extraordinary amount of sympathy towards him. She was busy. Like always. Busy with the latest audition she was trying out for that was going to take place the following week. The potential role included several scenes where she needed to pull off a convincing cry, which was not a strong suit for Jessie. So, she spent as much of her free time as she could practicing.
The closer Monday morning came, the more anxious Ravi grew. He did not go to sleep the night before, nor did he move an inch. He was paralyzed by fear, a fear that gripped him so tight as if he was placed in a chokehold, he didn't know how he'd held it together until sunrise. He stayed that way as the moon drifted into the west, as the sun rose high in the sky that morning and the sunshine burst into the room.
Ravi's face was in a dead expression. His eyes were unfocused, the tears dried on his cheeks and a headache beginning to appear. He sniffled, burying half of his face into the back of his knees.
He was so tired.
Oh, you're pathetic
Woe is you
Poor little Ravi is tired
Haven't we heard that before?
Can't take it, can you?
Good
Just add this to a list of your failures
You had one job
Just one measly thing to do
And you couldn't do it
Your family would be embarrassed if they knew
They're already an embarrassment to the wizarding world
You just want to ruin them a little more
Don't you?
Time had essentially stood still between Friday night and now. It was an odd feeling. Ravi did whatever he could to stay clear from the rest of the family and Bertram. He didn't want to be around them. He didn't want to be around anybody, for that matter. Shelby tried to text him. Multiple times. It was little things; asking if he was okay, asking him if he wanted to hang out, asking if he wanted to see a super cute picture of Chewie.
Asking. Asking. Asking.
Well, he was sick of it!
And he had a right to feel sick of it. How hard was it to comprehend that he wanted to be left alone without being bothered again and again? It wasn't. Some part of Ravi, as irrational as it was on some level, was unsettled by Shelby's unwanted intervention. She'd seen him at his lowest, his breaking point and witnessed his ugly tears. et, and this was the part that baffled him, She hadn't gone away. She didn't back up and pretend she hadn't seen him there. She didn't avoid coming over to him at all. Why? She spoke to him in a way that was more real then anyone had in...years. Why? Why didn't he just leave him be? More importantly, why did she...why did she...
Why did she save your life?
Saved his life. Ravi pondered on that peculiar notion for hours now. It just didn't make sense. No such thing occurred. It certainly didn't feel like his life had been saved. Should it? Should he be eternally grateful and extend his overwhelming gratitude to Shelby? He wasn't feeling very grateful at all.
He was upset.
He was peeved.
He was angry.
It was a feeling that was like a fire, ignited with a tiny spark that now exploded. It was none of his business! He should have left. He shouldn't have come up there and messed with what wasn't his to mess with!
That didn't even begin to cover it.
Saved his life, Ravi scoffed weakly. That was simply ridiculous. That would imply that his life had been in impending danger and it hadn't. It hadn't because it had been in control, perfect control by him. Nothing was going to happen until he chose to do something about it.
Until now.
Until Shelby stepped in and made that choice for him. He was burning with bitterness, amidst all of the other emotions that came with it. He was just so mad. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. He should have just jumped. He shouldn't have listened to her. He should have done this and that. If he'd done those things, he might have been successful.
It wasn't even like Shelby genuinely cared!
By the time he trudged down the stairs, after waiting until he was sure Luke and Zuri would be done with their breakfast so he didn't have to hear their laughter surrounding him, Jessie was at the bottom and very much irate. He'd gone slower that morning, not with just waiting, but finding that he didn't have the energy to do his routine tasks. Not now. Not after that. But he couldn't explain any of that to her. She wouldn't understand. She wouldn't try to understand.
"What were you doing up there?" Jessie asked, her voice a bit on the shrilly side. "Do you know what time it is? You're going to be late! Luke and Zuri already left."
"I...I'm sorry," he muttered, keeping his eyes lowered to the floor. "I was-"
"You were what?" Jessie ran a hand through her hair. "You have to go. You don't have time to eat. Take a granola bar and eat it along the way."
"But-"
"Go!" She practically shoved him to the elevator. "The last thing I need is for your parents to know you were late."
Yes, because it would reflect badly on her.
Not that she was concerned as to why he had been late getting down there. No, none of that. Ravi wasn't fortunate enough for her to care about him like that.
She'll never care about you
You're just part of a paycheck to her
You won't matter as soon as you're of age and she finally leaves
Than again, you don't matter now
Isn't that right?
But you know that already
That's why you tried to do that little deed
But you failed
Just like you always fail
Because you can't do one little thing right
Doesn't that make you feel just awful?
Ravi didn't want to go to school. He didn't want to deal with the whispers that would follow him or the laughter to surround him. He couldn't handle that. He couldn't face that. He couldn't do it all alone. For a split second, as he made the cross from one part of the street to the other, ducking his head as a horn from a waiting car honked obnoxiously, he debated on whether he should even go at all. What if he just...skipped? The school would likely call Jessie to inform her, creating a snowball effect where he would be punished not only by Walden with an unexcused absence, but also by Jessie yet again.
But he was willing to risk it.
The old him wouldn't have risked it. The thought of cutting class would never have entered his frame of mind, let alone him entertaining it. He had dreams, he had plans. Plans and dreams that he'd thought about for a long while, since coming to America where those dreams and plans could happen. Yet, it didn't matter now. It didn't matter because nothing did. He could throw everything away and he wouldn't feel guilty for it.
He ended up not going through with the half formed plan.
Coward
You're such a coward
That's why you didn't finish the deed
Isn't that right?
When he got to the school, he felt physically ill. No one was acknowledging him at first, the few students that were climbing up the stairs. Some were barely awake and others were glued to their cell phones to really notice him. He stilled his movements, squeezing his eyes shut.
" I think you need help with your clothes."
"I think we should start with his hair, don't you think so, boys?"
"I think little Robby needs some help with his pants."
"Say cheese."
Awful, terrible, horrifying laughter.
"Hi, Ravi."
Ravi cursed, whirling around to find Shelby standing right there with a broad grin. He glared at her, his heart hammering in his chest. Must she do that? He hadn't heard her approach him at all. "Hello," he said, begrudgingly.
She took a few steps toward him, her face softening. He didn't like that look. Not from anyone. He didn't want to see that unmistakable gleam of pity. That was exactly what she was giving him. He just knew it. "Are you okay?" She asked him.
I cannot do this, Ravi swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat. I cannot do this. I can't. I can't.
"I can't do this," he said out loud in a mere whisper. "I can't."
His mind was foggy; he didn't register Shelby touching his arm, repeating his name, Ravi, Ravi, Ravi but he didn't hear her. His eyes went unfocused again until she roughly shook him. "Ravi," she placed her warm palm on his cheek. "Are you okay? You're really spacey today. Is it because of...you know? I've been thinking about you all weekend. I hope you're okay. That was so mean of them. They shouldn't have done it. Oh, you're really pale, did you know? You look sick. Are you sick? You shouldn't come to school if you're sick. You could infect someone. That's what my mom says. She's a nurse. Have I mentioned that? Gosh, I can't remember. Do you want some water? Or some juice? I have both."
"No," he murmured, dazedly. "No. I don't want any."
"It's going to be okay," she said in a soft tone.
No it won't
She doesn't understand
She wasn't the one who was humiliated in front of everyone
She doesn't get it
And she never will
"Do you wanna go in yet? We don't have to. We can wait. I'll wait here with you," she said.
"Just go," he muttered, eyes darting to the ground. "I can stay here by myself."
I don't need a babysitter
"I know you can but I wanna stay," she said, sincerely.
Why?
I don't understand
Why?
That doesn't make any sense
"Why?" He vocalized his thoughts.
"Because you're my best friend," she said, simply. "Best friends don't let each other go through stuff alone."
She's lying
She doesn't mean it
You'll never mean that much to anyone
She's trying to trick you
Don't fall for it
"I'm not-"
"Yes, you are," she cut him off.
He was going to retort when his phone buzzed. A sense of dread filled his stomach. Shelby's words went right through him as he checked the slew of text messages. The first one was a picture of himself with his shirt over his head and pants pulled down that one of Mitch's friends had taken.
Every1 in school saw it
How does it feel 2 b popular?ᅡᅠ
He shut off his phone, unable to read the rest. He was midway to pocketing it again when Shelby suddenly grabbed it from him and swiped it open. Frozen in shock, Ravi could only splutter incoherently at the audacity.
"Give that back!" he made a reach for it but she moved it out of the way. "I mean it! You have no business going through it! I want it back now!"
Her face was no longer showing a smile. It was impassive, as she scrolled up through his messages. Those messages. The ones from the unknown person he'd been getting for weeks now. The person who bothered him day and night. The person who told him he ought to kill himself.
Whoever they are, they might be happy to know you almost succeeded
Her hands went limp, drooping downward and he took the opportunity to snatch it back. "That's very mean," she said, quietly. Her eyes raised up, making contact with his own. "Why would they say that to you?" She was genuinely lost on how somebody could be so cruel.
Because it's true
Because I deserve it
Because there is something wrong with me
Because I'm not as valuable as anyone else
Ravi's hands rubbed up and down the side of his thighs. He sniffled and hated himself for doing so. "I, erm, I just..." He went ahead of her, up the stairs and to the front doors that led to the inside of Walden Academy. He came to a stop there, wishing he would be anywhere but there.
He heard the thudding from Shelby's shoes on the pavement. She was beside him again, panting from the bit of running she'd just done. "You don't have to be scared," she said to him. "I'm right with you."
Fantastic
Just what I needed
A protector
"I don't need you," he muttered. "I'm fine on my own."
"Didn't you hear what I said?" She leaned out to glance at his face properly. "You're my best friend, Ravi. I'm not letting you go through anything alone. I'll be beside you the whole time."
She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and let go.
