So his stomach did that flip flop thing.
So what?
There was a reasonable explanation for it. Ravi was sure of that. He even took to looking it up on his computer, typing it in the search engine quickly, pressing the enter button forcefully. It was really nothing to think about. He must have been hungry or just caught off guard by the gesture or-
Countless results came up. Ravi scrolled the list. Yes, there. It could have been caused by an underlying health condition. Irritable bowel syndrome? No. He was fine otherwise in that area. Peptic ulcer disease? Hmm. promising. But-oh. No. None of the symptoms besides nausea were applicable. Inflammatory bowel disease? Still no. Celiac disease? Definitely not.
He paused at the last one, lips thinning out.
Anxiety disorder.
Ravi wasn't so sure he'd go as far to say he had anxiety. That was pushing it. He certainly had spurts where his fear felt overwhelming, even crippling, but he didn't have some disorder. That was absurd. He wasn't like those people. They had actual reasons to be anxious. But him? What did he have? Nothing. He had a good life by most standards; getting adopted into a rich family, taken away from his previous life to this where he no longer had to deal with the same problems he used to.
Not like other people out in the world. They weren't so lucky. They didn't have the opportunity to get a fresh start. They had to suffer through poverty, abusive parents or relationships, hunger, homelessness and the list went on. Those people had plenty of reasons to be upset with life. Their anxiety, should they have it, was valid.
But not him.
Never him.
He scrolled some more, exiting the list he'd been glancing at. He squinted his eyes, the light from the computer was horrendously bright in his pitch black room and made his eyes itch and burn. Before he shut it down, he came across one more thing which stood out more promising than the rest. He went on to read that the fluttery sensation was a result of a reduction in blood to the stomach. It was due to the release of adrenaline as part of the flight or fight response and is commonly seen when a person is in-
He exhaled, a mixture of frustration and confusion coming over him.
When a person is in love.
Well that wasn't him. Ravi wasn't in love with anyone, much less Shelby. There had to be some other reason. Some other reason that made sense. This didn't make sense. None at all. And yet, that was the answer that he saw the most of. There were other articles about gastrointestinal health but none of those things seemed to match up. Of course, neither did this. He stared at the screen and then hastily deleted the history in case Luke snooped on his computer and found it.
He shut the lid, leaning back in his chair. Jessie never did find out about him skipping school. Mr. England had more power than he originally thought; the woman that was treated previously by his wife was kind enough to keep it their little secret. And so, without a phone call, he still managed to have an excused absence that wasn't going to leave a mark on his attendance record.
At the end of their outing; breakfast at the diner, a trip to the zoo and a spot for lunch, he was taken back home. Ravi shyly asked Mr. England if he wouldn't mind dropping him off a mile back instead of right out front of the penthouse. He didn't want to risk Tony seeing him. While the doorman had successfully kept Shelby a secret from Jessie, he didn't think Tony was going to feel the same about not saying anything about this.
Mr. England agreed. With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he told Ravi to have a good rest of the day and that he hoped to see him again soon. Ravi's smile was awkward and then he remembered his manners just as he was out of the car, quietly thanking the older man for the rather eventful day. The car drove around the corner with Shelby twisted around to look out the rear mirror, waving wildly.
Now, Ravi didn't vocalize that one part-about pulling up in front of the penthouse building. He merely asked if Mr. England could stop at that one spot. He had a strange feeling, a tinge of embarrassment for where he lived. Shelby had already known where he lived because she'd already been there on a previous occasion. Her dad had not and for some reason, he didn't want the man to know. The Englands didn't live somewhere that big. Their home was modest and it felt like a home. Ravi's...didn't.
Even back when he first accompanied Shelby to her house, when they were still working on that english project, he hadn't wanted to admit that it was true. Because if he did, he'd have to also admit what was wrong with his home. The atmosphere was different at the Englands. It was difficult to explain. There was a sense of warmness and love. It was nice. It was the type of place that was often represented on TV. The kind of home that everyone would want to have-and should have.
But it's not the home you have
Shelby has a nice family
But you don't
She's happy and loved and accepted
And you aren't
His phone was on the desk when it buzzed, lighting up when the notification came through. He sighed, taking it into his hands, figuring it was Shelby wanting to know how he was even though he'd just seen her a few hours ago.
It wasn't her.
Y werent u at school
R u afraid
Is little robby scared
Good you should be
Someone should kick u right in ur stupid face
U think ur all that dont you
Ur nothing
Nothing but a piece of trash
Ravi's grip on the device tightened. It was silent for nearly a minute and he released a breath he'd been holding. But whoever it was on the other end wasn't done.
Better not skip again loser
Or else you'll wish you were dead
Got it
I already wish I was, Ravi thought.
/
"Are you sure you don't want to go?" Jessie pressed the subject for the umpteenth time, applying a thicker coat of bright red lipstick. When she was finished, she turned to Ravi with a frown.
"Yes," he muttered.
"I just feel bad leaving you," Jessie said, adjusting her princess costume. She'd already previously worn it but evidently it was one that she liked so she was wearing it again. "Even Bertram's coming and this is the man who made Tony put that chair in the lobby for him to sit in."
Bertram came through the door that led to the kitchen-after he got through sideways-and scowled. "I'll have you know it's a necessity. I'm exhausted after running around for you and those bratty kids."
"Is that what you're telling yourself?" Jessie raised her eyebrows.
The butler glared at her. He was dressed as a piece of cheese and since this morning, insisted he couldn't do anything because the costume was making it hard to get around. Although that wasn't much of an excuse.
Jessie was now back to Ravi. "I just think you should get out and enjoy yourself," she punched him lightly on the shoulder. He didn't smile. "Come on. You're only a kid once. You're gonna look back on this and regret it if you don't."
Ravi said nothing.
It was Halloween and unlike previous years, Ravi wasn't going to attend the Halloween bash in Central Park. He wasn't dressed in a costume nor did he have any intentions of handing out candy to trick or treaters. He'd stay in his bedroom and beyond that, he had no real plans to celebrate the holiday. His siblings thought he was a stick in the mud. They were all going. Even Emma was going. She bought a Tinker Bell costume two weeks ago. He knew that because Jessie demanded to see it so she could measure it to ensure that it wasn't too short.
Jessie had been caught off guard when he told her about his new found plans-or lack thereof. It wasn't a big deal. Definitely not like she was saying it was. He wouldn't feel some lifelong regret for not going. That was ridiculous. She was trying to guilt him into going is what she was doing. Well, it wouldn't work. It might have when he was younger. But not now. He knew better, knew all of her tricks.
"I'll be fine."
She sighed. "If that's what you want..." Then she called for everyone else. "Kids! Let's go! I want to get there early this time."
Zuri stomped down the stairs first in her costume yet not really a costume. She was mimicking the way her favorite makeup artist looked. Apparently there was some contest where they had to tag the artist and if they won, they would get a shout out on the makeup artists' page which had over a million followers. With a mini mirror in her hand, she kept checking herself.
"Zuri," Jessie said, "you've been looking at yourself all day. Give it a rest."
His sister snapped the mirror shut. "Easy for you to say. Your picture isn't going to be on Iris Bulstrodes page."
Jessie corrected her. "You know you're not guaranteed-"
"I can't afford to look bad. I do have a reputation to uphold," Zuri said-in Ravi's opinion-smugly.
"You do?"
"Of course," Zuri waved her phone around. "I have over five thousand followers."
"Five thousand?" Jessie gaped. "I didn't even go to high school with five thousand people...Luke let's go!" She chose to holler for his brother instead of forcing them to listen to another story from her youth. She drummed her fingernails on the wall, blowing out a puff of air from her lips. "What is he doing?" she muttered under her breath. "I told him to get a move on it."
"I'm coming, I'm coming," Luke said as he skipped every other step down the stairs. He was dressed as a wrestler. Some famous one that Ravi didn't recognize. Not that he watched wrestling. If he did, it was because he was stuck in the same room and couldn't escape for something more pleasurable. When he was at the bottom, he flexed his muscles. "Had to send a picture to the ladies so they recognize me," he placed an eye mask on him.
Jessie rolled her eyes, gesturing to the elevator. "Yes, I'm sure they'll be all over you. Now can we get moving? It takes less effort to move cattle!"
All five of them huddled inside the elevator, grumbling and trying to push Bertram inside aside so they wouldn't be squashed by his large frame and his costume. Ravi watched the door close, sighing when it did. That was when his phone buzzed. He stiffened out of habit, as he did whenever it buzzed. But it wasn't that mysterious person this time. It was Shelby.
::Hey best friend! Happy Halloween! Do you have plans tonight? Are you doing anything now? We should totally hang out! Do you wanna hang out now? Mom's working and dad's taking Elliot trick or treating so I can come over if you want. Is your family busy? Oooh! Can I meet them? I wanna meet them!::
/no you cannot. They're out anyway/
::Oooh out where?::
She was being nosy, is what she was being.
/it's none of your business/
She didn't even acknowledge that!
::oooh you wanna hang out tonight? It would be so fun!::
/i don't know/
The answer was no. He didn't. But telling her no would only end up with her pleading with him to reconsider until he did.
::oh please please please!::
He squeezed his eyes shut. For the love of everything-
/fine/
::yay!::
Seconds later the doorbell to the back door rang. His head snapped up and then he glanced back down at his phone. No. It couldn't be. That was a coincidence. One of his siblings or Jessie or Bertram must have forgotten something. But if it was one of them, they would have unlocked the door instead of ringing it. Unless it was Luke, then he'd likely forgot his key.
Ravi opened it. It revealed Shelby and she was dressed rather strangely.
"Hi!" She beamed.
"Hi," Ravi said slowly. "What is it you're wearing?" He eyed it.
"I'm a penguin, silly," she giggled, flapping her arms.
He was reminded of that day.
She straightened up her posture and while still looking ahead, leaned in to Ravi.
"You're warm," Shelby chirped.
"I see," Ravi said. "And how did you know to come up this way?"
She swayed. "That guy downstairs. Tony. He's so nice! Do you talk a lot to him? He's funny!"
"Sometimes," He shut the door behind her when she came in. Shelby was looking around, not touching anything but otherwise letting her eyes rove around the room.
You should ask her if she wants a drink
Why?
She did that for you when you came to her house. You're supposed to be polite
I don't think-
Stop thinking and just do it. You're being rude
"Do you...do you want a drink?" he offered.
"Oh no thanks!" she declined and pulled out a bottle of cola from the pocket in her costume. He didn't realize those pockets were big enough to hold something like that. "I already have something. Thanks anyway, though!"
"RIght," he muttered.
"How come you're not dressed up?" She was looking at him up and down. His outfit was merely jeans and a plaid button up that wasn't buttoned and with a white t-shirt underneath. It was pretty much his standard attire now that it was cool enough, temperature wise, for it.
"I don't want to be," was his short reply.
"But it's Halloween!" she persisted. "You gotta dress up on Halloween!"
"I don't have to."
"You should."
"But I don't have to."
"Raviiiii!"
"What?" he groaned.
"You gotta dress up," Shelby declared and then set her puppy dog eyes on him. "Please? Please, please, please?"
"No." He was going to stand his ground.
"Please," she begged.
He threw up his arms. "I cannot! It's too late to buy a costume."
"You don't need to buy it," she said and grinned. "Do you have any smarties?"
He gawked at her.
Nearly fifteen minutes later, Ravi had a few handfuls of smarties candy packs scattered on his jeans, taped. He glanced down, unsure of how to feel about this. Shelby stepped back to observe her work and clasped her hands together. "Oooh, look! Now you're a smartie pants. Ha! Get it?"
Yes
And it's lame
"Yes," he said, holding back what he really thought. "I get it."
"So what do you want to do now? Oooh, where'd your family go? Did you know there's a Halloween party in Central Park? Isn't that neat? Should we go? Oooh, we should go! That'd be so fun!"
"No," he said quickly. "We shouldn't."
"Why not?"
Because they're there
Because I don't want them to see you
Or hear you
Or hear you talking to them
I just can't take it right now
Seems like a lot of words for 'I'm a jerk'
"I...I don't want to," he said. "I want to stay here."
"Okay!"
Thank goodness for that.
"Oooh! You wanna watch some scary movies? Do you like scary movies? Do you have any? I brought some candy with me so we can share!"
He hesitated. He didn't want to bring her into the screening room, but there was no TV elsewhere unless he went into one of the bedrooms. Except for his. He didn't want one so the only device in there was his computer. But if he didn't show her, she would pester him until they did something. Like go to that blasted party. "Come with me," he mumbled. She eagerly followed, chattering nonsensically. They got out there and he motioned awkwardly. "Err, we can watch them here."
"Oooh," Shelby's mouth was open in awe. "This is huge! I've never seen a TV this big before."
Ravi felt highly uncomfortable. "Yes, well-"
"Oooh what's this?" Shelby had wandered out of the screening room and was now staring at the wall that was on the other side of where the elevator was, in the hallway that led to some of the other available rooms. The wall had Ravi's and his siblings' faces on it from when they were all younger.
Right now, his face was heating up in embarrassment. He wished they'd painted over that or something.
"Is that your brother and sisters?" She asked in delight.
Oh noooo
No, no, no
She cannot see that!
"Yes," he mumbled.
What was I thinking?
I should have known to keep a better watch on her
Now she knows what they look like
Now she knows what Luke looks like
What if she approaches him at school?
"Oh my gosh, that's so cool! Can I meet them sometime? Oh, can I? Can I? Can I? Oooh, maybe I could meet them tonight! Wouldn't that be so fun? I think I've seen your brother at school before. He always hangs out with the guys on the football team, I think. Oh! And that one mean guy that wouldn't leave you alone at the party. Does he know about that? He should. You should tell him. You know, I think I've seen you walk with them-well, not her," she pointed to the picture of Emma, "but the other two."
Ravi turned away, his hands shooting down in his pockets. His arms were stiff. He inhaled and exhaled. Slowly.
"What's wrong?"
He could've jumped out of his skin. She was right there beside him. "What-you were just-"
"Are you okay?" She put a finger to her chin in concentration. "You don't look okay. Are you nauseous? Are you gonna throw up? Should I find a trash can? Or do you wanna go to the bathroom? Where's your bathroom, anyway?"
"I'm fine," he said. "I won't throw up."
"You sure?"
"Yes..."
"Are you really sure?"
"Yes," he said sharply. "I am fine."
"No, you're not," Shelby disagreed. "You got that look on your face."
"What look?"
"You know, that look," Shelby said, but her semi explanation didn't really provide much elaboration. "I dunno what you call it, but you look like that sometimes."
That narrows it down
"Like when you get uncomfortable or when we were at the diner or when-" She paused, letting out an oh and then pointed a finger at him. "You got that look when I talked about your brother and sisters!"
He didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected her to catch on to that.
How did she-
"Do you not like them? Do they like you? Have you always been like that? Is that why you don't want me to meet them? Is that why you always change the subject when I talk about your family? Are you guys not close? I can't imagine not being close with my parents and Elliot. We've always been that way. Aww, I'm sad for you now."
Ravi rubbed his forearm, getting more aggressive as the minutes went on. "Can we not talk about this?"
"Why?"
It's none of your business, first of all
"I don't want to talk about it anymore," he shook his head as if to banish those thoughts from his mind. "It's pointless, anyway."
He hadn't meant for that to come out, the last part. But it did.
"Don't say that," Shelby said to him. "You should talk about it. Get it off your chest. It'll make you feel better."
No it won't
I can guarantee that
"Why should I?" Ravi raised his voice.
"Because you'll-"
"No, I will not feel better! You don't understand. You aren't constantly compared to everyone else! No one forgets your name or doesn't like you because you happen to not share the same interests! You aren't the butt of everyone's jokes and...and-"
No one forgets about you or calls you a freak
He dropped to the floor, feeling so torn up and angry with himself. Angry with his circumstances and how pathetic he was to have fallen apart so easily for the second time now in front of Shelby of all people. He was on his knees, eyes shut, when he felt her arms pull him into a hug. Again. He was sitting there, limp, but she didn't mind.
The penthouse was eerie quiet, except for the tick tock of the clock.
"Do you feel better now?" Shelby asked the question so casually, like he hadn't just erupted.
"...A little," Ravi loathed to admit it. It wasn't drastic. It wasn't like he felt the world lifted off his shoulders to where he could breathe again.
But it was something. He'd never told any of that to someone before-other than Mrs. Kipling. But she hardly counted. He'd never spilled his feelings to an actual person in years.
Until now.
"I'm sorry," Shelby said simply.
He glanced at her. "For what?"
"You're sad. I don't like it when my friends are sad."
"I'm not sad," he said tiredly. "I'm just-"
"That's not true," she said. "You aren't happy very often. You know, like at the zoo in the reptile house. You were happy than." She sat back on her heels. Silent for a time. "Do they always do that?"
"What? Who?"
"Yoru family," she said. "All those things you said. Comparing you, forgetting you."
He made a motion with his hands. "It isn't just them," he said begrudgingly. "It's everyone."
He didn't know why he was telling her about it. But it'd been bottled up within him for so long, the dam had burst. Shelby sat on the floor still while Ravi got back up to his feet, pacing back and forth. It went on for several minutes, when he abruptly halted his movements.
"We're not close," he said. "We haven't been. Not for years. It's just...it's well-"
Shelby rose to her feet as well. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she said.
Oh now I get a choice
"Not today."
He knew he'd just promised her to tell her about it eventually. The him from a few weeks ago would have adamantly refused to divulge a word. But now it is different.
He was tired.
And just so done with being ignored.
And maybe somewhere inside of him, there was a tiny sprig of hope that came out because someone wanted to listen. Who wasn't going to immediately shove his thoughts to the side.
It was at that moment that it just kind of struck him.
Shelby did care, didn't she?
She was sort of pushy sometimes, not to mention she talked far too much at times. She was nosy, asking questions that were none of her business. She was loud and obnoxious. And then there was her habit of invading his personal space-
But throughout everything, she hadn't ditched Ravi. She didn't leave him after that night where he'd tried to jump off that bridge. She didn't put him down or get frustrated by him once since she'd known him. Not like other people had in the past-or present, really. She wasn't like those other people.
"Okay!" Shelby adjusted the sleeves on her costume. "That's fine. I don't mind. What do you wanna do now? You can pick, if you want. I don't care. I'm fine with anything. We can-Oh! You have a balcony?" She was beaming.
"What?" Ravi followed her eyes. "Oh. Actually, that is a terrace."
But the correction was lost on Shelby. She was enamored by it. "That's so cool! Can we go sit out there? Pretty please?"
"I suppose."
She cheered in victory.
"I've never been on a balcony before," Shelby said and he didn't correct her again.
They got out there, with the chilly air being a stark contrast from the warm penthouse. He imagined she must be wearing warmer clothes underneath her costume or perhaps it was keeping her insulated. He shivered. Just like that day at the zoo in the penguin exhibit.
Why do you keep thinking about that?
"Woooow," she came to the end, looking out. "That's so pretty."
The moon had already risen in the night sky. In the distance, an owl was hooting. It wasn't completely dark, thanks to the lights that lit up the city from the cars and buildings, and the stars weren't entirely visible, but it was a nice sight nonetheless.
"You're so lucky," Shelby said wistfully. "You get to see this everyday. I don't. Course, that's alright. I like our new house. It's bigger than our old one. Not by much, but a little." They took a seat in the chairs, across from each other. She was still looking up at the sky. "Do you come out here often? I would if I were you. It's so pretty out here, I'd never wanna go inside."
Ravi hoisted a leg up, letting it rest on top of his other leg. "I...I don't really come out here that much."
"Why not?" She was curious.
I don't want questions
I don't want to deal with anyone
I'm afraid I'll throw myself off one of these days
"I'm used to it, I guess," he responded with an attempt at being nonchalant.
"Don't know how you could be," she said and dug into her-apparently deep-pockets to pull out handfuls of candy to drop on the table. Ravi didn't expect there to be that much but she just kept on pulling it out. Pretty soon, the table was covered in sweets and he just barely caught a couple pieces before they fell off. "I hope I brought enough."
"It's possible," he said dryly.
There were all kinds; chocolate and non chocolate, lollipops and taffy and licorice. Shelby wasted no time in unwrapping one of them-a chocolate candy- popping it into her mouth with an mmm. "Are you gonna have some? I brought some for you, too. I didn't know which you'd like best so I brought everything! Isn't it yummy? I love candy! Course, I just love sugar." She giggled like what she said was humorous.
He shrugged. "I shouldn't-"
"But it's Halloween," she stressed. "You gotta eat candy tonight! It's tradition."
Well, they did look enticing. Truthfully, he hadn't eaten much earlier. He took a package of the regular m&m's, tossing a couple into his mouth.
"How come you didn't go to the party?" Shelby said.
"The one in Central park?" Ravi clarified.
"Yeah!"
He shrugged. "Didn't feel like it." He glanced at her, then looked away. "How come you didn't go?" he said after a moment.
"I wanted to be with you, of course," she smiled. "I felt like you needed a friend today."
"Oh..."
Neither said anything else.
Then.
"You...you really think of me as a friend?" He said with a tinge of confusion in his voice.
"My best friend."
He couldn't help it. He was skeptical. "Like a best friend?"
"You don't believe me," she noted, taking a lick at the cherry lollipop she now had.
No
Because no one's ever been a true friend to me before
He looked down.
And he only looked back up when she pushed some of the candy away, putting her elbow down on the table with her right pinky extended.
He stared blankly.
"What are you-"
"It's a pinky promise," she said. "So you know I'll always be your friend. You can't break a pinky promise."
"Isn't that rather...juvenile?"
"No."
Oh, well when she said it like that...
He bit down on his lip.
And looked from her hand to his own.
He ended up wrapping his pinky around hers on a table full of candy and under a bright night sky.
