"We need to talk."
Talk? He and Luke had never really talked. If they did, if that could be classified as talking, then it had been years ago. What had brought this on? Ravi furrowed his eyebrows, staring at him like he'd grown another head. This...this was a trick, wasn't it? It had to be. He was just trying to lead Ravi on, to lure him somewhere for yet another prank at his expense, to capture it on camera and show everyone at school who would watch it.
He wasn't falling for it.
"Talk," Ravi repeated in disbelief.
"Yeah," Luke looked distinctly uncomfortable.
"Talk," Ravi made a breathy sound. "You want to talk?"
Now Luke's facial expression morphed into one of annoyance. "Yeah. We established that."
"Why?" Ravi said challengingly. "Why do you want to talk?"
"Just-" Luke gave off the impression that he was about to blow up. He refrained. He took a deep breath to calm down. Ravi raised his eyebrows. "Follow me, alright?"
"Where?"
"My room."
"Oh, no," Ravi shook his head. "Not a chance."
"Why not?" Luke whined.
"I'm not falling for it," Ravi declared.
"Falling for what?" Luke was confused.
"Whatever you've planned," Ravi said. "Let me guess, you have Mitch or Zuri in there waiting for me so you can throw paint or something. Is it syrup? Is that what it is? Do you have feathers in there too?"
Luke was staring at him like he thought he'd gone crazy.
Maybe he had. Ravi exhaled. Maybe he'd finally lost it.
"Uh, no," Luke blinked. "Zuri's in her room and Mitch-" He paused. "He's not here."
"Why should I believe you?" Ravi crossed his arms.
Luke sighed. "Because I'm not playing this time. I promise."
"I've heard that one before," Ravi muttered.
Luke glared at him for that. "Do you have to be a jerk? What's your problem?"
Oh, he really had the audacity to ask?
"Are you serious?" Ravi was gobsmacked. "Are you really asking me that?"
"Yes!"
Ravi couldn't believe this. His mouth was open a little. He didn't know what he was going to say, but he thought it was better to leave it alone. It wasn't worth it. Without sparing a glance at him, he turned back around.
/
"I'm glad you came!" Shelby said in a sing-song voice. "Aren't you? I'm glad you know how to do this stuff. I'm alright, but it's hard sometimes. You're so smart though, I bet it's all easy for you. Oooh, you should do something sciencey once we graduate! I bet you'd be terrific at it! What do you think? What do you wanna do? Have you figured it out yet? We still have time, so it's okay if you don't know. I haven't. I can't decide."
They were working on homework together. Shelby was struggling with chemistry. It wasn't usually difficult for her. She excelled at school, not quite in a top tier kind of way, but she passed. He would know; he'd seen-not spied-the papers she received back from the teachers. He was seated next to her in all the classes they shared. This section involved math, which was something she'd already said she wasn't the best at. So, with pleading puppy dog eyes, she asked Ravi if he would please, please, please help her.
He'd been trying to act a little more...friendly to her. He was still at his inner war with himself, not knowing whether she really wanted to be his friend or if this was some huge joke he was unaware of. However, that other part of him wanted to believe it was all true. He wanted to think she really meant it.
And if that were true, he needed to be a better...friend.
It was a strange thing to think about. To think of him having and being a friend. Had the universe shifted? Was that why everything felt so out of whack?
So he agreed.
The door opened. Elliot was there and he made a bit of a face at seeing him. Ravi tried not to take offense. "Oh. It's you."
"Err, yes," Ravi said.
Elliot rolled his eyes and turned around. He called for Shelby, telling her that he was here. What he did not do was tell Ravi to come in and he didn't want to just walk in like he owned the place. He stood there awkwardly, eyes darting from the ground to the inside. It wasn't until Mr. England came to the door that he felt relieved again.
"Sorry about that," Mr. England said kindly.
"Oh. It's alright."
"Come in, come in," Mr. England stepped aside. "Shelby's in her room. Are you planning on staying for dinner, son? We'll be sure to set an extra plate."
Son.
He called him son.
It caught him off guard a little.
"No," he said when he recovered and then realized how rude that was. "No, thank you. I've got to get home after this."
Mr. England nodded. "Sounds good."
They were on Shelby's bedroom floor, laying on their stomachs. She chewed on her lower lip, deep in concentration. That seemingly evaporated away when she laid her forehead against the carpet, mumbling.
"I'm so confused!"
"You'll get it," Ravi said, doing his best to be encouraging. "Eventually."
She lifted her head back up. She sighed. "It doesn't make sense. I dunno how you get it."
"It's easy for me."
Nice one
You sound like you're bragging
I'm not
But that's what it sounds like
Real helpful
Shelby's tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth. "Hmm. Wanna take a break? I'm bored. Are you bored? Well, maybe not. But you should take a break anyway."
Well, it would have been nice to give his brain a break. These equations were long with many steps. He shrugged. "I suppose we could."
He caught sight of her looking at him again. Like she was thinking. It did not give him a good feeling. Especially when he realized that she was looking at his hair again. Self consciously, he ran a hand through it. It had become a bit longer. Not necessarily so that it was near his shoulder-as if he would ever allow it to be that long-but it was getting slightly past his ears. The longest he'd ever gone without cutting it.
"What?" He said, slightly snippy. He couldn't help it. He didn't like people looking at him. Because when they did, it meant they were going to laugh or say something to humiliate him. "Why are you staring at me like that?"
She rubbed her chin. "I have an idea!"
He looked at her warily. The word 'idea' and Shelby were not to be mixed and taken lightly. "You do?"
She sat up, beaming. "Oh, yes! It's a wonderful idea!"
I'm sure
He, too, sat up. But much slower. "And what is this 'wonderful idea' that you've thought of?"
She hesitated on telling him, which should have been the first clue to send off alarm bells in Ravi's head. "Well-"
Ravi groaned.
"You need a haircut," she announced.
"I-What?"
"You need a haircut," she said confidently. "Remember, we talked about this last time?"
I remember thinking that I don't trust you with scissors
"We didn't talk-" Ravi argued.
But it was no use. That horrifying glint was in her eyes, that glint she got whenever she had an idea. She wasn't going to let it go easily and there was nothing he could do about it. Oh and now a smile was spreading across her face. He was reminded of the Christmas movie his siblings watched when they were younger-the Grinch. Only her grin obviously wasn't one of evil. Still, it didn't make it any less terrifying for him.
"You should let me cut your hair!" She clasped her hands together.
I'd rather not
I'd rather do many, many other things than allow that
"No, thank you," he said.
"Please!"
Why are we back on this?
I thought we were done with the subject
"No," he said with a smidgen of aggravation. He was trying to suppress it but was having difficulty. Shelby made everything so difficult! "Absolutely not."
"Why not?" Shelby twirled a piece of her hair. "You were complaining about it just the other day."
"Ughhhh."
"What?" Shelby was in the middle of eating her small bag of chips, biting one by one.
He gestured vaguely. "It's nothing. My hair. It's never been like this and it's warmer than I imagined it would be."
She nodded. "Do you get hot easily? I do. That's why I don't wear mine down. Not really unless I have to."
"That doesn't mean I want you to cut it," Ravi could just visualize his impending doom. A severe hack job that would worsen his already troubled social standing. Yes, that was exactly what he needed.
People hadn't forgotten that stunt of Mitch at the party. The videos, he was certain, were still circling around social media. He didn't dare take a peek at them. The comments. They were laughing at him. Calling him unflattering names and coming up with supposedly clever remarks.
He still got bothered at school over it. Sometimes it was physical; he was shoved into the nearest wall or locker or his clothes would be tugged, invoking a rush of adrenaline through him as he feared what was to come next. Often enough, it was verbal. People pretending to cover themselves or asking what kind of underwear he had on today.
And the most maddening part about it was that not one teacher did anything. Well, Miss Zenon spoke up if there was any of it going on during her class, but most were wise enough to keep the shenanigans in the hallway or cafeteria or elsewhere. For a school that prided itself on its anti bullying policies, they were garbage at upholding them.
Not that they would acknowledge it, of course. Oh, they wouldn't dare admit to having a fault.
"Can we just drop this?"
"No," Shelby shook her head.
"You're being a pest."
"I'm your pest," she grinned, humor within her green eyes.
He cleared his throat. That was the sort of thing one said to their significant other.
She's certainly a pest
"Come on, Ravi," Shelby coaxed. "Just let me do a quick trim. You'll feel loads better."
I doubt it
"Do you even know how to do hair?" he said skeptically.
"I'm sure it's not that hard," Shelby waved a hand in the air.
He made a noise from the back of his throat.
"I've watched my dad give Elliot haircuts before," she told him like it was supposed to make him feel better.
Ravi still had a bad feeling about it. Although, a part of him did want to get rid of the excess hair. It wasn't something he preferred. He just didn't want her to do it. Plus he remembered how one morning Luke and Zuri had made snide remarks about him looking like a girl. He'd flinched, knowing they were right.
"I don't know," he mumbled.
"You don't have to," Shelby said in contrast to her previous begging. "Of course."
Oh now you say that
"Do you trust me?"
His head snapped up, eyes meeting hers, forehead wrinkling. Confusion overtaking his face.
She was eerily calm, looking very much like she hoped he did.
"What?" It came out automatically. He'd heard her, of course. How could he not in a room where the silence felt deafening?
"Do you trust me?" She repeated.
"Trust you with what?" He was starting to feel uncomfortable.
Again.
"I won't make you look silly," she promised. "I just wanna help."
He lowered his eyes.
"I heard what your brother said," Shelby told him.
That could be many things
"When he said you looked like a girl," she continued. 'You were upset. I could tell. I like to watch people and read their faces. You're easy to read." He went very still. "I can tell what you're feeling. Usually. Most of the time. You try not to show it, though." She gave him a smile some would consider sweet. It reached her eyes with the same level of happiness she always had.
Maybe she did want to help him.
"I suppose," Ravi said stiffly.
She cheered.
He did not.
"Oooh yay! You're gonna look so good, I promise! You can go wait in the bathroom. I'll be right. I need to ask Dad where the clippers are. They're around somewhere but not where they usually are because Elliot had to get his haircut. Do your parents cut your hair? Or Jessie? My parents always have. They said it's too expensive to go to the salon. Course, we had this really nice barber guy back home. He was so nice! We never went there but he always gave us lollipops when we passed by on our way home from school. Do you like lollipops? I love them! I like cherry the best, Elliot likes green apple. It's alright, but it has a weird aftertaste, you know? Dad! Where are the clippers?" She hollered as she bounded down the stairs.
Ravi heaved a sigh.
/
"I hope you know what you're doing," he muttered.
Ravi sat in a chair that Shelby had drugged up from downstairs in the kitchen. Her parents were completely fine with her cutting his hair. Although they did warn her to go slow and be careful and to holler if anything happened. That part made him wonder if she'd attempted to cut someone's hair on a prior occasion and it hadn't gone well. Hence the warning.
Just like a professional barber, she draped a towel over the front of him and beside her on the counter was a spray bottle of water to be used to moisten his hair when needed. For a moment further, Shelby peered at him critically as if deciding on her first move. Ravi blew out a puff of air, keeping his eyes below the mirror that he was in front of. He really didn't want to see it.
It's your own fault
You're the one that said yes
You should have declined if you really didn't want it
Stop complaining
He couldn't refrain from wincing when he heard the first snip.
"Don't move!" Shelby exclaimed, putting her hands on his shoulders. "You gotta stay still. I don't wanna cut you or something. Or make a bald spot. That would be bad. I don't think I could fix that."
"Fine," he said just to get her to stop talking. Although-with reluctance-he did see her point. If he was so concerned about her handling scissors, it didn't make sense for him to move and risk her making a mistake. "Just be careful..."
"Okay!" She beamed.
I have a feeling I'm going to regret this
She seemingly decided it would be wise to comb his hair, wetting it and then running the comb through his hair. It was semi tangly, making it snag and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to move despite the pain radiating on his scalp. "You have a lot of tangles," She stated the obvious. "Does it hurt? I hope not. I'm trying to go slow and all. Should I go slower? Do you want a break?"
"No," he said. I don't want this to last longer than necessary. "Just get it done." Then he remembered how he was supposed to try and be nicer to her. The whole friendship thing that he'd tried so hard to avoid. "Please."
"Okay!" Shelby tried the comb yet again, only to find that it wasn't working. It just kept getting caught in the tiny knots that had formed. "Oh fiddlesticks!" She paused and before Ravi knew it, she was running her fingers through his hair.
He froze.
"What-what are you doing?"
"Getting the tangles out," she said like it was obvious. It may have been. But his brain had short circuited when he felt the back of her hands brush up against the back of his neck. "I didn't wanna use the comb anymore. This way, I won't hurt you!"
"Uh huh," he mumbled.
"It doesn't hurt, does it?"
Far from it. Admittedly, it felt...nice. No one had touched his hair. Not since-well...
"Ow! Stop!"
"Get back here!"
"I'm sorry!"
"Oh, Ravi," Mommy brushed his hair as he laid his head on her lap, eyes fluttering shut. "You're going to be such a special boy someday. I just know it."
He jerked, coming back to the present. Shelby was done with his tangles and was now back to trimming. His heart thumped and he exhaled, slumping down in the chair.
Sometime later, she was finished, taking off the towel in a sweeping motion, evidently proud of what she'd done. "So," she said, excitedly, "what do you think?"
He'd tried not to look in the mirror as she worked. So, now that he was, he was caught off guard by his reflection. It wasn't bad like he anticipated on it being. It wasn't bad at all. It was similar to how he'd worn his hair before it got longer but it was spiky again. He didn't know how to react to that because Shelby hadn't seen him with his hair like that. He'd stopped tending to it beyond combing it before she got to New York.
"Do you like it?" Shelby was eager to know. "I saw a picture of you at your house and got the idea! I think I did a good job, huh? I was hoping you'd say yes because I practiced for a week now. I had to because I've never been good with hair. Once Isabella needed help with braiding her hair and I accidentally made a huge knot. That wasn't pretty," she rambled on like always.
She didn't seem to notice-or maybe she did and wasn't acknowledging it-the smile that crept on Ravi's face. She'd done that-she'd practiced for him?
"You practiced for me?" He vocalized his thoughts.
"Of course!" She beamed. "It took forever but you're worth it so I don't mind, of course."
Worth it.
He was worth it.
/
It was late at night when Luke burst into his room. Ravi yelped and squeezed his eyes shut when the bright light from Luke's phone hit him square in the face. "What are you doing?"
"We need to talk," Luke said in an uncharacteristic no-nonsense voice. He shut the door, setting his phone down on Ravi's night stand for the time being. With his arms crossed, he stared at Ravi for what seemed like a long time. Ravi, not to be intimidated, stared right back, despite uncertainty seeping into his bones. He had no idea what this was about as his mind wandered back to Luke's attempt at talking to him earlier that day-or yesterday, rather.
"Do we?" Ravi said coolly.
"Yeah," Luke seemed like he didn't know what to do with his hands. Finally, he grabbed his phone again and practically shoved it in Ravi's face. "What's all this? What's that about?"
It didn't register in Ravi right away. He was tired and his pupils had to adjust to the light; but then he saw what Luke was referring to: it was the picture from the party. The party where Mitch had humiliated him. The party where he'd-
Had he just now seen it? That didn't make any sense whatsoever. That was weeks ago, the party was. Mitch had told his henchmen to send that picture to Luke so he should have gotten it that night. But now that Ravi thought about it, Luke hadn't said a thing about the picture. There were no remarks or laughter or anything.
But why?
Ravi was stunned. He glanced up at Luke and then back down to the picture. He was at a loss for words. "Well-"
"Mitch did this to you?" Luke demanded even though he really didn't need to because Mitch was visible in the picture.
"Yes..."
"Why?" Luke, apparently, couldn't fathom why his friend had done such a thing, "why would he do that to you?"
Because he's a jerk
Because he hates me
Because he enjoys seeing me in pain
But Ravi didn't say any of that. He shrugged.
Luke flopped down on the bed, still sitting up. He rubbed a hand over his face ruggedly. "My phone was broken," he mumbled after a second of silence. "I dropped it."
"Oh," Ravi said. It made more sense now.
"I got a new one," Luke said quietly. "I set everything up and then I got, well, that."
"Today?" He said skeptically. Luke was too technology dependent to go without using something for a number of weeks.
Luke sighed. "No," he admitted. "I got it last month."
And you just now said something?
He didn't realize he'd said that part out loud.
Luke was back on his feet, looking slightly defensive. "I didn't know how, okay? It's not like we talk all the time."
"You mean besides the times you've called me a loser or wished our parents hadn't adopted me?" Ravi said sharply.
He couldn't believe that Luke actually looked remorseful.
I know, I know," Luke said. "I shouldn't have said that. Jessie told me-"
"It shouldn't have taken Jessie to get you to see sense!" Ravi snapped, unable to hold back.
"Would you just chill? I'm trying to be nice here."
Ravi scoffed. "Right. I am sure you are. Tell me, why are you really here?"
"What?" Luke was angry now.
"Why are you here? I'm sure it's not to extend an olive branch. Did Jessie put you up to this? Is that why you're here?"
"No!" Luke snapped back. "She doesn't even know about this!"
Ravi glared as he, too, rose to his feet.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Luke had the audacity to ask.
"You're joking," Ravi shook his head. "You've got to be..."
"No-"
"Why would I tell you?' Ravi threw his hands up in the air. "Why would I bother to tell you anything? You wouldn't care."
Luke actually flinched. "That's not-"
"I don't know why mom and dad got you," Ravi quoted, raising his chin challengingly. "That's what you said to me. What makes you think for a second I would trust you enough to tell you about this?"
"Because...because-" Luke was struggling to form words. "Because I'm your brother! That's why!"
"You are not!" Ravi said fiercely. "In no sense of the word are you my brother. As a matter of fact, I have no brother or any siblings, for that matter."
Luke went still. He was searching Ravi's face as if waiting for Ravi to laugh at the joke he just pulled. "You're not serious."
"Try me."
"But that's not fair," Luke whined. "What did we even do?"
Anger flashed through Ravi's eyes. He was tormented for years now and Luke was asking what they'd done?
Ravi wasn't a violent person by nature, however in that moment, he could have hit Luke. And perhaps a small part of him wanted to see him hurt. But ultimately, he didn't do that. "Forget it," he said flatly. "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."
"Wha-dude!" Luke made a noise of surprise. "That's-why can't you just tell me?"
Oh, how he simply wished to scream.
"Because you should already know!" Ravi whispered furiously. "I should not have to explain it to you!"
Luke went silent. Perhaps it started to get into his abnormally thick skull.
That will be the day, Ravi refrained from snorting.
"You hate us."
It wasn't a question. A statement. One that was laced with a smidgen of confusion, but mostly hurt and disbelief.
Not that he should have a right to be in disbelief. Or hurt. It was his own doing that caused it.
Ravi dared to meet his eyes. There weren't many places in his room to look around. He refused to shrink away like a coward. Not this time. He didn't refute nor confirm the statement. For the moment, he studied Luke's face. It was relatively blank. Lost, his mind corrected. Luke's face looked lost.
It occurred to him that he'd never seen Luke look like that. If he were a lesser person, he'd have relished in it. But Ravi didn't; it wasn't what he wanted. It wasn't what he was after.
You don't even know what you're after
"In some way, I suppose so," Ravi's voice was the only noise amid the deafening silence. He may as well have been shouting. "You all deserve it."
"But we're family," Luke couldn't accept it and fought back.
The word was like a knife that was twisted within Ravi.
"So?" Ravi spat with venom he didn't know he had.
"What do you mean so?" Luke shot back and then brought the same terrible point as he did earlier. "We're supposed to be brothers."
"But we aren't! When have you acted like I was your brother? Never, as I recall. Yet, somehow my own feelings aren't justifiable but yours are. Tell me where the logic is? You tell me we aren't and now we are. Which is it? " Luke opened his mouth but Ravi didn't give him the chance to answer. "It is hardly the point, anyway."
"Then what is the point?" Luke was frustrated. "Because I don't know!"
You don't either
You're just as lost as he is
"I don't know," Ravi muttered. "I just want to be-"
Loved
Welcomed
Wanted
To feel as though I belong
Luke's eyebrows knitted together. "You want to be what?"
"It isn't important."
Luke groaned. "Cut the crap, dude! Just tell me!"
"I-" Ravi took a deep breath. Admittedly-stalling. "I want to be your brother."
It was the truth. Much as he distressed and viewed them as untrustworthy right now, deep down he yearned for it. He wanted to feel like they were family and vice versa. He wanted to feel like he belonged, to feel accepted for who he was and not what they hoped he'd be.
"What's stopping you?"
"You," Ravi whispered. "All of you."
"Dude-"
"I don't feel like I am truly a part of this family," he spoke candidly. The emotions that crossed Luke's face were severe. Ravi had to turn away. Because you're a coward. You can't even face your own brother. Outside, the rain pelted against the building. A clap of thunder, a flash of lightning. "You-all of you, you've made me feel different."
Luke didn't interject to defend himself.
"I'm not who you all want me to be. You wish I were different. They...they wish I were you," this time he whirled back around, eyes flashing momentarily because it was at that moment, at that exact time, his emotions came barreling out for the first time.
It stunned Luke. "What?"
"Don't act as though you didn't know," Ravi said harshly.
"I didn't. Look, dude. I'm sorry that they're comparing or whatever," Luke shrugged, face screwing up. "But it's not my fault and it can't be that bad, right?"
Ravi stared.
"You don't get it. You just don't get it!"
"Get what?"
"It isn't just here!" Ravi flung a hand in the air again. "It's everywhere! It's at school. Are you blind as to how much other people despise me? You yourself have partaken in it! Do you not remember gym class on the first day of school?"
Luke winced. Evidently, he did remember. "It was gym-" he said weakly.
"I don't care! You embarrassed me in front of everyone! Do you even understand how I felt? Do you even care?"
For once, Luke was at a loss for words. Well, technically he supposed it was for the second time.
"It is worse when you insist on staying friends with Mitch," Ravi said quietly yet with profound anger that surged again at the mere mention of that cretin.
Luke looked conflicted. "He's not that bad-"
"Not that bad?" Ravi said with a scoff. "Not that bad? Have you any idea as to how much torment he's put me through?" Luke swallowed. "I wasn't trying to spy on either of you that day. I was trying to make sure he wouldn't see me."
"But he did," Luke was murmuring, as if just now making the connection. "He did, didn't he? I didn't see Mitch when I came back and I thought he just went to the bathroom, but-"
Ravi lowered his eyes.
"What did he do?' Luke's voice was full of caution, even bordering on concern.
He's not
Your ears are tricking you
He's trying to trick you
He doesn't care
Not about you
No one does
"Ravi!" Luke's voice broke him free of his thoughts.
"He shoved me to the floor," Ravi whispered as if he were afraid Mitch would hear him and attack. "He...he twisted my arms. That's all."
"That's all?" Luke said in disbelief.
"I am fine, as you can see."
"Yeah, now, maybe. What about then? What-" Luke suddenly inhaled sharply. He swore underneath his breath, taking a step backwards. "I called you a loser that day. I agreed with Mitch and called you a loser for spying on us."
Luke took out his phone again, eyes gazing at the photo of Ravi at the party. He was stuck on it; gripping the device much tighter than necessary.
And then there came something Ravi didn't think he'd ever hear.
"Ravi?"
His eyes slowly came to linger on Luke.
"I'm sorry," Luke's voice sounded almost shaky. Like he was trying to keep himself together. "I...I'm really sorry..."
