Author's Note: I just wanted to say thank you for the three lovely reviews I've received since publishing my last chapter. It's so wonderful to know that despite the long hiatus in uploads in 2020, that people are still enjoying One Girl in All the World. Your feedback means the world to me, and gives me confidence that we're on the right track. This chapter is a little light on action - but hope you enjoy nonetheless!
Chapter 15: Truth and Lies, Part One
The house was silent. Dawn sat back, sinking slightly into the couch cushions as Buffy dabbed her wound with antiseptic. The bleeding had stopped, though the sterilised wound stung resentfully at Buffy's touch.
"Buffy... please, say something."
Buffy's face remained entirely expressionless, continuing her task robotically. "What would you like me to say?"
Dawn shifted uncomfortably. "Say... say I was stupid, say I'm a terrible person – just... please talk to me!"
Buffy frowned slightly, and she moved the cloth away from Dawn's neck.
"You lied to me. I am your sister – but you lied. You once told me that someone who I love can hurt me more easily than someone else. Is that why you did it?"
Dawn felt an ice cold sensation in her chest. "Buffy..."
"You knew that I would not want to upset Spike by allowing him to see me. That is why you told me what you did. You never wanted me to come."
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Dawn insisted. "I just..."
"Then why did you do that? Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong?"
"No..." Dawn said again, even more insistently. "It wasn't... it wasn't about you, it was just..."
The sound of slightly muffled voices outside of the window interrupted the conversation.
"Willow, it was wrong. I don't know why I can't make you see-"
"Tara, for the gazillionth time – it would have been fine! I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this..."
"And if it hadn't been fine?" Tara countered. "Everybody makes mistakes Wil... and I don't think risking trapping a building full of people in another dimension is worth a little convenience!"
The door clicked open, and the two witches hurried into the hall.
"Just leave it, okay?" Willow requested in a weary voice. "We have to focus on finding Dawn."
"We should check to see if there are any messages," Tara advised. "And quickly check the house before we-"
"Buffy?" Willow exclaimed in surprise as she stepped into view of the living room, a mere moment before spotting Dawn on the couch in front of her. "Dawn?! Oh my God!"
The next few minutes were amongst the most humiliating of Dawn's life.
The relief at being saved had vanished with the uncomfortable silence between her and Buffybot, and now she just felt embarrassed and foolish. That feeling persisted as Tara checked over the state of her neck wound, the older girl asking a few cursory questions about how much blood she thought she had lost whilst Willow left a message for Xander and Anya on their answerphone.
When the time came to confess, Dawn couldn't bring herself to lie any longer. Seated at the dining room table with a mug of cocoa between her hands, she admitted to more or less everything. Dawn didn't go into some of the worst details about exactly what she, Janice, Zach and Justin had been up to prior to their drive to the woods, but she was fairly certain Willow and Tara deduced more than she would have liked, nonetheless.
"You were parking - in the woods, at night?!" Willow blurted incredulously. "With a vampire?"
"I... I didn't know he was a vampire," Dawn protested shakily. We'd just met, and-"
Dawn immediately regretted her choice of words. "Look, I know how that sounds but... but..." She desperately searched her mind for the right words, but none were forthcoming. She took a deep breath to steady herself, before starting again.
"I know what I did was stupid, and dangerous – and that I lied to Buffy..."
"You lied to all of us Dawn," Tara pointed out, and it was impossible to miss the disappointment in her soft voice. "You knew how we'd feel about what you were planning – so you kept it from us."
Dawn opened her mouth to speak, but Tara carried on regardless.
"I know we aren't your legal guardians Dawn – we can never replace your mother or Buffy, but we do try to take care of you. I'm not angry with you, but I think Willow and I are both-"
"Disappointed?" Dawn suggested blandly, her eyes in her lap.
"Try hurt," Willow countered. Unlike Tara, she did not seem devoid of anger. "Dawn, have you forgotten everything we went through last year!? Tara trapped in her own mind, Giles impaled, and Buffy... we lost her. All to keep you safe, all to give you a chance at..."
"A chance at what?" Dawn snapped, almost as surprised as the others at the words erupting from her lips. "A chance to just sit around here and pretend everything's great all the time?!"
Willow and Tara were clearly both taken aback by the sudden intensity of Dawn's outburst, glancing at one another in surprise and concern.
"You never let me do anything!" Dawn shouted, the dam of frustration bursting through her shame and shock. "I can't hang out after dark, I can't patrol with the rest of you! I just... go to the mall, or stay here and try to keep up with schoolwork! Sure, I know what I did tonight was reckless, and stupid and all kinds of wrong - but hey, at least it made me feel something, at least it made me forget for a while that I'm living in the same house my Mom died in, the one I live in with my sister's robot double – pretending everything's a-okay at every parent-teacher day with a smile stapled to my face!"
"Dawn..." Willow said, far more softly than before. "I didn't know you were feeling this way..."
Tara reached out a hand over the table, her face now a picture of compassion, but Dawn pulled her own down into her lap before their hands met.
Tara withdrew her hand reluctantly, clearly unsure what to say next. "Dawn, we know you've been through a lot tonight – but if you have any idea what happened to Janice, her mother is worried sick."
Dawn took a deep breath. "She ran off into the trees when we parked. Zach – one of the vampires chased after her." Her eyes widened as she finished, finally remembering the terrible truth. She jumped to her feet. "We need to stop him – he's going to try and make her a vampire!"
Tara got to her feet as well. "Dawn, slow down a second."
The next voice seemed to take them all by surprise. "Does Janice have red hair? Was she wearing a grey shirt?"
Buffybot had imitated Dawn and Tara in getting to their feet, and was now looking between the two women with a concerned expression on her face.
"Y-yeah," Dawn answered. "Why do you ask?"
Buffy's gaze moved between the three women's expectant faces for a moment before replying. "I think I saw her. Before I found Dawn."
"Where was she?" Dawn demanded impatiently. "Was she okay? Did you help her?"
"I was too late," Buffy admitted, the crushing words slowly forcing Dawn back into her chair. "I slew the vampire – but I didn't reach her in time. I'm sorry Dawn."
An involuntary moan escaped Dawn's lips, and her head fell forwards into her hands. Until this moment, Dawn had had cause to hope that perhaps she could leave tonight behind her, despite everything which had happened. There was no chance of that now. Her friend was dead.
Death seemed to stalk her wherever she went. Who would be next? Who else would leave her behind as the world continued to crumble around her ankles?
"I'm sorry Dawny," Willow consoled her with a sigh.
"I don't mean to be insensitive," Tara began cautiously, turning to face Buffy again. "But... D-do you think he managed to turn her?"
"I do not know," Buffy answered, her eyes lingering on Dawn. "There were no signs."
Willow nodded solemnly. "If Dawn's right about this – we'll need to catch her when she... yknow..."
Willow waggled her eyebrows suggestively, rubbing her palms together atop the table.
Dawn's hands fell from her face, blanching at what she was suggesting. There had to be another way. "No! No you can't!"
Losing her friend once tonight was terrible enough. Having her friends kill her again was unthinkable, vampire or not.
"Dawn, it's not her anymore," Willow reminded her gently. "You know that. If we just let her go, she'll just do what was done to her to someone else."
Tara nodded in solidarity with her partner. "It isn't fair – but it's the right thing to do."
Inspiration struck Dawn like a stake through the heart. "Why can't you just give Janice her soul back– like you did for Angel! That spell you did – it worked before, right? Buffy said so!"
Willow clasped her hands together, exchanging another look with Tara before answering. "I'm not even sure that's possible Dawn. With Angel, that door had already been opened once before – it was like... like stepping in someone else's footprints. And even if I could for Janice – I mean there's no guarantee how it would all turn out..."
"What do you mean?" Dawn demanded angrily, not able to believe they were trying to suggest they just kill her. "She'd have a soul – she wouldn't be evil!"
"A soul doesn't automatically make someone a good person Dawn," Willow explained. "It took Angel a whole hundred years of guilt over, well, another hundred years of evil - and even then it took meeting the love of his life before he really started to do any good. Janice wouldn't have any of that."
"She'd still have the demon in her," Tara added. "The hunger – and... I mean... where would she go? She'd probably have to shelter with the other vampires - who would probably either groom her or kill her – I mean... is that really the life she'd want? It's awful what happened. But I don't think forcing her to go on in this way is the right thing to do. At least this way, her body and spirit would both be at rest."
"We could look after her," Dawn countered. "She'd have me."
Dawn realised how silly the words sounded in her mouth. She may always have wanted to impress Janice, have spent time with her and enjoyed her company – but they weren't exactly the closest of friends. Compared with Buffy after she met Xander and Willow, well, there was no comparison. Would she really be capable of helping Janice through something like that?
"What, just keep her shut away in the basement?" Willow questioned. "Dawny, we're struggling to keep on top of everything as it is – let alone babysitting a new-born vampire..."
Dawn crossed her arms petulantly. "If it had been me – if I had been turned, would you do it then?"
A pained expression came onto Willow's face, her brow creasing uncomfortably as she presumably considered the implications of the question.
"That's not fair, Dawn." Tara answered, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Willow?"
They all turned to look at Buffy again, who was looking at the red-haired girl with a curious expression.
"Yeah Buffy?" Willow asked a little distractedly.
"Do I have a soul?"
The dining room fell silent.
All three of them seemed entirely dumbstruck by the unexpected question. Buffy's face was so earnest, so innocent – and what Dawn suspected was the only truthful answer seemed too awful to admit to her.
After a few moments, the silence had become suffocating.
"Sure you do, Buffy." Willow exclaimed cheerily, breaking the quiet with a nonchalant smile.
Tara shot her girlfriend a rather scandalised look, but said nothing. If it was possible, Dawn felt even worse than she had before.
She wasn't the only one who had lied to Buffybot tonight.
Buffy was alone again.
Dawn and Willow had retreated to their bedrooms, further discussion put on hold until they had all properly rested. Buffy however, remained at the dinner table for a while, lost within her thoughts. Tara's voice was faintly audible from the other room as she spoke on the phone.
There was still so much Buffy didn't understand. Her sister's lie, the things she had said at the table – and even her own role as the Slayer. She could sense her distress, her pain from her expression, from the tone with which she spoke – but the things she had spoken of were beyond her ability to understand. Buffy continued to try and piece it together – but her actions tonight still did not make sense to her.
Neither did Buffy's own. She was needed tonight – evil had to be challenged, but she hadn't been there. How many had been killed like Janice while she sat on the couch watching television? Was that what Giles would have wanted her to do? Perhaps if he had been here – he might have told her to patrol. Perhaps he too would have been able to help her understand Dawn's feelings, her Watcher had always taken the time to explain things to her before.
But then he left. And he didn't even say goodbye. Even when she had spoken to him by telephone mere days ago, he had not agreed to return. She didn't understand his reasons. Surely, she was his Slayer now – and he was her Watcher. Then why was he staying in England?
"Well..." Tara began in a tired voice, pausing Buffy's line of reasoning as she stepped into the room from the hall. "It's done. Janice's Mom is calling the police – as far as she knows Janice and Dawn were sneaking out into the woods tonight, but were attacked and got separated. It's not a lie, but..."
Tara meandered around the table, before seating herself on the chair beside Buffy. "It doesn't change anything. She's still going to hear that her daughter died tonight. I can't imagine how that feels..."
But it might have changed something, Buffy thought. If she had done her duty as the slayer and patrolled as usual.
"But hey," Tara said, forcing a smile under her tired eyes. "It was all so crazy earlier, I never really got the chance to thank you properly."
Buffy cocked her head to one side curiously. "Thank me for what?"
Tara smiled. "For finding Dawn so quickly, and for managing to bring her home safe. You did really well. Better than any of the rest of us."
Buffy found she could not return the smile. "It was my fault," she said finally. "Willow was right. If it wasn't for me – Dawn would never have been in danger. I am supposed to protect her!"
"Buffy, I told you, it's not your fault." Tara insisted. "Willow and I didn't think that Dawn would try anything like this either – in fact, it's pretty clear that Dawn needs a lot more support than we've been giving her all-round. Maybe even some counselling."
"Like a Watchers' Council?" Buffy asked earnestly, remembering the name Giles had mentioned all that time ago.
Tara shook her head with a kind expression. "No, not like that. More like... someone to talk to, about everything she's going through?"
Buffy frowned. "Why can't she talk to you?"
Tara smiled warmly at the question, but then shook her head sadly. "I'm not a trained professional Buffy. I think I can understand some of what Dawn is going through; I went through it myself, after my mother died. But I'm not sure I can help her through everything."
Tara sighed. "Problem is of course – she can't tell anyone else what she's really feeling – not exactly. If anyone found out what happened to Buffy... I mean, the other Buffy-"
"They would take Dawn away." Buffy finished.
The thought brought back the terrible image of what she had thought of as Dawn's body on the ground. Who would protect her if they took her away?
Tara nodded solemnly. When Buffy did not say anything else, the witch peered at her curiously.
"Is there anything you want to talk about?" Tara asked, the question hanging in the air for a moment. "You seem a little... distracted, tonight."
There was a slight pause as Buffy gathered her thoughts. Her gaze moved away from Tara, staring into space as the memory files replayed behind her eyes.
"When I first saw the body in the woods – I thought that it was Dawn."
"Oh..." Tara remarked with a frown. Buffy didn't alter her gaze, still lost in that terrible moment.
"I saw her lying there. She was so still. Not moving. When I saw it, I could not function properly. I could not seem to move my eyes from her. I just knew."
"Knew what?" Tara inquired gently.
"I knew it was my fault." Buffy answered, coming back to the present and turning back to face the girl beside her. "I had failed to protect her. My sister."
A look of surprise passed across Tara's face. "Buffy, that's not..."
She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before reaching out a hand and placing it gently on Buffy's arm. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. But Dawn is safe – we all are, alright?"
Buffy shook her head insistently. "She lied to me – and I could not tell. How do I know she won't lie again? How do I know that anything that she says is true? How will I stop this happening again?"
Tara looked thoughtful for a moment. Buffy... when trust is broken, it's never easy to rebuild. But trust me, Dawn loves you – she still loves you. I've seen how she looks out for you, how she acts when you're together. What she did was wrong – but that hasn't changed. What happened tonight was about her, not you."
"I love her too," Buffy said. "She is my sister. I want to keep her safe, and happy. "But if she lies again..." Buffy hesitated. "I still do not think I would be prepared."
Tara looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well... none of us can always be sure. But if... if you ever think something sounds a little strange – maybe try thinking about motive? Why might someone lie to you, yknow? Tonight, Dawn lied because she wanted to do something she knew we wouldn't approve of. She was acting out, because she's feeling a lot of unprocessed grief, and that she doesn't have control over her own life."
Buffy considered for a moment, accessing several past conversations from her own memory files. "Willow tells me things sometimes. When she doesn't want me to worry. I think they are not always true."
A strange look crossed Tara's face for a moment, and she suddenly seemed rather pale. "What kinds of things, Buffy?"
There was a knock at the door.
Tara jumped slightly in surprise, before frowning. "It's a little late for trick or treaters..."
They both rose from the table, Buffy leading the way to the front door. She gazed through the tiny eyehole, feeling a familiar sensation in her circuits. Sure enough, Spike was standing on the other side of the door, his face slightly bruised and battered and the shirt beneath his leather coat was dirty and torn. Buffy immediately pulled the door open, an involuntary grin leaping to her face, and the vampire stepped inside without hesitation.
"Dawn here?" He asked brusquely.
"Dawn's in bed," Tara explained, shooting him a disapproving glance as he barrelled past Buffy to stand face to face with her instead. "Did you get away alright?"
"Get away?" Spike parroted back at her as he scratched the back of his neck, clearly offended by the notion. "Gave those wanna-be's a damn good thrashing is what I did. Strutting about on Halloween... disgraceful." He shook his head. "Anyway, just glad Niblet's alright-"
Spike paused, his face suddenly wary. "She told you what happened then, did she?"
"She did," Tara answered plainly. "Thank you for stepping in – if you hadn't found her, well... you know what might have happened."
"Yeah, well. Just a good thing I was passing by. I'll be off then." Spike moved towards the door, before Tara called out.
"Spike?"
He stopped, turning back to look at Tara with another cautious expression. "Yeah?"
"I just wondered, why exactly were you 'passing by', yknow, considering that it's Halloween?"
"Happy coincidence is all," Spike insisted casually, though his eyes still seemed wary. "Overheard the vamps passing by my crypt, decided to investigate."
Tara crossed her arms, unimpressed. "They passed by your crypt... only Dawn said they were driving? That must have been some... pretty crazy driving."
Spike was still for a moment, before letting out an exasperated sigh. "Alright – fine. I overheard the Little Bit making her plans the other night. Decided to keep an eye on her – and lucky for you I did."
"Why did you not tell us?" Buffy asked, the first time she had spoken since Spike's arrival. He had known what Dawn was doing, he knew about the lie – but why would he not inform her family?
Spike seemed inclined to ignore the question, but Tara narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms sternly. "I'd like you to answer her, Spike."
"Well," Spike began defensively, clearly taken aback somewhat by Tara's newfound assertiveness. "It's not exactly like you lot have the best track record so far of keeping Dawn safe from harm, is it? Even when big sis was still around, she had a knack for wandering off and getting herself into the worst kinds of trouble... Thought it would be better at least if I knew what she was doing, rather than ratting her out just for her to try something else none of us expected..."
Buffy felt the feelings return. Feelings of failure. Feelings that she would never be exactly.
When neither Buffy nor Tara replied, Spike pressed on. "Look, to be quite frank - you've got your ways of lookin' out for Dawn, and I've got mine," Spike insisted. "So why don't we just leave each other to it, right?"
Tara did not seem placated. "Spike, if something like this happens again, I don't want you keeping it from us. You should know - even after you interceded tonight – Dawn still got bitten. If Buffy hadn't got there in time, she'd be dead. Or worse."
Spike glanced at Buffy for a moment, looking faintly regretful. "Right, well. If I hear anything..."
And with that, Spike opened the front door again, striding rapidly down the path away from the house, before his long coat melded with the colours of the night.
Tara closed the door behind him, letting out a deep breath. "I'm going to turn in. Are you happy to shut yourself down again tonight?"
Buffy smiled contentedly. "Yes – I can do that."
"Alright then. Goodnight!"
With that, Tara turned and began to climb the stairs.
Buffy paused for a moment, a sudden thought coming to her from their earlier conversation.
"Tara?"
Tara paused on the stairs, turning to face Buffy with a puzzled expression. "Yes Buffy?"
"Was there anything you wished to talk about?"
Tara looked at Buffy curiously. "How do you mean?"
"Earlier – you and Willow, you were fighting. I have never seen you do that before."
"Oh..." Tara breathed, her brow furrowing in concern. "You heard all that. Oh."
Buffy nodded.
"It's umm..." Tara began, her eyes darting between Buffy and the floor. "It's kind of you to ask Buffy, but that's really something for Willow and I to work out. Personal stuff, yknow?"
"I would not be able to help." Buffy said simply. It was not a question.
Seeming to sense something of the defeat in her, Tara came back down the stairs, bringing herself down to Buffy's level.
"It's magic," Tara said, causing Buffy to cock her head to one side pensively. "Willow's been using too much magic."
Buffy didn't know what to make of that statement. "But she is a witch. Witches do use magic."
"Yes..." Tara conceded. "But there are certain things that magic should and shouldn't be used for. It's umm... well, like your strength and speed."
Buffy did not follow the comparison. "How do you mean?"
"Well, if you used your strength to umm... win a boxing competition, or your speed to win a race against other people. It's abusing your power, see?"
Buffy considered this. "Because those who are not the Slayer could not do those things. It would be wrong?"
Tara nodded emphatically. "Exactly. And also – with magic, things can go wrong... very wrong. Earlier tonight, when we were at the Bronze, Willow was about to shift everyone there into another dimension to try and look for Dawn. There could have been terrible consequences."
"Like what?" Buffy asked sincerely.
"Any number of things," Tara explained with a shake of her head. "They might not have come back – or they might have come back, except... different, or hurt or God knows what. I would never even attempt a spell like that unless I had time to properly prepare – and not unless there was good reason for it. Magic shouldn't be just a shortcut to make things easier."
Tara let out a deep sigh. "Magic comes so naturally to Willow... she has so much power, and I'm just... I'm afraid what she's going to do with it, sometimes. What it's going to do to her."
Recognising the distress on Tara's face, Buffy reached out a hand, placing it on Tara's arm in the same fashion the witch had done with her in the dining room.
"It will be alright," Buffy assured her. "Willow loves you. I'm sure you can make her understand. You are very good at explaining things."
Tara's expression changed from melancholy to gratitude, and her lips turned upwards in a magical smile. She placed her hand atop Buffy's for a moment, squeezing it gently.
"Goodnight." Tara said, before heading towards the stairs once more. "Don't stay up too late – you'll want to be all charged up for tomorrow's patrol."
Buffy nodded contentedly. "I won't."
In order to best prove the point, Buffy fell in behind Tara on the stairs. She would think more on the night's events – but not until tomorrow.
