Chapter 3 – Awkward

He met her at the airport. She hadn't wanted him to, but he had insisted.

The American Airlines flight from JFK to the Portland International Jetport in Maine had been brief but irritating. Alex had never been a big fan of flying; too little control for her liking. The statistics on the safety of air travel were a meager comfort when you were thirty thousand feet above the ground. She would rather have been behind the wheel of her car, even if the proportionate risk was significantly greater. At least behind the wheel, there was the illusion of control. That illusion was far preferable to knowing with certainty that her whole life was in the hands of another.

Her discomfort was magnified by the fact that the flight was jam packed. Every seat was full, the fuselage crammed with a mixture of animated tourists and weary businessmen returning home after a trip to the Big Apple. To her chagrin, Alex found herself wedged between a snoring older man on her left and a mother and her toddler on the right. The kid had been in a foul mood for the entire flight, chucking crayons against the seats in front of them so hard that they bounced off and hit Alex in the legs; Mom ignored him, engrossed in a game on her tablet. Normally she would have tried to sleep to speed up the passage of time, but between the crayon missiles and the prospect of a potentially humiliating nightmare, she couldn't settle enough to doze off. By the time the plane touched down onto the runway, her white T-shirt and denim shorts were damp with anxiety-induced sweat and she was feeling exceedingly grumpy.

When the passengers were finally granted freedom from their metal prison, Alex had practically bolted from her seat, crushing crayons beneath her sandals and nearly bowling over the groggy man to her left in her hurry to grab her carry-on and escape. Once on the tarmac, she stopped for a moment to enjoy the cooling caress of the warm June air against her damp skin and, tilting her face up to the sun, inhaled a huge lungful of fresh Maine air. She had become so accustomed to the close, smoggy, polluted air of New York that it seemed fresh to her until she traveled outside the city. Here, the breeze took on a much more wholesome quality and she became acutely aware of what big city dwellers were missing.

Alex breezed through baggage claim and security much quicker than she had in the past. It was the first time in years she had traveled without her sidearm; even with all the appropriate credentials, that had always slowed things down considerably. If anyone had asked her over a year ago, she would have said she felt naked without it nearby. Now, when she had any occasion to hold her weapon at all, it just felt extraneous and unwieldy.

Before exiting the terminal into the Arrivals waiting area, Alex made a quick stop in the restroom to splash some water on her face and apply a bit of powder and some neutral eye shadow. It seemed a silly thing to do; it was only Bobby on the other side of the doors, and he had seen her in the hospital looking far worse than she did today. Still, she felt compelled to do what she could to minimize the dark circles under her eyes. The powder did help, but the mirror still reflected the image of a woman older than her physical years.

Oh well. That's as good as it's gonna get.

There weren't many people left seated in the waiting area chairs when the terminal's glass doors slid open and disgorged Alex and her luggage into the heart of the airport. She spotted Bobby right away, and probably could have even if the area had been as crowded as the airplane. After so many years of partnership, she had developed the ability to sense where Bobby was in a room. It was as if there were some sort of invisible tether between them that she could follow and would always find him at the end. It was such an uplifting thought that she could almost have cried.

Bobby was sitting hunched over, elbows on knees, in a yellow plastic chair that was far too small for him. As she made her way toward him, wheeling her suitcase and lugging her carry-on, she could tell he was frowning just by the set of his brow. When she was about fifteen feet away, he suddenly looked up and caught sight of her. The frown inverted instantly into a warm smile that sent an unexpected electric charge galloping through her system. The subsequent flip in her stomach and flutter in her chest left her momentarily breathless and she took a few jerky steps before her gait smoothed out again.

Pull yourself together, Eames. It's just Bobby. Are you that desperate for attention that even a friendly smile can bring you to your knees?

When she was ten feet away, Bobby stood and shoved his cell phone into his pocket. His eyes never left her and his smile never wavered as she closed the remaining distance and pulled up in front of him. Alex was taken aback by how nervous she felt suddenly and was relieved when he was the first to speak.

"Hi."

Alex's entire body quivered with the urge to throw her arms around him and give him a big hug. That's what people who cared about each other were supposed to do, but that's not what they did. She could count on one hand the number of times they had hugged. Their physical contact had always been minimal by design – having good boundaries was important for partners, they both knew and respected that - but now its absence left her wanting.

Pushing the impulse to hug him down into her toes, Alex smiled back at him instead. "Hey. Thanks for coming to pick me up."

Shuffling his feet and bobbing his head, Bobby shrugged and slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "No problem. Perk of being retired - got nothing but time."

Bobby looked great. She had noticed that immediately. Healthy. His skin was smooth and tanned and he had grown his hair out again. He wore it slicked back and curling at the nape of his neck. There was more grey than she remembered, both in his hair and in the short, well-trimmed beard he was sporting, but that was to be expected. He was dressed neatly in a pair of jeans and a collared shirt that he wore loose over his pants. Alex would always have described Bobby as a handsome man but now that he seemed to have shed some of the demons that had haunted him in the past, that fact was undeniable.

The words tumbled out of her mouth before Alex could rein them back in. "You look good."

As soon as she said it, she had a flash of déjà vu as she reflected back on a similar moment in time, years earlier, when Bobby had picked her up from the Staten Island Ferry on their way to a case. She had told him then that he looked good, and he had immediately changed the subject. This time, he held her gaze and smiled.

"Thanks."


She hadn't planned on staying at Bobby's.

In response to her submitted travel request, the administrative team at the NYPD was supposed to have booked her a hotel room in downtown Portland, just a ten minute walk from Portland Police Headquarters. She was confident they had, even recalled receiving a confirmation email the day before she left. When Alex sidled up to the reception desk at the hotel, however, they had no record of her reservation. That in and of itself would not have been a big deal, were it any other week. This particular week - prime vacation time and approaching the July 4th holiday – was apparently extremely popular with tourists. A large business convention, a state-wide horticultural society meeting, and a Little League tournament complicated the matter.

The hotel staff were duly apologetic, but at the end of the day they were unable to magically manifest an available room. The manager had called the other local hotels and cobbled together a depressing schedule that would have had her staying at five different hotels over the next few weeks. When Bobby had suggested she stay in his spare room instead, she had been massively relieved. She had protested only a few times, weakly, before agreeing.

The view outside the car window as they drove away from Portland was green. Very green. As soon as they exited the I-295, lines of majestic trees started to creep closer and closer to the road. The sun had to fight its way through their leaves in order to create dappled shadows on the asphalt. As someone more familiar with a less-than-aesthetically pleasing concrete jungle, Alex drank it all in, dazzled by the emerald display. The scent of pine and leaves floated in on the breeze while cicadas sang unseen, hidden beneath a quilt of greenery.

If the conversation had felt stilted at the airport, it was downright awkward in the car. The easy, companionable silence that had evolved naturally over the course of their partnership proved to be elusive now. Given the length of time they had been apart, there were surely a million things they could have talked about, but Alex couldn't seem to latch on to a single thought long enough to articulate it. The longer it dragged on, the more blank her mind became and the more painful the silence grew. If it weren't for the low warble of the radio and the sounds of nature surrounding them, it would have been almost unbearable. Occasionally she could sense Bobby looking at her, as if he too were scrambling frantically for something to say, but no words materialized.

As they drew closer to the juncture of Cumberland, Gray and Windham, traffic lightened and the trees shot up even taller, towering over the road. Houses here were smaller, more spread out, and set further back from the road. Lots were huge and dotted with gardens and children's play structures; yards were lush. The distance between Maine and New York City may have been measurable in miles but the two felt light years apart. It was such a departure from the environment in which she knew Bobby had spent most of his life that it was almost surreal to see him in this setting.

"Wow, living off the grid now, aren't you?" Alex commented as the road narrowed and the trees began forming a leafy canopy above.

Bobby kept his eyes on the road but his mouth quirked up into a small smile. "It's, uh, different here for sure. Not in a bad way though. It's quiet, peaceful. I was ready to leave New York."

Ready to leave me too, I guess.

Alex tried to keep her features from hardening as the omnipresent black cloud, which had just ever so slightly dissipated, built up again over her head. "I could never live here. Too open for me."

Bobby shrugged as he turned onto a paved road that cracked and crumbled where it met the dirt shoulders. "I wasn't sure if I could either at first. But now, it just feels, uh, right, you know? It's grown on me." He glanced over at her, eyes glinting conspiratorially. "I guess you could say that it's an acquired taste."

Alex chuckled lightly as she remembered the moment, many years ago, when she had sat in the courtroom and used those exact same words to describe Bobby. It felt as if a lifetime had passed since then but nevertheless the inside joke warmed her from the inside out.

This is it. This is exactly what you needed. Some time to reconnect with an old friendly face.

"It's helped me focus on, you know, me . . . and also my book."

Mentally, Alex cursed herself. He had mentioned that he was writing a book in one of his most recent emails to her, yet another one that she had neglected to answer. It was a non-fiction "true crime" book about some of the more infamous and eccentric criminals he had profiled and apprehended over the course of his career. He already had a publisher lined up. She should have asked him about that sooner because it was clear, even through email, that he was excited about it.

"Oh yeah. How's that going by the way?"

Checking his rearview mirror, Bobby signaled and turned right onto a hard-packed dirt road. "Okay. Making progress. First draft is due in September and I think I'm nearly there."

Returning her attention to the road, Alex watched a cardinal dart out of the brush and fly beside them for a moment before vanishing again. "Robert Goren, True Crime Author. You'll be famous."

Bobby snorted lightly. "I sure hope not."

After travelling down the dirt road for about a mile, they pulled onto a gravel driveway that was nearly entirely obscured by unruly brush. The only suggestion of a break in the forest was an unlabeled black mailbox, its red flag flying. The driveway wound upward through the trees at a moderate incline and curved around a bend. Gravel spit from beneath the tires and pinged against the undercarriage. Through the thick trees, Alex caught her first glimpse of water off in the distance.

As they swung around the bend, the forest retreated to reveal a clearing and a large cabin. Bobby pulled the car over to the left of the cabin and killed the ignition. Lowering his hand from the steering wheel to the latch of his seatbelt, he hesitated only a moment before turning his gaze to her and smiling lightly.

"Well, uh, here we are. Home sweet home."


The cabin was simple and beautiful in that simplicity.

From the outside, it was fashioned to look like a log cabin from the olden days – weathered wood stacked one on top of the other and notched together at the corners, a basic black shingled roof that was peppered with leaves and a brick chimney that jutted up toward the heavens. A covered porch ran along the front of the building. The entrance was painted a deep red and protected by a white wooden screen door. The edge of a deck was visible out the back.

Inside, the cabin was much more modern than the exterior suggested. There were two good-sized bedrooms, one and a half baths, a faux wood paneled den and an open concept dining/living/kitchen area. A wood stove stood in the far corner; although no fire burned, the rich, oaky smell of fires past still lingered in the space. The décor was minimal and largely impersonal - minus a few pictures of his mother and his niece Molly – but the overall feel of the place was still comfortable and welcoming. The most cluttered space was the den, which, unsurprisingly, was lined floor to ceiling with shelves overflowing with books.

Bobby had showed her around, room by room, taking care to highlight where she could find all the things she might need. It was a side of Bobby Alex had never seen before – a proud host who wanted his guest to have an enjoyable stay – and she found it extremely endearing. It wasn't hard for her to exclaim over the attractiveness of the space and, with each compliment, he glowed.

They ended the tour in the spare bedroom where she would be sleeping for the next few weeks. He had already wheeled her suitcase in and placed it on the neatly made bed.

"It's a really nice place, Bobby."

Leaning against the door frame with his hands clasped behind his back, Bobby ducked his head in almost bashful acknowledgement. "Thanks. It is. I'm happy here. Happier than I have been in a very long time."

An ugly clot of emotion stirred in Alex's stomach, a motley assortment of feelings battling for dominance. The first one that clawed its way to the surface was far too close to envy for her liking.

At least one of you has got your shit together.

Alex swallowed hard and tried a smile. "That's good. I'm happy for you."

Bobby nodded again and stood gazing out the window at the forest that flanked the cabin while she busied herself with unzipping and emptying her suitcase. When she glanced up at him a minute later, he was staring at her.

Suddenly self-conscious, Alex tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and raised her eyebrows in what she hoped appeared to be casual interest only. "What?"

He's going to ask if you're happy too. Be prepared to lie.

Bobby opened his mouth to answer and then closed it again, eyes still trained on her face. He had just bit his bottom lip thoughtfully and cleared his throat when the creak and slam of the screen door signaled a new entrant to the cabin. Bobby turned quickly and vanished from the door, leaving Alex to trail after him, frowning slightly.

As she stepped into the large great room, Alex caught sight of a tall, thin woman with a mass of curly brown hair standing just inside the door, rummaging around in her purse, arms weighed down with plastic grocery bags. Sensing that she suddenly had an audience, the woman looked up and broke into a huge, toothy grin.

"Oh my God, you're HERE! I didn't expect you to be here already!"

The mystery woman dropped the grocery bags and rushed across the room, throwing her arms around Alex and enveloping her in an enthusiastic hug. Alex stiffened at the unanticipated contact but found her arms moved automatically around the woman in response. The woman held the embrace for what felt like forever before pulling back to examine Alex at arm's length.

"You're so PRETTY! Bobby, you never told me how pretty she was," the woman gushed, squeezing Alex's forearms lightly before pulling her forward into another quick hug and then stepping back. "I'm so glad you're here! Welcome to Maine!"

Stunned and mute, Alex turned to look at Bobby with the question in her eyes.

Who the hell is this?

Reaching over, Bobby placed one of his hands on the woman's back and smiled at her. She met his eyes and returned the smile at full wattage.

"Faith, this is Alex. Alex, this is my girlfriend Faith."