Chapter 9 – Conflicted

It felt good to get dressed up again.

The restrooms at the Ocean Gateway were positively palatial. The powder room alone was nearly as expansive as her entire apartment. The floor was veined marble, the contemporary fixtures a shiny chrome, the hand towels fluffy white. A seating area featured two cream-colored loveseats grouped around a wall-mounted flat screen TV. Modern lighting dangled from thick cables overhead and illuminated her face as Alex leaned over the vanity, squinted into the mirror and drew the black liquid eyeliner carefully along her bottom lid.

"So? What do you think?"

Faith breezed in from the rear of the restroom to stand beside her in front of the mirror. Her sky blue dress clung to her curves like a second skin and she smoothed it back down over her hips, head tilted to one side as she sized up her reflection.

"Of Ravi?" Straightening, Alex wiped away an errant smudge of charcoal at the corner of her right eye. "He's nice."

It was true, he was. Handsome, well-mannered and charming to boot. When Faith had begged for the chance to set her up with one of her friends, Alex had groaned internally. She hadn't been on a date in so long, she wasn't sure she remembered how to act. The concept of a blind date seemed doubly daunting. It was only the prospect of serving as an extra in the Bobby and Faith show that eventually convinced her to acquiesce. For a first kick back at the can, she certainly could have done worse than Ravi. Under different circumstances, she might have invested more effort in getting to know him. Today, her heart just wasn't in it. While she enjoyed his company, that was as far as it went.

Can't put your heart into something when it's already taken . . .

"Just nice? Ouch." Faith frowned at her image as she tugged at strands of her hair, separating curls. "Well he's totally into you, and he's pretty picky, so that's saying a lot. He enjoys your sense of humor and thinks you look f-i-n-e fine tonight."

Alex rolled her eyes at the relayed compliment but a secret swirl of pleasure curled in her stomach. Her suitcase hadn't contained anything nearly dressy enough for a formal benefit dinner, so she had gone on a last minute shopping excursion after the Portland Summer Fair. After an hour and a half of searching, she had nearly given up hope of finding something when she stumbled on a delicate chiffon dress. It was more feminine than she was typically drawn to but over the last few days she had been feeling the urge to reinvent herself. The high-waisted burgundy sleeveless halter dress breathed lightly over her skin. The hem was asymmetrical, cut up high on one side, showcasing a healthy length of thigh, while the other brushed against her ankle. Her long hair, lightened by all the recent sun, was parted to one side and cascaded over her shoulder in a thick French braid.

For the first time in a long time, she felt beautiful.

"He's too kind," Alex murmured, rummaging around in her clutch for an eye shadow palette. "He seems like a great guy. It's not him, it's me. I suck at this whole casual dating thing. Give him another hour and he'll be changing his tune."

"I don't think so." Faith touched up her lipstick, examining her handiwork with an exaggerated pout. "Do me a favor and give him a chance, okay? You might be pleasantly surprised."

Located on the waterfront, the Ocean Gateway was a master class in modern architecture. The venue, designed to resemble the prow of a ship, was floor-to-ceiling glass panels with a beautiful view of the water and adjacent islands. Inside, the dinner dishes had been cleared away, the tables shoved out to the edges of the space. The hardwood dance floor in the center of the room was packed as the two women pushed through the swinging door of the restroom. A DJ spun Top 40 off to the right and a cluster of revelers lurked around his booth, scrawling song requests on scraps of paper.

When the women had departed a few minutes earlier, there had been two men at their table; now only Ravi remained, drumming his fingertips on the white tablecloth. When he saw Alex approach, he stood and pulled out her chair. His mocha skin was an attractive contrast to his white teeth as he smiled.

You could do worse. Beggars can't be choosers after all. Faith's right, it wouldn't hurt to give him a chance. Even just for one night . . . to help you forget.

"Where the hell has Bobby gotten off to now?" Faith grumbled, frowning as she tucked her legs beneath the table. Her irritation was palpable as she scanned the room, seeking the man in question.

Bobby had been undeniably difficult to pin down all day. Even when he was present, he wasn't. For the majority of the morning and early afternoon, he had been holed up in the den, hunkered down over his manuscript. The few times Alex had hesitantly ventured across the threshold to offer food, she had been sullenly rebuffed. Twice burned, she was careful to keep her distance, trying unsuccessfully to identify what she had done to offend him. His attitude did not improve with the arrival of Faith and Ravi. He barely said a word to any of them on the drive into town or over dinner. He was polite and charming with the other guests at the benefit, but when he turned back to his foursome, moody Bobby resurfaced, a fact that was clearly aggravating Faith to no end.

Twisting in his seat, Ravi nodded his head in the direction of the waltzing horde. "Last I saw him, he was heading out onto the dance floor with our guest of honor."

Alex caught sight of him first. He stood on the outskirts of the crowd, hand-in-hand with eight-year-old Mia, strutting his stuff to an upbeat pop tune. Cancer treatment had taken the young girl's hair but not her spirit. She had abandoned her wheelchair to caper with Bobby, smiling broadly as he twirled her around before breaking into a goofy version of the twist. When it was clear she was tiring, Bobby lifted her frail frame up onto his shoulders and continued to bop along gently while her parents, Bobby's neighbors, wiped away tears and snapped photos.

The sight sent an affectionate smile spreading across Alex's face.

One in a billion.

Faith and Ravi were talking but she heard nothing, lost as she was in her own world. It was only when she felt Ravi's fingertips on her bare shoulder that she emerged from her trance.

"I'm sorry?"

Ravi smiled patiently and repeated himself. "Would you like to dance?"

Blinking rapidly, Alex shook her head slightly to clear out the cobwebs. The pop song had faded into the beginning strains of a ballad and the population on the dance floor was transitioning from individuals to couples. Bobby had lifted Mia off his shoulders and was gently lowering her back into her wheelchair.

Yes, I would. Just not with you.


The gardens outside the Ocean Gateway were summer lush.

They crowded the back patio, winding around the posts of the ornate wooden railing. Flowers thrived, emitting sweet fragrance into the warm night air. In the distance, white caps on the water appeared like ghosts in the dark. Here and there within the greenery, the flare of a firefly illuminated leaves and petals.

It had taken her a while to find him. He had disappeared again, almost immediately after leaving the dance floor. She had accepted Ravi's offer of a dance, albeit reluctantly, and spent the entire time trying in vain to spot Bobby in the crowd. Excusing herself at the end of the song under the pretense of getting another drink, Alex had circled the entire venue before she spotted him outside, alone. After glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention, she slipped out a side door.

She stood and watched him for a few minutes before approaching. He paced back and forth along the length of the patio, hands behind his back, stopping occasionally to stare out at the ocean. His shoulders were broad beneath his gray suit jacket and the ocean breeze ruffled his hair. Back in the venue, the party was still going strong and the muted thump of techno mixed with the rumble of the waves.

When he heard the click of her heels on the cobblestone, Bobby looked up for only a second before resuming his prowl.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he grunted, still stalking back and forth like a caged animal. "Just needed some, uh, fresh air. You should get back inside . . . to your date."

She thought she detected a trace of venom in the final word, but it could have been her imagination.

"I'm sure your girlfriend is thinking the exact same thing about you." Moving forward, Alex placed herself strategically along the midpoint of the rail, effectively cutting his pacing path in half. "You've been doing a pretty damn good impression of the invisible man all night. What's up?"

Bobby finally slowed and eventually came to a halt a few feet away from her. Leaning his forearms on the railing, he looked out over the water for a minute before turning his gaze in her direction.

"You look . . ."

He trailed off slowly, his eyes tracing the contours of her body. A warm tingle started in her toes and swelled to the top of her head. She had been curious about the end to that sentence, from Bobby's perspective, all night. When she had originally walked into the cabin's living room in her new dress, he had barely glanced at her and said nothing. Now that she had his undivided attention, the full intensity of his stare was nearly too much.

"Ridiculous, I know," Alex chuckled self-effacingly, suddenly eager to downplay the importance of his opinion. "I don't know why I even bother trying to look fancy. I can never pull it off. I'm more of a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl."

"That's not what-"

Bobby cut himself off sharply with a shake of his head, muttering something indecipherable under his breath before changing the subject.

"I've been thinking . . . about, uh, life."

"Uh-oh." The corner of Alex's mouth quirked up into a dry smile as she leaned her hip against the railing. "That's dangerous."

"I'd forgotten, over these last few years since leaving Major Case, how . . . unfair it can be. Life."

"Not a bad thing to forget." Alex absently toyed with the end of her braid. "You're thinking about Mia."

Bobby nodded, running a finger along the smooth edge of the rail. "Her treatment, it's just buying time. Experimental. Her cancer is incurable. At best, she's got, uh . . . a couple months left, maybe. If the treatment keeps working."

Reaching over, she softly covered his hand with hers. "I'm sorry, Bobby. I know you're fond of her."

"Eight years old." Bobby shook his head sadly. "What sense does that make?"

"None. It's wrong."

"You think you have all the time in the world, and then . . ." Bobby looked back out over the rolling water in the distance, lips pressed into a thin line. "You, uh, don't."

"Life's short."

"It is." He glanced down at where their hands touched before slowly withdrawing his and clenching it in a loose fist at his side. "I'm . . . conflicted."

Gooseflesh suddenly erupted up and down her arms although she wasn't cold.

"About what?"

Bobby's smile was both sardonic and sad. "Do you really not know?"

Alex raised her eyebrows, hoping desperately that he couldn't hear how hard her heart was pounding.

"I'm not a mind reader, Bobby. You'll need to tell me."

Bobby inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, scrubbing his hands over his face as if exhausted. He looked at her for a long moment before laughing lightly.

"You know, for someone so smart . . ."

Closing the distance between them with one long stride, Bobby cupped her face in both of his hands and kissed her.

It wasn't a tentative kiss. It was a confident, strong kiss, ripe with unspoken emotion that literally ripped her breath away. She resisted a bit at first, out of pure shock, but he wasn't allowing it. He dropped his hands from her face and gripped the rail on either side of her, pinning her between it and his body, pressing them together. His mouth was warm and insistent and before long she melted and kissed him back just as hard. They were swept away in the moment, until the need to breathe could no longer be denied and they reluctantly drew apart.

"Do you get it, uh . . . now?" Bobby's voice was hoarse, his cheeks as flushed as hers felt.

"Well, I sure do."

A voice from behind sent them leaping apart as if electrocuted. Faith stood off to the side, arms squeezed tightly around herself as if afraid, without the support, she would crumble.


She left them alone on the patio.

A winding sand path led down from the Ocean Gateway, over a set of dunes and out to the sea. Alex followed it carefully, eyes straining through the dark. Her high heels dangled off a finger as she descended through the sand mounds, reveling in the grounding sensation of the grains between her toes. Closer to the waterline, the footing transitioned to thick mud. When she stopped to let the tide course over her feet, she sunk up to her ankles in the dense quicksand.

He kissed you. Bobby actually kissed you. And you kissed him back . . .

. . . And it was incredible.

Her lips still smoldered, her face flushed. Even the cool ocean couldn't extinguish the fire raging in her body. It was the most passionate kiss of her life and she replayed it over and over on a loop in her mind. The events of the night had both disoriented and exhilarated her and left far more questions than answers.

As the sea breeze tangled her dress around her legs, Alex wished fleetingly that she had told Bobby that yes, she did get it now, that she felt the same, before she had vanished from the patio. She knew he had to be feeling guilty. He had a finely tuned moral compass; he wasn't a cheater and it would weigh heavily on him that he had hurt Faith. The unknown was what he would do with that guilt.

Does he regret the kiss? Or did he feel what you felt?

Is he, at this very moment, begging Faith to take him back?

With a sigh, Alex wrenched her feet out of the mud. It was so thick it took her a full minute to extricate herself and clamber up onto more solid ground.

She was halfway back up the path when she ran into Faith coming down.

It was so dark out there by the water that the two women nearly collided. As soon as Faith realized it was Alex approaching, she groaned, muttered an expletive and spun on her heel to return from whence she came.

"Faith, wait!" Alex jogged up the dune, slipping and sliding in the loose sand. She was actually surprised when Faith obliged, stopping so quickly that Alex nearly slammed into her back.

"What?"

The words were cool and hard but there was a waver in Faith's voice that she couldn't disguise and her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. Alex felt a pang of sympathy zing her chest.

"Look, I'm sorry."

Faith regarded her carefully for a moment and then shook her head slowly. "I knew it. You both said all the right things, and I believed you. But I knew. In my heart I knew."

Alex sighed, tucking a strand of hair that had escaped from her braid behind her ear.

"We didn't intend for this to happen. We got caught up in a moment. Neither one of us wanted to hurt you, Bobby especially. It's just . . . complicated."

"You sound exactly like him," Faith scoffed, rolling her eyes. "No, I should have trusted my gut. The second he told me that he was going to do whatever it took to get you here, to Maine, I thought there had to be more to it than just a friend concerned about another friend's mental health. I was clearly right."

A shiver wracked Alex's body. "Bobby had nothing to do with my coming to Maine. He had no clue I was even coming until I called him. It was my Captain who set it up."

"Wait, is that what he told you?" Faith threw back her head and barked out a laugh. "That's not true at all."

Confused, Alex felt an ink black clot start to form in her chest. "What are you talking about?"

Faith grabbed a handful of tall dune grass and jerked it out by the roots. "You only got the job with the Portland PD because of Bobby. They wanted him to teach a profiling class. He said he would do it only if they agreed to bring you in to teach a class on advanced police procedures. It had nothing to do with your skills. It was pretty much just blackmail."

Alex felt the color drain from her face, mouth opening and closing soundlessly like a fish out of water, gasping for breath.

"You really didn't know . . ." Faith smirked before pushing past her down the dunes. "Bobby is the only reason you're here. Your Captain didn't choose you. He was just the messenger. Bobby was the architect."