Thank you for the reviews! This is my first Fanfiction and I am humbled by the response!
Derek slowly walked down the hall back to Addison's room. He had told everyone he wanted to be the one to tell her about the tumor. When he got to her room, she appeared to be asleep. But after being together for 15 years, he knew she was faking. It was her go to response when she was mad at him and didn't want to talk.
"Addie. I know you aren't asleep.". She rolled over and slowly opened her eyes. "Fine. Just spit it out. I can tell by the way the nurses have barely said two words to me that something was found on the MRI. I can also tell by the way you are reacting that it is bad."
Derek took a deep breath and slowly said, "You have an 8 cm meningioma in your left temporal lobe. It is most likely benign as 90% of these kinds of tumors are, but we won't know for sure until we remove it." He had said similar words to thousands of patients over the years, but this time he felt like he was talking under water. As if things were going in slow motion. He couldn't believe he had just delivered that speech to Addison.
Addison just stared at him for a minute, and then she started to laugh. A tumor? Seriously? Sounded about right with the way things had been going in her life lately.
"Addie, are you ok?" Derek looked at her with concern.
"A brain tumor. 8 cm long. I have a brain tumor, and I am married to a world renowned brain surgeon." Addison replied sarcastically. "That is some kind of sick joke if you ask me."
Then the laughter began to turn to tears as the full impact of the situation sunk in. She bit her lip to try and keep from crying. She was a Forbes-Montgomery. She wasn't supposed to cry. She turned away from him to try and keep Derek from seeing the tears, but he knew her too well.
Derek couldn't take it any longer. He crawled into bed with her and pulled her into his arms. He knew how stubborn she was about crying. It tore him apart to see her like this. He felt her body stiffen against his. She was obviously still angry at him about the whole prom situation, but he kept holding her anyway. He was supposed to protect her. He was supposed to be the person to take away her pain not be the cause of it.
He began to run his hands through her hair, and she slowly began to relax. Despite her best efforts, Addison found herself leaning into his embrace. It felt so good to be in his arms.
Just for a minute she allowed herself to forget all their problems. She just wanted to be in the moment and allow his presence to comfort her.
Then, she could no longer hold back the tears. He was one of the few people who she would allow herself to cry in front of. Once the tears started, they didn't stop for a long time. They were tears from all the pain built up over the past few years. Being ignored. The affairs. The fighting. The baby.
10 years ago
Addison was late. She was tired all the time. Not just tired from barely getting any sleep as a 2nd year resident. But a whole new level of bone weary tired. Her boobs were sore and she felt sick. She put her head in her hands as she sat in the bathroom waiting for the stick to show what she already knew. She was pregnant.
It's not that she wasn't thrilled. It was just that this was horrible timing. It wasn't supposed to happen until AFTER residency. That was the plan. But apparently they weren't careful enough when she was on antibiotics last month. That must have messed with her birth control. And babies rarely follow "the plan".
Derek was so excited when she told him that night. "We will make it work. Don't worry!" he said as he pulled her in for a passionate kiss.
A week later their excitement came crashing down. Addison was with a patient when the cramping started. It wasn't long after that, she was in a hospital bed being examined with Derek by her side.
"The fetus was about 6 weeks along. You didn't do anything wrong. These things just happen sometimes." the doctor told her. She didn't even try to stop the tears that followed. Derek too was crying. He sat there holding her while they both grieved the loss of their baby.
They rarely spoke of the situation after that. It was something they both thought of often, but never mentioned. Whenever Addison would bring it up over the years, Derek would just dismiss it. It was too painful for him. The last few years in NY, Addison would mention being ready to start trying again. Derek was too afraid of another miscarriage. He didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, he realized, he would bury himself in work to avoid thinking or talking about kids.
Derek just held her as she cried. He too was thinking about the last time he had held her crying in a hospital bed the day they lost their baby. He knew this was more than just a reaction to the tumor. He also knew there was little he could say to help. Much of her pain had been caused by him and simple words were not going to fix it. He also knew that now was not the time to discuss it. So he just held her to his chest rubbing her hair. Letting the tears soak through his scrubs.
After awhile, the tears subsided and her breathing evened out. He looked down and saw Addison had fallen asleep. He kissed the top of her head and whispered "I love you Addison. I don't know how, but I am going to do everything I can to fix this." He then fell asleep with his wife wrapped in his arms.
Addison woke up several hours later when a nurse came to check her vitals. She was still in Derek's arms. She couldn't believe he was still there. He began to stir. "Morning." he said as he stretched out his limbs. "Morning." Addison replied.
She took a deep breath. "Derek. I have made a decision. I want to go home. Back to NY. I can't deal with a brain tumor without my friends."
Derek cut her off with a kiss. "Addie, I know. I have already emailed Dr. Koracick. He is Amy's teacher. He is the 2nd best neurosurgeon in the country. Me being the 1st of course." he smirked. "If I can't operate on you, he is the one I want to do it. He can be an ass, but he is very talented. He already has privileges at Mt. Sinai. Remember when we worked with him to separate those conjoined twins?"
Of course she remembered. It was the first time Derek and her had published together.
5 years ago
Addison entered her office at Mt. Sinai and collapsed in the chair. She had just given the Thompsons one of the worst diagnoses she had ever given to parents. Craniopagus. That was the official term. Their twin boys were conjoined at the head. It was one of the rarest types of conjoined twins..only about 6%. The boys only had a 25% chance of survival.
Derek poked his head in her office. "Hey beautiful. You paged?" Addison smiled up at him sadly. She told him about the twins "If the boys survive, I am going to need you to head up one team for the separation surgery. Who should head up the second?" "Tom Koracick." Derek replied instantly. "He is hands down the best neurosurgeon in the country. I will call him."
He walked over to her desk, picked her up, and sat her on his lap. "Addie, it's going to be ok. I know you get emotionally involved with your patients. It is one of the things I love about you. But try not to get too attached to this case as you know the odds aren't good." She rested her head on his chest. "I know. The Thompsons are just such nice people. And so young. They are only 22. Married right out of high school." Addison sighed. She felt so safe in Derek's arms. Felt as if nothing could go wrong.
In the end, everything worked out. The boys survived delivery and the separation surgery had been a success. Derek was right that Dr. Koracick had been difficult to work with, but he was a brilliant surgeon.
That was also the case that started to draw attention to them from other doctors. Addison and Derek Shepherd, the power couple, amazing surgeons. That is what they became known as. Separating conjoined twins also brought a lot of media attention to them. After that, they became in huge demand from all over the country. They started to become busy and have less time for each other. Slowly, Derek started putting surgeries before spending time with Addison. He started canceling dates. Sending Mark in his place.
"You already emailed him?" Addison asked shocked. She couldn't believe Derek was actually one step ahead of her.
"Yes, " Derek answered. "We meet with him in 3 days in NY. We both need to hand off our current cases here, and then we are on the next plane out."
Addison stared at him in disbelief. Right now in this moment, he reminded her of the man she had married. The loving, caring, and thoughtful man. The one she could count on. Lean on. A glimmer of hope burned inside of her. She gave Derek a small smile. "Ok." was all she could manage to say.
The next 24 hours was a whirlwind of activity. Both of them met with fellow surgeons to take over their cases. Addison and Derek met with the Chief to work out their leave of absence. They weren't sure how long it would be. "We are in your corner, Addison." Dr. Webber said. "Take as much time as you guys need."
Later that night, Addison and Derek were sitting outside the trailer reading. She had been staring at the same page for 5 minutes. Finally, she put the book down, unable to focus. She looked up and realized Derek was staring at her.
"What?" she asked taking off her reading glasses.
"You are just so beautiful." he blurted out before he realized what he was saying. It was what he had been thinking and just came out. He hadn't talked to her that way in years. Addison was in complete shock.
"Derek. Where did you go during the prom?" Addison asked. She decided it was time to talk about it. She needed to know. She knew she couldn't deal with a brain tumor without knowing where her marriage stood, and he was confusing her. She hated being confused.
"Um, what?" Derek stammered. He hadn't expected that.
"The prom. You left suddenly, and Finn said Meredith left. What happened?" Addison asked.
Derek took a deep breath. "You really want to do this now?" "I need to know." Addison replied.
"Ok." Derek said. He paused for a minute and then told her the truth. "While we were dancing, I saw Meredith dancing with Finn. She looked upset and left. I wanted to make sure that she was ok. So I followed her. I caught up with her, and we, uh…" he paused again. He closed his eyes and continued. "We, uh, almost kissed." He put his head in his hands and waited for Addison's response.
"You almost kissed? What stopped you?" she asked. She wasn't quite sure what all of this meant.
"My pager went off. 911 for you after you collapsed." They were both silent for a long time. Finally, Addison said, "So, what would have happened if your pager hadn't gone off?"
"I don't know." he said honestly. He looked over at her. She was staring silently out into the dark woods.
"Look Addison. Here is the whole truth. I don't know what I feel for Meredith. Yes, I was jealous seeing her with Finn. But I do know what I feel for you. Seeing you lying on the floor bleeding was one of the worst moments of my life. I love you. I know all of this is hard to hear, and we won't be able to fix anything over night. But I am ready to try to fix our marriage. I mean really try this time."
Addison didn't know what to say. He was saying all the right things, but he had done that in the past. Would this time really be different? Could she trust him? How much more could her heart take?
"I honestly don't know what to think, Derek. I want to believe you. We have both hurt each other so bad. I am not sure how to recover from all of this."
Derek slowly got up. Pulled out his iPod and started to play a song. "Addie, will you dance with me?" He knew there was nothing he could say to answer her question. He had never been good with putting his feelings into words, but he knew that if he sang to her while dancing, he could convey all of what he was feeling.
The song "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" by the Temptations started to play.
I know you wanna leave me,
But I refuse to let you go,
If I have to beg, plead for your sympathy,
I don't mind 'cause you mean that much to me.
Derek started to sing along and dance silly to the music. Addison started to laugh. Soon he was over by her chair and pulled her up to dance with him.
Ain't too proud to beg and you know it,
Please don't leave me girl,
Don't you go,
Ain't too proud to plead, baby, baby,
Please don't leave me, girl,
Don't you go.
He continued to sing. They danced and laughed together until the song ended. Derek took Addison in his arms and kissed her deeply. She put her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. Soon clothes were coming off and they were making love under the stars.
"That was amazing!" Addison whispered to Derek when they were finished. He looked and her and laughed. "What?" Addison asked confused. "I was just thinking of when you thanked me for the most boring sex we've ever had." She too started to laugh and then leaned over and kissed him. "This time was definitely NOT boring." she smiled at him seductively. He started to kiss her neck. "Slow down cowboy." Addison said standing up. "If we are going to continue this, let's go to the bed. As much fun as it was having sex under the stars, it is getting cold out here!" Derek laughed and followed her into the trailer.
They both knew they still had a long way to go to fix their marriage, but it felt like they were taking a step in the right direction. In the morning, they would board a plane, head to NY, and have to face reality. But tonight was just about them and reconnecting in a way they hadn't in a long time.
Let me know what you think! Next chapter, they will enter the Brownstown for the first time since that fateful night!
