As they walked through the hallway, Addison gripped Derek's hand tightly. They were getting stairs from the staff of Mt. Sinai. A few smiled or nodded as they went about their work. Others stopped and started to whisper to each other. Addison felt like it was worse than Seattle. Derek just kept walking with his head held high. When they got to the elevator, Addison let out a sigh of relief when it opened and no one was there.
Derek pulled her into the elevator with him and pressed 5 for the neurology floor. He had pressed that same button thousands of times over the years, but it still felt strange to be pressing it now. He turned to Addison and said, "Are you ok? I thought you were going to break my hand if you squeezed any tighter out there!"
Addison let go of his hand and laughed. "Sorry. This is just a lot at once."
"It's ok." he said pulling her into a tight hug."I am here for you. Just maybe don't break my $2 million hand." he smirked. Before she could answer, he tilted her head up and kissed her deeply. "Seriously though, Addie. I love you and I am here for you."
She looped her arms around his neck and continued to kiss him. Just then the elevator doors opened with Amelia Shepherd standing there.
"Well look who we have here!" Amelia chuckled. "My big bro has finally gotten some sense and is feeling up his hot wife!"
Derek and Addison jumped apart. Derek turned to Amelia glaring. "Shut up Amy!"
"Nice to see you to Derek." she said giving him a hug smiling. "Nice to see you to Addison."
"You too Amelia." Addison said hugging her sister-in-law. Of all of Derek's sisters, she was closest to Amelia. "How have you been?"
"Good. You know how fellowship year is! So glad it is almost over." Amelia said as they walked to the conference room.
Dr. Koracick was already waiting for them. "Nice to see you again Drs. Shepherd." he said as they all shook hands. "So Addison. How have you been feeling?" he asked as they sat down.
"Ok." she said.. "You know about the passing out incident. I have been having headaches for awhile, but more recently have been getting dizzy and nauseous as well."
Derek looked at her surprised. "What do you mean headaches for awhile? You never said anything!" How could he have missed that?
Addison turned to look at him. "Actually, dear, I did." She gave him a "let's discuss this later" look. Derek looked down at his hands. He felt like a horrible husband. He had been so caught up in Meredith that he missed his own wife having symptoms of a brain tumor. What else had he missed?!
"I would like to get more scans, but from what you sent me, Dr. Shepherd, this appears to be an Olfactory groove meningioma, Grade I. We won't know for sure until we get a biopsy. Have you had any problems with your vision?" Dr. Koracick asked.
"Occasionally. But I just chalked it up to not sleeping well." Addison said, uncomfortably shifting in her seat.
"As you know, the location of this tumor can affect personality and decision making" Dr. Koracick continued." This tumor has been growing for awhile. Probably 4-5 years."
Both Derek and Addison looked at each other, the impact of what he was saying slowly sinking in. Was the affair with Mark a side effect of the tumor? .
"So what is your plan on removing it?" Derek asked slowly. It was so hard being on the other side of the table. Of not being in control of the decision making.
"I plan on using image-guided surgery. We need to get some additional MRI's for me to confirm, but I should be able to get all of it." Dr. Koracick answered.
Derek looked over at Amelia, "Would you trust him to do this surgery on you?"
"In a heartbeat." she said seriously.
"Ok then." Derek replied. "I would like to have full access to her file. All scans and images. Everything."
"I will allow that as a courtesy." Dr. Koracick replied, a little annoyed. "But Dr. Shepherd. Kindly remember you are the husband and not the surgeon on this case. I will allow you to watch from the gallery if you can stay out of my way, and I will allow Amelia to be present for the surgery. But the first sign that either of you are interfering with my decision making, and I will kick you out. Are we clear?" he asked all 3 of them.
"Yes." They all replied.
"I would like to get the rest of the scans this afternoon. We will schedule the surgery for 2 days from now. Dr. Shepherd, please take the other Drs. Shepherd to imaging. Put a rush on it." Dr. Koracick then got up and left the room.
All 3 Shepherds were quiet for awhile after he left. "Well, at least you know marrying my dork of a brother wasn't because of the tumor." Amelia retorted breaking the silence.
"Amy!" Derek exclaimed. He couldn't believe his sister had just said that! Addison just laughed.
"Relax Derek." Addison said, placing her hand on his arm. "Besides, you know the one thing you can do to get under her skin like she does to you." Addison winked at him.
"I do?" Derek asked confused. Addison then proceeded to lean over him and kiss him deeply.
"Oh gross!" Amelia said jumping up. "Ok, Ok! Let's go get these images!" She then ran out of the room.
Addison pulled back laughing. "See. Works every time." Derek just laughed. They then followed Amelia to imaging.
As they were walking down the hallway, they heard a familiar voice behind them. "Addison? Derek?" They stopped walking and slowly turned around. Addison glanced at Derek nervously. Mark was strutting down the hall towards them. She wasn't sure how Derek was going to respond.
"Mark." Derek said to his former best friend. He was surprised that the seething anger he had been expecting wasn't there. He still wasn't thrilled to see Mark, but he could tolerate it. Addison too was surprised. "Hello Mark" she said. She grabbed onto Derek's elbow to make it clear that things were going better between them. Derek then proceeded to put his arm around her waist. He gave her a little squeeze, as if to say "it is ok."
"Did you get tired of Seattle already? Decide to come back to the better hospital?" Mark smirked.
"Um, not exactly" Derek said looking at Addison. They hadn't discussed how much they were going to tell people, and he didn't want to overstep. Even though he knew that something like this wouldn't stay out of the gossip mill for long.
"Actually, Mark." Addison picked up sensing Derek's hesitation. "We are here for me. I am getting surgery in a few days, and we were heading to imaging."
"You are getting surgery?!" Mark said loudly. "What the hell is wrong?"
"Mark, calm down and kindly lower your voice. We have drawn enough attention just walking through the halls." Addison said quickly. "Look. I don't want to discuss it here. Would you be available this evening, say 6:00? We will explain everything then."
Mark looked from Derek to Addison and back to Derek. He realized they weren't going to say anything else. "Fine." he said. "Meet me at the bar up the street. I assume you remember the one Addison. The one you went to every night for a month after Derek left?"
Addison felt Derek's body stiffen. He looked at her in agony. He was about to say something when Addison gave him the "look" again. We will discuss this later. She then turned to Mark and said, "Of course I know that bar. We will meet you there at 6."
By the time the tests and blood draws were done, it was obvious that word had spread around the hospital that Addison was getting surgery. Their former coworkers were no longer trying to hide the stares and whispers.
"Derek, I would like to get out of the hospital now." Addison said to him quietly.
"Ok Babe. Let's go get some lunch." he replied. "Amy, we are going to get some lunch. Call me later when the test results are in please."
They left the hospital and walked down the street to one of their favorite Cafe's. The chose a quiet table outside to enjoy the warm spring weather.
"Addie," Derek began slowly. "I. I don't know what to say…". He put his head in his hands. How did he apologize for not noticing the headaches? How did he miss the brain tumor signs? How did he just walk out on his wife after 11 years without even questioning that something might be wrong? Had he really been that absent? Deep down, he knew he was. It hadn't happened on purpose. Slowly over time he had built a wall up around himself. He still didn't fully understand why it had happened, but he didn't want it to happen again. That meant going through the painful conversations and not avoiding them.
"Look." he tried again. "I do remember you mentioning headaches, even before Mark. And I did notice they were getting more frequent. I am sorry for ignoring you."
"Derek," she replied putting her hand on his arm. "I am a doctor too. I ignored all the symptoms. Please don't beat yourself up over this. We can't change the past. We also don't know if the tumor affected my decision to sleep with Mark. I don't want to look backwards. I want to move forward."
"I am trying." he said quietly. The guilt was so strong. He had forgiven her, and for the most part had forgiven Mark, but would he ever be able to forgive himself?
"I need to know what happened after I left." he said looking her in the eye. "In order to move forward, I need to know. What was Mark talking about? You went to a bar every night? I thought you stayed with him?"
Addison took a bite of her sandwich to buy her more time. She didn't want to relive the time right after Derek left, but she knew he needed to hear it.
18 Months ago
"Savvy. You need to go check on Addison. She needs you."
Mark's message kept playing over and over again in Savvy's head as she rode in a cab to the Shepherd's house. What did Derek do now? What did he forget? \
As the cab pulled up to the Brownstone, Savvy knew something was very wrong. Some of Addison's clothes were all over the steps in the pouring rain. She quickly gathered them up and then started ringing the doorbell and pounding on the door.
"Addison?! Are you there?" Savvy yelled. She received no answer but she heard crying. She tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. When she entered the house, she saw Addison balled up on the stairs with tears running down her face.
"Oh my gosh! Addison? What is wrong? What happened?" Savvy asked pulling Addison into a hug.
"He left! Derek caught me having sex with Mark and just left!" Addison cried.
It took several hours, but Savvy eventually got the full story out of Addison. Over the next week, Addison rarely left living room. Savvy, their other friend Rachel, and Amelia took turns staying with her. All of them called Derek multiple times a day, but he never answered or returned calls. Finally, Addison realized she had to start going back to work. Mothers and babies from all over the country were depending on her to save them.
At first, Addison avoided Mark completely. She kept hoping Derek would come back. She didn't even know where he was. His family hadn't heard from him and none of his friends had either. Everyday after work, Addson would go down the street to a bar. She would allow herself one hour to drink and be miserable, and then she would go home. Mark also followed her to the bar to make sure she was ok. After a week, he sat next to her instead of across the room.
"Red. It is killing me to see you like this." Mark said sadly. "Why don't you just come home with me? You can sleep in my spare bed. I will leave you alone unless you want otherwise."
This was the arrangement they had for several days. Mark would take her to the bar and then bring her back to his place. True to his word, he never even tried to kiss her.
It was the following week when things began to change. Addison was scrubbing out of surgery when she got an email from her friend Rachel, who was also a neurosurgeon.
"Addison, I am not sure if you want to know this or not, but I am at a medical conference in Portland. I saw Derek a minute ago. He didn't see me, but I saw him kissing another woman. She was very young. Possibly an intern. I think the name of the hospital he is here with is Seattle Grace. Anyway, let me know if you want me to go kick his ass or something."
Addison barely made it to an on call room before the tears started to fall. Derek was in Seattle? With another woman? How had he moved on so fast?!
That night, Addison made the first move on Mark. She never mentioned Derek or the email form Rachel to him. She just wanted to feel better. She hurt so bad and Mark could take it away, even if it was just for a little bit. That was also the last night she went to the bar.
"And you pretty much know everything else. I stayed with Mark. Found him cheating on me several times. And then Richard called asking for help on a case. That was when I flew out to Seattle." Addison finished. Derek remained silent for awhile as they finished their lunch.
"Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn't easy for you." He eventually said after paying the bill. He knew there really wasn't anything he could say. He had already apologized, and he knew she had forgiven him. He also knew Addison had been through a lot that day. It was time to have some fun. To lighten things up.
"How about we go shopping?" Derek said as he jumped up. Addison was startled by how quick he got up.
"You are volunteering to take me shopping?" she mocked. "I will definitely take you up on that!"
She grabbed his hand and they left the cafe laughing. They only had a couple of hours before they were supposed to meet Mark, and Addison wanted to make the most of it. She had really missed shopping in NY!
After hitting most of her favorite stores, Addison looked over at Derek, who was laden with bags, and said, "You can't come in this next store. I want what I buy to be a surprise for tonight." She winked at him.
Derek looked up and realized they were standing outside Victoria Secrets. He smiled at her and said, "No arguments here!"
A little while later, Addison came out of the store. They hailed a taxi and took all the packages back to the Brownstone. They quickly dropped off the bags, got back in the taxi, and headed to meet Mark.
They arrived before Mark did and chose a quiet table off to the side. "I am surprised I have never been to this place before." Derek said looking around.
"You weren't really in the habit of going to bars when we lived here before." Addison said. "That was part of why I came here. It was one place that didn't remind me of you."
"Addison…" Derek said, looking at her with a pained expression.
"Don't Derek." she said putting her hand on his arm. "It's ok. Really"
He pulled her in for a tight hug and held her for a minute. It was then that Mark walked in. "Wow!" he said surprised. "Kissing and hugging in public all in one day! It is almost like old times." He hated to think how many times he had caught them having sex around the hospital in the past!
Derek and Addison smiled at each other as he sat down. "Yes, Mark. We are slowly working through our problems." Addison replied. "A lot has happened since we last saw you."
Derek didn't say much as Addison and Mark continued to make small talk. After about 10 minutes, Mark said, "Ok, so now that I know I am not going to get decked by Derek, will one of you please tell me what is going on and why Addison is getting surgery?"
Derek looked at Addison and said, "It's your story to tell. Tell him as much as you want."
She proceeded to tell him about prom and passing out, conveniently leaving out the part of where Derek was. She told him about the brain tumor and the meeting with Dr. Koracick.
Mark was stunned. He looked back and forth between Derek and Addison. "A brain tumor. Seriously?! Wow. And you've had it for several years?"
"Yes, this is a slow growing type of brain tumor." Derek interjected. "Surgery is set for first thing in the morning two days from now."
"Does your family know?" Mark asked both of them, continuing to process everything he had just learned.
"Not yet." Addison said. "We are having Derek's family over tomorrow night and will tell them then. As far as my family, I will call them in the morning."
"The recovery is likely to take several weeks. Possibly even a month. We will be staying here for awhile." Derek said. He slowly turned and looked Mark in the eyes for the first time. "I want you to know that I have forgiven you. I also wanted to let you know how sorry I am for how I treated Addison over the last few years. This brain tumor has been a wake up call for me. I just wanted you to know." he finished awkwardly. Derek never had been good at being open about his feelings with Mark. They always just knew. At least they used to before the last several years.
Mark looked Derek in the eye and replied, "I am glad something finally got through to you. I am sorry for what happened. You are still my brother. I will be here for whatever you need through this."
Addison could not believe this conversation was taking place between the two of them now, in a noisy, crowded bar. She was also so glad. Maybe, just maybe, the three of them could all be best friends again.
The next morning Derek found Addison sitting in their living room staring at her phone. "What's wrong Babe?" He asked sitting down next to her.
"I need to call my family and tell them about the brain tumor, but I don't even know how to begin." she sighed.
"Would you like me to tell them?"
"No. I can do it. Just stay with me, if you don't mind."
"Whatever you need. I am here." Derek said putting his arm around her shoulders.
Addison dialed her mother's number. She wasn't very surprised when it went to voicemail. "Bizzy. It's me. I wanted to let you know that I am getting surgery in the morning at Mt. Sinai to remove a brain tumor. Call me back when you get this."
"Next up is Archer." she said looking over at Derek. He stiffened a little but stayed by her side. She knew that her brother and husband didn't get along. Addison got ahold of him on the 3rd ring. She proceeded to tell him the whole story of the prom through the surgery in the morning. Of course, being a neurologist, Archer had a ton of questions, at which point, Addison gave the phone to Derek. Finally, they got off the phone.
"Well, one family down. One more to go." Addison said looking over at Derek.
"Are you ready to deal with all the crazy Shepherds that will be descending on us soon?:" Derek asked her. She laughed.
"I love your family Derek. I just hope they can see we are moving forward and not bring up the past too much."
"If anyone gives you any trouble, send them to me." He said seriously. "It is none of their business, and I don't want my crazy sisters stressing you out!"
Addison loved to see him be protective of her again. It had been so long. She leaned over and kissed him.
"What was that for?" he asked smiling.
"I just wanted to kiss my gorgeous husband." She replied coyly. With that, he flipped her on to her back on the couch. She gasped in surprise. "What are you doing?"
"I just want to make love to my gorgeous wife." He said as he leaned in to kiss her.
A few hours later, the house was abuzz with activity. Kids running around the yard while Derek and his brothers-in-law manned the grills. Addison sat in the kitchen with the other women. She was surprised that the entire family had been able to come and such a short notice. She didn't know what Derek had said, but no one had said anything about the Shepherds affairs or Seattle. It was almost as if the 2 years hadn't happened.
After dinner, the kids were settled in to the living room to watch a movie while the adults sat outside. "Ok guys. Out with it. What is going on?" Nancy asked looking at Derek and Addison. "You don't just show up here after almost 2 years of being gone and call all of us over. Is something wrong?"
Addison looked over at Derek and gave a slight nod. He took her hand and said, "Well, there is on easy way to say this, but about a week ago we discovered that Addison has a brain tumor in her frontal lobe. Dr. Koracick, Amy's mentor, is operating on her first thing in the morning."
There was complete silence for almost 5 minutes. "It looks like I finally found a way to shut all of my sisters up." Derek joked nervously.
Then all the onslaught of questions came. "Did she have symptoms?" "Was it benign?" "How are you feeling?" "What are the risks?"
"Slow down guys!" Derek laughed. He proceded to tell them the rest of the story and answer all their questions.
"We won't know anymore until after surgery." Addison finally spoke. "They have to biopsy the tumor. We have to make sure Dr. Koracick can get all of it. After that, we will know the next steps."
After many hugs and promises to come by the hospital tomorrow afternoon, everyone began to disperse. It was 11:00 before Derek and Addison were finally in bed.
"Derek, I don't know if I can sleep tonight. We have to get up in only 6 hours." Addison said.
"I know." he said pulling her to him. "Would you like to watch a movie?"
Addison turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until she found Sleepless in Seattle. It somehow seemed appropriate. They didn't get very far into the movie before they fell asleep in each other's arms.
Let me know what you think!
