Derek and Addison entered the doors of Mt. Sinai in the wee hours of the morning. They had been at the hospital that early hundreds of times. But this time was different. Addison was the one going under the knife instead of the one holding the scalpel.
After filling out the necessary paperwork, Addison went to her room where the interns began to get her ready for surgery. After being poked several times by one very nervous intern, Addison put her hand on the girl's arm and said calmly, "Dr. Burns. If you can't find the vein of a patient on the first or second poke, try the other arm. If you still can't find it, go ask for help. Most patients don't like to be poked that many times.."
"I'm, uh, sorry, Dr. Shepherd. It is just that you make me nervous. You are such an amazing doctor." the intern rambled on.
Derek started to laugh. "Addie, you amaze me. Even when YOU are the patient, you still take the time to teach." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Here, Dr. Burns. Let me help you out." He proceeded to put the IV in his wife's arm flawlessly.
"Aw. A sign of true love. Putting an IV in." Amelia laughed as she entered the room with Dr. Koracick right behind her.
"Shut up Amy" Derek said punching her in the arm playfully.
Dr. Koracick went over the bed to talk to Addison. "We will be taking you to pre-op shortly. "I know you can give this speech in your sleep, but I still have to do this. While baby surgeons like Amelia could do this surgery, there are some risks. There is a chance of personality changes, memory loss, loss of vision, and while extremely rare, death." He gave her a paper to sign verifying she understood the risks.
"I wish I could do your surgery." Derek said quietly.
"I will be taking the lead so none of those risks should happen." Dr. Koracick smirked. "I will see you in the OR."
A little while later, Addison was laying on the OR table looking up into the faces of many nurses and doctors she had operated with hundreds of times. She looked over at Derek, who insisted on being in the OR until she was under. "You have to say it." she said quietly.
He put both hands on her face and said, "It's a beautiful day to save lives." He then leaned in to kiss her and whispered, "Don't go towards the light Addie. I need you more than you know."
Derek exited the OR and went to head up to the gallery. Dr. Koracick and Amelia were beginning the first incision. For the next hour, everything went according to the book. Derek couldn't believe that he was actually staring at his wife's brain on the monitors. There was something sereal about it. He had operated on tens of thousands of brains in his career, but sitting there watching brain surgery being done on his wife was nerve wracking.
It was about that time that Derek realized he wasn't alone in the room. He looked up and saw Mark standing in the doorway.
"I thought this gallery was closed." Derek said.
"Well you know. They only let husbands and his best friend in." Mark said tentatively. He wasn't sure how Derek was going to react.
Derek laughed. "I guess that works. Sit down man. I am going crazy! I want to be the one operating!"
"Well, the better Shepherd is holding the scalpel, so don't sweat it." Derek laughed again. It felt good to be joking around with Mark again.
The next think Derek knew, there were monitors going off, doctors and nurses talking so fast he couldn't process what was being said. He jumped up out of his chair and was pressing up against the glass. The one thing that did register was the flatline going across the heart monitor. He heard someone yell "CLEAR!"
The next five minutes felt like a lifetime to Derek. Addison's heart had stopped. His worst nightmare was playing out before his eyes. When he saw the heartbeat return, Derek collapsed on the floor, tears streaming down his face. Mark sat next to him and put his arm around his shoulder. Derek leaned his head on Mark's shoulder and just let the tears fall. Tears of a broken friendship. Tears of the shame of the years he had sent Mark in his place. Tears of missing his father.
22 Years Earlier
Derek was hiding in the office of his father's shop. He couldn't believe what had happened. There were 2 men robbing his father, and he saw that they had a gun. He was holding his little sister still with his hand clamped over her mouth. "Lord, please don't let them find us! Please don't let them find us!" he kept praying over and over again. The next thing he knew, he heard a gunshot, something hit the floor, and the two robbers exit the building.
"Amy, stay here!" Derek said, slowly exiting the office. He peeked out of the hall and looked around. It was then he saw two feet sticking out from behind the counter.
"DAD!" he screamed running over to him. There was blood everywhere. His father had been shot. Derek leaned down next to his father.
"Derek, " his father said in severe pain. "Take care of your mother and sisters. You are going to be the man of the house now."
"No Dad! Don't die!" Derek cried. He ran to the phone and called the police. The next thing he knew, his father was being loaded up into an ambulance while his sister and him followed behind in a cop car.
"Wait here. We have called your mom. She will be here shortly." The cop told Derek and Amelia. They were sitting in a small room at the hospital.
"Derek. What happened to Daddy?" Amelia asked lifting her head off his shoulder.
Derek didn't know what to say. He knew the chances of his father's survival were slim, but how was he supposed to tell a 5 year old that? Soon his mother, other sisters, and Mark came in. His mother hugged them all in one tight hug.
An hour later, Derek's worst fear was confirmed. His mother sat them all down and told them Christopher Shepherd had not made it. Derek jumped up out of the room and ran down the hallway. He burst into the stairs and collapsed crying. He felt an arm go around him. Mark had followed him. He too was crying. The teenagers sat there for a long time, clinging to each other, crying.
"Derek, you need to watch this part." Mark said staring up at the monitor. "They got the tumor. All of it."
"Send this down to pathology." Dr. Koracick instructed an intern. "Dr. Shepherd, would you like to close?" He said addressing Amelia.
Amelia glanced up at her brother, looked him in the eye, and said, "Definitely."
Derek met them back in recovery. As they wheeled Addison in, he couldn't help but notice how pale she looked. He sat down and just held her hand. Amelia came over and put her arm on his shoulder.
"Amy. Do you think she is going to wake up? Do you think she will have brain damage? Will she be the same person? Will she lose her memory? Will she be blind?" Derek blurted out all the fears that he had been holding in.
"Calm down big brother. You know as well as I do only time will answer those questions."
"But she was down for so long." he said, glancing over at Amelia. She didn't respond. She too was afraid of what the lack of oxygen had done to Addison's brain.
Derek sat by Addison holding her hand for several hours. Nurses came and went, checking her vitals. Dr. Koracick stopped by once to check on her as well. At one point Derek fell asleep sitting there.
"Derek. Derek wake up." his mother said gently shaking him.
"Mom?" Derek said, confused. As he began to wake up, he remembered where he was. He sat up and immediately looked at Addison. His shoulders slumped forward as he realized she still wasn't awake. His came over and put her arm around him. It broke her heart to see her son in so much pain.
"Derek, you should take a break from sitting here. Go get a shower. Get something to eat. I spoke with Amelia, and she said it could still be awhile until Addison is awake."
"I can't leave her Mom. I won't walk away. Not anymore." He said. Carolyn saw the pain and shame in his eyes. She knew this was more about the past then the current situation.
"Derek, I will stay with her. She most likely will not wake up for the next hour. It is ok to take time for yourself so that you can be stronger for her in the long run. Go. I will call you if anything changes." she said, giving him a push.
Derek reluctantly got up. He gave his mother a hug and silently left the room. Carolyn sat down next to Addison and took her hand.
"My dear. I know we have not always gotten along, but you have to pull through this. Derek loves you so much. It is obvious. I know what it is like to watch the love of your life take their last breath. I don't want that for Derek. Not when you guys are so young." she said her eyes began to tear up. She still missed her husband terribly after all these years. Sitting next to Addison, being in the hospital, it brought it all back.
An hour later, Derek returned feeling slightly better after a shower and eating. It warmed his heart to see his mom sitting there holding Addison's hand. Then he saw she had been crying. He pulled a chair over next to her and sat down.
"Mom?" He asked, "Are you ok?"
"Hey, sweetie" She replied. "Yes, I am ok."
"You were crying over Dad, weren't you." Derek said quietly.
"Yes." she said. "I still miss him and being here just brought back a lot of memories."
Derek was quiet for awhile.
"I miss him too. I am not sure he would be proud of the man I have become." he said quietly with his head in his hands.
"Derek Christopher Shepherd!" his mother said sternly. "Don't you ever think that again! You're father would be proud of all of his children! Especially you!"
Derek sat up and looked at his mother. His mother was giving him the look she used to give him as a child when he was in trouble.
"How can you say that when I have messed up so much in the last few years? I ignored my wife, sent my best friend in my place to many occasions- including anniversary and birthday dinners, had a full blown affair during which I never mentioned to Meredith I was married. Then I almost had sex with her a few weeks ago at the prom!"
At this, Derek got up and started to pace the room. His mother was a little shocked by what he just said, as she didn't know about the prom or about never telling Meredith about Addison.
"Did you ever wonder why there was a 5 year gap between Liz and Amelia?" Carolyn asked Derek gently.
Derek stopped pacing and just looked at his mother. This was not what he was expecting her to say. "Um, no. Not really. I just thought Amelia was an accident."
Carolyn laughed. "No. You were the accident." Derek was taken aback for a minute and then laughed.
"Amelia was the product of your father and I saving our marriage. We never told you kids this, but your father had an affair a few months after Liz was born." Carolyn said with a far away look in her eyes.
"He what?" Derek said shocked. He only had memories of his parents being loving towards each other. They seemed to have the perfect marriage.
"It was with one of his co-workers at the factory he was working with at the time. We had 4 kids under the age of 8, and life at home was stressful and crazy. It started out as a friendship. Someone he could talk to. Then one night, they were working late, and things went too far. It went on for about a month before I figured it out. He felt horrible and wanted to rebuild our marriage. He ended up quitting the factory and starting the store. Over the next several years, we went to counseling and worked at rebuilding our marriage. It took a long time to rebuild that trust, but we made it through. Our marriage was stronger than ever after that, and we had Amelia."
Derek was stunned. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined his father had an affair. He was completely shocked.
"I, uh, I…" Derek stammered. He had no idea what to say. "I am sorry you had to go through that."
"I'm not." Carolyn said matter of factly.
"You're not?" Derek said even more shocked/
"No. If it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have had an amazing final 6 years with your father. I wouldn't have had Amelia. She is the most like your father out of any of you. I am so thankful God gave me her so I can remember what your father was like."
Derek sat quietly while he processed what she was saying.
"So I should be thankful Addie cheated on me, I cheated on her, and she got a brain tumor?"
His mother looked at him. "Of course I don't think you should be thankful for all of that. What I do think is that you shouldn't let the guilt and shame you feel for everything that happened ruin your future. You have a second chance to change. Both of you do. It will take a lot of work to get past the hurt you've caused each other. It will not always be easy. There will still be times that you are angry and mad, but in those times you must remember the love you are feeling now. That is how you will do more than just survive, but thrive."
"Thank you Mom. I have definitely missed talking with you. I am sorry for barely contacting you over the last 18 months. I love you."
"It is ok son. No matter how far you stray or what you do. I will always be here for you. I love you." she said giving Derek a hug.
As Derek pulled away from his mom, he glanced over at Addison. She was beginning to open her eyes.
"Addie!" Derek said rushing over to her, taking her hand. "Can you hear me, Love?"
She looked at him confused. "What, uh, where, uh?" she mumbled.
"It's ok Addie. You are just coming out of anesthesia." Derek said calmly.
"I had surgery?"
"Yes, sweetie. You had a brain tumor removed. Do you remember what happened?" Derek asked her patiently. He knew it was normal for patients to wake up confused.
"No. I don't. I am really tired though. Can I go back to sleep?" she said closing her eyes.
"In a minute Addie. Can you stay awake to let Amelia do a post-op exam on you?"
At that point, Amelia walked into the room. Addie looked at her in confusion.
"Amelia is a doctor? Is this a joke, Derek? Or a bad dream?"
Amelia started to check Addison out but stopped when she heard what Addison said.
"Addison. Why wouldn't I be a doctor?" Amelia asked.
"Because the last thing I remember was dropping you off at rehab." Addison replied.
Derek and Amelia froze. The last thing Addison remembered was 7 years ago?
