Addison walked down the stairs after sleeping for several hours. She felt refreshed and more like herself. She saw Derek asleep on the couch. She loved him so much. How had they let their marriage dissolve so much that they BOTH had affairs? She wasn't sure she would ever fully understand. Derek had said they were in a good place before the surgery. Deep down she believed him.
She walked over to the couch and laid down next to him. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her next to him. She snuggled in close and soon was back asleep.
A little while later, Derek woke up to find Addison's body entangled with his. He smiled as he looked down at his wife sleeping peacefully. He knew that Weiss and Savvy would be there soon, and he needed to wake her up.
"Addie, Love." he said, kissing her on the lips. "You need to wake up before Savvy and Weiss get here." She started to kiss him back as she woke up.
"Do we have time to, you know, have some fun?" She teased, running her foot up and down his leg. She started kissing around his neck and found the spot she new always made him puddy in her hands He instantly flipped her over and started to remove her clothes.
"I think we can manage." he said, as he began to kiss down her belly.
An hour later, there was a ring at the door. Addison answered the door expecting it to be Savvy and Weiss. To her surprise, it was Bizzy and the Captain. She stood there staring at them.
"Addison. Did you forget your manners when you had surgery?" her mother said sternly. "Aren't you going to invite us in?
"Uh, yes, please, uh, come in." Addison stammered. She moved aside so they could enter the house. Her mother waltzed in and looked around.
"Hm. " Bizzy said looking around the room in disgust. " I shall have to send my cleaning lady over. It is obvious you haven't lived here in a long time." Bizzy said running her fingers over some furniture that had some dust on it. Addison cringed.
"Bizzy, you don't have to do that. Our cleaning lady will return soon. We have been a little preoccupied with my brain tumor and recovery." Addison said curtly.
"Savvy, Weiss, how are...you're not Savvy and Weiss…" Derek exclaimed entering the room from the kitchen. He fully expected to find his friends, not his in-laws. He looked over at Addison. She looked just as shocked as he did.
The Captain and Bizzy walked past Addison and sat down in the living room.
"I see your manners are no better Derek. Are you going to offer us a drink?" Bizzy said giving him a cold look.
"Um, ok." he turned to Addison. "Addie, would you join me in the kitchen, please?"
The Shepherds walked in to the kitchen, and Addison immediately began making her parents favorite drinks. She had been doing it since she was a small child. Derek watched her as she moved stiffly around the kitchen. He hated how Addison's parents affected her. She became a different person. Why couldn't the brain tumor make her forget THAT!?
"Addie, are you ok?" Derek said.
"I'm fine, Derek. Why wouldn't I be?" she said giving him a fake smile.
"Addie, I can tell them to go. That we have friends coming over."
"I'm fine, Derek. Just make some more steaks so we have enough for dinner." She proceeded to leave the kitchen. Derek just shook his head. He knew it was useless to get her to talk to him while her parents were still around. He also knew he was in for a long night of WASP.
After throwing some more steaks on the grill, Derek went back out to the living room. The Captain was telling Addison about his latest business trip to Mulan. Derek walked over and sat down next to Addison. He put his arm around her protectively. She put her hand on his knee and gave it a squeeze. Derek knew that was her way of saying she knew he was there for her.
"So, Addison, dear, how are you doing after the surgery?" the Captain asked after his long tail.
"I'm doing well. It's a slow recovery, but I am getting a little better every day."
"Ah, yes, I can see that. Now, when are you two going to drop this nonsense of living in Seattle and move back here?" the Captain replied.
Addison and Derek just looked at each other. They hadn't even discussed the topic of going back to Seattle or staying in NYC. Right now, they were just taking it day by day. Luckily, they were saved by the bell!
Derek jumped up to answer the door. This time it was their friends.
"Savvy, Weiss, come on in." Derek said. "Bizzy and the Captain have graced us with their presence tonight." He whispered to them.
"Oh joy!" Savvy said sarcastically. It was then Derek noticed the small girl on Savvy's hip.
"This must be Jullian!" Derek said gently. The little girl buried her head in her mom's shoulder.
"She can be a little shy at first." Savvy said. "Jullian, can you say hi to Derek?" she asked rubbing her daughter's back. Jullian looked up at Derek and gave him a small smile.
"Come on in. Dinner is almost ready." Derek said smiling at the little girl.
They walked into the living room to find Addison and her parents. Her mother was now talking about some fundraiser she was chairing.
"Addison. With your time off, you should help with the fundraiser!" her mother said.
"Bizzy, I am not exactly on vacation. I am recovering from brain surgery." Addison said through a fake smile. When she saw Savvy, she jumped up off the couch.
"Savvy, you remember Bizzy and the Captain." Addison said gesturing to her parents. "And this little cutie, must be Jullian."
The little girl looked at Addison and immediately wanted down out of her mother's arms. She walked over to Addison and just stared up at her. Addison bent down to the little girl's level. Jullian reached out and touched her hair.
"Red. Pretty." the little girl said in awe.
"Red is her favorite color. I am not sure she has really seen anyone with red hair before." Savvy laughed.
Addison picked the little girl up. "That's right, sweetie. My hair is red."
"And it is very pretty." Derek said as he walked over to join them. Addison looked at him over the little girl's head and gave him a small smile. It felt so natural to be holding a child with Derek right there. Why had she been so scared to try again after the miscarriage?
Pleasantries were exchanged between the couples as they all made their way to the dining room to eat. Jullian did not want to let go of Addison, so she kept the little girl on her lap. She was thankful for the distraction of the little girl as the constant onslaught of her mother's critiques continued...the steak wasn't cooked right, the wrong silverware was used, Addison should wear a hat to cover the bandage on her head, thankfully her hair would grow back to cover the scar….
Derek could see Addison getting stiffer and stiffer as the night went on. He swore that if it didn't end soon, the fake smile would stay plastered permanently. But through it all, he couldn't help but notice how natural Addie was with Jullian. At some point, the little girl had fallen asleep in her lap. Derek hoped at some point soon, they could explore the idea of having a child of their own.
Finally, around 9 Savvy and Weiss began to pack Jullian up.
"Thank you for a lovely dinner, Derek." Savvy said giving him a quick hug. "And Addie, call me tomorrow." she said giving her friend a tight squeeze.
"I will, Sav." Addison said hugging her back. "And thanks for bringing Jullian by. She is so precious."
"I guess we too ought to be going. Goodnight, Addison, dear" the Captain said, kissing Addison's cheek.
"Goodnight Captain and Bizzy." Addison replied hugging them both quickly.
Once everyone was out the door, Addison slowly walked back into the living room followed by Derek. She stood behind the couch looking out the window. Derek wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back on him. He could feel the stress starting to leave her body.
In unison, they walked up to their room. No words needed to be spoken. She knew he understood how she felt after her parents were around. He knew she couldn't exactly express what was going through her head. They got ready for bed in silence.
As Addison was brushing her teeth, she had a feeling of deja vu of her and Derek getting ready for bed in a different place but in utter silence. She was starting to learn that these feelings of deja vu were actually her brain trying to heal itself and remember.
Derek saw her looking at him through the mirror. She had an odd look on her face.
"What is it, Addie?" he asked.
"Did we, um, ever go camping?" Derek wasn't expecting this at all.
"No, why do you ask?"
"I have this weird feeling of getting ready for bed with both of us not talking. But we were in some kind of very small house. Almost like a trailer…I think it is a memory, but I have no clue where."
Derek was stunned. He knew exactly what she was remembering. He just wasn't prepared to tell her about the trailer after the night she just had. Instead, he tried to distract her with the fact that her memory was coming back!
"Addie, love, your memories are coming back more and more!" he said pulling her into a tight hug. "I think you need to trust yourself about things that you know deep down are memories!"
Addison knew he was trying to distract her from something he didn't want to tell her. Being with him for so long, she could easily read him. Sometimes she let him get away with it. This time, however, she wanted to know.
"If it is a memory, Derek, where was it from and why don't you want to tell me?" She asked backing away from him so she could look him in the eye.
Derek runs his hand through his hair.
"To answer that question, Addie. I have to finish the rest of the story. Are you up for that tonight?" he said looking at her warily.
Addison looks at him for a long time.
"Yes. But maybe let's go somewhere a little more comfortable than the bathroom." she smirks, trying to lighten the mood. Derek follows her out of the bathroom to their bed. They both climb in their respective sides. Addison slowly turns towards him expectantly.
"I already told you I went out to Seattle to work for Richard. What I didn't tell you was that I bought some land out there and a trailer. What you are remembering is us living in a trailer for the past year."
"A trailer? Seriously?" Addison bawks. She again has a flash of a memory. "You brought trout into the trailer, didn't you?"
"I did. Several times." Derek replied.
"You did that to spite me. You know I HATE trout!" Addison exclaimed.
14 years ago
Addison Montgomery could not believe she was going camping for her spring break trip! Derek had convinced her several months ago that they should go to an amazing lake together. It was a lake his dad had taken him too many times when he was a kid, and he wanted to share it with her. Addison had assumed they would be staying in a nice, heated cabin. Just like she did as a child when her family went to a lake house. Derek assumed she knew it was a camping trip, so he didn't think to mention it. Until they were in a lab class one day and she overheard him saying something to Mark. She couldn't bear to tell him the truth when he was so excited about taking her on their "first of many" camping trips. She wasn't sure about the many part, but she loved Derek, so she would try.
When they pulled up to their camping site, Addison was shocked. They were not staying at a campground, with bathrooms and showers. They were camping in the middle of nowhere!
"So what do you think, Addie?" Derek asked excitedly as they got out of his truck.
"It is, um, interesting." It was the best Addie could do.
"I know it doesn't look like much. But wait until you see the lake!"
They unloaded the truck and began to set up the tent. Addison mainly watched while Derek did the hard work. She was amazed at how quickly he got it up. Soon the inevitable happened. Addison had to pee. She had been holding it for as long as she could.
"Um, Derek?" Addison said a little embarrassed. Sure, he had seen her naked hundreds of times, but going to the bathroom was a whole other issue!
"Yes?" Derek looked up as he was unloading the rest of the gear.
"Where is, um, the bathroom?" Addison finished. Derek looked at her confused.
"Anywhere you want."
"What?" Addison exclaimed.
"Just go out in the woods somewhere." Derek chuckled. He knew Addison was a city girl, but he also didn't think it was a big deal to not have an actual bathroom.
Addison slowly walked into the woods to take care of business. It was one of the worst experiences of her life! By the time she got back, Derek had set up the rest of camp.
"Ready to go see the lake?" Derek asked her smiling.
"Can we eat lunch first?"
"Lunch is currently swimming in the lake, so eating it would be hard." Derek laughed. Addison just stared at him. This was going to be a LONG 3 days!
As they were hiking to the lake, Addison started to have fun. She had to admit that being in the middle of nowhere with just Derek was pretty special. When they came to a clearing that opened up to the lake, Addison gasped. It was breathtaking! She stopped in the middle of the path. Derek walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
"I told you it was worth it!" he said, kissing the top of her head. She turned in his eyes and kissed him deeply.
"Babe, it was more than worth it!" Lunch was soon forgotten as clothes quickly began to come off.
"Well, that is definitely a first for me!" Derek said a little while later.
"Me too." Addison said. Sex in the woods by a lake...something neither of them would ever forget.
After awhile, Derek had caught enough trout to last them a couple of days, so they headed back to camp. Once they arrived, Derek set up a table to properly clean the fish. Addison didn't mind the trout until then.
Addison slowly walked away as Derek began to cut open the fish. The smell made her nauseous. Surgery didn't bother her, but fish had always been a weak spot for her. She went to sit down as far away from Derek as she could and pulled out a textbook to study.
"Addie, what are you doing?" Derek asked her as he walked over to her when he was done cleaning the fish. The smell still lingered on him.
"Derek, I'm sorry, but that smell. I can't!" Addison said running away from the campsite. She barely made it to the woods before she started to puke.
When she came back to camp, ,Derek had changed and cleaned up. He looked at her and started laughing.
"I guess the city girl can't handle a little fish, huh?" he teased. Addison looked at him and turned away. She didn't want him to see her like this. Derek realized she was really upset and stopped laughing.
"Addie, I'm sorry. I was just joking." he said pulling her into a hug.
"Derek, I'm sorry, but I can't eat that trout. Everytime I look at it, I get nauseous again. I have never been able to handle the smell of fish being cleaned. And yes, I am a city girl! There is nothing wrong with wanting a shower and a proper place to go to the bathroom or a bed!"
Derek looked at her in surprise. He had never seen her flip out before.
"Addie, calm down!" He kissed her just to try and get her to be quiet. It worked, momentarily. After a minute, Addison pulled away and walked over to the tent.
"Derek, I'm sorry, but I just can't stay here." She started to cry. It was the first time she had allowed herself to cry in front of Derek. He was stunned. He didn't understand what the big deal was, but he knew it was bad if she was actually crying.
In the end, they had packed up camp and went to stay at a hotel about 20 minutes away. They never tried to go camping again.
Derek looked down at his hands. It gutted him to think of how he had treated her.
"You are correct. I did many things I am not proud of in Seattle. I treated you horrible. In some ways, I hope you never remember." Derek sobbed, barely choking out the last of the words.
Addison scooted over and wrapped him in a hug. She held him as he cried, stroking his hair. It broke her heart to see him so defeated. This was a far cry from the self confident, sometimes too arrogant Derek she remembered.
"Der, I love you. I don't know what I will end up remembering about Seattle, or what the future holds, but I do know that I will always love you."
Derek pulled back and looked into Addison's deep green could see nothing but love radiating from them. How had he ended up with such an amazing woman?! He leaned in and kissed her.
"I love you too, Ads. I lost my way for awhile. I guess one good thing to come out of the tumor, is it reminded me of how much I love you."
"Your mother did warn me you were hardheaded." Addison laughed.
"What? When did she say that?" Derek asked surprised.
"The night before we got married. She said you were a lot like her and were very hard headed. That I should have patience with you." Addison smirked.
Derek laughed. "You never told me that before."
"I guess, even after 15 years, we still have things we don't know about each other." Addison said climbing on top of him. She began to kiss around his jaw and back by the spot on his ear she knew drove him crazy. He immediately flipped them over and began to tickle her.
"One thing I know about you is where all your ticklish spots are!" Derek teased. The tickling soon became kissing. It felt so good to be playful with his wife again.
The next morning Addison had a follow up visit at the hospital.
"Everything looks good, Dr. Shepherd from a physical standpoint." Dr. Koracick said after the examination. "How is your memory?"
"Some of it has come back. Other parts are still foggy. The one area that has returned fully is how to perform surgeries. I seem to have no problem remembering the complex steps of the procedures." Addison replied.
"Be that as it may, I feel it would be best for you to not return to surgery for at least a couple of weeks. I'd like to see you back in 2 weeks."
"That sounds reasonable." Addison replied as she was exiting the exam room.
Darek followed her out of the hospital to their car. Two more weeks off from work. They hadn't had that much time off ever! He knew exactly where they should go.
"Addie, would you like to take a trip out to the Hamptons?" Derek asked as they drove home.
"That would be great!" Addison said excitedly. She loved the Hamptons.
Once they got home, they decided to beat the weekend rush out to the Hamptons and leave sooner rather than later. The packed quickly and were on their way.
As they pulled into the driveway at their Hamptons home, Derek couldn't believe how much it had changed. He hadn't been there in almost 4 years. Addison would always get away with his sisters, Savvy, or Mark. He had been too busy with work. He knew she had the landscaping redone, but he didn't expect it to look so different.
"Addie, I love the changes you had done on the place!" Derek said. He turned to look at her. She had far off look in her eyes that he was starting to recognize as meaning she was remembering something.
"These changes aren't very recent. You haven't been here in a long time." she said slowly turning to look at him. It wasn't a question and she wasn't mad. She was just stating a fact.
"Yes. It has been 4 years. I have been here since 4th of July 2003."
Addison started to laugh. "That was the year Liz's boys almost caught the house on fire!"
4th of July 2003
"Uncle Derek, we HAVE to have fireworks to set off!" 13 year old Jake whined.
Liz and her family had joined Derek and Addison in the Hamptons to celebrate the 4th of July. With 5 kids and 4 adults, it was a full house! They had enjoyed time swimming, playing games, and walking on the beach. Now the families were preparing to head out to the local fair and watch fireworks. Derek had discovered that Liz's tree boys had brought fireworks along and were planning on setting them off when the families returned.
"No, Jake. You and Solomon and Malachi can NOT set off fireworks here! It is too dangerous!" Derek said for the 5th time. He confiscated the fireworks the boys had snuck on the trip and put them in the hallway closet. The boys were not happy about it but knew if they complained too much they would not be allowed to go with the families to the big fireworks celebration.
Addison and Derek were walking around the carnival hand in hand. Addison was so happy to be spending time with Derek away from the city. It had been a long time since both of their schedules allowed them to get away for 4 whole days!
Derek's other hand was occupied by Liz's youngest daughter, 5 year old Karissa. Addison loved to watch Derek play and interact with their nieces and nephews. He was a natural with kids and she knew he would make a great father someday. She also knew that she was about ready to start trying, but the last time she brought it up to Derek he told her in a few years. They were too busy building their careers. Her heart ached a little as she again thought of the little one they had lost. The baby would have been only a little older than Karissa.
The rest of the night went by quickly.. They spent way too much money on carnival games and food, but everyone had a blast. Addison snuggled close to Derek as they lay back on the blanket watching fireworks. Right at that moment, she felt completely content.
Later that night, Addison was lying awake in bed. She was having a hard time sleeping. She kept thinking about what it would have been like if their baby had survived. Or what it would be like to have a baby of their own now. All of the sudden, there was a massive explosion in the backyard.
"Derek, wake up!" Addison said, shaking her husband, who could sleep through almost anything. It was something they had to train themselves to do during their residency.
"What, what? I'm up." Derek said, sitting straight up, thoroughly confused. "Addison, what in the world?" And then her heard it. Another explosion. He instantly knew what was going on.
"Oh, no, they didn't. I am going to hurt them!" Derek said, bolting out of bed and throwing clothes on.
"Derek, what's wrong? What is going on?" Addison jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes, and ran after Derek. She followed him into the backyard followed by Liz and her husband John. What they found shocked them. Jake, Solomon and Malachi were standing next to a huge stack of fireworks and were gawking at bush that was on fire across the lawn.
Derek and John immediately jumped into action, turning a hose on and putting out the fire.
"It's his fault!" All 3 boys said at once pointing at the other boys once the fire was put out.
"Boys! Inside, NOW!" their father yelled. They immediately were quiet and went in to the house. The adults soon learned that the boys had snuck down after everyone had gone to bed and gotten the fireworks out of the closet. They didn't realize how big the fireworks were. They accidently shot one into the bush, which caught on fire.
"I can't believe Solomon is in college now, and Jake and Malachi are in high school!" Addison said once the laughter died down.
"I can't believe Karissa is almost 10!" Derek said quietly. Addison looked over at him. She knew he too was thinking of their own baby.
"That means, our baby would be 10 now." Addison said tentatively. They rarely talked about that baby. With everything that had happened, she wasn't sure how Derek would react. He was quiet for a long time.
Finally he turned to her and said, "Addie, do you think of that baby often?"
"All the time." she said looking down at her hands.
Derek reached over and took her hand. "I am sorry I was always too busy to try and have another baby." he whispered. It was such a sensitive topic.
Addison squeezed Derek's hand. "Derek, there is a lot over the past few years that we both wish we could change. Let's not think about any of it this week in the Hamptons. I just want to relax and have fun with my husband. I also want to celebrate the fact that my memory is really starting to come back."
Derek leaned over and kissed her. "Let's continue this inside, where we can really celebrate!" he winked at her. Addison laughed and followed him into the house.
Let me know what you think!
