Chapter 16: Dying Time's Here

Shaggy was shaking like a leaf as the pitboss shoved him out of the locker room and onto a sand-covered basketball court, the terrified gumshoe clutching a combat knife in his hand. As he entered the arena proper, his gaze drifted up to the stands, where hundreds of spectators waited with bated breath. Just then, the sound of microphone feedback wafted down from on high for about four or five seconds.

"Good day, ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls of Tulsa! This is your dear leader Overboss Maxwell Lord speaking, and I welcome you once again to Suerte y Muerte! For those of you new to this fine spectacle of mortal combat, allow the aedile to break down the rules!"

A few moments later, another voice echoed from the old speakers.

"My friends, the rules of Suerte y Muerte are simple- two men enter, one man leaves."

From his position on the floor, Shaggy could swear he heard someone say the phrase from somewhere in the nosebleed seats, with the number of chanters doubling with each repetition until the entire arena resounded with those six words: "Two men enter, one man leaves!" As the chanting swelled, his opponent stepped into the ring- a wiry young man with a head of blond hair and clutching a tomahawk in his hand.

"Over here, we have the reigning champion of the arena: the finest warrior the Utes in the mountains ever produced, your favorite Injun and mine, Kamandi!"

The crowd erupted into cheers at the proclamation.

"And over here, we have our latest contender- while he may be a man with no name, perhaps he will earn one if he survives! And now, my friends, we've got two men with a gut full of fear. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, dying time's here!"

As the noise of the crowd echoed through his ears, Shaggy looked Kamandi over, noticing a conflicted look in the arena champion's eyes. Just then, the sound of a gong echoed across the court, and the fight began.


A few blocks from Leone's Saloon

"So, who'd you say was in charge around here?" Fred asked the crew's latest addition.

Arrowette leaned in from her spot in the back of the Mystery Machine.

"Guy named Maxwell Lord. According to my dad, he was a businessman back before the war, and apparently had psychic powers as w-"

The Mystery Machine suddenly made a sharp turn, sending Arrowette tumbling into Ace, who in turn tumbled into Tanis.

"Well, that's just dandy." Jonah groused, taking a moment to push Scooby off his chest.


The ring of steel against steel filled the air as Shaggy and Kamandi clashed.

"You fight well, my friend. My only regret is that we cannot fight as brothers in battle." the latter said, raising his tomahawk.

Before Kamandi could bring the weapon down upon him, Shaggy broke out into a forward roll, dodging the incoming axehead just in the nick of time. As Kamandi tugged on his now-embedded weapon, Shaggy took advantage of the distraction to land a few slashes on his opponent.

"Looks like our new contender has a few tricks up his sleeve- perhaps Kamandi's winning streak isn't as secure as we thought, my friends! Anyways, let us liven things up with a little music, shall we?"

Right on cue, the rest of the speakers came to life, blaring heavy metal throughout the arena.


"So, what exactly is our plan to bust Shaggy out of there?" Fred asked.

"We wing it." Arrowette replied.

"You're kidding, right? There's no way we're going into a gladiatorial arena and winging it!"

"But we have Phantasma on our side!" Tanis piped up.

"Like a single ghost can help us against however many maniacs are in attendance for that fight to the death."

"Fred, I think Tanis is right about this one." Ace said.


Blood and sweat ran down both Kamandi and Shaggy's bodies as they continued to fight, both the heavy metal and the crowd's ceaseless chanting blurring together to form a wall of white noise. Thus far, Kamandi was the more visibly wounded of the two, his exposed trunk and stomach pockmarked with fresh slash wounds. In contrast, while Shaggy's armor had protected him from most of his opponent's attacks, Kamandi had managed to land a lucky strike on his forehead. While it had fortunately failed to reach his skull, there was now a shallow bloodied gash upon the site of impact.

"And now comes the best part, my friends- a demonstration of blood and steel and grit in a struggle fought on the razor edge of death, each combatant only a single tiny mistake away from their demise!" the aedile proclaimed.

As if to punctuate the point, Shaggy lashed out with his knife, the blade striking Kamandi's master forearm and sending a gout of blood into the air. Almost immediately, the blond-haired champion clutched his arm in pain, and his tomahawk clattered on the arena's floor.

"Now, my friends, comes the climax of our festivities! Before you is Kamandi upon his knees, groveling for mercy before the victor! Now, new contender- finish him!"

As Shaggy approached his fallen opponent, he noticed that the heavy metal had stopped, and that the crowd had now started chanting "Finish him!" instead of their earlier mantra. A glance at Kamandi himself revealed a look of utter dread and terror in the former champion's eyes.

Screw those guys. Shaggy thought.

And with that, he leaned in closer to the cowering Kamandi and proceeded to extend an empty hand to his rival.

"Take it, man." he said.

Kamandi then reached out and obliged, and Shaggy helped him to his feet, both men ignoring the jeers, boos, and hisses coming from the audience.

"This is not how it works!" the aedile bellowed.

"Hey, I gave you all your show! So why aren't you entertained?!"

The crowd once again began to chant "Two men enter, one man leaves!", this time with rage and venom riding on every word. As far Shaggy could tell, the only way this would end would be in a full-bore riot. Fortunately for him, it was at that moment that fate decided to throw him and Kamandi a lifeline in the form of an old cowboy and a hyperactive, musically inclined ghost.

"Alright, which one of you screwheads is in charge of this fighting pit?" Jonah asked.

"That would be me." the aedile said.

"Well then- how about me and you give these savages a show they won't forget?"

"I've got a better idea. Security- deal with this lunatic!"

Right on cue, a number of men in biker leathers and clutching sawed-off double-barreled shotguns barged into the arena, their weapons aimed squarely at Jonah.

"Is that supposed to scare me?" the old cowboy asked as he drew his revolver.

Right on cue, one of the men collapsed, a gaping, smoldering hole running through the center of his body. Behind him was Daphne, her face covered by her bandana and an old ski mask she'd dug out of the Mystery Machine. As one of the others raised his gun, his body was promptly riddled with arrows.


"So, how do we get out of here?" Shaggy asked Kamandi.

"Just follow me and you'll be fine. At least once we get past the pitboss." came the reply.

Right on cue, said pitboss sprinted right into the duo's line of sight, charging right for them.

"Like, you were saying?"

Before the charging flunky could close the gap, Shaggy could swear he saw a familiar ethereal shape dart into the fray, followed by the pitboss's eyes suddenly taking on a blue glow.

"Like, let's get out of here, man!"

"Agreed!" Kamandi replied.

And with that, both men broke out into a sprint, Shaggy following right on Kamandi's heels.


AUTHOR'S NOTES:

And continuing with the obscure DC character roundup, we have Kamandi- a character created by Jack Kirby at the behest of DC editor Carmine Infantino when DC failed to acquire the license to make Planet of the Apes comics, with the original Kamandi comics themselves being essentially a poor man's version of the aforementioned Planet of the Apes, albeit with a wider variety of humanoid animals running the show in the wake of humanity's decline. Though speaking of that particular aspect of Kamandi's lore, trust me when I say that I'll find some way to incorporate it into this fic.

Also, this should go without saying, but the backstory for this particular version of Kamandi will be revealed further on down the road.